411’s WWE RAW Report 6.8.15

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411’s LIVE WWE Raw Report 6.8.15
* Welcome.

Hey guys! Guess who has a regularly schedule column once again! MEEE!! Be sure to check out a piece inspired by our weekly communion of Raw here: Tell Em: The Elementary Start of RAW

Linus, where is my AJ pic?!

There we are!

RAW!
IS!
BORE!

Ok, pants are off. Dew is prepped. RAW is on.

You wanted a start other than The Authority? Well, you’ve got it! John Cena is here to give us another edition of the US Title Open Challenge. Instead of Booker T, we have Byron Saxton as our color(ed) commentator.

Cena claims that some of the biggest moments are not defined by a championship, but simply the will to win. He gives examples: Hogan vs Rock, The Streak, the MITB Ladder match. He brings up the MITB match, and finally gets to “The Most Anticipated Rematch in WWE History.” Guh…

He calls this an opportunity to state their claim. He says Owens had an unbelievable debut. This Sunday, Owens fights to prove that Cena’s time is up, and Owens’ time is now. This Sunday, he fights to prove that his time is NOT up. As always, he fights for those who believe what he believes – that impossible is just a word. Hell, he even fights for those that say CENA sucks. Aw, thanks. He says regardless of us making fun of him – deep down, even in our cold heart of hearts, we know that there is no safer bet on Sunday than John Cena…the guy that lost a week ago.

After the Chamber, PPV, the entire universe was talking about Owens vs Cena. This Sunday, we will be excited, entertained, astounded, but we will also be reminded that he is the standard bearer, the face that runs this place, that he is John Cena.

Kevin Owens has something to say, and it looks like he’s gonna say it now. He comes to the ramp, shaking his head. He claims that all Cena is doing is proving Owens’ points. Cena is delusional if he thinks he’s going to beat Kevin this Sunday, and he’s delusional if he thinks that people want to see Cena come out at the beginning of RAW and issue an open challege for the US Title, because people have been watching Cena come out at the beginning of RAW for about ten years now, and he thinks they’re all a little tired of it to be honest. So how about something different; how about an NXT Title Open Challenge instead?

Cena calls him Mr. Owens, and says that’s one hell of an idea. For the first time ever on RAW, the NXT Championship up for grabs right here, right now. That’s a hell of an idea. Cena accepts.

Owens calls Cena delusional once again. You see, Owens and Cena is going to happen this Sunday, not tonight. Silly boy. Cena mocks Kevin, remarking that he is having an open challenge for anyone except Cena. Cena says when he issues an open challenge, it’s for anyone who wants to fight. Cena invites Kevin, as well as anyone. Cena drops the 504 and calls Owens “holmes.” Oh brother…

Cena says let’s do this right, how about the US Title Open Challenge starting…

…
…
..
.

NOW. You want some? Come get some?

Owens has a better idea. He’s going to ignore ALL of that, and he’s going to let the next superstar that walks down this ramp choose the next title they want to fight for.

Who walks out?

Neville says that he would love to fight Cena again, one day. Fact is that ever since Owens won the NXT Title, he thinks it’s some kind of token to use to disrespect everyone in the WWE. He says Owens isn’t worthy of that prize, and he’s here – as a proud former NXT Champion, he’s here to beat Kevin Owens.

Cena is on commentary for this match.

Match 1: Kevin Owens vs Neville
Owens heads out of the ring as soon as the bell rings. Cena stands as if he’s going to do something. Neville heads to the outside and starts hitting some kicks, but Owens hets a kick to the midsection and heads in the ring. Neville heads in as well and hits a kick then a hurricanrana. owens heads to the outside. Neville hits the ropes and flies over them onto Owens, then lands on his feet. He rolls Owens into the ring and covrs for 1. Nope! Neville with a pin again and gets a 1. Owens stomps on Neville then hits a few rights. Another stomp to the chest of Neville. Neville in the corner. Owens with a chop. He hits a right to the head. Owens with a short clothesline to Neville. Neville tries to fight back with right hands, but Owens shoves him in the corner. Splash in the corner. Owens hits the corner, and he hits a cannonball into the corner! Pin for 1..2..NO! Owens lifts Neville and sets up for a suplex. He drops Neville on the ropes. Owens with some stomps. Right hand to Neville. Whip into the corner hard. Owens with a cravat from behind.

Cena calls this a different league, saying Owens needs to realize that…but he won IN THIS LEAGUE?

