wrestling / Columns
The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 01.08.10
Welcome back, all! And thanks for tuning in for the regularly scheduled Friday FreeThinks. In case you’re new to the column (hey, it *is* 2010 and all…), here’s how it works: we break down the biggest stories of the week and try to find the positive side of ’em wherever it may be. Simple enough, right?
Right.
And to help break up all these walls of text and straight-news-style posts, we’ve got a handful of special features that we trot out from time to time to help lighten the mood. Heck, we’ve even got A BRAND NEW FEATURE!!! – which I think you’ll really like.
Sound like a plan?
Rock & Roll.
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The SELL of the week goes to Sean Michaels and Bret “The Hitman” Hart, whose surreal reunion at the start of Monday Night RAW was truly an in-ring moment for the ages. Clearly, these two legends had plenty of history and real-life drama working in their favor at the start of Monday’s broadcast, and their notoriously stilted and controversial relationship really helped to cast a spectre of doubt over the entirety of their in-ring accord. Would they *really* bury the hatchet? Which man would betray the other one first? The tension was palpaple, and wrestling fans witnessed a heightened sense of anticipation throughout the in-ring segment between The Heart Break Kid and The Excellence of Execution — and at no time was this more evident than in the brief moment where Shawn Michaels stalled — just for a second — as if he was preparing to shock The Hitman with a superkick from out of nowhere. Brilliantly, Michael’s momentary hesitation was met with an equally impressive response from The Hitman, who braced himself — again, just for a second — so as to prepare for what would easily have been a devastating (but hardly unprecidented) assault from his longtime nemesis. |
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The TELL of the week goes to the ridiculously talented and almost unerrantly dependable former TNA Knockouts Champion Tara, who made a rare miscue on this week’s broadcast to tarnish her star power (just a bit) and make the TNA Knockouts Championship match look no better or worse than the notoriously suspect performances of the WWE Divas. Maryse and the Bella twins was certainly nothing to write home about, mind you, but Tara started off her match against ODB by taking a quick boot to the midsection followed by four clubbing blows to the back. The only problem? Tara sold the first four assaults perfectly, but seemed to get stuck in slow motion when showing the effects of the final blow. Again, for the record, the WWE divas were hardly any better — but the TNA Knockouts are trying to establish themselves as the premier women’s division in North America. And since Tara is certifiably awesome (see: WrestleMania XX), longtime fans simply have come to expect more from her. |
Jeff Hardy – former WWE Champion Jeff Hardy made his surprise debut on this week’s LIVE broadcast of TNA Wrestling. Although he had reportedly reached some sort of verbal agreement with World Wrestling Entertainment and was potentially being eyed for a return to the company in time for WrestleMania XXVI, the controversial and charismatic superstar is believed to have signed a short-term deal with TNA instead — thanks to the flexible nature of their short-term contract AND their reduced touring schedule.
In other Jeff Hardy news, the newly hired TNA wrestler was indicted by a grand jury in North Carolina on various drug charges stemming from a felony drug posession and trafficking arrest from Sept. 2008. He is expected to return to court in the near future to face a full trial for the charges against him, which could — if convicted — result in a prison sentence of upwards of several years.
MeeThinks?
Wrestling fans should be careful to remember that a grand jury indictment is a LOT different than an actual jury’s conviction. My best friend is a police officer, and he routinely sees indictments handed down by a grand jury that are all too easily dismissed or pled out once the actual trial rolls around (on the bright side, he gets paid overtime either way). In other words — Jeff Hardy remains innocent until proven guilty (in a court of law, anyway), and thus his grand jury indictment is by no means a guarantee that he’ll soon be headed to the slammer.
All that said —
TNA knew what they were getting into when they hired Jeff in the first place (this could explain the short-term nature of his deal). Big risks yield big rewars, and the fact that TNA was willing to throw big money at a (not-yet-but-quite-possibly) convicted felon simply to steal a bit of WWE’s thunder proves that Dixie Carter and company will spare little expense and show little hesitation in their ever-escalating war with WWE. Regardless of the long-term implications of this mindset (or indeed the long-term results of Hardy’s pending legal woes), this is good news for TNA Wrestling — at it shows (perhaps even to an unhealthy degree) just how serious they are about trying to compete with World Wrestling Entertainment to become the number one wrestling promotion in the world today.
As for WWE?
The fact that Hardy made some pretty negative headlines for his new employer just one day after jumping to TNA certainly has to take a bit of the sting out of the move for WWE. Still, there was reportedly just shy of a handshake agreement between Jeff Hardy and WWE to bring the Charismatic Enigma back into the fold in time for a WrestleMania revenge showdown against Smackdown!’s own CM Punk, and so it’s not hard to imagine that Vinny Mac is probably none too happy at anybody from Cameron, N.C., at this stage of the game. In other words? That could spell bad news for any and all momentum and merchandise related to either Jeff OR Matt Hardy in the immediate future.
Ric Flair – Sixteen time World Champion “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair made his surprising return to North American television this week when he debuted for TNA Wrestling on their live television broadcast on Monday night. The Nature Boy, who officially retired from in-ring competition the night after WrestleMania 24, is believed to have inked a one-year deal with the company that will require him to appear just north of once a week (making a grand total of 60-some-odd appearances in all) — but it is not known whether or not this new contract will actually see him setting foot in the six-sided TNA ring as an active performer.
(That said, Ric Flair famously unretired at the end of 2009 during the Hulkamania tour of Australia — and so it’s not as if such an in-ring return would be entirely out of the question).
We’ll have plenty more to say about The Nature Boy in the Monday Night Wars segment below.
Scott Hall, Sean Waltman, Brian Knobbs, Jerry Saggs, Shannon Moore, Val Venis, and Orlando Jordan – Each of these wrestling journeymen made their official debuts with TNA Wrestling this week as a part of Monday night’s live broadcast from Orlando — which really helped to give the show a vibrant, unpredictable, and spontaneous vibe.
