wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 7.17.24
Image Credit: AEW
Loading...Michael Ornelas speaks to something I know nothing about – his FATHER – and reviews SHONEY’S! Check out Fine Dining Podcast now!
I’m back, y’all! Did you miss me? Yeah, yeah, I know.
It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…
In typical AEW fashion, we are startin Hotter and Readier than Little Caesar’s.
International Championship
Will Ospreay vs MJF
The bell rings, and MJF leaves the ring to do some crowd work, ripping signs and talking shit. He comes back in and ducks a lockup to strut in the face of Will. Lockup! Will with a side headlock, they run the ropes, Will launches himself into a trip, they trade some moves, MJF stays with the heat, they hit a stalemate and although Will looked good here, MJF played his part well. MJF backs up into the ropes to prevent an attack. Lockup again, but MJF claims Will pulled his hair. Another lockup, he calls for the hair again, then ushes Will into the ropes. Will ducks a right and hits a clothesline to MJF, sending him outside. Will wants to fly, but MJF walks around the ring, only for Will to fly over and land on him anyway. Will sends MJF into the ring. He lifts MJF, drops him on the ropes, high boot, back suplex, cover for 1..2..NO!!! MJF hits a quick knee, then hops to the top buckle to celebrate.
MJF heads over to Will, cinches the neck, then locks the arm up from behind. He turns the arm bar into a cravat, Will turns into it and hits a jawbreaker, then hits the ropes, only for MJF to hit a high knee. He tries for a suplex, it’s reversed, Will tries one and MJF reverses, tries again, but flips Will into a stunner. Will is able to get to the apron, flies in with a big right hand. Both men up, whip and Will hits a forearm. MJF to the outside, but Will hits the ropes and back flips over the top rope onto MJF outside!! Will back flips, lands on his feet, standing shooting star! Cover! 1.2….NO!!! Will to the top rope! He flies off the corner! Another pin! 1.2…NO!!! Will wants Hidden Blade. MJF slow to rise, then rolls outside. Will heads over to grab the timekeeper’s table. He sets it up near the barricade. Will rolls MJF into the ring, MJF with a back elbow, Will runs into the corner, MJF flips him upside down, kne to the mid, whip to the corner, MJF hops over, grabs his knee, appears to be a fakeout, as he kicks Will and gets a surprise piledriver. MJF yells to the cam that this is what a real piledriver looks like, and address Daniel Garcia, then mocks his dance.
MJF works the knee, but Will hits some crossfaces to break the hold. Chops from Will then he hits the ropes. MJF with a back body drop. MJF stomps, gras the leg. Figure Four! Will reaches for a break, but MJF slaps him in the face. Again, cinches the hold. Will on his back. Pin for 1.2..N!O!! Will tries to spin out of it, reaching for the Gods. Nearly gets it, but MJF continues to work the ankle. Will reaches, and gets the ropes. Ref breaks it at 3. Willfavors his knee while MJF catches his breath. MJF chops, rakes the back, whips to the ropes, and Will stutter steps and falls, selling the knee. Will rolls to the apron, checks on his knee. The knee pad is dropped, but MJF smells blood. He grabs him by the face until the ref stops ihm. Will with a right to the stomach, chop, another, another. Will hobbles to the ropes, and MJF chop blocks the knee! Cover! 1..2..NO!!!! Elbow to the back of the head. MJF rakes the bak. Right hand from Will, another. Quick kicks to the head, then a huge chop. He lifts MJF by his side, but MJF grabs at the face again. Whip to the ropes, misses a right, they collide in the middle of the ring.
MJF tries for a BRAINBUSTAHHHHH but he foolishly announces it, so Will hits a cutter! Then hits the ropes! OSCUTTER!!! Both men to the apron. Will tries for an Oscutter on the apron, bur MJF falls back and Will lands on his shoulder.