Owens drops Neville right on his knee, gut first! He covers for 1..2..NO! Owen lifts Neville and yells at him. Chop in the corner. Neville kicks from the corner, and starts hitting a few more to the gut. owens with a right to the head. Owens with a boot to the face of Neville. Owesn with a HARD back suplex. Looked great. Pin for 1…2..NO! Owens sends Neville to the outside the hard way as we go to commercial.

Back, and Owens is hit with a jawbreaker. Owens shoves Neville to the outside. Neville on the apron hops in the ring, but Neville lands on the shoulders of Owens!! He sets up for the AA! Neville is able to reverse it! Cena no sells it on commentary. Neville hits a DDT as a reversal, by the way. neville with some kicks. Owens hits an elbow off the running Neville. Owens hits the ropes. Neville holds down the opposite side, and Owens topples to the outside! Neville with a springboard moonsault to Owens…barely. He gets a lot of air, but not a lot of Owens. Neville sends Owens back in the ring. Neville locks the waist from behind. Owens with an elbow. Neville hops up top. He flies with a missile dropkick! Pin for 1..2…NO! Neville with a kick to the leg. He misses a dropkick and Owens locks the head! Pumphandle Neckbreaker and a pin for 1…2…NO! Neville sends Owens into the ropes and hits a German release! He locks the waist again. He DEADLIFTS OWENS INTO A GERMAN SUPLEX PIN!!! Wow…amazing! Pin for 1…2…NO!!! Neville realizes his position. He heads to the top rope! Owens is up! He tries to fight Neville down! Neville with a high kick to the head! Owens is down! RED ARROW, but Owens rolls away!

Neville with a kick to the head again! He sets up for the Red Arrow! Owens is up again! He shoves the ropes! He sends Neville to the ropes! POP UP POWERBOMB! Pin for 1…2…3!!!!
Official Result: Kevin Owens
Great match from the youth of the WWE.
Rating: ***

After the match, Owens opens the ropes up for Cena to come through. Cena heads away from the announce table, then rushes into the ring. Both men stand. Owens opts to leave instead of fight. Cena’s nose looks hideous.

In case you were wondering, John Cena no-sells on commentary about as much as he does in the ring.

We get a video package highlighting the Rollins/Ambrose issue, so basically most of last week’s RAW. Ambrose is shown with the title on Bourbon Street before RAW with a fat Bray Wyatt.

Yes, I said a FAT Bray Wyatt.

Back to the show, and The Authority are checking their phones, presumably checking out Ambrose’s Instagram. Rollins comes in with his phones, and dick pic jokes are said under our breaths. Rollins hints towards Authority helping him, but The Authority claims that Rollins doesnt need them. Rollins backpedals saying that he has always respected them. H says Seth doesn’t need their help. He is going to go on Sunday and defeat Ambrose all by himself, on his own. H and Steph will be there to observe. Seth can beat Dean. All on his own. In fact, Rollins can pick his opponent tonight to show what he can do on his own.

Rollins thanks them for the confidence that they’ve always had in him. He won’t let them down. H says they’re bankin on it.

See what he did there?

BANKIN on it!!!!!

Remember last week? Well in case you didn’t, we get another recap from last week, specifically where the Bellas were able to use their MAGIC against Paige. We are taken to Smackdown where Paige says she’s sick of the Bellas. If you don’t like the world that you live in, you have the power to change it. Words to live by, my friends.

Back in REAL TIME, Renee Young is with Nikki Bella. Nikki says that clearly Paige is projecting her frustration towards The Bellas. She feels sorry for Paige, who expects everything to be handed to her and just blames anyone more successful than her. They’ve taken on all comers, just like tonight when Nikki faces Summer Rae. We are informed that Paige and Nikki will have a match at MITB. Nikki says that the world Paige lives in isn’t going to change, because Paige isn’t good enough. Nikki says that MAYBE this IS Paige’s house, but she’s living in the Bella’s world.

Nikk is sure to slap the hands of fans on her way down.

Match 2: Nikki Bella vs Summer Rae
Lockup to start, and Nikki gets a rollup for 1. Both girls up. Summer dives, but Nikki with another rollup. She gets 1. Body slam from Nikki and a cover for 1…2.NO! Nikki drops down and hits a few push ups. Go behind by Nikki. Summer tries to break it with an elbow, does so. Whip is reversed and Nikki gets Summer in the corner. Nikki eats a boot then Summer dives and chops the chest. Cover for 1…2.NO! Summer with a submission from behind. Nikki stands up and removes the hold then booty bumps out of it. Summer grabs the hair and drops nikki for a pin. 1..2..NO! Spinning heel kick from Summer. Pin for 1…2..NO! Paige is watching backstage. Summer shoves Nikki’s head in the corner with the knee.

