411’s NWA TNA Report 10.08.03

NWA: TNA WRESTLING — 10/8/2003

— Hello everyone, TNA recapper Jack Daniels here. My hobbies include shooting singers, microwaving gerbils, and blending frogs. Welcome to the best TNA recap on 411wrestling. Time to cowboy up… and I’m assuming that’s a good thing. And by the way, I’m not mentioning “it” until they do.

— Just to let everyone know, the rancid TNA production values reared their ugly head in the pregame show, as the tape op couldn’t even get the pre-produced tape to roll correctly. It’s real simple, boys — you just take the machine off of “pause,” which is often accomplished by hitting the “play” button.

OBLIGATORY FOOTBALL CURSING

— *^%$ Kevin Gilbride. *^%$ Kevin Gilbride. *^%$ KEVIN GILBRIDE! About time we started to run the freakin’ ball.

— Opening package with recaps of Kid Kash/Abyss vs. AMW, Shane vs. Sabin, D’Lo Brown vs. The Redshirts, Piper vowing not to quit, 3 Live Kru vs. Simon, Swinger and Gilberti, Raven choking Mitchell, and AJ vs. Dusty, with Jeff Jarrett freaking out.

— And were LIVE from the TNA Home and Garden Show Forum in Nashville, TN and my hovel in Buffalo, NY, respectively.

— And Jeff Jarrett on the stick right away, calling out Dusty to talk about Dusty stealing his title show. Jarrett says Dusty is no different than any other icon, and he runs down Hart, Savage, Flair, Hogan… and I’m pretty sure this is completing Jarrett’s heel turn. Jarrett says he’s going to leave the building for the match, but Jarrett says he will be the champion after his title shot on October 22nd.

— Backstage with AJ Styles now, and Russo isn’t here. Siaki and Ekmo appear for some reason.

— Tag Team Match: Kevin Northcutt and Ryan Wilson (The Redshirt Security team) vs. Chris Vaughn and AJ Styles — Looks like new cage dancers for TNA, and Callis looks like he got a haircut. D’Lo and Northcutt to start. Brawling to start, stalemate on a shoulderblock, D’Lo with a dropkick and tag to Vaughn, who hits a double axehandle to the arm and works the shoulder. Northcutt throws him into the Redshirt corner, but Vaughn escapes and tags D’Lo. D’Lo gets control on Wilson, and tags in Vaughn. Two dropkicks fail to put Vaughn down, and Wilson counters a hurricanrana attempt with a _sick_ powerbomb. OUCH. And it looks like Chris Vaughn is reprising his Ricky Morton role from two weeks ago. Northcutt hit a cool looking hammerlock/pumphandle slam, but misses a D’Lo style legdrop. Vaughn Tornado DDT countered by a HUGE Northern Lights suplex into the corner. Northcutt baits D’Lo and continues pounding on Vaughn. Vaughn makes the tag, but the ref doesn’t see it! D’Lo ignores the ref and goes to town on the Redshirts. D’Lo takes Wilson out of the ring with a crossbodyblock, but Northcutt absolutely DESTROYS Vaughn with a Tiger Driver ’91 (called the Northcutt Driver — c’mon Tenay, we can come up with a better name than that.) Pin is academic from there. WINNERS — The Redshirts. Redshirts try to handcuff Brown but Erik Watts makes the save. And you know what? I _LIKE_ Erik Watts in the face commissioner role.

— Cut to Tenay and West. West in black, for those betting on it. They pimp a HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT and run down the card. Sabin vs. Shane, Kid Kash/Abyss vs. AMW, Raven vs. a member of the New Church, 3 Live Kru vs. Simon, Swinger and Gilberti, AJ Styles vs. Dusty Rhodes.

— Interview with Tenay and Dusty. Dusty recalls his first NWA title victory. Says you have to understand what it meant to wear a title that lots of great wrestlers never got to wear. Dusty says some of the stuff he did to AJ was uncalled for, but the fans drive him to it. Dusty says he was caught up in the emotion when he asked for the title shot, and he’s got one more good match left in him.

— Back to the table. Russo still hasn’t arrived, and Jeff Jarrett has left the building. Recap of the Jerry Lynn situation, and Lynn’s interview, with Lynn complaining about the outside interference.

