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Michael Ornelas has done for Cracker Barrel what Weird Al did for Rocky Road!
It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…
Hello everyone! I’m doin the report from inside my pool because it’s California, and I am entitled!
Special thanks to Tony Khan for that sweet sweet Khan money he pays me weekly to afford this luxury.
We start HOT with MJF! He’s got something to say, and asks for his music to be cut ASAP.
But before he can say anything of substance, Daniel Garcia comes out!
MJF warns Garcia to tread lightly. Thank you for saving me last week, he says. Garcia says he knows MJF is all about that shit talk, but he wants to do something no one in the back has been willing to do to MJF before. He is going to say nice things about MJF. Nine months ago, he wasn’t doing a whole lot, but he was watching MJF weekly. He is the longest reigning champ of all time. He made history. He came up in the back and had a conversation with him, saying he saw Garcia how he saw MJF – a pillar of AEW. He talked to Khan, and Khan said if Garcia got some wins, he could challenge him, but when he did, it was one of the most embarrassing moments of his life. It wasn’t all bad, though. That loss motivated him more than you can imagine, he went on the run of a lifetime and was a part of the biggest matches. He is someone these people could depend on. He could be a workhorse, the backbone of this company. For that, he wants to thank MJF. But he also wants to let him know, after all this, if MJF talks shit noqw, he’ll look real two-face.
MJF tells him to hold on. MJF? Two-face? Ok, maybe a little. Hear him out, though. HE didn’t come out here to talk trash. He came out for two reasons – to shill Forbidden Door, shamelessly an Collision. Done shilling.
His second reason is, before he was interrupted, he was going to ask Garcia to come out here because he’s got a question. First, he wants to thank Garcia. No one has ever publicly talked about all the nice things he does. He’s a top guy, he’s 20s, he’s handsome, some people are jealous. Garcia is getting closer and closer to MJF though. Garcia reminds MJF of himself. Tough, arrogant, cocky, really talented, from New York. Guys like them, they gotta splash water on their face and say it aint bout the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog, and these two dogs from New York got a whole lotta bite. But, when he gave Garcia the shot to take his position at the top, he whooped his scrawny little ass without breaking a damn sweat. Since then, he’s gotten smarter, stronger, and ascended the ladder by busting his ass. He is the grind. So it got him thinking, maybe it’s time Garcia gets one more shot at the king. Here’s the question he has for Garcia. Garcia vs MJF at Wembley. All-In.
MJF grins and Garcia is down.
Garcia is about to accept, but Will Ospreay is here! He gets some Buffalo love then says he just wanted to come out here to say he appreciates Garcia. This guy has made it publicly known that he wants a shot at the title, and Will loves how he’s been doin it. Bruv, he’s been doin it quicker than Will does in the bedroom. Lol. He tells Garcia that because he appreciates him, next week, he’s got a title shot.
BUT! Let’s sweeten the deal – let’s put the World Championship on the line, too.
Garcia accepts. Next week, Chicago.
MJF stands in the corner, a bit bothered. Will looks over at him, then leaves the ring. MJF upstaged.
Garcia is about to answer MJF, MJF cuts him off, says he just got a huge shot, focus on that. He’s really proud, best of luck.
MJF leaves.
Los Ingobernables de Japón vs The Blackpool Combat Club
We got an NJPW ref for reasons! Kinda cool. My feed goes out momentarily, so I come back from the commercial break to see Moxley handling Hiromu Takahashi. WE head back into the ring and Moxley and Titan are going at it. Shingo Takagi gets the tag and splashes Jon in the corner, Claudio in, Takagi splashes him, kick from Shingo, locks the head of both men, DDT to both! In comes Yuta, and Shingo hits a BRAINBUSTAAAAHHHH!!!! Shingo hits the ropes, Jon blocks him, hits a forearm, Shingo hits one. They go back and forth. Jon with some heavy hits, back elbow from Shingo, a hard jab, but king kong lariat! Shingo hits his own! They collide in te middle! Jon bites him, Shingo hits him with a clothesline, gets blocked, back elbow then a HUGE clothesline drops Moxley! Damn! Tag to Yuta! Tag to Takahashi! They collide, rights, from both back and forth. Yuta gets the upperhand but Taka hits a right, Yuta with a clothesline, kick to Yuta, Yuta rebounds into the ring, release German! Fireman’s from Taka! DVD! Cover! 1.2..NO!!!
Jon on the apron, gets sent off, Taka hits the ropes, clothesline to Yuta! Jon with a chair! He smacks Takahashi to cause the DQ!
Winners: Los Ingobernables de Japón via DQ
A whole lotta ass-kickery in that second half. Nice.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time:10:49
Everyone goes at it! But the screen flickers, and we see Tetsuya Naito’s tron! It takes a minute, but here he comes! He takes his sweet ass time coming out, removing clothing, and Jon is over it! He rushes out of the ring to meet him in the middle and lay into him with the rights. Naito attacks across the back, and we are informed that Yuta just took a chair shot from Shingo. Shingo takes Yuta into the ring and hits a flurry of elbows but here comes Bryan Danielson to make the save and stop the overt mocking!