Kick from Nikki. Nikki with the Rack Attack. Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Nikki Bella
Do we give credit for nothing going wrong?
Rating: *1/2

Remember RAW?! NO!?! Well don’t worry, because we’ve got another recap!! This time, we cover Reigns facing Wade, Henry, and Bray from last week.

Did the WWE sign a contract with Instagram? We get another pic of Ambrose with a pink sax.

We direct focus to the briefcase hanging above the ring. The music of Reigns hits, and here comes the long-haired fella. He stares up at the case. He is in the ring with a mic. He says there was a time when he absolutely hated that briefcase. He hated the contract inside, and everything that it stood for. He then says that it doesn’t seem so bad when it’s not connected to the biggest jackass in WWE History. Reigns wants to talk about history, and about how he’ll make history when he wins the Money in the Bank match. Then, the day will come when it’s time to cash in where he will have his match with the man who is walking out this Sunday as champ…Dean Ambrose.

Kane is here to cut off Reigns. You know, the assertive one. He wants to share with us what he believes. Kane believes that anyone stands a better chance of winning than Reigns does. He feels Reigns has a weakness, and it’s his continuous failures, such as on Smackdown when he chokeslammed Reigns to hell. Kane’s sole purpose on Sunday is to win, and there is no better man for that job than him.

Reigns says it’s not Sunday, it’s Monday, and he’s got a job for Kane; He wants to show New Orleans how one breaks a jaw.

Ziggles comes out with his music. He tells Reigns he’ll be waiting for a while for Kane to get in the ring beacause he’s The Authority’s biatch. He’s more of a human hardware store than “Kane.” Dolph uses some hardware puns, then calls Kane the greatest TOOL of The Authority. In fact, he’s the biggest TOOL in the WWE. Keep toolin away, Kane. Dolph says he’s on a bit of a roll, including Lana. He claims this Sunday he’ll be grabbing the contract, and become WWE World Champ.

Kane, still outside, says that even the most common household tool can be used in a variety of sadistic ways. He tells both men in the ring to watch their mouths and remember who they are talking to. He brings up that tonight, everyone involved in the match will be in singles matches tonight. YA DON’T SAY!?!?!

R-Truth, of all people, comes out to join the fun. He says at Mania, he conquered his fear of ladders.

Kane cuts off R-Truth. Truth says that this Sunday, he’s going to do some damage.

Kane says Truth isn’t even in the match. This confuses Truth. “I’m not? You sure?” hahahaha. Truth says this was on him. He says MY BAD. “New Orleans, I’m sorry, y’all be good.”

Wow.

Kane tries to repeat himself, that everyone involved in the ladder match is…

NOPE!

NEW DAY is here! Big E is here, askin the crowd to simmer. He says The New Day is here. He asks Kofi to tell all of these people what will help Kofi go up to the tip top. Kofi says the Power of Positivity, #POP. Kofi says when he becomes Mr. MITB, All of New Day becomes Mr. MITB because….NEW DAY ROCKS!

Kane tries to finish his sentence, but Sheamus makes his entrance felt. I love how he bathes in white light, considering his already white body. Sheamus says the fact that any of them believe they’ll win the MITB contract puts a smile on his face. A smile as big as the one that he had when he beat Orton’s booty on RAW. He says that when he beats everyone come Sunday, he’ll be just one Brogue Kick away from becoming the next WWE World Heavyweight Champion…again.

Kane, frustrated, says, “anyone else?” haha. He brings up the two other individuals who are in the match; Neville and RANDY ORTON. Kane introduces him like they’re friends. Maybe a miscue? Timing? Fuck if I know.