The individual length of each of these performer’s respective TNA contract is not known at this time. But we will discuss the onscreen impact and long-term implications of their returns in The Monday Night Wars segment below.
ASK MEE ANYTHING
It’s like real-time reader feedback on steroids
New feature alert: You’ve got questions? I’ve got smarmy comments answers. Keep ’em short, topical, and classy, and I’ll post the best of ’em in next week’s column.
Now then — onto this week’s questions:
I was bored the other day so I found the Katie Vick angle on Youtube. I was wondering what you thought about this whole angle,as it scarred my son,who was 8 at the time. Thanks
Oh man, what a mess that was.
Katie Vick was probably the single lowest low point of mainstream professional wrestling angles of the past ten years. The implied necrophilia was bad enough, but the storyline also managed to undermine (read: debunk) the entire backstory of the Kane character at the same time.
Wait wait wait — Kane was “just a normal teenager?” What about the hideous scars? What about all those years he was locked in a mental institution? What about the two decades spent plotting revenge on his older brother?
The fact that professional wrestling has always been subject to the soap-opera style hypertheatrics of storytelling, I can accept. But this was just too much. Tasteless, classless, and completely unnecessary. I think Shawn Michaels summed it up the best when he went toe-to-toe with Eric Bischoff on the matter some years later, in an exchange that went something like this:
Bischoff: What’s the matter, Shawn? Does it “offend you” as a Christian?
Michaels: No, Eric. It offends me as a fan of professional wrestling.
Happy new year Meehan. I saw the 411 best of the year awards and got to thinking: what would you consider to be the best of the decade?
Happy New Year right back at’cha. This is a great question — I’ll commandeer the remainder of this segment to address it properly!
Criteria? We try and focus on the positive around here, so you won’t be seeing any “worst of” honors in the lists below (and really: is it *really* fair to say that any one performer on the national stage is truly WORSE than some idiot in a backyard fed? Exactly.) Where necessary (see below), we will talk about the bad stuff. But again, we don’t design categories simply for the sake of reveling in it — so no “worst tag team,” “worst PPV,” or anything else like that.
Finally:
It had to have happened between January 1, 2000 and December 31, 2009. That’s ten whole years in their entirety. So let’s see what MeeThinks’ biggest stories of the ‘aughts ended up being, eh?
Story of the Decade:
The Benoit Family Tragedy
More than enough has been said about this horrible incident, and even now with several years’ distance there really doesn’t seem to be all that much else to add to the conversation. Senseless, tragic, and devastating on all levels — this was easily the story that rocked the professional wrestling industry the hardest over the past ten years’ time. And in a decade where Extreme Championship Wrestling went bankrupt, World Championship Wrestling was bought by Vince McMahon, and Total Nonstop Action Wrestling was born? It speaks volumes that the death of three individuals could actually mean more to the professional wrestling industry and its countless fans the world over than the birth and death of entire professional wrestling organizations.
Tag Team of the Decade:
The Hardy Boyz
This one was tough. Matt and Jeff (and Lita) saw their greatest success in the past ten years, and it’s really hard not to rank them among the greatest tag teams of all time. Edge and Christian, Los Guerreros, MNM, AMW and others each accomplished tremendous feats in their own right, but none of these teams stayed together long enough to warrant calling them the very best of the decade (cheap frame of reference: how many of TODAY’s WWE fans still remember the greatness of E&C?). Sure a case could probably be made for Team 3D, who continue to run roughshod in major promotions all across the world. But Bubba and D-Von didn’t move HALF the Hardyz merchandise, and the brothers from Cameron, North Carolina also just so happened to mainline the high-flying spectacle of the tag-team ladder match along the way. Again, a close race (and one that would surely have a different outcome if I was picking based solely on “personal favorites”) — but in the end it’s just too hard to deny the impact that The Hardy Boyz had on professional wrestling’s tag team landscape over the past ten years.
Breakout (“Rookie”) Performer of the Decade:
John Cena
I’m giving the breakout performer honors to the guy who arrived from out of nowhere to become the veritable face of professional wrestling as we know it. Cena made his mainstream U.S. debut on June 27, 2002, where he came within an inch of scoring a victory over Kurt Angle in order to prove his “ruthless agression” as a WWE newcomer. Since then, Cena’s career has been a veritable storybook — championship reigns, hip hop albums, movie deals, mainstream media appearances, television commercials… you name it. Simply put, no other newcomer has accomplished as much as John Cena has over the past ten years’ time. And few performers have EVER accomplished the kind of success that this guy has seen REGARDLESS of the length of their tenure in the business.
Pay Per View of the Decade:
WrestleMania X-Seven
April 1, 2001 was the culmination of The Attitude Era, the grand finale of the Monday Night Wars, and the grand cresendo of everything that professional wrestling had done right for the better part of a decade prior. The stars were alligned for a fantastic show from the word “go,” and there really haven’t been many other pay per view events that even stood so much as a chance of competing with just how perfect a storm we saw at WrestleMania X-Seven. A killer crowd, an intriguing backstory, a stacked card, a fantastic main event, and a swerve ending that NOBODY saw coming — The Grandaddy of Them All fired on all cyllinders.
Independent Performer of the Decade:
Samoa Joe
Bryan Danielson, CM Punk, AJ Styles, Homicide, Low Ki, Christopher Daniels, and Nigel McGuinness were veritable cornerstones and pioneers of independent professional wrestling in North America over the past ten years (as were upstarts like Austin Aires, Chris Hero, Roderick Strong and others). But while so many of his contemporaries could likewise lay claim to keeping independent wrestling alive and well in the past 10 years, Joe didn’t just survive — he innovated. His strong style and atypical physique challenged convention and helped introduce an MMA-influence into this pseudosport of kings. The “big man” mold was shattered when Joe proved he could hang for 60-minute epics. Killer feuds with CM Punk and Bryan Danielson over five years in Ring Of Honor put the Samoan Submission Machine on the map, and his five-star classic against the world-famous Kenta Kobashi in 2006 made him an Indy legend.