Bryan and Shingo stand tall, staring each other down. Shingo isn’t backing down. Bryan isn’t either.
Owen Hart Foundation Tournament Match
Jay White vs Rey Fenix
Jay with a hute chop, whip to Rey, Rey springboards, and Jey just clocsk his back. Rana from Rey! Jay up in the corner, sends Rey to the apron, hard chop to the chest. Rey hops up top, arm drag to Jay, running up the body kick, Jay to the apron, then outside. Rey hits the ropes and gets a suicide dive! Kick from Rey on the outside. He hops to the apron, tries to springboard, but Jay swings his legs out from under him! Jay shoves Rey, slides in the ring, running uppercut. He hits a neckbreaker to Rey then covers for 1..2.NO!!
We are back and Rey hits a few chops before Jay hits a knee, then a chop of his own. He gets Rey to the shoulders,Jay drops, superkick to Jay! Rey walks the ropes and walks with a punt kick! Rey to the top rope! Frog Splash! Cover! 1.2….NO!!!! Rey rolls through, catches Jay with a rana, sits on a pin for 1.2..NO!!!! Rey spins, kicks, kicks the thigh, kick to the chest, Jay catches, spins, DDT to Rey! Jay catches the head, lits up, BRAINBUSTAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! Cover! 1.2….NO!!!! Bladerunner attempt, but Rey escpes, rolls up for 1..2.N!O!!
Jay catches Rey on his shoulders, tries for Bladerunner again, waist lock from Rey, he attacks the back, high kick to the side of the head, fireman’s, Rey spins for a piledriver, but Jay lands on his feet. BLADERUNNER!!!!
Winner: Jay White
Love me some Rey Fenix
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: Stopwatch Issues
Out comes Christian and his family. He stares down Jay White as commentary lets us know how much Christian wants to be the best trios team in AEW. The Gunn Club and Jay White hold their titles up and Cage just walks back up the ramp with his squad.
The Young Bucks would like to address some business. Last week, Nick was mad, angry, and he brought some foreign objects into the ring. The Acclaimed took advantage of that. Next time, it wont be the same way.
Matt says after Forbidden Door, Jack Perry will be a champion. Here’s some breaking news. Next week, The Elite will insert their own wild card into the Owen Hart tournament. This man will run through the tournament, get the title, and bring The Elite the World Title.
The Acclaimed are here, unscheduled according to Excalibur, and walk down shirtless.
Last week, they fought The Young Cucks and the result surprised nobody. They proved that they suck at running the company, and they can’t fight. Bowens says all they need to do is beat them one more time. Don’t make excuses, Nick, because they’ll have none next time they come face to face. They have been talking about when the best time for the title shot is, and when they do, they’ll be the new champs.
Bowens asks for the scissors, but The Elite come out. Kazuchika Okada says bitch, then The Young Bucks challenges them to a Trios Match.
Billy Gunn cant hear them, because the crowd thinks they suck. He’d like to go down and kick all three of their asses by himself, but he knows how to deal with EVPs. He has people in high places, and happens to know a president.
We look to the screen, and it’s Hiroshi Tanahashi who has a message for Okada.
“Scissor Ace is coming.”
WE head backstage with Renee. Kyle O’Reilly, Orange Cassidy, and Mark Briscoe are here. Renee hands the mic to Mark, and he says:
“There are many battles between Canada and England, but they also share more than just King Charles III. Perhaps tonight’s epic battle between one Kyle O’Reilly and the dastardly Zack Sabre Jr. will be all that is necessary for my clementine friend to best Sabre Jr come Forbidden Door. With that being said, this conglomerate of high-caliber athletes are ready for all that is thrown at them.”
Kyle does his best Mark impression and gives us more personality in 60 seconds than he has in several years.
The Outcasts and Anna Jay vs Toni Storm, Mariah May, and Mina Shirakawa
Anna and Mina to start. Mina outsmarts Anna with a trip and a kick, then flirts with the crowd. Whip to the corner ,Mina to the apron, ducks a right, flies over the top rope with a kick to Anna. Mina tags in May, not Toni, and Toni is noticeably bothered. They double team Jay with dropkicks. Mina and May shake their breasts. Harley is in and she slams May down hard then drops some elbows to the shoulders. She hits the ropes, May catches her and spins with a sidewalk slam! May goes to tag, but can’t choose who she wants to tg. Toni and Mina both tag, but ref says Toni got the tag first. It doesn’t matter because Toni and Saraya pull the girls off the apron.
We are BACK and Toni gets the tag. She comes in to knock everyone off the apron. German to Saraya! Toni gets a hesitant tag to Mina. Tag to Harley, who hits a knee, then a backstabber. Cover for 1..2.NO!! May makes the save. Anna in to hit. A Flatlinber. Toni in to hit a Thesz Press. Saraya with a kick. Mina with a backfist!
Harley kicks high, Mina with another backfist! Mina with a driver. Covers. 1..2…3!!!!