Match 3: Randy Orton vs Sheamus
We come back and the match has just started. Sheamus makes a run for it to the outside, but Orton is quick to follow. He hits an uppercut to Sheamus then sends him back in the ring. Orton rolls in, and Sheamus rolls right back out. He’s back in, and Orton follows. Kick to Orton. orton hits a backbreaker then stomps the legs. Sheamus heads back to the outside again, stumbling a bit off of the stomps. Sheamus teases getting back in the ring, but doesn’t. Orton heads to the outside and Sheamus attacks. Uppercut. Orton with a whip into the barricade! Clothesline to Sheamus! Orton locks the head and sends Sheamus back into the ring. Some random Randy chants. Orton goes to the corner, but Sheamus kicks out of it and stands. He hits an uppercut in the corner. Another. Sheamus with another in the adjacent corner. Orton fires back with one of his own. He attacks the midsection then hits a headbutt. Sheamus hits an upperut. Orton with two more. He kicks the midsetion then stomps the foot. Sheamus heads to the outside again. Sheamus on the apron. Orton kicks and grabs the head. Guillotine to Sheamus. Orton heads to the outside and gives Sheamus some rights as he’s laid out on the apron. Whip from Orton to the corner. Back elbow from Sheamus. Sheamus with a high knee to the bent over Orton. Right clothesline to Orton and a pin for 1…2..NO! Sheamus with a knee to the back of Orton. He pulls back on the nose of Orton, then hits another knee. He drops Orton on his back and hits a knee drop and a pin for 1…2…NO! Orton in the corner. Uppercut. Sheamus works the left arm. Orton is able to stand out of it and hit a nice dropkick. Sheamus struggles in the corner. Orton lifts and pulls him up then attacks the head with right hands. He mounts and gets to four until Sheamus stops him, drops him, then runs right into a boot. Orton grabs the hair, but Sheamus hits a right, knocking Orton down to the mat, and we get a commercial.

Back, and Sheamus has a cravat on Orton. orton turns into it and attacks the abs. He hits the ropes, but runs into a knee from Sheamus. Sheamus is curious as to whether or not we are entertained. What say you? Pin for 1…2..NO! Another cravat from behind. Orton, again, turns into it and hits the midsection. Uppercuts from Orton. He hits the ropes and runs right into a body slam. Pin for 1…2..NO! Sheamus lifts Orton and hits a right to the head. Sheamus with kicks but Orton is able to stand, and they trade right hands in the middle of the ring. Sheamus hits a knee then whips, but Orton hits a kick and a hard clothesline. Another. He ducks a clothesline, and hits the powerslam. He runs into the corner, but Sheamus lifts the boot. He goes for a shoulder, but Orton sends Sheamus into the post! Exploder Suplex out of the corner! DDT from the middle rope from Orton! He’s hearing voices, and I’m tellin ya now, it ain’t the crowd. Sheamus stands! RKO attempt! Sheamus moves! Brogue Kick! Orton moves! Orton sends Sheamus to the outside! Orton follows. Sheamus sends Orton into the apron back first then sends Orton flying over the announce table!

Sheamus grabs a chair as Lil Naitch yells at him. Orton is slow to stand. Sheamus looks to attack. He raises the chair. Orton kicks the midsection! He grabs the chair! HE THROWS IT AT SHEAMUS!! DQ win for Sheamus!
Official Result: Sheamus via DQ

Rating: **1/2

Orton continues the attack, sending Sheamus into the announce table headfirst. Back suple onto the table! Orton isn’t done! He sends Sheamus into the steel steps. Orton sets Sheamus’ head down on the 2nd step, then drops a boot on it! Orton sends Sheamus into the ring. Sheamus stands, turns. Orton spins for no good reason. RKO to Sheamus!!!

Backstage, Seth is really struggling with Candy Crush. Jamie and Joey come in and Noble says that he is aware people go through rough weeks. He brings up what Seth says about needing them. Jamie says that Joey forgives Seth, and they would be honored to be in Seth’s corner at MITB and tonight. Seth takes offense to the forgiveness comment. Seth says he meant everything he has said about them two. They would be nothing without them. Seth plucked them from obscurity because he felt sorry for them. Seth says he made them relevant, and all he wanted was some compitence. if they weren’t the biggest morons in the history of the WWE, then maybe Ambrose wouldn’t have his title now. Noble only has one thing to say about that….SCREW YOU. Noble says they’re Shield 2.0. Jamie calls Joey an upgraded Roman Reigns! hahaha. Awesome. Joey whispers something in Jamie’s ears. Jamie says Seth wouldn’t last a minute if The Authority wouldn’t last a minute if The Authority wasn’t backing him.

Seth brings up who his opponent will be tonight, and how it’s his choice. Seth has chosen to face Jamie Noble…..and Joey Mercury. Seth slams Noble for no good reason. Jamie fights back. Joey steps in! He says that they’ve had Seth’s back since day 1, but tonight….they’re kicking Seth’s ass.

