wrestling / TV Reports
WWF Prime Time Wrestling (10.9.1989) Review
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-Originally aired October 9, 1989.
-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan in Studio A, and Rowdy Roddy Piper in Studio B. Piper seems really distracted about something as Gorilla mentions that Piper and Heenan both received “demerits” for their conduct last week, and Bobby is kind of funny here, calling attention to what an obviously made-up punishment that is.
AKEEM (with Slick) vs. CHRIS CANNON
-Commentators have the nerve to say that Akeem is 6’10”. Ringside mic catches Slick telling Akeem to make this match quick so they can go out for ribs. With proper motivation, Akeem pounds Cannon down and chokes him out. Avalanche as the commentators tease a potential Hillbilly Jim/Akeem feud down the road. I feel like those two would hit it off really well based on their shared love of pork products. Big splash finishes, turn out the lights, the party’s over.
SPECIAL REPORT
-We flash back a few weeks ago to Andre the Giant’s surprise attack on Ultimate Warrior. The canned heat is actually ridiculous here in the pre-Titantron days, as pre-attack, Heenan steps through the curtain with no spotlight, which means he’s visible to about 50 fans total, and the crowd erupts in a cascade of boos. We jump ahead a few weeks to reveal the Ultimate Giant. We get another promo from Andre with an even creepier paint job. This is weird, as Andre with Warrior-style paint is an impressive visual, but what point is he trying to make with it? We get a rebuttal from the Ultimate Warrior, who calls Andre “broken down,” and there’s more truth to that than poetry.
SUPERFLY JIMMY SNUKA vs. ALAN REYNOLDS
-So unless I just wasn’t paying attention before, we seem to have hit the stage in Snuka’s run where he barks like a dog for no reason. We get words from Snuka, who says he’s not perfect, but he’s just good enough to beat Mr. Perfect.
-Headbutts and a lot of barking by Snuka. Suplex and a slam, followed by more barking. According to a rumor I’m making up right now, this was going to lead to Arsenio Hall being in Snuka’s corner at Wrestlemania VI. Superfly splash finishes.
-We go to Studio B, where Piper still seems to have a lot on his mind. Piper says that Superfly gets scary whenever he’s angry about something, and I must say I’m impressed by the brutal honesty from everybody on this week’s episode.
EVENT CENTER
-We get words from Dusty Rhodes, who says he knows that the word on the street lately is that he’s wearing polka dots and dancing in the ring now, but he’s still going to dish out justice to the Big Boss Man and “the melon farmer.” The Powers of Pain cut a generic promo about taking on all comers, and Sean Mooney says the two of them will do anything to please Mr. Fuji. Well, Fuji certainly is a comer, I suppose.
DINO BRAVO (with Jimmy Hart) vs. RED TYLER
-Quick and easy, side suplex finishes.
–No Holds Barred on home video! Hulk cuts the promo of the month, promising that you’ll see him like you’ve never seen him before: “Sensitive and articulate!”
-In the Studio, Karen Monsoon tells us that if our local video store doesn’t have No Holds Barred, we should demand to speak to a manager.
RAVISHING RICK RUDE (with Bobby Heenan) vs. JIM EVANS
-The guys still aren’t getting paid by the hour; Rude finishes quickly with the Rude Awakening. He finishes so quickly that Piper has a head-in-the-box promo and they have to show it post-match. Rude gets on the mic and says we’re skipping the Rude Awakening tonight because he already has a pretty good idea of the kind of women Louisville has to offer and he’s just not interested tonight.
-Piper says he heard George Bush giving a speech about the drug problem and before you can make the obvious joke, Piper is off and running. He is just all over the place, ranting about con artists, speed limits, school buses, and seatbelt laws, and Heenan lets out an exasperated “What is he talking about?!”
EVENT CENTER
-The Widow Maker boasts that he’s still undefeated, demanding a shot at the Ultimate Warrior or Hulk Hogan. Sean Mooney says that Widow Maker can’t get those matches signed because he’s currently outranked by other stars, including Jimmy Snuka, who cuts a promo calling out Akeem and the Red Rooster. So that’s where Barry Windham is in the pecking order right now.
BRUTUS “The Barber” BEEFCAKE vs. BORIS ZHUKOV
-Boris shows some aggression right away with elbows, but Beefcake rams him into the turnbuckles. Beefcake targets the beard with his offense. Boris fights back and throws him to the floor. Beefcake slingshots himself back in for a sunset flip. Boris gets nervous and starts going for the pin himself with quick impact moves, but Beefcake meets him with a running knee and puts him away with the sleeper. Distinct lack of chemistry here.
TITO SANTANA vs. TONY BURTON
-Tito works the arm as a really noticable herd of fans makes their way to the bathroom. Guys, come on, you stayed for Dino Bravo. Tito dumps Burton out to the floor and Alfred is taken aback by Tito’s aggression. Flying forearm gets the three-count.
BROTHER LOVE
-Brother Love is joined immediately by The Genius, who reads a long, fawning poem touting the utter perfection of Mr. Perfect. Perfect comes out to entrance music for the first time, and (spit take) WWE Network leaves in his original entrance music, and I think this was the only time he used it. So Mr. Perfect wastes no time, insisting he’s the most perfect athlete in the history of the WWF. Even more perfect than…Hulk Hogan. Mr. Perfect is twice the wrestler, twice the man, and soon, he’ll be the Perfect WWF Champion. And after 15 months of just going out there and doing nothing, and being relaunched a few times already, for whatever reason, this time it STUCK and Curt Hennig is over for the first time in his WWF tenure.
-Piper and Heenan trade words. Gorilla warns them again about “demerits” and now it’s Roddy’s turn to talk about how stupid that is. “When I reach ten demerits, they open the studio door.”
JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. BRIAN COSTELLO
-This is Jake’s big return after taking a few months off for an injury suffered at Ted DiBiase’s hands. Armdrag and a slam by Jake, and we get words from the Million Dollar Man, who just laughs at Jake for coming back and issuing a challenge to the same guy that injured him.
-Back in the ring, Costello targets the neck and Jake no-sells it, scaring the crap out of Costello. Jesse Ventura theorizes that as much as Cheryl Roberts spends Jake’s paychecks, he probably HAD to get back into the ring. Short clothesline and a DDT call it a night.
EVENT CENTER
-Dino Bravo demands matches with the Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan, and since he outranks Barry Windham by virtue of his grueling victory over Red Tyler, he’s got it. Hercules calls out Bobby Heenan and Ted DiBiase. Let it go, Olaf.
HANDICAP MATCH: BAD NEWS BROWN vs. CHUCK CASEY & SCOTT COLTON
-This feels kind of random. Brown beats on the jobbers while the commentators suggest that this is a handicap match to get Hulk Hogan’s attention. We get pre-taped words from Bad News, who calls the Hulkster “Hollywood Hogan” a dozen times. Ghetto blaster on Colton gets the three-count, and just for good measure, he gives Casey a ghetto blaster and pins him too.
RED ROOSTER vs. JIM MERKEL
-Some excited fan shows off her new Red Rooster shirt, which would probably go for a zillion dollars on Ebay now. Honky Tonk Man drops in to tout his in-depth interview in the new WWF Magazine. Back to the ring, and the chicken wing finishes it.
HART FOUNDATION vs. POWERS OF PAIN (with Mr. Fuji)
-So this would appear to be the end of all four men’s singles pushes for the time being.
-Barbarian shoulderblocks Bret right away. Bret tags out to let Anvil match power. Shoulderblocks, but neither man budges. Anvil finally takes Barbarian down with a clothesline, and with the opposition softened up, he tags Bret back in. Barbarian chops the Hit Man but misses a corner charge. Second rope elbow by Bret, but Barbarian avoids the attempted pinfall and tags in Warlord.
-Harts schoolboy the Warlord. Hit Man goes for a bodypress but Warlord just catches him and makes it a backbreaker. Powers double-team the Hit Man. Barbarian applies a bearhug but Anvil dashes in to break it. Hit Man slips away and makes the hot tag. Anvil TCBs and all four men end up in the ring. And then all four men end up on the floor. Mr. Fuji accidentally hits Barbarian with his cane during the brawl and Hit Man slips back inside to beat the ten-count for the win. Everybody was mailing it in, and honey, I’m stamping it “return to sender.” (finger snaps)
