The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (12.3.1994)

-Originally aired December 3, 1994.

-Your hosts are Jim Ross and Les Thatcher.

-Bob Armstrong, Dirty White Boy, and Ron Wright are here to hype the $6 tickets for the Christmas Chaos tour, and then Bob Armstrong veers into the reason he wants DWB and Ron Wright. A sports agent in California is demanding an SMW contract and an immediate SMW Title match for his client, no questions asked…but he won’t say who his client is, he’s insisting on the guarantee first. DWB is a fighting champ though, so he accepts the challenge sight unseen.

-We go back to last week, when Da Gangstas Girl Byed Jim Cornette.

-And that leads us to this week’s plot twist, where Jim Cornette has done the unthinkable and demanded a meeting with the Rock & Roll Express. Cornette is so pissed off and embarrassed that he’s offering the Express a contract out of spite. He makes a compelling case that Da Gangstas have come closer than any team in SMW to ending the Express’ career, and Cornette’s freaking out because HE won’t get credit for that. He offers the Express his services as a manager. Cornette puts himself over as the king of the dirty tricks, and as much as the Express prides themselves on being honest, by god, they need to learn dirty tricks to win the belts back. The Express agrees, on the condition that if a team runs in and attacks the Express after the match, or whatever, Cornette dies.

BEAT THE CHAMP TV TITLE: STEVE ARMSTRONG vs UPTOWN D-LO BROWN
-To fill the title vacated by Bryant Anderson.

-They trade hammerlocks until D-Lo throws a hard forearm. Armstrong applies an Olympian stretch (abdominal stretch with a leg draped over the neck) and a splash by Armstrong gets two. D-Lo gets fed up with Armstrong’s failure to recognize who the hell he is and catches Armstrong in a spinebuster. Legdrop follows, but D-Lo celebrates prematurely and gets steamrolled with a clothesline. Backdrop by Armstrong, and a gourdbuster. Armstrong goes upstairs and connects with a clothesline, but Da Gangstas run in and it’s a three-on-one attack until Scott Armstrong shows up with a length of pipe and clears the ring.

-Armstrongs cut a super-awkward “We’re not racists but we wanna fight Da Gangstas” promo.

-Cactus Jack recites a hilarious poem about Chris Candido, vowing to make him “bleed-o” until he skids inside his Speedos.

-Candido and Tammy just want to have this match and be done with Cactus Jack forever.

SUBMISSION EXHIBITION
-Tracy Smothers and Bryant Anderson are in the ring with two jobbers. Object is to see who can make their jobber submit fastest. Anderson works the arm according to tradition and puts his guy out right away with an armbar. Smothers has an even fight with his jobber until Smothers sees an opening and slips on a figure four out of nowhere. Anderson attacks Smothers in the hold and goes on a crazed attack on Smothers, finishing with an armbar that takes four people to undo. Smothers appears to have a serious injury.

-Da Gangstas declare that this is the Express’ very last title shot ever, so they’d better get it right at Christmas Chaos. Jim Ross voices a theory that this is a really sneaky backdoor deal with Jim Cornette to double-cross them. New Jack 99% denies that but casually sneaks in a hint that it might be exactly that, and takes off.

CACTUS JACK vs “Suicide Blonde” CHRIS CANDIDO (with Tammy Fytch)
-Candido attacks from behind with rapid-fire punches. Cactus fights back and beats him all over ringside before bringing him back in and gnawing his face. Bizarre edit takes us to a clothesline over the top by Cactus. Back inside, Cactus bites some more, but charges at Candido, who slips out of the way and Cactus goes tumbling out to the floor. Candido grabs a crutch from a fan at ringside and uses it as a weapon, which makes JR’s head explode.

-Back in, Cactus comes back with punches, but misses a corner charge and he’s hurting. Candido is in control until a neckbreaker by Cactus. Cactus goes upstairs for something, but Tammy hooks his legs until Candido can get up there and force Cactus off with a Frankensteiner. Candido tries his own top rope maneuver and crashes, which leads to Tammy Elizabething her way back to the dressing room for help.

-So here’s Boo Bradley to offer some interference, but he screws it up and Candido crashes into him, and then in a daze he walks right into a DDT from Cactus, who pins him easily.

-Tammy runs in with her hairspray and maces Cactus, and threatens Boo’s kitty cat until Boo goes to the top rope to finish Cactus off, but Brian Lee makes the save. WE’RE OUTTA TIME!

6.6

The final score: review Average

The 411

Strange thing is how the high points of the show were the non-matches: the submission exhibition and Jim Cornette's meeting with the Express. The latter was particularly fun, with both sides being really true to their characters and history while orchestrating this deal to co-exist for a little while.