Nice.

Match 4: Dolph Ziggler vs Kane
We come back to the start of Dolph vs Kane, who presumably just sat there until Orton and Sheamus were done. Kane catches a crossbody attempt, but Dolph hops off and hits a dropkick. Another to Kane sends him in the corner,. Splash in the corner, and Dolph hits the ropes to go for another. Uppercut from Kane sends Dolph away. Lana is at the top of the ramp, watching Dolph accept another uppercut from Kane. Kane chokes Dolph up on the ropes then attacks the back of the head. Kane grabs the hair, then sets up for a suplex. Dolph floats over, and hits a few rights to Kane. Kane whips Dolph into the corner and hits a hard elbow then sends Dolph down to the mat. Pin for 1…2.NO! Cravat from behind. Lana is wearing a bubble-gum pink two-pieced suit and looks to have forgotten her contour set. Dolph is able to fight out of the submission with a jawbreaker, only to turn right into a back suplex from Kane. Pin for 1..2…NO! Kane with a kick to the back of Dolph on the ground. WE WANT LANA chant. Dolph is sent into the corner. Kane sets him up in the corner for a flurry of punches, sending Dolph back down to the seated position. Kane with a hard kick to Dolph’s head. Kane with a body slam. Cover for 1…2..NO! Kane with a whip. Dolph kicks, then attacks the midsection. Kane reverses a whip and sends Dolph into the corner. Dolph bounces out, right into a Sidewalk slam and a pin for 1…2..NO! Dolph hops up from the ground and hits a DDT to Kane!! Pin for 1..2…NO! Dolph goes for the Zig Zag, but Kane holds the ropes. Boot to the face! Pin for 1..2…NO!!

Back after a break, and Kane has a bearhug on Dolph. He sends Dolph into the corner. Dolph hits an uppercut out of the corner, then clips the legs of the running Kane, causing him to hit head first into the corner. Fameasser to Kane from Dolph! Pin for 1…2..NO! Dolph goes for a Superkick, but Kane dodges and GOOZLE!! No, Dolph gets out. SUPERKICK is hit this time!! Both men down!!

Rusev comes out from the back on crutches!! He wants to talk to Lana. Lana and he speak in another language. Lana falls off the ramp, and twists his ankle. Rusev stands idly by, unsure of what to do.

In the ring, Dolph attempts to head out of the ring to help Lana, but Kane grabs him and hits a chokeslam. Pin for 1…2..3!!!
Official Result: Kane
Thus, continuing a string of average matches.
Rating:**

Rather than show concern, Rusev laughs at Lana’s misfortune, which completely goes against the promo last week and what we are supposed to believe. Man, just when you think they can tell a simple story…

After some time, Dolph heads to Lana to help her up, because two refs and a doctor cannot. Dolph holds her bun, taking this far more serious than anyone else. He tells her not to stand, because she doesn’t have another leg or anything.

So, apparently, the Instagram account that we are to follow is the WWE, which is posting these pics of Dean walking around the city with the title…I wonder how The Authority feels about that.

Backstage, Noble and Mercury are talking strategy. Noble is lacing up his boots, and I feel kind of giddy about that image.

Backstage, the doctor is checking on Lana’s foot. He’s icing the foot, and this apparently makes Lana cold, because Dolph drapes his sweater over Lana’s shoulders.

In the ring, Miz is here taking Step 3 of the 10 step Bruce to Caitlyn starter kit.

We get a recap of last week, where Big Show slapped Miz’s titty. Miz says not to worry, because his lawyers will be considering who they will sue and why. Miz says he was robbed and deserves better. Ryback cuts him off. Ryback tells the crowd to wake up and asks if he can sit. FEED ME MORE chant. Ryback says the only person robbed last week was him. He was robbed of the pleasure of him Meathooking Miz’s face off.

Miz: “How dare you.” haha

Ryback cuts him off, says we get it, Miz main evented Mania, is a former champ, big time movie star. He brings up Sandow and how he out performed and outclassed Miz every night. Ryback says Miz should be thankful because had he wrestled Ryback, he would have taken years off of Miz’s career. hahaha, Punk?