Comeback of the Decade:
Shawn Michaels
Was there ever any doubt? Today, it’s easy to say “of course not!” But ten years ago? Quite a different tale, as The Showstopper rolled into the year 2000 humbled, broken down, and in serious danger of being forgotten. Even his onscreen return in 2002 in a “non-wrestling role” with the WWF’s version of the new World order was hardly anything more than a cheap attempt to capitalize on past success. But one FIGHT (“non-sanctioned,” of course) with Triple H later? And HBK was right back to his old self and BETTER — battling pro wrestling’s best, winning top titles, and consistently delivering some of the industry’s best matches of all time. Just how good was the past ten years to HBK, you ask? Tn the past 3,650 days, the man has delivered four-star-or-better matches against such industry titans as Triple H, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Kurt Angle, Ric Flair, and The Undertaker. If that ain’t a comeback to write home about, I just don’t know what is.
Match of the Decade:
Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair, WrestleMania 24
Hey, I was there live — so I’m biased. But to crib a passage from my WrestleMania 24 live write-up: “Was this the most technically sound of affairs? Not by a longshot. Was it the bloodiest or most brutal? No chance in hell. Was it the flashiest, the highest-risk, or the most sensational of contests? Not on your life. But what this match *was* — for Mee, at least — was professional wrestling storytelling at its absolute finest. In a scripted sport like this one, wins and losses don’t really matter in the long run… yet this match resonated with fans in spite of its predetermined nature, as it conveyed a truly “larger than life” aura.”
That said —
Flair’s subsequent return to the ring and to TNA will undoubtedly help this “retirement match” lose some of its shine as time wears on, but this is almost ALWAYS the case when looking back at a “classic” over a long enough time span (Hogan vs. Warrior I, for example). And in spite of how history may remember such things in the future, over the past ten years there are — at this time — probably only a handful of bouts that are rightly regarded among *THE* larger-than-life, “must see” contests of the past. Rock/Austin (though the bouts do, admittedly, blend together). The WrestleMania XX main event (again, I was there live — and again, history has tarnished its legacy). Michaels versus The Undertaker (which appears to be headed for a rematch). And Michaels/Flair from WrestleMania 24.
Not a technical classic, but most certainly an emotional powerhouse.
Wrestler of the Decade:
Kurt Angle
This one was as close a race as they come for me, as a great case could definitely be made for Shawn Michaels earning decade’s best honors in his own right. Kurt Angle, however, has served up an equally impressive array of four-star-or-better matches of his own — putting on clinics against guys who, in addition to the aforementioned Shawn Michaels, included the likes of younger and/or less reputed stars like Brock Lesnar, Eddie Guerrero, Jeff Jarrett, AJ Styles, Desmond Wolfe, and Samoa Joe. Is Kurt Angle an out-and-out BETTER all around performer than HBK? Only time will tell (and I suspect, “not likely”). But he dominated television wherever he went (The man has become a veritable cornerstone of TNA) and accomplished a heck of a lot in the way of onscreen accolades across TWO major companies in the past ten years time (picking up a dozen or so World Championships to Michaels’ lone, transitional run as World Heavyweight Champion in WWE) — and that alone is a pretty solid indicator of just how important Kurt Angle was to the landscape of professional wrestling in the past ten years.
Oh it’s true…
None – In a welcome development, there are no wrestler obituaries, contract terminations, or retirements to announce in this week’s news report. The passing of “Dr. Death” Steve Williams (which we covered in last week’s column) did receive mention on this week’s Monday Night RAW, however — which marks the first time since the passing of Captain Lou Albano that a former WWE talent’s death has received mention on the show’s flagship broadcast.
This comes in stark contrast to WWE’s decision not to make mention of the deaths of Andrew “Test” Martin and Eddie “Umaga” Fatu, respectively. But it is probably worth pointing out that BOTH of these men were released from the company due to situations surrounding drug and/or alcohol dependancy, and that each man is subsequently believed to have died from unnatural causes — perhaps even drug and/or alcohol related.
Now sure —
This may have a lot to do with Linda McMahon’s senate run and/or WWE’s recent shift to a “TV-PG” environment. But given the unsavory nature of both men’s respective contract terminations, as well as the unfortunate circumstances surrounding each of their deaths — it’s not particularly hard to understand WWE’s decision to publicly distance themselves accordingly. While it sucks that they can’t to more to pay even so much as a moment’s tribute to the guy, they would instantly be opening themselves, their shareholders (read: Linda), and the families of the deceased talent up for a boatload of criticism, questions, and negative media attention. And really, which is more callous?
Not mentioning the death of a former employee altogether?
OR
Mention that a former employee had passed away, then field tons of media scrutiny. And when asked to give the full story regarding the guy’s exit from your company, inevitably proceed to throw that former employee (and their grieving family members) under the bus by casually mentioning that they were released as a result of their history of drug and alcohol abuse?
“Hey, we warned ’em twice. AND we offered to pay for rehab. Not our fault.”
Kinda’ makes sense to keep things hush hush, when you think about it.
Lest they fall into the hands of we critical sorts and/or uberfans with an ear to the ground, like so…
Ladies and gentlemen, don’t ask Mee how I did it — but I actually managed to hack into the real, LIVE social media conversations of some of the biggest stars in professional wrestling today! And for the benefit of those with flash photography and/or screen-capture ability, I even snuck a few screenshots of these conversations as they emerged in real-time.
Pretty flippin’ sweet, eh?
So here’s an exclusive look at what’s going on this week in the wild and wonderful new frontiers of KayFabesbook.
Like the new feature? Hate it? Have ideas for future conversations worth Photosh… err, “spying into?”
Post YourThinks below!