WE ARE BACK and both men are down! After some time, we get back up and Will springboard back kicks MJF down to give him some more time to catch his breath. Will grabs MJF by the hand, hits a chop, another, block by MJF, he tries for a wrist lock and tosses Will, but Will flips onto his feet, hits an enziguri! Torture Rack, spins it into a slam and covers for 1..2.NO!!! Both men are outside, with Will by the table and MJF trying to leave through the crowd. Will follows him up into the steps and fights him through the crowd. MJF tells a little girl to chop MJF, and she does. MJF flips her off then Will gives her a high five. Will chops MJF back down the steps then hits punches downonto MJFs face. MJF crawls down the ramp and Will follows. MJF has sabeer in his hand! He tosses it in the face of WilL! Will slams MJFs face into a trashcan then he puts his head in the can, holds MJF upside down, and kicks the can. MJF runs back towards the ring, collapsing in front of the barricade. Will, hilariously, rolls under the ropes to break the wayyyy more than ten count. Lol. Will sees the table, rolls MJF onto the table, and heads to the top rope. MJF rolls off the table and into the ring. They trade pins back and forth over nd over till Will hops up high and hits a poison rana! Will rushes the corner, MJF pushes him upside down and kicks him in the face. Panama Sunrise! Cover! 1.2……NO!!!!! Will rolls out of the ring. MJF follows. He grabs Will and rolls HIM onto the table. MJF to the top rope! He hesitates as Will rolls off the table.
MJF hops down to the mat outside, grabs Will by the head, then chops him. Will is sent into a barricade. There is ANOTHER table setup for the timekeeper. Lol. MJF grabs a water bottle then tosses it into the doctor and the crowd. Will crawls towards the initial table. MJF breaks the hold. OSCUTTER OFF THE BARRICADE!!!
Back in the ring, MJF calls for a Cross Rhodes, but Will counters and HE hits Cross Rhodes!!! Cover! 1…2… NO!!! MJF to the corner, Will tries to attack, but MJF pulls the ref! Eye poke! DDT to Will! Cover! 1..2…NO!! MJF tries for a Heatseeker, but Will shoots him off. Tries to springboard, but MJF hots the ropes and Will is crotched! Lariat off the ropes to Will! Cover! 1.2…NO!!! They are on the apron, and MJF wants a tombstone. But Will reverses! MJF clocks the ears with his boots! MJF tries for a suplex, Will floats over, tries for a German, cant get it, kick to MJF! Styles Clash on the fucking apron!!!! He rolls MJF into the ring. Cover! 1.2…NO!! Will tries for a powerbomb, only has one good arm. POWERBOMB! COVER! 1..2….NO!!!!
We come back for more action, and Will is kicking the curls off of MJF’s face. He hits the ropes for a cutter, but MJF counters and hits a piledriver! Cover! 1.2….NO!!!! MJF chokes Will up with some wrist tape. The ref admosnishes him. MJF works the left arm, whips him into the corner shoulder first. MJF grabs Will, stands him up in the corner, works the arm some more, slamming it onto his shoulder. Whip to the corner, and Will hits it chest first. Will whips MJF into the corner, he flips and turns into some chops, but MJF blocks another chop and pulls him down shoulder first into the mat. MJF hits the run, and Will sends him over the top rope quick and hard. Will to the apron. He tries to springboard, but MJF grabs the boot and pulls him down. JF sends him into the ring then calls himself the smartest wresler, but WILL FLIES WITH A HIDDEN BLADE!!! FUCKING SICK!
Will grabs MJF at the count of 5 and sends him into the ring. Will to the top rope. MJF is up, too, back to Will, and Will with a forearm to the back of the head off the top rope! Cover! 1…2….NO!!! Will to the apron. To the top rope. MJF stands, hits the ropes, and Will is crotched AGAIN! MJF climbs the corner, attacking the head on the way up. MJF tries for a rana, but Will holds onto the thighs! He locks the arms! STYLES CLASH OFF THE 2nd ROPE!!! Will covers, pulls MJF away from the ropes, but MJF reaches for it immediately as the pin starts. MJF to the apron. HEATSEEKER TO WILL!!! Will falls outside. MJF grabs him and lay him across the table. MJF to the corner. He uncovers the rod on the turnbuckle. Stands on it. MJF WITH AN ELBOW DROP TO WILL OSPREAY THROUGH THE TABLE!!!