Miz wants to be blunt: “You’re ugly.” haha. He says no one here knows the value of having a good looking face. Miz says “When my hand goes up, your mouth goes shut.” Ryback says when his hand goes up, we say FEED ME MORE! Miz stands and yells for the crowd to listen to him! Oh Miz, you’re great. Miz brings up his money baker again, and claims he had to see specialists to make sure he could still properly emote. Oh man…Miz is great. Miz says Ryback should be mad at Big Show. He ripped the right to defend the IC Title against a megastar like Miz.

Enter Show, who heads out in all black. Show takes a seat as the crowd chants “CHAIRS GONNA BREAK” haha. Show wants to make it clear, he says out of all the tag team partners he’s had in his career, Miz is the one he hated immediately. He calls himself a giant, says he can turn bricks to powder. He knows what Miz is doing. Show falls for the WHAT chant, says some people never change. Ryback laughs it off. He knows what Miz is trying to do here, and says he is not fighting Miz’s battle. Miz says he’s a fighting champ. Ryback says he doesn’t need Miz to manipulate or motivate to fight The Big Show. He’s not afraid of Show. If Show wants the title, (Ryback stands), it’s right there. Show, still seated, looks unscathed emotionally. Show stands.

He says Ryback is always trying to put a positive spin on things. He can’t stop Big Show. There’s nothing positive. No one is going to beat Ryback for the IC Title but him. He’s going to do exactly what he said he was going to do, he’s going to beat him.

Miz tries to goad Ryback into attacking. Show tells Miz to shut up. haha. Big Show turns around, and Miz attacks with the mic! Show no sells it and shoves Miz away, then Ryback away. Show sends Miz outside the ring. He turns, and Ryback kicks Show! He sets up for the SHELL SHOCK!! HE GETS SHOW UP!!

SHELL SHOCK!!!!

It looked impressive, but man why don’t they save that shit for the PPVs? And yes, I’m aware we’ve seen it already, which only enhances my sentiment.

The crowd loves it, though.

Earlier tonight, Seth chose J&J as his opponents. You know, in case you were unaware…

Back to the show, and Los Matadores are back to not mattering.

Match 5: Luke Harper and Eric Rowan vs Los Matadores
Rowan seems to have a new, yet creepier sheep mask. Rowan and Matador 1 to start. Rowan sends him into the corner. Mat flies off with a crossbody, but Eric catches him, hits a kick in the corner. Tag to Mat 2 who flips off the top rope into Rowan and pins for 1…2..NO! Rowan shoves Mat 2 into the ropes who springboards, but Rowan hits a hard elbow to the back. He lifts up the Matador and tags in Harper. Harper whips Rowan into the corner, who hits a clothesline then sends Mat 2 into a big boot from harper. Pin for 1..2..NO! Harper steps on the foot of Mat 2 and tags in Rowan. Rowan with a splash and a cover for 1…2..NO! Rowan squishes the head of Carlito’s brother. El Torito is clapping on the apron. Rowan sends him off hard. He turns into some chops but it’s short lived. He sends Mat 2 into the ropes and clips the leg. Tag from Harper who is in the ring. 3D from Harper and Rowan! Say wha….? They call it The Way. Pin for 1…2..3!!!

Official Result: Luke Harper and Eric Rowan

Rating: NR

The other Matador comes in to attack Rowan and gets The Way from Harper and Rowan. Harper heads to the outside. He grabs a mic. “Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. The time to pay for your sins is coming. The judgement is waiting at your door.”

Rowan says it’s ok to be afraid. You should be.

Backstage, Kane is on his phone checking out the pics of Ambrose. He is with Seth and wants to wish him luck. Seth says he doesn’t need luck, he’s the champ. Kane says that he is in a no win situation tonight. Come Sunday, things can go one of two ways. 1) He pulls off a miracle and defeats Ambrose all on his own, allowing him to celebrate in terror when he comes face to face with his destiny and worst nightmare; Kane. Kane is going to walk in with his MITB contract and become the new champ. The title stays in The Authority, and Kane is the future. or 2) Ambrose wins, and Kane cashes in. Either way, Seth’s lose/lose is his win/win. Seth says he doesn’t need Kane, J&J, or anyone else to beat Ambrose on his own. In fact, he’s expecting Ambrose to be here later tonight, and after he makes an example out of J&J, he’ll give Dean a taste of what’s going to happen to him. If Kane happens to actually win the contract, Seth DARES him to come down to the ring. He will gladly beat dat ass. kane says starting tonight, while Seth is out there on his own, Kane is going to be in J&J’s corner.