None – No new injuries to report. Which is a good thing no matter how you slice it, especially in light of both major North American promotions “pulling out all the stops” in their first-ever Monday night showdown.
In this segment, we poke some fun at the easiest targets of the week, Twitter-style. For those of y’all who aren’t familiar with Twitter-style posting, it’s as if we were sending these folks a message in real-time.
The format is simple:
@Recipient’s Name – 140 character message goes here. #MessageTopic
And before you ask: No, these aren’t actual tweets.
FAKE TWEETS OF THE WEEK
Ooh… speaking of Twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/411wrestling
http://www.twitter.com/411moviestv
http://www.twitter.com/411music
http://www.twitter.com/411games
http://www.twitter.com/411mma
*Due to the significance of this week’s “Monday Night War” showdown, the drama and the developments will be handled in one lump category.
Well, here we are — and what a week it was, eh?
Let’s cut to the chase:
1) The “Monday Night War” is still a while away from escalating into a full-scale conflict between these two promotions. Monday’s show is evidence that TNA is indeed COMPETITION for WWE, but it is also proof the company is not yet at the point where they are a direct THREAT to WWE.
2) Regardless of whether or not the ratings matched Hulk Hogan’s expectations (they didnt’) or Vince McMahon’s hopes (they didn’t), Monday night PROVED that there are an excess of 8 MILLION wrestling fans still waiting out there each and every week who are more than willing to tune into a professional wrestling broadcast (or two!) if provided with the proper incentive. Bearing that in mind, Monday night was a WIN for fans of professional wrestling, regardless of whether their allegiance lies with the “TNAation” or the “WWE Universe.”
3) Neither company landed a definitive “knockout punch” in their first-ever Monday night showdown. There were good and bad points to be found in each of the shows (which we’ll address in closer detail immediately below).
Now then —
Like so many a great championship match in wrestling’s past — it’s not the champ’s job “not to lose,” it’s the CHALLENGER’s job to find a way to win. Good, bad, or indifferent, the onus rests firmly on the shoulders of the challenger. The champ may well indeed be fatter and lazier with age, but he’s also earned a tremendous degree of slack from the general audience who’ve simply grown accustomed to his face along the way. As such, he can afford to make a mistake here and there, and the fans will still support him in spite of himself.
But the challenger?
They’ve got a lot of ground to cover and a short time to do it in. Every step of his journey must be well-timed and brilliantly executed, lest he fall victim to the experience of his bigger, stronger opponent. Every single maneuver needs to be all that much more impressive than the last, and he must learn and adapt at every turn, as each new attack will surely leave him open for unprecedented success or unmitigated failure.
Switching our full attention to TNA, then…
I’d like to devote the remainder of this week’s column to a segment-by-segment breakdown of TNA’s Monday night broadcast. Here, we’ll focus on what worked, what didn’t, and what TNA needs to do to compete with WWE:
The live video package of wrestling fans at Universal Studios.
TNA is going to war with WWE, and they wanna’ get fans on board with their army. I appreciate the enthusiasm and the sentiment here, but the poor choice in video clips and/or shoddy collection of clientele didn’t help to change so many negative perceptions of “rasslin’ fanz” at large. Sure the WWE kiddies are lame. But if these sorry lads are indicative of the folk who support their opponents? Suddenly, I’m not all that sure I wanna’ pledge my allegiance to team TNA.
And with countless hours of video footage at TNA’s disposal — is it *really* so hard to find a passably attractive and/or articulate group of wrestling fans in all of Orlando? And if what they really want is blood, ‘rasslin, and the good ole days — suddenly, your broadcast is not quite sounding like that much-ballyhooed “alternative” beacon of Obama-like “hope and change.”
The Steel Asylum
Again, I get what they were going for here — “showcase something that looks and feels a whole lot different than a WWE match.”
But the disqualification finish (in a steel cage?) was beyond a bad idea, and containing your highest-flying performers in an environment that restricted their acrobatics made for an even worse one. Imagine if the same eight guys had been given an Ultimate X match instead? Even with a screwy finish, your show is off to a MUCH better start.
Plus the asylum itself: difficult to see into, and even MORE difficult to escape. Just how hard was it to escape the cage, you ask? Homicide took a full 85 seconds (yup, I clocked it) to make his exit before scrapping the plan altogether and dropping to the floor.
“85 seconds — so what?” You ask?
As a frame of reference, that’s:
More time than it took a near-sixty-year-old Hulk Hogan to enter the ring (83 seconds)…
More time thank it took Hogan to soak up his long-awaited in-ring ovation (77 seconds)…
More time than it took Hernandez and Matt Morgan to put away Raven and Dr. Stevie (37 seconds), and…
More time than was given to Christopher Daniels, Ric Flair, and Beer Money, Inc. — COMBINED (approximately 80 seconds).
Mistakes happen, I get that. And you have to plan for some wiggle room accordingly. But when that “wiggle room” eclipses the total amount of television time you’re planning to dedicate to the Nature Boy and a combination of no less than five of your most promising homegrown performers?
The best way to eliminate mistakes is to eliminate the poor decisions that cause them in the first place. If you know the gimmick doesn’t work, scrap it and find one that does. Plugging eight guys into a match that will only make them (and your company) look bush league and second-rate only makes your battle to win new fans all the more difficult in the long run.
Jeff Hardy’s Debut
This was a legit surprise, and one that caused more than a few eyebrows to shoot towards the sky (heck, it even became a trending topic on Twitter). Sure, Hardy’s debut would have been more impactful had he actually met up with Homicide on TOP of the cage instead of alongside of it — but that die was cast from the moment the Steel Asylum match went sour.
Regardless —
Hardy’s arrival scored TNA some major surprise points, and really helped set the tone that “anything CAN happen” here in TNA. For as much as the Steel Asylum was a “FAIL,” the new talent signing (and the illusion that more would follow) was undoubtedly a “WIN.”