— X-Division Title Match: Chris Sabin vs. Michael Shane (c): Sabin is also putting his Super X Tournament trophy on the line. Staredown in the middle to start, shoves exchanged, and Shane slaps Sabin, then bails before Sabin can lock up with him. Shane starts talking to the crowd, Sabin pulls him in by the hair, shoots him into the ropes, and Shane bails again. Chase outside, Shane back in, gets caught with a hurricanrana and dropkick, then begs off to set up a slingshot into the turnbuckle. Brawling in the corner, then Shane tosses Sabin. Sabin rammed into the steps, then taunts him and throws him back in. Shane chokes Sabin with his wrist tape, spinning powerslam gets 2. Sabin misses an enzigiri, counters a backdrop by landing on the apron, then hits a springboard spinning leg lariat. Both men down. Sabin with some chops and a big boot. Back elbow and a springboard DDT gets 2. Shane floats overs a bodyslam, Sabin slips out of a Cradle DDT and hits the Future Shock (fisherman’s buster), but Shane gets his foot on the ropes. Sabin misses a missile dropkick, then eats a boot on the idiot charge, and SHOCKINGLY catches Shane putting his feet on the ropes during the roll up! When do you see that. Foldup powerbomb by Shane gets 2. Shane, frustrated, grabs his title belt, but the ref takes it out of his hands. Sabin hits the Cradle Shock, but the ref is slow to count and it only gets 2. Sunset flip reversal sequence ends with Shane hooking the trunks for 3! WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Michael Shane.

— Cut to the back for Hudson with Swinger, Simon and Gilberti. Simon says they’re A-List wrestlers while 3 Live Kru are B-List rappers. David Young storms in to ask why they laid him out last week, and Gilbert says he hit Swinger with a chair at least a dozen times last week.

— Six man tag: Simon Diamond, Swinger and Glen Gilberti vs. 3 Live Kru (B Jizzle (Road Dogg’s new name, apparently), The Truth and K-Dog): Konnan does his shtick. Swinger’s midsection wrapped due to the appendectomy. This is elimination rules, by the way. Truth and Diamond to start. Punches exchanged to start, then The Truth hits a spinning headscissors, tag to B Jizzle, and a dropkick device gets 2. Simon tags Swinger, and a modified Problem Solver gets 2. BJ starts the dancing punches and tags Konnan, who hits a clothesline and locks on a modified STF. Simon breaks it, allowing the Truth to hit a flying legdrop to the groin. Konnan locks on Goofy Lucha Submission #2, Simon jumps in and Konnan hits a faceslam on him. Konnan uses that sunset flip reversal into the sitting dropkick that’s all the rage these days. Pinfall reversals for 2. Swinger shoots Konnan into the ropes, but Gilberti grabs his legs, allowing Simon and Swinger to hit a double reverse Russian Leg Sweep to eliminate Konnan. Truth in with a powerslam on Swinger. Tag to BG James, double hiptoss and the Soul Handshake Elbow Drop gets 2. Konnan, in a twist, grabs Swinger’s legs, allowing BG to hit the pumphandle slam for the elimination. It’s down to 2 on 2, and Gilberti sneaks in with a quick low blow, and Simon tags in Gilberti and they double team BG, getting a 2 count. Simon looks absolutely gay with that beard, by the way. James makes a tag, but Gilberti distracted the ref, and while the ref is distracted, Gilberti hit a Stunner and Simon hit a superkick to eliminate BG James. Down to the Truth vs. Simon and Gilberti, and the Truth is a house of fire. Powerslam on Gilberti, Irish whip on Gilberti, but Simon grabbed his leg to avoid a Truth dropkick. Gilberti with a clothesline on Truth, but Truth kips up and hits a missile dropkick. Gilberti tags Simon, Truth with an elbow on Diamond and an ax kick on Gilberti. Front suplex on Diamond eliminates him, and we’re down to Truth vs. Gilberti. And David Young comes out to ringside to watch. Floatover DDT by Truth gets 2. Gilberti pulls the Truth out, fighting outside, and David Young is telling Gilberti they need to talk, letting Truth get a springboard bodyblock. Truth pulls the chair out from under Young, but Young pulls the chair back and throws it at Truth, putting him down long enough to roll him in and get the 3 count. WINNER: Glen Gilberti. Gilberti tells David Young to beat down the Truth, but the rest of 3 Live Kru makes the save.

— New Church interview. Mitchell tells Raven “every time you build a better mousetrap, I build a better mouse.” Slash throws darts into Synn’s back to punctuate the point.