They show some of the Tough Enough final 40, and there is a pair of twins. Male. The Bellos?

Cole wants to know if we remember Ted. They show a preview that’s not PG….like at all.

Big E is in the middle of the ring, getting ready for some singles action. They’re facing Prime Time Players at Elimination Chamber, so of course…Big E will be facing one of them tonight.

Match 6: Big E vs Titus O’Neil
Lockup to start. Titus gets E in the corner. Big E is able to break the hold and hit a belly to belly to Titus. Pin for…nope! Nothin. Big E mounts and hits rights. He stands and allows Titus to turn, then kicks the gut. He claps and attacks the midsection. Uppercuts from Big E sends Titus in the corner. He puts a boot to the neck and sends Titus’ head through the ropes. Big E clubs the back. Big E with an abdominal stretch. He does the New Day clap on the side of Titus. haha. Nice. Titus tries to get out of the hold, but Big E attacks the mid section then kicks Titus into the corner. Big E tries to get the clap started again. Titus with a right. he whips Big E into the cortner and chops the HELL OUT of him! Like seriously, Im talkin momma gon beat that ass type chops! He lifts E then tosses him like nothing. Whipe. He sets up E but E floats over. Titus just grabs him and lifts him into the corner. He attacks with rights.

Woods and Kofi distract atop the apron. young pulls one down. Titus turns around. Big Ending from Big E and a pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Big E
Talk about cruise control
Rating: *1/2

New Day celebrates in the middle of the ring, but it’s interrupted by Roman Reigns? oh yeah, he’ll be facing Kofi next.

Match 7: Kofi Kingston vs Orange Paint
Lockup and Kofi grabs the arm, tries to go behind. They go face to face, and Kofi is able to slap on a side headlock. Reigns tosses Kofi back then hits a shoulder tackle, knocking Kofi down. Reigns waits for Kofi to stand. Kofi with the go behind into a side headlock. He worsk the arm to get behind Reigns, then tries for a side headlock takedown, but Reigns won’t allow it. He sends Kofi up over his head, then twists the arm, sending Kofi down on his back. Kofi rushes out of the ring to talk strategy with New Day. Big E and Woods stand on either side of the ring to distract Reigns. They hopup on the apron, and Kofi is able to sneak in and attack with some kicks. He hits some knees in the corner then a kick to the chest. He kicks the back of the knee, dropping Reigns, then kicks again. Woods is great outside of the ring, shouting out greatness. Kofi with right forearms to Reigns. He hits a few shoulders in the corner. Kofi with an uppercut. Kofi hits the ropes and runs…right into a Samoan Dr—no! He floats off and attacks the back, dropping Reigns back to his knee. He hits the ropes, turns, but Reigns hits the ropes, too and hits a hard clothesline!!! Reigns with another clotheslinem sending Kofi to the outside. Reigns looks to head to the outside. He grabs Kofi by the head and sends him into the announce table, face first, then the apron. He hits the flying dropkick to Kofi, all while staring at New Day. Reigns heads back in the ring. New Day helps up Kofi. Reigns looks to suicide dive, but New Day rushes out of the way. Reigns heads to the outside. He runs, hits the steps, and flies off with a clothesline to Woods!!! Kofi, back in the ring, hits a hard baseball slide as we go to commercial.

Back to the show, and Woods is calling Kofi the greatest high flyer in WWE. Reigns is getting dropkicked by said high flyer. Pin from Kofi for 1…2..NO! Kofi with a kick to Reigns. He stomps Reigns. Kofi sizes up Reigns, kicks him in the back, then pins for 1..2…NO! Kofi with a chinlock to Reigns. Reigns stands, fights out of the hold, and hits a right to Kofi. Reigns hits the ropes, but Kofi speeds towards him and pulls his feet out from outside the ring. Kofi goes to the top rope. He flies with an axehandle. Pin for 1….2….NO!!!! Kofi lifts up Reigns and hits a knee. He whips and bends over. Reigns kicks, making this the THIRD time in one night that spot was used. Reigns dodges a splash in the corner and hits a clothesline. Another. He lifts Kofi and sends him into the corner. hard splash from Reigns. he hits the ropes, goes for a flying clothesline, but Kofi ducks it. Reigns grabs him and hits a body slam with one hand! Pin for 1…2..NO!! Reigns lifts up Kofi. Kofi with a roundhouse kick to the gut. He stops a clothesline and goes for the SOS only for Reigns to reverse, roll up for a 1, but lifts him and hits a powerbomb to Kofi!!! Pin for 1….2…..NO!!!! Woods yells for Kofi to get up. Reigns is up first in the corner. He cocks the fist. Big E hops on the apron. Superman Punch to Big E! Woods runs into the ring then cowers away! Reigns stares him down as he exits the ring. Kofi with a rollup! 1…2….NO!!!!