WE ARE BACK AFTER ANOTHER BREAK and MJF has Will in an abdominal stretch. We are at the 50+ min mark. MJF holds the ropes to help the hold, so the ref kicks the arm. Hip toss from Will. Rollup from Will for 1..2.NO!! Another! Backslide from Will for 1..2.N!O!! A few more near falls from each, including a bridge and antoher backslide, ending in MJF whipping, and powerbombing Will ONTO THE FUCKING KNEE!!!! COVER! 1..2….NO!!! Will up in the corner. MJF calls for a Kangaroo Kick! He turns with his arms out. Will staggers, turns, MJF hops, Will catches him, hits a catapult, MJF lands on his feet in the corner, Will hooks the head the kicks MJF in the face! He climbs to the top rope! POISONRANA! MJF LANDS ON HIS FEET!!!! Huge lariat in the corner! He sits Will on the top rope. MJF is up, he humps MJF’s face! Tries for a rana, but WILL LANDS ON HIS FEET!!!! MJF is shocked! SHOCKED! Will turns, ducks under a lariat, MJF does the same, kicks, thumb to the eye of Will! MJF flips off the crowd so Will hits a HUGE whip kick to the face! They trade elows in the middle of the ring, MJF tries for a powerbomb, Will spins out, knee to the jaw, runs up MJF, enziguri! MJF with a lariat, Will. Spins around it, sunset flip! 12…NO!!! They trade pins over and over until Will gets the near fall and they break it. Will tries for OsCutter! SUPERKICK FROM MJF! Brainbust—NO!!! STUNDOG!!! REVERSE RANA!!! Double underhook! MJf lands on his feet, clubs the back of the head, SPANISH FLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!! COVER!!!
Will sits MJF on the top rope. Will climbs up, MJF punches, lifts Will to his shoulders, tries for a piledriver. Will falls on the apron, he springboards into a cutter! HIDDEN BLADE! COVER! 1..2……NO!!!!! WTF!!! Will tries for another Hidde Blade! MJF ducks!!! Will grabs MJF by the head. Will stares him in the face. Headbutt!
Double underhook! ONE MINUTE REMAINS!!! TIGER DR—–!! Will lifts! He hesitates! CANT DO IT! He drops MJF to the mat! Holds him down by the head, then MJF shoves Will into the ref!!! Will grabs MJF, spins him, MJF with a right hand. IT’S THE RING!!!!!! He covers! The ref turns! 1…2……3!!!!!
Winner: MJF
HOLYYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!! WE GOT A BRISCOE OVER HERE! I’m not 100% sure how I feel about that ending, considering MJF is as heel as can be, but 99.9% of that was beautiful.
Total Rating: ****3/4
Match Time: 59:58
We are backstage and The Acclaimed wants to speak to Mark Briscoe about teaming with him at Blood and Guts. Caster makes his case, while Bowens claims they are THIS close to becoming champs. Everyone loves them.
Mark replies eloquently, saying to allow him to retort. With much excitement and alacrity, it would move me more than nothing else to have them ride their steeds into battle alongside one Marcus Brisconius, but it is not his sole responsibility to make such a call. So let us call upon the man who cannot stay in between the lines when it comes to road haberdashery, one Swerve Strickland!
Swerve Strickland comes in and says they’ve done battle, and had their fair share of blood spilled, but who better to go to battle with than those who you once battled with. He offers them a spot.
Mark smiles, a toothless grin, and says they will pave the way to victory with the limbs and appendages of their enemies!