Winners: Toni Storm, Mariah May, and Mina Shirakawa
That was fun
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 7:00
We get a champagne toast. Then Mina grabs a champagne bottle, spins Toni, and Toni ducks! Mina clocks May with the bottle! It shatters on her head. Toni is hurt, and pissed. Her and Mina go face to face.
We are LIVE with Mercedes Mone who says she’ll be on Collision to watch Stephanie’s match up close, and this Sunday, she’ll right her final wrongs, then two belts Mone will change everything.
Chris Jericho is here with his big Billy and little Bryan.Bryan Kieth’s arm is in a sling.
Big Bill tells Hook, Joe, and Shibata to look what they did! They took him out then challenged them to a six man knowing they no longer have a third man available. But in the wise words of Jericho: when one door closes, another door (a Forbidden Door) opens.
Jericho says hello, then says he is here for one reason. He’s just here for the young guys. That’s why he brings so many into The Jericho Vortex, including The Red Wood and The Bad Apple.
He calls Joe “Samoa Joke” then says they found another partner. He’s one of the toughest men he’s ever met in the history of his time in Japan, and he’s been almost 60 times. Just like Tanahashi had a video, this guy has a video, too! So…
It’s Minoru Suzuki! He has a video that says he knows Jericho wants him to be on his team, but he doesn’t to wrestle Jericho’s side, he wants Jericho one-on-one. Is he trying to avoid him? He hates Jericho’s soft way of thinking now. The Learning tree? He wants nothing to do with that. Instead, he wants the FTW title.
Hahahahaha.
Here comes Samoa Joe, Hook, and Shibata. Joe says they’ve watched every Learning Tree segment, and they realized that the feeling they have can be described by Katsuyori Shibata.
“Oh brother, this guy sucks.”
Jericho smacks Joe across the face. Joe goes crazy eye. He headbutts Jericho, and the fight is on!!!! The Learning Tree leave the ring quickly.
Kyle O’Reilly vs Zack Sabre Jr.
While Tazz asks OC where he got his name, Kyle and Zack start with the WRASSLIN! They hit a few stalemates after some lockups. Orange says they aare doing moves he doesn’t know how to do. Zack locks up Kyle in the corner, works the wrist, whip and Kyle slinks under, twice, sunset flip by Zack, but Kyle tries for an arm bar but Zack reverses, Kyle escapes and both men stand tall holding their arm.
Kyle hits a snapmare and a kick to the back while Strong and The Kingdom watch ringside. Antoher snapmare, Zack bridges out, snapmare from Zack, Kyle pulls himself up and hits another then a sleeper. Zack flips him off his back and spins his boots around his neck. Zack works the elbow, and stomps the right arm.
We come back from break and Zack is working the left arm until Kyle hits an. Elbow. Right hands to Zack, Sabre with an uppercut. Whip from Kyle, high knee, but Zack turns it into an abdominable stretch! Kyle drops Sabre hard but he’s back up and Kyle hits a flurry of slaps, then a leg sweep. He works thea rm, rear choke from Sabre, Kyel flips him over, Zack holds onto the head, spins, hits a kick to the elbow, knee from Kyle, to the ropes, crdle from Sabre! 1.2..>O!!! KOR with a slam into an arm bar but Sabre grips the hands, Sabre flips onto his knees, and GETS AN ANKLE LOCK!!!! KYLE GETS HIS OWN!!! Sabre breaks it. SAITO SUPLEX FROM KYLE!!!! Kick to the back of the head, a rolling right hand from Kyle. Kick from Sabre, misses another, misses a sweep, KOR misses a headkick, both kick up high, Sabre runs…right into a knee!
Ringside, Gabe Kidd and Strong argue.
IN the ring, Sabre and KOR exchange slaps across the face, until Sabre hits left and rights over and over! KOR with a hard right, but Sabre tries for a cross arm breaker!
KOR tries for triangle! But Sabre spins and gets his own arm submission! KOR taps!!
Winner: Zack Sabre Jr.
Holyyyyyy shiiiiiit that was great.
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 10:56
Orange Cassidy gets in the ring to check on KOR, but Roderick and The Kingdom push him away to check on him. OC turns to get in the face of Sabre, but Sabre’s partners stand on either side of him.
Here comes Ishii to presumably help out OC!
Yes, he walks past Sabre and stands side by side with OC. They stare down TMDK.
Robby shoves OC, Ishii holds him back, Gabe Kidd is on the apron, Strong and The Kingdom are still checking on KOR. A ref tries to keep things safe.
Gates of Agony vs Will OSpreay and Swerve Strickland
Will and Bishop to start. Will makes short work of him before tagging in Swerve. Swerve with a flatliner, Will with a standing moonsault. Cover from Swerve, 1.2…NO!!! Bishop and Toa double team Swerve, dorp him on his back, then get a cover for 1.2.NO!!! Tag to Toa. He comes in, and Bishop whips him only for Swerve to roll out of the ring.
Winner:
Total Rating:
Match Time:
