Universal Wrestling Federation (7.26.1986) Review

-Cold open: Dr. Death, in a neckbrace, personally asks for no suspensions or revenge carried out on his part, because he wants the Freebirds to be active wrestlers when he comes back.

-Originally aired July 26, 1986.

-Your hosts are Jim Ross & Michael Hayes. We’re ramping up quite a ridiculous number of episodes without anyone bothering to tell the chyron guy how “Michael” is spelled.

-JR welcomes the fans in Chicago, Philadelphia, and Miami who are seeing the UWF on television for the first time this week.

KOKO B. WARE vs. THE LIBYAN
-Bodypress by Koko gets a quick two-count. Thesz press goes horribly wrong while Michael Hayes goes off on a tangent about all the female rock stars who won’t leave him alone. Koko goes for a Thesz press again. Libyan catches him in a bearhug, but Koko claps to break the hold, in a spot that I never get tired of hating with every fiber of my being.

-Koko slams Libyan and splashes him for two. Corner charge misses and Libyan hammers away, but an elbow off the second rope misses and Koko mounts a comeback with a dropkick. Missile dropkick finishes it for Koko, who continues a big push while the sand runs out on his tenure here.

ONE MAN GANG (with Skandar Akbar) vs. GARY YOUNG
-Young got a lucky win over the Libyan a while ago, so this squash actually has a little bit of a story to it–can the young up-and-comer get a hot streak going?

-Gang pounds down Young. Young fights back with a slew of forearms. Young gets out of the way of an attempted corner splash, but Gang catches him in mid-air on an attempted bodypress, and a big splash by the Gang finishes. Gary Young’s hot streak ends at one.

-Dark Journey is here to make a public announcement: She has never had any romantic interest in Michael Hayes and he needs to stop saying so right now. Hayes heads to the ring and makes a clumsy attempt at gaslighting before taking Dark Journey on “a trip to Badstreet,” something akin to a Rude Awakening. She teases actually liking it for just a second before rearing back and slapping Hayes one more time.

-Jim Ross is on location with Eddie Gilbert, Sting, and Rick Steiner. All rumors about the death of Hot Stuff International are categorically false. Sting and Steiner are training together, and Eddie himself announces that he’s coming out of retirement. AND he’s merging with Missy Hyatt, apparently in a business sense.

-Jim Ross goes to Missy Hyatt’s swimming pool and Missy verifies that Gilbert is telling the truth, she has forged a business relationship with him. Hollywood John Tatum is not the least bit subtle about the jealousy as she talks about this.

HOLLYWOOD JOHN TATUM vs. BRETT WAYNE SAWYER
-But first…

-Eddie Gilbert and Sting stroll to the ring. Eddie hands Tatum a roll of bills and basically tells him thanks for showing up, and sends him home, now that Tatum is his employee. And Eddie announces that he’s taking this match himself, just to prove that he can still go like he could before.

-Sawyer hammerlocks Gilbert and monkey flips him. Side headlock by Sawyer, but he runs the ropes at 100 MPH and Gilbert manages to stungun him, and it looks absolutely SICK with the speed that Sawyer had reached when it happened. Gilbert drops him throat-first over the railing. Back in, Gilbert looks like he’s going to finish this thing, but Sawyer rolls him up in a surprise cradle and gets the three-count, and Gilbert’s big comeback match is ruined. Gilbert throws a full-blown tantrum in the ring, looking like he’s going to burst into tears.

THE FANTASTICS (Tag Team Champions) vs. BROADWAY JOE MALCOLM & GUSTAVO MENDOZA
-Tommy Rogers starts with Malcolm and gives him a back suplex while JR warns us not to go to the fridge because this match will be a quick one. Fantastics work the arm until Malcolm can escape and make the tag. All four men end up brawling in the ring in short order, and Bobby does a leapfrog splash over Tommy’s shoulders to get a three-count.

HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN, TERRY TAYLOR, & COWBOY BILL WATTS vs. FABULOUS FREEBIRDS
-Katy neglects her door-barring responsibilities once more, and the faces empty the ring in mere seconds. Duggan and Gordy brawl until Gordy pretty much accidentally tags Hayes, and Hayes looks terrified for his life before the babyfaces start pinballing him, and Duggan levels him with a big clothesline. Taylor tags in and snap suplexes Hayes for two, and this crowd is molten hot to a degree that I don’t usually hear outside of Jim Crockett shows from this period.

-Roberts tags in and they have a bit of a car crash on a backdrop/leapfrog spot. All six men end up in the ring again, and it’s just as well because TV time is running out and we get a super-weird finish to this one. JR is signing off and making it sound like the show’s going to wrap up without seeing a finish to this one, but then Bill Watts gets a three-count out of NOWHERE on Buddy Roberts. The camera pulls out to reveal that “the referee” who counted the winning pin is Eddie Gilbert wearing a referee uniform, and he offers a big smile and a handshake to Bill after counting the pin for him…only for Bill to haul off with a right hand and knock Eddie silly. Did you get all that?

8.0

The final score: review Very Good

The 411

White-hot and eventful, just the way I like my wrasslin'.