Welcome to The Learning Tree! Chris Jericho reads off the crime rates of the town he’s in, then says they can do better. Jericho was on the first dynamite, and has been on almost every single one since. The ones he has missed, the branches were so angry. He says he will never miss another Dynamite again. He will be here till Dynamite 500. When you listen to The Learning Tree, good things happen. When you don’t – people are getting hurt, damnit. Look at Shibata, Hook, Samoa Joe. He is begging them, this has to stop. Who would be crazy enough not to listen to the words of Chris Jericho?
Here comes Minoru Suzuki. He’s out with his hands in his pockets like an elder Asian man checking on his garden, which somehow makes him look more menacing. He pulls out a folded sheet of paper.
It appears that Big Bill and Bryan Keith are banned from the FTW Title shot that Suzuki gets next week.
Suzuki drops Jericho with a headbutt then says, “Hi Guys!”
The Elite are backstage with their titles. Nick Jackson says this is ridiculous. The Acclaimed will not be taking the titles. Matt Jackson says they will have all the gold and the power next week. Well, except the World Title. But what they do to him next week may cause the title to go vacant. They’re dealing with the greatest tag team of all time.
Here comes Mercedes Mone to thank them for banning Britt Baker from backstage so that they can celebrate without drama.
Kazuchika Okada asks Matt if he could ask Mercedes to do the CEO dance. She obliges then leaves. Okada is left to do some heavy breathing. No, wait, that’s just me.
TBS Championship Match
Nyla Rose vs Mercedes Mone
Mercedes looks worried. LOCKUP! Nyla corners her with ease, but Mercedes walks up the corner then kicks Nyla in the face. She does her little dance in the corner, flies over Nyla. Ducks under a right and gets a waist lock. Nyla spins her and flings her off. Drop toe hold sends Nyla to the 2nd rope. Stomps to Nyla. She sends her into the corner then stomps away until Mercedes boots her in the neck. Nyla locks the head, delayed suplex, Mercedes lands on her feet, chop block. Mercedes looks for a DDT, Nyla holds on, asks Mercedes if she has lost her mind. Nyla hangs her over the top rope, clubs the back, then heads to the top rope. Flying knee to the back of the head! Cover! 1.2…NO!!!
We are BACK and Mercedes has a sleeper on Nyla. Nyla flips her forward, locks the head, and hits a sick suplex. Mercedes up in the corner, back elbow from Nyla, then a lariat! Big splash in the corner. CANNONBALL!!!!!! Cover! 1..2….NO!!! Nyla to the top rope. Mercedes up. Kicks the ankle! Mercedes with a splash off the 2nd rope. Running knee to the face! She spins Nyla to her back. Mercedes on the top rope, flies with knees! Cover! 1..2..NO!!! Mercedes tries for a backslide, but Nyla is too strong. She smashes Mercedes in the corner, then hooks Mercedes arms and sits Mone on the top rope. Nyla climbs, gets the arm, elbows from Mercedes. Bulldog off the top rope!
Mone grabs a glove from her trunks! It says CEO and has “nails” on them. She mocks DMD and goes for a Lockjaw! She gets it, but Nyla BITES HER HAND!!! Hahaha. Mercedes slams Nyla’s head a few times then locks in The Statement Maker (Bank Statement) and Nyla taps!
Winner: Mercedes Mone
A good big girl/small girl match.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 9:22
A fan with a sting match is holding a sign. Mercedes grabs it and rips it, and of course, it’s Britt Baker. She hops over the rail and goes on the attack, but here comes security to hold Britt back.
Jack Perry flips a coin and tells Darby Allin that if he wanted his attention, he need only ask. Why did he have to hurt Brandon Cutler, though? What he mans to ask is, does Darby thinks Jack gives a shit about Cutler?
We zoom out to see Jack Perry standing on top of Cutler. He lifts him and sends him into some boiler room looking spot then tells Darby to find him tonight to show him what a real sacrifice looks like.