Only one small point of criticism here: TNA has a nasty history of completely overshadowing many a big time match and/or homegrown talent with the promise and/or arrival of the company’s latest “free agent acquisition.” Like clockwork, new stars are trotted out mere seconds after some monumental main event or gimmick match — and thus the lingering appeal of the matches themselves are quickly forgotten in favor of the latest flavor of the month’s arrival. It is — and always has been — Russo 101: people don’t go home talking about the matches, they go home talking about the surprises.
Hardy’s arrival gets a free pass since it was a) early in the show, b) on the heels of a disaster of a match, and c) used to set the tone for the remainder of the night against stiff competition — but this is precisely the kind of trap that TNA simply cannot afford to fall into from here on out if they plan on competing with WWE.
The TNA Knockouts Championship Match
A homegrown star going over a WWE import I like (this was a theme throughout the night). It sends a nice, subtle message that your own guys (and gals) can not only hang with their better-known counterparts, but that they can even go one step beyond and pick up a win over these guys from time to time. End result? They look all the more credible by comparison.
Three major problems with this match, however:
1) WAAAY too short, and with a second BS finish to boot. TNA bills its Knockouts division as a wrestling ALTERNATIVE to the Barbie-fied divas of World Wrestling Entertainment who can barely lace their own boots. Tara is more than capable, and ODB is no slouch — so why shortchange these ladies with a match that barely clocks in at the two and a half minute mark? Hate to say it, but the WWE gals offer exactly the same — and for the most part, with better looking ladies, at that.
2) The tarantula bit at the end. Again, not terrible by itself — but here you are trying to declare yourselves as a viable ALTERNATIVE to the kiddified crap that so much of your opponent’s broadcast has become. And so you decide to accomplish this… how? By having your champ drop a spider on some broad’s belly after she’s just been screwed out of a title belt? And this is supposed to make us take her title aspirations seriously because?
3) The cutaway shot to the crowd when Tara’s bootie was revealed. Again, by itself I have no issue with this whatsoever. Wrestling shows are the place for wrestling, and there are plenty of other places for fans to go if they wanna’ catch themselves an eyefull of naked ladies. But again — SpikeTV (or the TNA cameras) immediately cut away at the first sign of even the most tame of “nudity situations” (heck, they even did it again when Sarita and Taylor Wilde gave eachother a friendly “go get ’em” slap on the rear-end as part of their regularly scheduled entrance routine). Are we really expected to believe that the Knockouts “strip poker” game was EVER going to deliver on its promise to show some skin?
Again, as a stand-alone in each of these cases, it’s forgivable. But when each bout on the card is fighting to set a precedent and win new viewers at the expense of your competition — you just can’t have it both ways.
Kevin Nash’s Interview and The Commercial Breaks
I’m grouping these two items together mainly because they felt like they both were designed to serve the exact same purpose.
“Yo Kev — we just got word from our guys up in Stamford that Vince plans to open the show with Bret Hart. Go out there and kill five minutes with filler so that we can push Hogan’s arrival right up against it, alright?”
Any aspiring writer or movie buff witll tell you that good dialogue does one of three things: a) advance the story, b) reveal character, and c) entertain. On the surface, Nash’s promo did all three of these things at once. We learned Hulk was on his way, that Big Kev was a bastard, and that he was still pretty suave in spite of his age.
Problem was — we learned this in ten seconds or so. And then Nash just kept talking… and talking… and talking.
(And I’m a pretty big fan of the guy too — but a spade’s a spade).
Same goes for the commercials, which showed up at a breakneck pace — particularly throughout the first hour of the show. And even when the show *wasn’t* at commercial, there was enough Stacker 2 product placement to make the show feel like the modern-day equivalent of when TNA used to shill out ungodly amounts of onscreen promotion and product placement to a certain performance-enhancing supplement that has since fallen out of favor with the FDA.
In short —
It looked low-budget and plodding, as if everybody and their brother was really just killing time until Hulk Hogan arrived. But TNA had a full 60 minutes to hook fans’ interest PRIOR to The Hulkster’s arrival and the start of Monday Night RAW — so why not go all out during that time in EVERY “phase of the game” (not just in OMG NEW HIREZ!!! but also in matches, backstage segments, and wrestler interviews) in order to make the show seem like full-blown three-hour extravaganza instead of two surprise cameos sprikled through 60 minutes of commercials and filler on the way to the main event?
Bobby Lashley Wants Out
“The Boss” and his lady were a part of one of the biggest recurring themes of the night when they announced that they wanted OUT of their TNA contracts. After lambasting the TNA faithful as bloodthirsty rednecks (um, zing?), Kristal Marshall and Bobby Lashley quickly found themselves at the epicenter of the TNA audience’s rage.
This is great news for the wannabe MMA upstart, as TNA totally has all of the makings for a fantastic heel.
Only one small problem, however (that seems to have been the theme for the night in TNA) —
Hogan cut not one, not two, but THREE separate promos about how TNA is now a company where everybody either loves it or leaves it and must work for their spot. And in two other promos (Mick Foley’s and Jeff Jarrett’s, respectively) — fellow TNA authority figures (or one-time authority figures) reiterated that the company wasn’t going to be an old boys club where roster spots were inherited.
Again, BRAVO — and long overdue, at that.
But when Bobby / Kristal spend not one but TWO separate segments going off about how little they want to remain a part of TNA Wrestling and NOBODY in power (not Hogan, not Dixie, not Bischoff — you name it) tells ’em so much as “hey you wanna leave? There’s the freakin’ door.” It kind of shoots their whole “you’ve gotta’ want it” argument squarely in the foot.
The night started off for the Lashleys on a high note, for sure — but by the end, the questions remain (and not in a good way): Either Bobby is a MEGA-HEEL who wants out but is forced to keep wrestling under the terms of his existing TNA contract, or he’s “just another guy” — totally emasculated and ineffective, of course, but still a guy nonetheless.
