ECW On Sci-Fi Evaluation 08.29.06

August 19th, 2006
Reading, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Joey Styles and Tazz

Paul Heyman is backstage and says that he’ll pin Sabu tonight in the Extreme Rules Main Event.

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly

The Match:Early on, Van Dam clotheslines Holly over the ropes and then taunts to the crowd. Rob goes to the outside and Holly attempts a suplex, but RVD places him stomach first onto the barricade, and nails the back leg kick from the apron. Van Dam rolls Holly back in and nails a few punches on the top rope. Holly counters and attempts to go for the Alabama Slam, but Bob tosses him to the outside instead. Van Dam is rolled back in, and Holly pounds away and chokes him using the ropes. Holly applies a headlock, but Van Dam fights out of it and Holly nails a dropkick for a two count. Bob gets in a couple of chops, but gets sent into the corner and RVD hits a back leg lariat. Rob nails two running clotheslines and then a side kick, followed by a standing moonsault for two. Van Dam executes a windmill kick and then the Rolling Thunder, and climbs to the top rope. Holly rolls away from the Five Star Frog Splash and grabs a chair outside the ring. Hardcore misses a chair shot, and Van Dam takes advantage with a couple of kicks and picks up the chair. Rob nails Holly with the chair and is disqualified, but continues to nail some chair shots.

The Review: This was really clean for a Van Dam match, and the two seem to have some chemistry in the ring. Good little match. **¼

The Aftermath: The wrong guy was disqualified. I don’t like the idea of Holly getting the hell beat out of him and then having Van Dam destroy him with the chair. Let Holly get himself disqualified to give him an edge; he’s Hardcore Holly. And yet Van Dam out wrestled him and was more hardcore.

Commercials.

Rene Dupree says he’s the most extreme athlete in ECW.

Big Show comes out and tells us how dominant he is, and how he took out DX. Show challenged DX for next week. It’s pretty sad that ECW is now the #2 show behind RAW, despite the fact it’s a one hour show, on the Sci-Fi network, and is aired at 10 PM. ECW’s been having talent from RAW and Smackdown appear on its show and now RAW is having ECW wrestlers appear on its show, and yet Smackdown is left with “the possibility” of a wrestler switching brands.

Commercials.

Shannon Moore tells us to fight the power. FIGHT THE POWER!

Mike Knox vs. Big Stevie Cool

The Match: Punk comes out to a nice little pop. A “CM Punk” chant start up and Stevie hit’s a drop toe hold and a couple of chops. Punk comes back and fires a few of his own, but Stevie gains the advantage. Stevie fights back and charges after Punk, but CM moves out of the way and Richards flies to the outside. Punk goes diving on top of him. The two get back into the ring and Stevie nails the Val Venis running knee’s and a slam for a two count. Stevie locks on a side bear hug and whips Punk into the ropes, but CM comes off of them and nails a dropkick. Punk nails a backbreaker for a two count. Richards comes back by sending him into the corner, but Punk hit’s a school boy and then the Anaconda Vice. TAP STEVIE TAP! He finally does and Punk picks up the victory.

The Review: Stevie got a decent amount of offense in, and Punk looked really sharp in the ring. *¾

The Aftermath: Nice change of pace from the Justin Credible matches. Punk was impressive and was put even more over.

Commercials.

Trailer for The Marine is aired.

Matt Striker makes his way to his ring and tell us that he’s here in ECW to help us. He’s a school teacher who should be looked up to. But that’s not the case. People cheer for people like the Sandman, who are ossified by his giggle water, and to look up the word ossified if we don’t know it.

os•si•fy
1. harden into bone: to change or be changed from soft tissue, for example, cartilage, into bone as a result of impregnation with calcium salts
2. become inflexible: to become or make somebody become rigidly set in a conventional pattern of behavior, beliefs, and attitudes

[Early 18th century. From French ossifier , literally “to turn into bone,” from Latin os “bone.”]

Sandman comes out and drinks some giggle water and goes after Striker, but Matty nails him with the chalkboard. VIOLENCE IN THE CLASSROOM. Striker hits him repeatedly with a stapler and walks off as Sandman is left in the ring busted open.

Commercials.

Balls Mahoney is backstage and Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly comes up to him. She tells him that she’s an exhibitionist and shows him her stuff.

A quick little video package and announcement of Kurt Angle’s retirement is aired. What they have to do now is put out a 3-disk DVD of Kurt Angle, because why the hell they haven’t released one yet is beyond me. If they do that, and Angle appears here and there for the next year or so, I’ll be a happy man. Actually, make that a 5-disk DVD.

Sabu says that he’s going to massacre Paul Heyman and then smiles with his improperly aligned tooth showing… they’re giving him too much of a Chris Benoit gimmick.

Extreme Rules Match
Paul Heyman w/Security vs. Sabu
The Match: The Bashams (Security) attack Sabu to begin, but Sabu grabs a chair and starts cleaning house. Sabu sets the chair up, points to the sky, and runs off the chair and over the ropes onto the Big Show, who is outside the ring. The security attack Sabu once again, Show nails a chair shot. Sabu is busted open and Heyman slaps him to the ground. Sabu continues to take a beating, as the Bashams set up a table outside the ring. Heyman nails a few punches and Show continues the assault. Big Show gives him a backbreaker, and Sabu attempts to fight back with some punches, but runs right into a clothesline. Sabu once again unsuccessfully fights back, and a “Big Show Sucks” chant breaks out. Show picks up Sabu to throw him through the table, but Rob Van Dam runs out and takes out the Bashams, followed by Big Show. Van Dam dropkicks a chair into Big Show’s face, and then planchas over the ropes and onto the Bashams. Heyman tries to revive show, but Sabu attacks from behind and sets up the chair, as Van Dam places Heyman onto the table. Sabu jumps off the chair but Big Show SPEARS him in mid air! That was actually pretty sweet. Hardcore Holly comes out and Alabama Slams RVD THROUGH the table, as Big Show takes out Sabu in the ring. Show drags Heyman onto Sabu and picks up the win. Post match, Holly slides in a table and sets it up. Show picks him up and choke slams him right through the table.

The Review: This was completely dull throughout most of the match, until the run-ins at the end. *

The Analysis: I don’t have any problems with this, though it’s generic. They put over Show, Holly, and Heyman, and it sets up a couple of feuds.