We head to the ring, and the music and filter of Toni Storm hits, but it’s Mariah May in Toni Storm gear. Pretty solid cosplay, to be fair.
Schiavone: “Speak, bitch.”
Hahhh damnnnn.
May asks us to be honest. We all saw it coming. Everybody saw it coming except Toni Storm. A woman so desperate for the spotlight, she didn’t realize she was giving it all away. The question shouldn’t be why, it should be “What took you so long?” She said it was so easy, and she was having so much fun. Now, she can be so much more. Don’t worry, Toni. She still loves her. In fact, she has never loved her more than when she was on her knees, bleeding, crying, and screaming May’s name. That was her greatest performance. May’s greatest performance will be at All-In. Because now, All Elite Wrestling is all about Mariah.
She falls and bathes in the spotlight ala Toni Storm.
Kazuchika Okada vs Swerve Strickland
We got Swerve outworking Okada with a trip, tries for Hosue Call, Okada slinks away, tries for Rainmaker, Swerve counters, tries for Big Pressure, misses, Leg scissors and a kip up and both men up. Test of strength. Okada kicks, then attacks the back. Right forearm to Swerve. Okada lifts up for a body slam, Swerve slips out, locks Okada with the elgs and sends him flying, kick to Okada, then to the 2nd rope and a spinning back elbow to Okada. Swerve poses. Okada in seated position, a bit annoyed. He stands and Swerves hoves him. Okada with a forearm. Swerve hits his own. Back and forth. Swerve ends the tit for tat with a kick. Whip is reversed and Okada hits a flapjack. Swerve leaves the ring for a breath. Okada follows, kicks, and DDT to Swerve!
BACK FROM BREAK and Swerve gives Okada a big headbutt to the jaw. Whp to the corner, Swerve kicks out of the corner, hops to the top rope, but Okada with a dropkick! Both men on the apron. Okada tries for a tombstone, but Swerve fights back with clubs, then fireman’s. Okada slinks off, goes for a right, Swerve blocks and sends his chest into the ropes. Swerve flies back into the ring. Flatliner! Locks the head. SUPLEX!!! Cover!!! 1.2…..NO!!! Swerve to the top rope. Okada up to grab the leg. He rakes at Swerves. Face. He tries for a neckbreaker, hits it! Cover! 1.2…NO!!! Body slam from Okada. To the corner, elbow drop! Okada flips Swerve off, but Swerve rolls him up! 1.2..NO!!! Okada spins Swerve, tries for a lariat, Swerve backs up, flips, kick, another, but Okada hits a sick superkick to the jaw!!!! Kick from Swerve, under a kick, backbreaker, holds on, powerslam from Swerve. To the top rope. Flies! STOMP but Okada moves! Roll through, Okada with a piledriver!!! He doesn’t pin!!! He wants Rainmaker! But Swerve STOMPS!!!! Swerve wants to finish it, but here come The Young Bucks to stop the move and cause the DQ!
Winner: Swerve Strickland via DQ
We got enough time to enjoy, but not too much to rate it any higher, especially considering this was a means to an end.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time:11:30
Here comes The Acclaimed! They attack The Young Bucks. But Jack Perry is down! Mark Briscoe to follow, grabing Jack off Bowens then attacking The Bucks.
Mark and Jack go at it with rights. Whip to Mark, he flies with a dive ono The Bucks outside the ring! He hits the apron, and Jack hits him with a DDT!
HOUSE CALL TO JACK PERRY!!!! SWERVE STANDS TALL!
But here comes….Hangman Adam Page!
Swerve turns, he’s ready for it. Page runs down, hops on the apron, but here is Okada!! He grabs Swerve and whips him into the crowd. They fight as security follows.
We get a big brawl while security tries to stop it all.
HERE COMES DARBY ALLIN!!!
He’s not out the tubes, though`! He’s up above!!! Darby drops down like he’s Sting! He gets unhooked by Briscoe then attacks!!!! We get a brawl! Not the one we want, but the one we need!
End Show
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