Ric Flair Arrives in TNA
Holy hell YES. Major points to TNA for pulling off the surprise debut in tremendous fashion, as it seemed like the longest of long shots that The Nature Boy would indeed be signing on the dotted line for a TNA contract. And again — as much at the title match was a “FAIL,” the limousine ridin’, jet-plane flyin’ sonovagun’s debut was all sorts of “WIN.”
Save but for one key ingredient —
“THE NATURE BOY IS HERE!!!” And he immediately makes a beeline for — AJ Styles’ locker room? Dixie’s office? The men’s room?!?”
We didn’t see and/or hear from Ric Flair for the better part of two hours thereafter — so it really would have been nice to know just where he was headed in order to set the stage for his later arrival (especially when AJ had himself a perfectly good promo mid broadcast, yet Flair was never once mentioned and nowhere to be seen). WCW-like attention deficit disorder much?
Big “wag of the finger” to the TNA production crew, who most definitely would have improved the overall polish and professionalisism of their broadcast by actually getting a tight shot of AJ’s locker room door before cutting away to commercial. Instead, it’s up to the commentators and the keen-eyed fans to deduce where Naitch is headed.
Same goes for…
The Limo Switch / The Phantom Arrival
I’ve been watching pro wrestling for upwards of a quarter century now, and I’ve seen just about every “mystery arrival” storyline under the sun. But there are some HUGE “element of surprise” points due to TNA for their clever use of the whole “middle-of-the-road-limo-switch” tactic — which did a tremendous job of keeping fans interest and speculation as the show inched closer to the 9 pm mark.
HOWEVER —
If you’re gonna’ set ’em up, then you’d sure better knock ’em down. And while I’m *guessing* that Eric Bischoff must have been the dude who swapped limos in that beautifully constructed backstage segment — it would have been really nice to, ya know, ACTUALLY SHOW ***HIM*** as the guy who arrived alongside The Hulkster in that particular automobile.
There’s an old saying in television that one should always “write for the dumbest viewer in the room.” And for that particular reason, this one could have used more polish and closer attention to detail (heck, even if you simply *must* drag it out and do the big reveal in the ring itself — the ovation when you see just the foot of a guy stepping OUT of the car that you just saw him stepping INTO will likewise double the anticipation when that same foot walks through the entrance ramp tunnel).
Call Mee ignorant, but I just don’t think I was alone in my confusion on this one.
Hulk Hogan’s Promo, Take 1
Remember what we said before about good dialogue advancing the plot? Hulkster’s long-awaited debut promo accomplished precisely that, and did a brilliant job of addressing the “real life” drama issues with a clever little kayfabe twist to show that this wasn’t The Hulkster of old, and that he really did have every intention in the world of doing what was right for the company and its next generation of performers this time around.
Let’s face it — people have already begun to question Hogan’s motives and loyalties, so what better way to put an end to those rumors than by having him call some of his most famous cronies to account for their laziness right in front of a screaming audience of TNA faithful? Bischoff is a notorious sleaze, Kevin Nash is a slacker and a braggart, Scott Hall just looks terrible, and X-Pac is practically synonymous with “guy who remains employed solely because of who he hangs out with.” The nWo was indeed WCW’s hot ticket item a decade or so ago, but it takes a lot for a guy like Hulk to own up to his past mistakes and say “thanks, but no thanks” when presented with the offer to fall back into his old habits.
So for promo #1 (the Hall/Nash/Bischoff/X-Pac one)? Hulkster gets a solid “A+.”
The Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match
Believe it or not, I actually found this to be the most balanced, engaging, and entertaining match on the entire TNA broadcast (and yes, that includes the main event).
All four competitors totally brought the big guns here — proving that the TNA Knockouts are indeed “more than just a pretty face,” and that the quality of their in-ring abilities is right about on par with some of the better MEN’s matches you’d typically see from the competition. Sure, Maryse and the Bellas might be easier on the eyes than Kong and Hamada, but the TNA ladies totally back it up in the ring, and so it’s easy to forgive their shortcomings in the looks department when the onscreen product makes it pretty clear that these girls could totally kick your ass.
As a result —
I’m left scratching my head all the more as to why the earlier Knockouts match was just so darned slapdash and cookie cutter (almost to the point where it looked like a WWE Divas match). TNA’s ladies can clearly bring it once the bell rings — so why not play to these performers’ strength and allow them to do as much? Paul Heyman’s ECW philosophy was always to showcase his roster in a way that best masked their weaknesses when stacked against the competition, and this is a lesson that would be well-learned by the TNA braintrust of 2010.
MOST OF YOUR LADIES ARE NOT AS PRETTY, BUT THEY CAN WRESTLE. LET THEM WRESTLE.
Hernandez and Morgan Squash Raven and Stevie
Again, homegrown talent (or home-groomed talent) over familiar faces of old timers, I get. Casual viewers will tune in and see their old favorites, and then watch in appreciation as these vets help to pass the torch to the new generation of performers.
This is a great thing.
Sadly, this match was a “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” affair, lasting well under a minute’s time to boot. Makes it kind of hard to recognize Stevie Richards or Raven if you’re only seeing them take a quick boot to the mush, no? And really, if the victory is so one-sided (although it probably SHOULD be, given the size and age of the performers involved) — is it really all that impressive for these young juggernauts to be plowing down guys whose best days were a full decade or so behind them?
But perhaps I’m being too harsh, here.
Matt Morgan and Hernandez looked dominant, which is a great thing. They got a clean win, and made their presence felt with a resounding “WHAM” that let fans (and The Hulkster) know that they were indeed capable of getting it done once the bell sounded. So for that, I am thankful and optimistic — both guys look great and appear to have a long future in the professional wrestling business ahead of them.
I guess my only problem with this match (or really, with the larger issue of how younger talent was used throughout the night) is that while the MATCHES certainly ended up in their favor, very few “homegrown” TNA stars actually were given the chance to shine in an extended backstage segment, interview, or end-of-show cliffhanger.
