The Last SmarKdown Rant – May 20 2004

The Final SmarKdown Rant – May 20, 2004

– Although I actually gave it a month, after browsing the spoilers and finding myself constantly trying to think up excuses not to watch the show every week, I’ve decided it’s time to thrown in the towel. I’ve been recapping Smackdown for 411 since November 2001 and on my own website since April 2000, and it’s never been more obvious that the WWE no longer cares about this show, and neither do I. Whereas RAW is fun and interesting, recapping and even watching Smackdown is a tedious chore that I now find unpleasant, and most of all, it’s no longer fun. And if I’m not having fun while I’m doing the show, it’s not fair to you as a reader, and it’s time to step aside and let someone else who DOES have fun while recapping it give it a try. Who that person might be I don’t know, but it’s no longer my problem. Maybe if Brock Lesnar comes back or Bradshaw goes away, and I hear things are getting a LOT better, then I’ll return, but until then, I’m more than happy to find something else to watch from 7-9 EST on Thursday nights.

– Taped from Las Vegas, NV.

– Your hosts are Cole & Tazz.

– Opening interview: Eddie Guerrero, amazingly walking after his 1.2 Muta bladejob on Sunday. Having stolen Bradshaw’s bloodied hat after the PPV, he wants to pin him to end the feud, TONIGHT. But of course, it won’t be tonight, because they actually want to draw this out for another PPV. Bradshaw comes out to refuse the title match, and instead wants the title belt, which makes him a huge idiot because he won by DQ. Eddie wants a piece of JBL, but Kurt Angle pops up and stops him. Why would Eddie stop charging out just because Angle’s music plays? Anyway, it ends up being a six-man main event tonight instead. How creative.

– Charlie Haas & Rico v. The FBI. Stamboli tries a quick press-slam on Haas, but gets rolled up for two. Rico comes in and works the arm, taking Stamboli down with an armbar and getting two. Rico does his antics on Nunzio and gets dumped off a cheapshot, and the FBI works him over. Spinebuster from Stamboli gets two, but Rico gets the hot tag to Haas. Clotheslines abound and he gets a dropkick on the Bull and backdrops Nunzio. Another cheapshot allows Nunzio to dropkick him for two. Jackie trips HIM up and Rico adds a kiss, and Haas finishes him with the german suplex at 4:29. It’s nice to at least see them trying something with Rico, although there’s no tag division to speak of. *1/4

– Elsewhere, Los Chavos have some dissention, as Chavo Classic thinks he can still go, but Chavo Jr. thinks he’s the best Guerrero.

– Billy Kidman v. Akio is supposed to be next, but Mordecai comes out, doing his full entrance, and destroys them both. Hey, that’s just great. A senior citizen and a woman are fighting for the Cruiserweight title, and these poor guys get sacrificed to Gangrel 2K4.

– Elsewhere, JBL threatens a doctor.

– US title: John Cena v. Rene Dupree. Kudos to the guy with the “5 Moves of Doom” sign in the front row. They fight over a lockup to start and Cena takes him down, and then gets a rollup for two. Dupree grabs a headlock and overpowers Cena, but gets slammed. Oooo, devastating. That gets two. Cena hits the chinlock, but Dupree knees out of it and they collide while trying bodyblocks. They’re selling like it’s 20:00 in, even though it’s only 3:00, and we take a break while they recover. We return with Cena getting sent into the post, and Dupree goes to work on the shoulder. Single-arm DDT gets two. Dupree takes him down with a Fujiwara armbar and works on the arm, but Cena makes the ropes, so Dupree drags him back out and goes back to it. This stuff would mean more if they established submission wrestling instead of using it to fill time. Dupree holds the armbar, but Cena backdrops out of it, three times. And then it’s the clothesline and elbow and shoulderblock, aka the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM, with five-knuckle shuffle and F-U being the other two. Dupree takes a powder and they brawl on the floor, and Cena sends him back in, but Dupree runs away again. Back on the floor, Dupree tries a powerbomb on the floor, but Cena backdrops out of it. Back in, Dupree heads out again and grabs his flag, so Cena hits him with it. Dupree goes low and beats the count back in at 14:06. There was some interesting stuff in the middle, but the pre-break section and the lengthy footrace that ended it were terrible. *1/2