— Singles match: Frankie Kazarian w/roses for one of the cage dancers vs. Christopher Daniels w/Wal-Mart level Brood: I smell squash. Just saying. Headlock into an arm wringer by Daniels to start, reversed by Kazarian, re-reversed, etc. Armdrag and dropkick by Kazarian, running clothesline in the corner, cool looking slingshot dropkick, Daniels bails, no hands plancha, then back in with a slingshot DDT and that gets a 2 count for Kazarian. Daniels gains control with some knee smashes and hits an enzuigiri for 2. Crossbodyblock by Kazarian gets 2, but he eats a kick on an idiot charge, and Daniels smashes his head into the turnbuckle and chops him down. Body slam and slingshot legdrop gets 2 for Daniels. Kazarian reverses an Irish whip, Daniels chops him, Kazarian sidesteps an Asai bodyblock and hits an Asai elbow, then a clothesline, a dropkick, and a twisting ax kick for 2. Daniels gets a Victory Roll into a couple of pinfall reversals, then hits a uranage and a triple jump moonsault for 2. Kazarian slips out of the Angel’s Wings, then hits a superkick. One of the Brood jumps on the apron, Kazarian slips out of the Last Rites, then hits Back to the Future (flatliner), but Daniels gets his foot on the ropes. Kazarian into the ropes, but one of the Brood grabs his legs, allowing Daniels to hit the Angel’s Wings for 3. WINNER: Daniels. Daniels berates his followers, saying “If my followers are doing nothing, then I have to call on my brothers.”

— Cut backstage to Hudson with Raven and the Gathering. Raven spoke so softly I couldn’t understand him, but I’m confident we can assume it was about the New Church.

— Tag Team Match: Kid Kash and Abyss vs. America’s Most Wanted: Terry Taylor is your special referee. All four men brawl to start. Storm clotheslines Kash out, and then a double clothesline puts Abyss out. Abyss drops Storm on the steel rail, then rolls him in. Kash and Storm to start the match proper now. Kash in control early, tag to Abyss, Abyss back suplexes Kash into a moonsault then hits a legdrop for 2. Abyss beating on Storm in the corner. Tag back to Kash, somersault legdrop by Kash and a splash by Abyss, but Taylor refuses to count because Kash is the legal man. Tag back to Abyss, double elbow, then Abyss atomic drops Kash into a legdrop onto Storm for 2. Tag back to Kash, and Kash goes for the moonsault off Abyss’ shoulder, but Storm rolls out of the way, tags to Abyss and Chris Harris, and Harris is a house of fire. Abyss reverses an Irish whip but misses a Bronco buster! Double flapjack by AMW on Abyss, then they toss Kash and Storm hits an assisted plancha on Kash outside. Harris with a flying clothesline, and he goes up top but Abyss crotches him, and a combination spear/clothesline by Abyss and Kash gets 2. Kash complains, so Taylor pushes him off. Storm hits a spear off the middle rope for 2, then Kash brings a chair in, Taylor stops him and Kash takes out Taylor. Abyss blocks a superkick, but Storm gets the Swinging Noose… and Taylor is still out, though. Chairshot by Kash, another ref counts a close 2 count, then Kash gets angry and tosses that ref too! Kash grabs the chair, but Storm superkicks the chair into Kash, Taylor recovers in time to count the 3! WINNERS: America’s Most Wanted. Post-match, Kash berating Abyss, and shoves him in the chest, and slaps him in the face, Abyss teases a chokeslam, but Kash gets right in his face and Abyss appears to back down… but then he gets back in the ring. Kash pushes Abyss… Abyss slaps Kash!!!! Abyss goes for the chokeslam… Kash goes low… Abyss recovers and hits the mother of all backdrops!!!! Throws Kash into the ropes, then Kash bails.

— Cut to the back, and Hudson with Don Callis and the Redshirts. Callis says D’Lo is scared of the Redshirts, and everyone is replaceable, including Hudson.

— And cut to the following message from the Franchise Shane Douglas… this looks like some sort of “Tough Enough” contest. Or an angle to introduce some new talent. Franchise says he’ll pull someone out of the audience next week, at least I think that’s what the upshot of that was.

— Singles match: Synn vs. Raven: Synn’s chomping on the ropes during this intro… holy crap, that dancer’s ass made me lose my train of thought. Raven jumps Synn before the bell, _still_ wearing the dog chain. I’m assuming this is no-DQ since Raven is using the chain on Synn. Ahhhhh yes…. Synn blading! _That’s_ the TNA I know and love! Raven chases Mitchell, allowing Synn to hit a clothesline on Raven… and that is one hell of a bladejob. Synn tapped a gusher there… enough of a gusher that I’m not sure if Raven is bleeding or if that’s Synn’s blood on his face. Raven with a lariat and a big knee lift, then a clothesline into the corner into a bulldog. Raven Effect for 3. _THAT_ was a squash. WINNER: Raven. And Raven goes to hang Synn postmatch. Mitchell breaks it up with his cane, and Raven starts to go after him, and Slash makes the save, and tries to use the chain like a bola, but Raven hits a superkick and starts whipping Slash with the chain! Then Raven goes after Mitchell again, but Vampiro makes the save and plants Raven with a DDT. Slash and Vampiro put the chain around Raven’s neck again, and they go to hang him from the balcony again! Vampiro beating on Raven during this, and finally The Gathering makes the save.