Let’s tackle this now:
The TNA Front Line is MIA
Rhino’s job is to put younger talent over. As such, it’s hard to take issue with the decision to have him laid out by some mystery assailant in the back when hoping to tease another show-long angle to keep fans’ attention.
But The Motor City Machine Guns? Beer Money, Inc?
How about The British Invasion?
Eric Young?
Christopher Daniels?
We’re talking about some of the hottest homemade stars in TNA history, and each of them were rendered into a backstage cameo or an angle-advancing afterthought. Sure, revenge is sweet — and will likely be theirs for the taking in due course. But this was TNA’s “coming out party” to showcase their product to the largest audience they had ever seen! Would it really have killed them to give a *hint* of memorable face time on the show to the guys like Robert Roode, James Storm, and — yes, even — Christopher Daniels who helped to bring them to this national platform in the first place?
It goes like this —
When your show is a full THREE HOURS LONG and it is already too crowded to feature upwards of a half-dozen of your brightest prospects, you know there’s a problem. And when you’ve brought in no less than a half-dozen (or MORE) of the performers who’ve suddenly arrived to the TNA ranks from out of nowhere? Even if you’re only bringing these guys in for a limited run, it is likely going to come at the expense of the momentum that might have otherwise been gained by your homegrown peformers.
Since we’re talking about those imports, however:
WCW Saturday Night Meets WWF Velocity in Orlando’s Impact Zone
For a live show, the cavalcade of past performers actually did a great job of keeping the energy level at its peak. Sure, some of these acts weren’t exactly “household names,” but their faces were more or less familiar to even the most casual of wrestling fans — and that goes a long way in keeping fans tuned in to see what all will happen next, even if we really couldn’t care less whether or not any of these also-rans ever set so much as one foot in a six-sided ring.
Unfortunately for TNA, most of their broadcasts are pre-taped days if not WEEKS in advance — and thus any “live” energy that a surprise appearance might bring to the broadcast is quickly dilluted in the days (or weeks) it takes for the show to actually hit the airwaves.
This problem is doubly compounded when your main onscreen storyline plays out such that Hulkster’s hangers-on in Hall and X-Pac can’t simply coast into Orlando expecting a job based on who they know. Great news and a WELCOME change to the notoriously crony-driven Hulkamania machine. But all of the sudden, fans can’t help but notice that some of the Hulkster’s *other* pals from yesteryear just so happen to be popping up all over the place.
The first one, we’ll excuse. After all, Val Venis by himself makes for a perfectly acceptable cameo, and an entertaining one at that. The guy is a good hand, and he is more than capable of training younger performers.
Shannon Moore? Ok — now it’s getting a little less familiar.
Orlando Jordan? A virtual nobody, but one who still manages to come across as a bigger, sharper-dressed, better-connected, and more well-known version of your homegrown sensation in D’Angelo Dinero.
The Nasty Boys? Good enough for a one-off appearance, but not exactly the kind of act that fans will pay their hard-earned money to see. And when they start raiding the Team 3D locker room, it becomes all the more evident that this isn’t just a one-and-done kind of thing. Which begs the question: is anybody really clamoring for a Dudleys/Nasties showdown in 2010? Heck — I dunno’ if anyone was even willing to plunk down coin for that kind of showdown in 2000.
(Good thing TNA doesn’t charge admission).
Again — we’ll give TNA the benefit of the doubt on this one and let the dust settle, but one can’t help but be at least a *bit* concerned that once egos come into play, this influx of new (old) talent might result in more than a handful of new additions to the TNA roster when all is said and done.
(Because really now, what “happy to have a payday” batch of old timers wants to return solely for the purpose of devaluing his own marketability and getting squashed right back to the indies?)
Back to live action, though…
Jeff Jarrett’s Promo, Foley Fights the nWo, and Hulk Hogan’s Promo, Take 2, and Take 3
As a longtime TNA fan, I thought that it was great to see Jeff Jarrett earn at least a few minutes of television time on the company’s “biggest night ever” to speak on the history of the promotion which he helped to found. Jarrett came across as gracious, humble, and appreciative of all the fans, wrestlers, and employees who had worked so hard alongside of him over these past seven years to bring TNA to where it is today, and it really felt great and well-deserved to watch the guy stand — if just for a moment — in the center of the ring and bask in his accomplishments.
Heck, as a longtime TNA fan, it kinda felt like I was standing right there in that ring alongside of him.
And then we got MORE Hulk Hogan.
Who inadvertently proceeded to make Jarrett (and us longtime fans, by proxy) look like a total self-absorbed doofus. All that talk of “I, I, I?” You mean the same “I, I, I” guy who just put over the dedicated support of fans like Mee and the hard work of guys like Beer Money, Inc.?.
(This coming from a guy whose face is plastered all over HUNDREDS of promotional posters and t-shirts advertising this very event, no less. Yup — it’s not about “I” indeed).
This was made all the more apparent when Mick Foley couldn’t find his way into his own office. Suddenly, we’re right back to the Main Event Mafia / Mick Foley vs. Jeff Jarrett battle for control at the top of the TNA food chain. Didn’t we just sit through 18 solid months of guys feuding over who all gets the final say in what kind of matches take place on TNA programming? Haven’t we seen no less than a half dozen onscreen authority figures cycled in and out of the TNA brass since January of 2008? Aren’t there ANY employees on the TNA roster who can actually get along with one another for the good of the company?
Jarrett hates Angle — and “the company’s not big enough for both of them.”
The Mafia hates the Front line — so one of ’em has to go.
Jarrett hates Foley — and it’s more of the same.
Hogan hates(?) Jarrett — so he’s booted from the same backstage duties he was already relieved of several months ago?
Again —
If this Hogan era really is supposed to be all about “change,” then how about TNA scraps the whole “warring authority figures” and “old versus new” storyline and actually gives us something new and different?