– Cruiserweight title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. v. Chavo Classic v. Spike Dudley. Spike evades the Chavos to start, but they catch up to him and pound him. Spike dumps Classic and gets a headscissors on Chavo, but Classic trips him up and boot-rakes the face. They get a double-team suplex and Classic rolls up Spike for two. Classic works on the knee and they trade off with forearm shots on Spike, but Spike comes back with a high cross on the both of them. Double headscissors on the Chavos and he puts Classic on the floor, and clotheslines Chavo Jr. for two. Chavo comes back with a Gory Bomb, but Spike counters into a sunset flip for two. Dudley Dog, but he collides with Classic, who falls on top of his son to win the title at 4:21. And the title falls a little further down. Match was going okay near the end. *

– Booker T v. Funaki. This is set up by an interview gone HORRIBLY WRONG. They’re really reaching for ways to set up their squashes now. Booker pounds him down to start with chops, but Funaki dropkicks the knee and bulldogs him for two. The crowd is so hot they actually cheer for Funaki, but Booker superkicks him, and gets a sideslam for two. Booker goes to a chinlock, then pounds him down and goes back to it. Axe kick finishes at 4:38. Long, dull squash as Booker has been completely unmotivated since moving over. ј*

– Next week: Cena v. Dupree in a lumberjack match for the US title. I’ll be too busy doing something else.

– JBL & The Dudley Boyz v. Eddie Guerrero, RVD & Rey Mysterio. Eddie isn’t here yet because he’s selling an injury. D-Von starts with Rey, but it’s a SWERVE and Bubba starts instead. Wow, they’re so FRESH and INTERESTING now. JBL pounds Rey down and hammers him in the corner, but Rey kicks at the leg and gets a leg lariat to put him down. The heels quickly switch off and D-Von adds some punishment, but Rey gets the bulldog and brings RVD in. High cross gets two, but a cheapshot from Bradshaw allows the heels to take over again, as D-Von gets a suplex for two. They work him over in the corner and Bubba gets a neckbreaker for two. Bradshaw gets his own neckbreakers for two. D-Von chokes away with the wrist tape and on the ropes, and adds the good old bootlace to the face. Bradshaw comes in and pounds away, and knocks him down into an elbowdrop for two. Rob comes back with a springboard kick out of the corner, and brings Rey back in again. Buttdrop and he blocks a charge with a boot, setting up a headscissors and Drop the Dime for two. Nice to see Bradshaw selling this week. It’s BONZO GONZO as RVD comes in and cleans house on the Dudleyz, then follows them out with a pescado, but Bradshaw hammers Rey down again. Powerbomb is reversed by Rey into the 619, and Rob adds the frog splash, but Bubba pulls Rey out at two, and we take a break. Back with D-Von pounding on Rey, with Rob on the floor selling a 3D. Rey comes back with the springboard inverted DDT that AJ Styles has been trying to hit cleanly for the past year, but he has no one to tag. D-Von gets a delayed vertical suplex and chokes him down. Bradshaw comes in with a spinebuster, but Eddie’s music hits and he finally comes down to join the match. Bradshaw, meanwhile, tries the Clothesline from New York, but Rey dropkicks him to counter it. He fights off Bubba and bulldogs him, and makes the hot tag to Eddie. He’s a house of fire! He cleans house on all three heels and gets a backdrop suplex on Bubba and the rolling verticals on D-Von, but he stops to sell the injury again and passes out. Well, major blood loss will do that to you. JBL immediately tags in and pins him at 18:04. I hate these gimmicky finishes where we’re supposed to be all concerned “because it’s real” but no one buys this stuff as real anymore. Good TV main event at any rate. ***

The Bottom Line:

Too little, too late, as I vote with my remote, the only way any of us really can in the long run.

So thank you for reading these past four years, and of course you can still catch me with RAW and the PPVs.

And to the WWE, I’ve got one word for ya…

*click*