— And the big announcement… Sunday November 30th, 3-hour PPV, called Bound for Glory. West hypes next week’s card. Kid Kash vs. Abyss. Raven vs. a member of the New Church, Erik Watts vs. Kevin Northcutt. Tenay says Piper may have a statement to make during next week’s show.

— Cut to the back with Hudson and AJ Styles, and his new entourage in the back… and Russo crashes the party, apparently drunk, and blatantly ogles Trinity’s tits. What the fuck is this? AJ, apparently thinking the same thing, asks Siaki, Ekmo, and Trinity to watch his back. Well, the match is going to suck quality wise, so why not have some fun and overbook it as much as humanly possible?

— Video package recapping the events that led up to Styles/Rhodes for the title tonight. God, I really hope I don’t have to watch Rhodes wrestle another match after tonight.

— NWA World Heavyweight Championship match: Dusty Rhodes vs. AJ Styles (c): I would just like to reiterate that the TNA cage dancers tonight have terrific asses. I mean, I work in a health club, I see great asses all the time. But these two girls are really special. Kudos to whoever was behind signing them. And Russo is brown bagging some hooch and Trinity has to hold him up, which I find pretty fucking hilarious, to be honest. And Dusty’s _got_ to be more than 312. I’d bet he’s pushing 400. Styles pretty obviously is thrown off his game by Russo’s antics. Trash talking to start. Russo tries to give AJ advice, then we get about one minute of the guys just standing there. “Dusty” chant. More stalling. Kick by AJ, AJ trying some hit and move tactics, and Rhodes locks him up and pushes him into the corner. Kick to Dusty’s knees by AJ, then pounds on Dusty in the corner, Dusty reverses with some chops and then throws AJ across the ring. Bionic elbow sends Styles outside, AJ on the apron, Dusty punches him down again. Dusty almost chops AJ over the guardrail. Dusty runs AJ into the guardrail and takes him out into the crowd and rams him into a few chairs. Russo trying to get involved with his baseball bat, but Trinity holds him off. AJ turns the table and rams him into a few chairs. Then punches him repeatedly in the head. And, in a TOTAL shock. Dusty is bleeding. Yeah, I know, Dusty bleeding in the main event of a TNA match, I’m shocked. SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW brawling outside the ring, and Dusty actually takes a seat outside at one point. I’d recap more, but there’s nothing to recap. I’m tempted to switch over to Playboy and recap whatever’s on there for about five minutes. Back in the ring, finally, AJ pounds him in the corner, then Dusty “Dustys up,” blocks a punch and hits a bionic elbow. Couple of slow right hands and then a back rake by Dusty. Multiple back rakes. Dusty resting in the corner, AJ makes a comeback and puts Dusty down, and then kicks him in the back and cinches back on a chinlock. Don West on Vince Russo “Someone get his drunk ass out of my face!” Dusty trying to fight out. It’s kind of like when Andre had Hogan in the bearhug at Wrestlemania III, only it’s really not. Dusty up to one knee, and it turns into a side headlock, Dusty shoots him off, and AJ hits a crossbodyblock for 2. AJ with a few kicks and punches to Dusty, AJ tries for the Springboard somersault splash, but Dusty rolls out of the way and out of the ring, and rams AJ’s leg into the ringpost a couple of times. Russo trying to cover up AJ, Trinity pulls him off, Dusty back in, calls for the the figure four leglock, takes roughly five hours to apply it, and AJ is in pain, grabs the ref and pulls him out of the ring. AJ taps????????? Vince slides the bat into AJ, and AJ rolls up and swings the bat into Rhodes knee, and both men are down. Now Styles with a figure four, and he can barely apply it on Dusty’s fat freakin’ legs. AJ grabbing the ropes and Russo for leverage, and Dusty passes out from boredom and the ref counts 3. WINNER: AJ Styles.

— Russo on the stick, Russo wants to humiliate Dusty by whipping his bare ass. Dusty’s got Russo’s beer bottle… okay, this is rather pointless. Oh, please, please don’t pull his pants down. Seriously, $9.95 is a small price to pay to see Trinity’s ass, but I want a refund if I see Dusty’s. Blackshirts try to make the save, but Sonny Siaki and Ekmo put an end to that. And AMW makes the save! Double clothesline on Ekmo, but AJ with a bat shot to Harris and puts him down. They get Dusty down and are about to take his pants off, but Jeff Jarrett makes the save with a chair! Russo blathering on the stick, and says he’ll make sure Jarrett won’t get the NWA Title on 10/8/2003. Dusty makes a match for next week, Siaki/Ekmo/Russo vs. AMW/Dusty. And that takes us out.

— Well, the “drunk Russo” stuff sucked, in my opinion, but I liked the show on the whole. Let’s put it this way — I didn’t regret spending $9.95 on it. See you all next week.