Abyss versus Rhino Samoa Joe
The contest was short and from left field, but I really liked the fact that Joe stepped up to face Abyss with virtually no time (in kayfabe terms) to prepare for this match. He looked like a badass for doing so, and he looked even BETTER for coming out on top in a match against one of the most physically impressive specimens on all of the TNA roster. And once again, the theme of the night rings loud and clear in a match outcome: the “young TNA talent” (Joe) is just as good — if not better than — their better-known counterparts or surrogates (Rhino). After the abysmal year that was Samoa Joe’s knife-wielding Nation of Violence 2009, The Samoan Submission Machine most definitely could use the benefit of a clean win and a return to some in-ring badassery under the new administration.
For the sake of playing devil’s advocate for a second, however:
I can’t help but wonder just how much better the show would have been if, instead of seeing the solid-but-forgettable encounter between Samoa Joe and Abyss, TNA had treated their audiences to an exibition match between longtime foes in Samoa Joe and Christopher Daniels instead.
Sure, the main event was pretty much reserved for nailing down that whole “WE ARE *WRESTLING*” quota, and a Joe/Daniels match would probably be little more than a fanboy’s afterthought to a feud that’s already come and gone. But let’s face it —
Daniels’ promo was already tacked on, at best. And Abyss could have looked just as impressive (if not moreso) by squashing some random jobber (or a blowhard old-timer, come to think of it). Even if you just give Joe and Daniels a quick 10 minute-time-limit contest to show the new audiences what they can do (and with all of that first hour filler, it’s not like the show was hurting for a 10 minute time slot) — you’d send the message to the fans that EVERY match on the show is capable of delivering a crowd-pleaser of a decent length. And with the right finish? BOTH guys would walk out of it looking like a million bucks, and new fans would be all the more inclined to tune in next time to see what happened when EITHER MAN was on.
As it stood, this was a solid contest — but hardly a classic. But in the right environment (think the first WWE vs. ECW show), you don’t even need an out-and-out “classic” if you can throw two guys in there with the ability to lure fans in for future broadcasts. Take, for example…
AJ Styles versus Kurt Angle
While I was browsing some of the tweets that people were sending back and forth during this match, I was pretty amused to find that one fan had made the following observation:
How to get a TNA audience to cheer “THIS IS AWESOME / THIS IS WRESTLING” : Step 1) Have at least four near falls in one match. Step 2) That’s it.
While this might be a bit overstated, the point is well taken.
Was the January 4, 2010 matchup between Kurt Angle and AJ Styles an out-and-out technical classic? In truth, not really. And frankly, it seems to be kind of laughable to see the kind of critical praise and attention that so many a typically level-headed fan has already begun to heap upon it, with some even going as far as to preemptively crown this one as the obvious winner for the 2010 “Free Television Match of the Year” honors — despite the fact that the year is less than two weeks old. From where I sit, the match was solid, but spotty. And while I’d certainly call it one of the best matches I’ve seen on free television in a good, long, while, lots of commercials and a string of finishing maneuvers with no discernable psychology throughout doesn’t exactly earn you an automatic coronation at the “best of the year” honors.
But here’s what the match DID have —
That all-important and elusive “big match feel.” The crowd was hot (even if it was a bit much), the chants were spirited (“Who Needs Bret!?” echoed the fervor of the original ECW faithful), and the atmosphere was electric. Even if Mike Tenay did make the fatal mistake of promising fans that “SpikeTV would stay with this match right through the end” only to be immediately interrupted by a commercial — there was no denying that these two guys were busting their asses out there, and that professional WRESTLING was indeed the exclamation point to TNA’s battle cry throughout the night.
In short — the atmosphere helped to make the match even better than it had any right to be.
And that pretty much leads Mee to my ultimate summation of this so-called “first shot” in the new war for wrestling fans’ attention:
Watching TNA’s broadcast back again a few times on TiVo, it’s really not all that great of a show. Two major surprises (Hardy and Flair), and one great (but not “classic”) main event are certainly nothing to sneeze at — but the better part of three hours was spent on meaningless cameos, suspect decisions and missed opportunities. As a one-off, LIVE show? It most definitely served its purpose. Drawing viewers in with familiar faces, throwing curveballs and surprises to keep us guessing, and rewarding longterm fans with some quality in-ring action as a result of our continued support of the product.
But as a building block for the future?
There are a LOT of mistakes that earned a free pass here simply because the atmosphere was electric and the show was live. And starting from the company’s decision to re-air the show last night rather than putting on an entirely new broadcast, it seems as if a LOT of that electricity could have dissipated by the time TNA gets their next shot.
Yes, the live broadcast made for one hell of a ride, but it’s hard to capture lightning in a bottle when your show is taped two whole weeks in advance on down the line. Granted, the surprises were a lot of fun, but once you’ve opened Pandora’s box and debuted Ric Flair AND Jeff Hardy AND Hulk Hogan AND Eric Bischoff (etc.) in the same night — do you really have any remaining aces up your sleeve for the next go-round?
Very long story short —
In virtually every single segment, there were shades of TNA’s past mistakes and bad habits. Overbooking, ADD, lack of continuity, and basic production mistakes. As a skeptic with an attention to the company’s history, it’s hard to ignore the signs that the worst of Vince Russo and the worst of Hulk Hogan might still be lingering in the TNA Impact Zone long after Monday’s show had come and gone.
Regardless —
The 8 million plus viewers, the Twitter trending topics, the rabid support of the live audience, and the countless pages of internet discussion that has been dedicated to this topic is proof positive that there are PLENTY of wrestling fans just dying to see the company succeed, and the momentum is certainly there for the taking.
And With That, I’m Outta’ Here
Whew! What a week, eh? We’ll call it a day here. Looking forward to reading your comments below. With or without Wes Welker, have a fantastic week (especially if you’re hosting a playoff game this weekend in Foxboro), and always stay positive.
– Meehan
