wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s WWE Smackdown Review 9.4.20
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Looks like Vinnie Mac is trying to tell all his employees that they can’t have Twitch accounts. What a dick.
We start with a recap of Payback recapping Smackdown then recapping Payback, and unfortunately, I din’t have to time to watch. They did the ol ring imploding bit, and even though it’s been done all of five times, I’m already over it. Reigns bein heel can be fun, though.
Are ya ready for an ok time?
Reigns is here with a scowling Paul Heyman.
Just when you thought Heyman was out, he pulled him back in. Please don’t make fools of ourselves, pointing our accusatory fingers at Heyman for corrupting Reigns, because Heyman assures us that it is Reigns corrupting Heyman. Why? Why? Heyman was gone, tossed aside, thrown into obscurity, only to be rescued and saved onto the island of relevancy by Roman. Why? Because they did the same damned thing to him that thy did to Heyman.
What happened to the thank yous and appreciation? Through life-threatening illnesses, this man delivered. Nobody bothered to say thank you, to offer appreciation. No. When he needed just a little time? What did we do with his title? The Fiend? A Fiend is not born to reigns as champion. A Fiend does fiendish things. A monster? A monster isn’t born to be champion. A monster does monstorous things. Imagine turning on Fox News with the biggest star in the WWE and all he does is RAWR? Great choice. Roman’s Reigns as our champion has always been defined by what WWE claims to be – Family, tradition, legacy, the responsibility and accountability. THAT is who Reigns is. On RAW, they have a Triple Threat to determine who will be the challenger at Clash, but we will do a Fatal Four Way. The winner will be the sacrificial lamb at The Big Dog. The names don’t deserve to come out of he or Reigns mouth. He will leave their names to be hyped up by Anderson Cooper and Carmella’s latest boyfriend over there.
OOP.
Heyman will tells us this one time: Ladies and Gentlemen, his name is Paul Heyman, and he serves as Special Council to the Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns.
Roman grabs the mic. “I’m a man of my word. I did exactly what I said I was going to do at Payback. I signed the contract, I wrecked The Fiend, I wrecked The Monster, and I left.”
He says at Clash, he doesn’t care who he faces. He will slaughter them all. This is his island. When you have this kind of power, all you gotta do is show up and win. Believe That.
After a break, we come to Reigns running into a burnt Uso. Reigns says he’s been busy. Uso says the whole fam has been proud. But he wants to know what the deal with Paul E. Reigns says he has it all under control, everything is in line. Uso offers assistance if he needs someone to watch his back, he’s got that. He then offers a steak dinner.
Match 1: The Miz and John Morrison vs Heavy Machinery
Otis slams Miz down hard quickly but Miz fires back with hard rights. Tackle from Otis and a tag to Tucker. Whip to Miz, then another shoulder and Tucker covers for 1….NO!!!! Tucker grabs the head, Miz with a jawbreaker. Tag to Morrison, and Tucker gets a leg takedown, then floats over Morrison, to his back. Rope work and a hip toss from Tucker sends Morrison flying. Splash in the corner. Tag from Otis. Whip to Tucker into Morrison then Otis spins Morrison in the air with a hard tackle. Back Body Drop from Otis. Tucker In. Miz in. Tucker grabs Miz. Otis grabs Morrison. They smash the boys together like nuts in a thong and we head to commercial.
We are back, and Miz and Morrison have Tucker in the ring hurtin for a tag. Tucker rolls over both guys and gets a tag. Otis trucks both Miz and Morrison. Whip to Morrison to the ropes, he gets popped up then slammed down. Otis misses a splash. Miz clips the leg as Morrison kicks Otis in the head. Miz pulls back on the nose of Otis from above. Tag to Morrison. Morrison hits the ropes and runs with a knee to the head. Boot to the face from Miz. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Morrison whips Miz into Otis, but Otis moves. Otis sends Morrison to the outside, so he grabs Tucker and hits a spinning neckbreaker. Miz with Otis. Kicks to the hest. Another. Otis is BULKING UP! Otis lifts Miz and sends him flying over the head. Morrison in and gets tossed over as well. Otis squashes both men in the corner. They both fall. Morrison rolls to the outside. Cole busts seventeen nuts.
Otis with the caterpillar. Otis to the 2nd rope. He hits himself a Swagger Bomb. Pin for 1..2…3!!!!
Winners: Heavy Machinery
Was that…a squash? It felt like a squash. And if it was, why?
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 7:59
So it appears that one of our own has been hit with the Vid indirectly, and is having some financial troubles. I’m not big on sharing these because everyone has problems, but it’s one of our own, and I just spent $45 on plastic swords for my brother, so tossing Mark some money makes me feel just a little better.
As an aside, considering the community that we have built, if any of you all need help, feel free to throw me a line. Can’t guarantee anything but a response, but sometimes just that helps.
Let’s not forget Ex-Collector and Thomas Victor Dove III who are both dealing with their own thing, yet still find the time to come visit the site and read my words. Y’all the real MVPs. But not, like, Montel Vontavious Porter, or anything.
Oh joy…John Morrison grabs the briefcase of Otis and screams, “FINALLY! FINALLY!” and takes the briefcase to the back.
Big E is here with Drew Gulak and a cake. It’s Xavier’s birthday, and he’s here. Lucha House Party are here because they like cake. Big E says when he wins the Four Way, he cashes in the golden ticket for the title shot with Reigns, and Big E is ready.
Security comes out of nowhere, and he’s bigger than everyone except Big E. He tells E that Woods has just arrived. Big E grabs the cake and walks to the back.
Sheamus with the surprise attack! He drops the cake! THAT CAKE HAD SEVEN MORE DAYS UNTIL RETIREMENT!!! Sheamus with a Brogue Kick. Sheamus slams Big E’s face into the hood of a car. Sheamus stands on top of a Hyundai. The ginger that Nia hates comes over to try and stop Sheamus, but Sheamus hits a White Noise onto the car’s window, and Big E sells it like death.
Stupid ass Cole asking if this was a setup by Sheamus as EMTs check on Big E.
Kayla is here to tell us that Big E has suffered major lacerations, although not a single drop of blood is shown on the car. Meanwhile, Sheamus walks up and says it’s difficult to watch, yet he can’t seem to take his eyes off it. Kayla asks if this was an ambush. Sheamus says he was out minding his own business and did what any man can do – he defended himself. Sheamus doesn’t know anything about Woods, maybe this is some bad info. He then says that if you wanna grab the brass ring, you gotta stay focused. Sheamus is already thinking about beating Riddle and Corbin. E is probably thinking about laughing and dancing. To be honest, it’s sad. This could have been the biggest night of Big E’s career, but he lets his old friends drag him back down. Can’t dwell, though, gotta move forward. He’s gotta go.
Backstage elsewhere, we got some new chick. She gets the honor of interviewing Sasha and Bayla. NOT Renee brings up the girls losing the title and the tag match tonight. Bayley says before Payback, they’ve never seen Nia and Shayna as a team, and they couldn’t prepare, but now they do and they’re winning the belts back tonight. NOT Renee says Shayna has tapped Bayley out the last three times.
Sasha cuts her off, says this is the greatest and pioneers and the first ever all women’s grand slam champ. This is why she is the Role Model to millions, but most importantly, she is Sasha’s best friend, and no matter what, they have changed the game together.
Backstage, after a break, Adam Pearce, the worst organizer of Security ever, is speaking to Kayla. He says that Big E will NOT be in the match tonight, but there will still be a Fatal Four Way, and they are figuring out who. Heyman comes over and asks for a minute in private.
And now, The urge to rate every Sasha Banks match five stars battles the responsibility to rate every Nia Jax match as zero stars is the match I didn’t know I’d be covering tonight…
Match 2: Bayley and Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler
Bell rings and Bayley and Banks send Nia and Shayna to the outside quickly. They go for stereo baseball slides to Nia and Shayna, but the big girls grab the little ones by the legs and swing them into the barricade a few times.
Back from break, and Shayna has Bayley in the corner. Tag to Nia. Nia with a splash in the corner to Bayley. Shayna runs with a high knee. Nia covers for 1…2..NO!!! Nia snatches the hair and Bayley tries to fight back. Nia gets her on her shoulder and drops to a knee. Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Nia tosses Bayley across the ring. Nia with a hip attack in the corner. Another to Bayley. Nia with a half nelson. She pulls the arm across Bayley’s neck. Bayley with some elbows to Nia’s face. Nia sends her into the corner hard. Nia covers for 1..2..NO!!! Tag to Shayna. She take downs Bayley out of the corner, goes for a Hammer Lock. Shayna pushes the elbow, Bayley turns into it, Shayna pulls the leg back and puts her boot to the shoulder at the same time. Bayley rolls to the apron. Bayley kicks rom the apron, but Shayna kicks Bayley’s side. Tag to Nia. Nia sends Bayley’s knee into the mat. Nia has Bayley on her shoulders. Sasha runs in the ring, Nia drops her, Nia is distracted. Bayley drops. Clip to the knee! Tag to Sasha! Sasha in with a bunch of rights and lefts! Hurricanrana sends Nia to the corner, Sasha hops up and over.Knee to the head. Another. Kick to the back of the head of Nia. Sasha swings with knees to Nia!!! She hits the ropes. Running knees to Nia’s face!!! YES BABYYYYYY!!!!
Sasha to the top rope! She dives! Knees to the face! Pin for 1..2…NO!!!!! Nia has Sasha on her shoulders. Sasha to the apron. Tag to Shayna. Sasaha kicks her off. Nia on the apron, Sasha kicks. Tag from Bayley. Sasha slides under the ropes. She grabs Nia for a powerbomb! Bayley runs with a cutter! POWERBOMB TO NIA!!!! Bayley with a back suplex to Shayna who tries to surprise Bayley. Tag to Sasha. Running knee to the face. Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Sasha lifts Shayna. She sends Shyna into the corner and kicks her away. Tag from Bayley who gets some licks in. Banks with a tag and gets more stomps in. Tag to Bayley. They both head to Shanya, lifts her up, but Shanya elbows out then takes down Sasha with a headlock. Shanya with a clutch! BACKSTABBER FROM SASHA!!! Cover from Sasha! 1..2…NO!!!!! Banks pulls Bayley. Tag to Bayley. Sasha spins Shayna. Bayley to the top. Elbow drop! Pin for 1..2….NO!!!! Both girls show concern. Bayley rolls Shayna over to the apron and tags in Sasha, who slides with a dropkick to the arm. Shayna up in the corner. Banks runs. KNEE TO THE POST!!!! Oh NO!!!! Bayley on the apron. Banks pulls herself up on the apron. Shayna there, Banks hangs her up. Baszler seated in the corner. Banks to the top, tries to fly for some knees, but Shayna sends Sasha into the post knee first. Shayna clips the back of the knee! Sasha up slowly. Shayna kicks the leg out from Sasha! Shayna drags Sasha into the middle of the ring, she tries for a submission, Banks rolls her up! 1…2..NO!!! Shayna rolls out, punches Bayley, turns to Banks and steps on her leg over and over and over! Shayna tursn Banks on her stomach. She modifies a cloverleaf, Bayley in, Shayna tries for the double submission! Bayley with a BAYLEY TO BELLY!!! Banks covers! 1…..2…..NO!!!!!! Banks with BANKS STATEMENT!!!!!! Nia rips Bayley off the apron! She runs into the ring! Kick to the back of Banks! TAG TO NIA! Nia grabs the leg. Stretch Muffler but Banks rolls through with a sunset flip! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!! Nia grabs Sasha, fireman’s. Nia to the top rope. Sasha lowers her knee pad.
Nia to the second rope. Bayley pulls Sasha down. Bayley helps Banks up. Shayna runs, they slam her down. Nia to the top rope. CROSS BODY FROM NIA!! Pin for 1..2…..3!!!
Winners: Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax
Holy shit, that was amazing. Seriously, everything not involving Nia was so wonderfully done. I know I toot Sasha’s horn a lot, but this is why, y’all. The girl’s got IT. Major props to both Bayley and Shayna who played their parts as well.
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 15:38
EMTs run into the ring to check on Sasha. Bayley screams at them to be careful.
BACK FROM THE BREAK, and Cole has his Owen Hart voice on.
Sasha yells for the EMTs not to touch it, but they have to touch it. She wants them out of her face .She shoves them all away. Bayley tells them all to leave. Bayley tries to help Sasha stand, but Sasha rolls to her knee, then back to her back. Bayley helps her scoot over to the apron then down t
OH NO!!!!
BAYLEY KICKS SASHA IN THE FACE!!!! SHE ROLLS SASHA TO THE OUTSIDE!!! BAYLEY SENDS SASHA INTO THE STEPS!!!! BAYLEY SENDS SASHA INTO THE RING POST. BAYLEY BRINGS SASHA TO THE STEPS AND SWINGS ITI NOT THE STEPS THEN STEPS ON THE LEFT LEG AND DROPS A BUNCH OF STOMPS ON IT. BAYLEY SHOVES SASHA, THEN TOSSES HER FACE FIRST INTO THE BARRICADE. BAYLEY LIFTS SASHA AND SENDS HER INTO THE APRON. SHE LIFTS SASHA BACK INTO THE RING. BAYLEY LIFTS SASHA UP AND SHOVES HER INTO THE CORNER HARD THEN STOMPS AWAY AT HER OVER AND OVER. BAYLEY GRABS THE BOOT. KICK TO THE BACK OF THE KNEE. BAYLEY DRAGS SASHA OVER TO THE CORNER AND SLAMS HER HEAD INTO THE MAT. SHE STARES DOWN MICHAEL COLE FOR SOME REASON. SHE TELLS HIM TO SAY “BOSS TIME” NOW.
STOP!!!! YOU’RE KILLING HER!!! LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
BAYLEY LIFTS SASHA’S FACE AND SAYS SHE DESERVES ALL OF THIS. ANOTHER MOVE TO THE KNEE. BAYLEY GRABS A CHAIR AND PUNKS COLE THEN HEADS BACK INTO THE RING. BAYLEY LOCKS THE LEG IN A CHAIR. SASHA KICKS HER AWAY. BAYLEY BACK UP, RUNNING KNEE TO SASHA’S FACE. BAYLEY GRABS SASHA AGAIN, AND SLAMS HER DOWN HARD. SHE DRAGS SASHA OVER TO THE CHAIR, TRAPPING SASHA’S FACE INTO IT. SASHA’S NECK IS TRAPPED IN THE TOP OF THE CHAIR. BAYLEY HOPS OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A BOOT TO THE CHAIR.
We come back to Cole wondering why oh why this went down. Sasha is being shown getting the stretcher job into an ambulance. Graves and Cole ponder the reasoning behind Bayley’s wretched doings.
Sami Zayn is here, and Cole is back to Normal Cole Levels of voice.
Sami is offended at the introduction that he got, as they completely ignored his title. He admonishes the ring announcer, who says that it wasn’t in his notes. Sami wonders who is running the floor. He grabs the headset and tells Marty in the production truck that when the graphic was up with his name, was IC Champ was included? Why not? Wasn’t in his notes. Ok, Sami sees a pattern. The WWE isn’t taking things seriously, so we’re going to redo it.
Here comes Jeff Hardy, who gets his chyron. He tells Sami if he wants a shot at the title, all he’s gotta do is ask. Sami says that’s confusing. He is the champion. He doesn’t need to ask Jeff for anything. In fact, Jeff needs to ask him.
Here’s AJ Styles. He wonders how, how can they two parade around with the title knowing that he is the uncrowned champion. Jeff wonders if AJ is healed, cuz Jeff is ready to defend the title.
Sami says no, that’s not how it works.
AJ with a cheap shot. Sami holds back, looks on, then stomps Jeff alongside AJ. AJ then kicks Sami in the head. Aj lifts Sami for Styles Clash, but Jeff turns him and hits a Twist of Fate. He wants one for Sami, but Sami shoves him in the corner. HELLUVA KICK to Jeff!
We are informed that Roman’s cousin, Jey Uso will be in the Fatal Four Way up next.
A video package shows some chick in red-bottoms walking, but we don’t see who it is.
We head backstage, and Otis seems unworried. Tucker says he can’t find Morrison anywhere. Otis says he doesn’t keep the contract in the briefcase, he keeps it in his lunchbox.
Tucker wonders what’s in the briefcase, then.
We head over to Miz and Morrison, and Miz tells him that just because he has the case doesn’t make him the guy, and Morrison begs to differ. He opens the case and finds a stapler and a sandwich.
We head backstage where Jey goes to thank Roman for the opportunity. Reigns says Jey doesn’t owe him, he owes Paul. Jey says he’s going to go win that match, then we’ll turn off at Clash of Champions. He tells Jey to get one on his own this time. Good luck.
Corbin comes out to yell about this blatant nepotism and how Jey doesn’t belong. Riddle runs up the ramp to attack Corbin. They fight into the stage then back down the ramp.
Sheamus runs down to attack Riddle and sends him into the ring. Sheamus hops in the ring. Out comes Jey to attack Corbin. Riddle and Sheamus are going at it in the ring. Kicks from Riddle turn into right hands to the back from Sheamus. Corbin sends Jey into the barricade, and we hit the break.