Kofi hops up on the top rope! He flies off! SUPERMAN PUNCH FROM REIGNS! Pin for 1…2….3!!!
Official Result: Roman Reigns
I wish Kofi had more clout; it would have added that small amount of intrigue needed for the nearfalls. The match was great, don’t get me wrong, but man…
Rating: ***

Woods screams like he lost his parents.

Reigns heads to the outside and grabs a chair. He sets up in the corner, checks his watch. He’s waiting for someone…and that someone is here.

Ambrose heads out through the crowd. He’s got popcorn, soda, and the title.

Backstage, Seth walks into The Authority watching what is transpiring out there. They ask him if he needs anything. Point out that his title is out there. Seth walks away, noticeably frustrated.

Match 1:
Joey to start. Seth pushes away a lockup. Mercury gets taken down but kips up and works the arm of Seth. He pulls down on it hard, but Seth spins out and kips up himself, then tosses Joey down via an arm drag. Tag to Noble, who enters ready. Lockup and Seth with the side headlock after a go behind. Noble works the arm, gets his own headlock, but is checked by Seth, and is sent outside the hard way. Seth sits on the middle rope to invite J&J back in as they chat with Kane for a second. They get on either side of the ring..oh, you know, like we JUST saw New Day do. Kane hops up to distract the ref, and J&J double team Seth, sending him to the outside. Both men in and Mercury covers for 1…2..NO! Mercury is on the outside now, and he’s sending Mercury into the barricade hard, then shoves him towards the announce table. He grabs him and sends him into the barricade again, this time right in front of Ambrose. Ambrose holds th title up and laughs at Seth. Seth stares him down as the ref holds back Noble. Seth grabs Mercury and tosses him into the ring. Seth sends Mercury in the corner and runs with a hard elbow to the face of Mercury. Noble wants in as the crowd chants for Joey. Seth tosses him in the corner. Joey shoots for a right hand, but Seth dodges and Joey falls to the mat. Seth stomps the hand of Mercury. Seth grabs Joey and whips him to the corner hard. Joey is lifted by Seth. He hops over Seth, rollup! Pin for 1…2…NO! Seth is up and hits an elbow to the face of Joey! He places a chinlock from behind as Ambrose cheers from the crowd. Kick from Seth, sending Joey into the corner. Seth runs, gets sent over, lands on the apron, and goes up top. He flies off, but Mercury moves. Seth lands on his feet and hits an elbow. Noble distracts. Seth goes for a splash but Joey moves, and Seth hits the turnbuckle facefirst! Mercury with a tag!!!

Noble rushes in and hits a right! Whip and another right hand! He hits a….well, he just sorta stands, and Seth falls! Noble with a swinging Neckbreaker! Pin for 1…2…NO!!!! Noble is a HOWSE!!! OF!!! FIYAH!!!! Noble hops up top! Seth crotches him! The crowd chants YOU STILL GOT IT! Seth sends Noble to the outside apron. Seth grabs Noble and sets up for a suplex. He is about to hit ut but Mercury grabs the leg!!! Noble falls into a pin!!! MERCURY HAS THE LEG!!! PIN!!! 1…..2….no!!! Seth with a SUPERKICK TO Noble! Mercury come in to attack, but Seth reverses and sets up for a powerbomb into the corner! He hits it….RIGHT INTO NOBLE!!! Seth sends Mercury to the outside and goads Noble to stand up. Seth slaps him up a bit then sets up for The Pedigree.

While Seth is setting up The Pedigree, Ambrose hops over the barricade! He slides the title into the ring. Seth releases the hold and goes for the title. Tag to Mercury. Mercury rushes in and rolls Seth up! Pin! 1…2….3!!!!
Official Result: J&J Security
Wait…what?
Rating: **

Seth realizes what happens and is noticeably frustrated until he realizes he got his title back….

which is short lived because Ambrose is there to kick and hit Dirty Deeds, then take the title and head up the ramp to climb a latter and gloat as we close the show.

End Show