Firefly Funhouse is here and Bray is down in the dumps, but next week we have a brand new friend coming to The Funhouse. He’ll see us then! Byeeeeee!
Backstage, Nikki is watching the show. Ramblin Rabbit is further beyond, watching her. Alexa comes up with some slightly messier hair, and asks for forgiveness. Nikki sys of course, and Alexa
Match 3: Matt Riddle vs Sheamus vs King Corbin vs Jey Uso
Uso knocks the fuck outta Corbin with a superkick to the outside. Sheamus rushes him and Jey sends him out Riddle rolls him up for 1..2…NO!!! Riddle with a lockup, German, but jey lands on his feet. Corbin grabs the legs and pulls Jey to the outside. Sheamus with a backbreaker to Riddle. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Corbin back in. he and Sheamus take turns stomping Riddle. Corbin with a right hand. He knocks Jey off the apron. Sheamus with a right to Riddle. Corbin holds him and Sheamus attacks the mid section. Right hand from Corbin. Whip to the ropes, Riddle holds on. Kick to Corbin, sends Sheamus over, SPINEBUSTER FROM CORBIN TO RIDDLE!!! 1…2….NO!!!! Jey in to stop it, then eats a clothesline . Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Sheamus rolls back in. Knee to the back of the head of Jey. Sheamus grabs him and hits an uppercut. Riddle on the apron, gets sent right back down. Corbin with a ight hand to Jey. Corbin slides out of the ring, and runs right into a kick from Riddle. Sheamus tries to attack Jey, Jey hits a right, whip to Jey, Jey kicks the chest, in comes Riddle to slap the chest of Sheamus. Punches right and left to Sheamus. Jey with a spinning kick to Corbin. Riddle and Jey hit stereo forearms, but Corbin hits a Deep Six to Jey, and the Irish Curse from Sheamus to Riddle. Both men cover. 1..2…NO!!!! Sheamus trucks Corbin down.
Back from a break, and Sheamus has Jey in the center of the ring. He hits a quick suplex. Jey on the apron. Sheamus punches Corbin off the apron, then kicks, and pulls the arm. Sheamus with a dropkick sends Corbin to the floor outside. Jey still on the apron. Sheamus grabs him for the chest beat down. Firemans but Riddle is there to kick Sheamus in the face. Go behind of Corbin. Knee to Corbin. Strikes from Riddle to Sheamus, hooks up and gets a suplex, running kick to the face. Broton! Lockup from behind. GERMAN! Pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Riddle rolls into a triangle lock to Sheamus. Riddle with elbows to Sheamus’ head. Pin for 1…NO!!!! Sheamus powers out and sends Riddle down hard with a modified spinebuster. Pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Riddle kicks up and Sheamus grabs the leg. Cloverleaf! Jey in the ring. SUPERKICK TO SHEAMUS!!!! Corbin in! Rollup to Jey for 1..2..NO!!!! GOOZLE!!!! Choke—no!!! Jey lands on his feet. Kick to the mid, uppercut to Corbin. Booty bump! Kick to Riddle! Kick to Sheamus!!!! Superkick to Corbin! JEY STANDS ALONE!!!!
He hits the ropes. Suicide div—NO!!!! Corbin with an elbow!! Sheamus and Riddle attack Corbin and send him into the crowd. They turn and Jey flies from the ring onto both men!!!! Corbin grabs Jey from the other side of the barricade. He hangs Corbin up on it, then hops over and gets grabbed. Corbin sends Jey over the first row of screens. Corbin sends Riddle into the ring. Corbin grabs Riddle, looks for End of Days.
BROGUE KICK TO SHEAMUS!! BRO TO SLEEP TO SHEAMUS!!! RIDDLE TO THE TOP ROEP!!! FLOATING BRO!!! USO WITH A FROG SPLASH! PIN!!!!
Winner: Jey Uso
This is wild, crazy, comes from out of nowhere, and I love everything about it. First, the match itself was great considering how often they go to the well with the formulaic Fatal Four Way match. You saw signs of this in the match, but it never became the focal point. Solid wrestling and they took their time. Now, for the win. Jey winning this, focusing on the family aspect, it being a ploy by Heyman, all of it is just juicy goodness.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 12:50
Kayla in the ring. She wants to know how important this is for Jey.
Jey says YESSIR!!! He tells Big Dog that he made the family proud, too! He tells Roman it’s lockdown! Welcome….you know the rest!
End Show
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