Kurt Angle on Howard Stern Report [UPDATED]

Credit: Dr. Keith Lipinski

– Pre-interview Former Special K member Fred “Elephant Boy” rode the sybian while wearing a bikini after spending a half an hour talking about gay fantasies involving wrestlers and a very special “fuck marry kill” with Foley, Angle and Hogan. For those who care, he would marry Mick, fuck Kurt and kill Hogan.

– Kurt came into the room, and saw this overweight, retarded man wearing a bikini on a huge sex toy and noted “he was doing good, until he got in here.” Angle asked Elephant Boy how many titles Kurt had one, Elephant Boy said “3 or 4” Angle replied it was 12.

– Elephant Boy asked about Eric Angle, Kurt’s brother and former member of WWE Developmental. Kurt said Eric was out of wrestling and is a welder now.

– Kurt talked about the falling out with Vince – and needing time off to get some help from the painkillers he was taking. “We had a talk and we made amends.” Kurt said they were “extra strength stuff” and mentioned percoset, five broken necks, up to 65 pills a day and hasn’t taken any in four years. He also said “I don’t like to talk about it (his drug problems). The drugs made him feel straight and normal and would take 20 in the morning just to wake up. Vince wanted Kurt to do rehab on his own as opposed to going to rehab. It took five months for Kurt to clean himself up. He put over Vince allowing people being about to go to rehab now.

– On the divorce with Karen, it happened 2 months ago and Karen is a millionaire now. He doesn’t mind as long as the money is going to their two kids. Kurt knows that someone in the business did something with her (“it maybe a wrestler”) as Kurt got her in the business, and she’d stay out all night and later tell Kurt she was hanging out with friends in the hotel lobby. Kurt did note he cheated on her a couple of times while they were separated and she may have been getting back at him. He did put her over as a great mother. Howard asked if it was Vince who was sleeping with Karen, Kurt said if it was Vince, Vince would have called to tell Kurt and say “I got a storyline for you…”

– Kurt proclaimed his love for Stern’s news person Robin Quivers and he had a poem for her. Kurt said he may be in love with Robin and he has dated a black woman since his divorce. Kurt thinks he may have a little bit of black in him (as he talked about his butt, his lips and curly hair), which might explain why he’s so into Black women. He loved Robin in the Private Parts film epically the scene where Howard was kissing her feet to get her back.

– On MMA “Still considering, seriously considering it. For me, in Wrestling or MMA I would make the same”

– Kurt read his romantic poem to her -he got on his knees – which is one thing he didn’t do when he proposed to his ex-wife Karen “actually she proposed to me.”:

“To my love Robin,
I am a bachelor
and true love is hard to find
I maybe a wrestler
but you may love me for my mind
you are living the single life again
and are ready for the next phase
and just like Dr. Roni (Keith note: Robin’s diet doctor)
I will make you a new woman in 21 days.
I won a gold metal in the Olympics
they say I never have been beat
I am also a gold medallist in the sack
much better than vegetables and meat (Keith note: Robin has talked about using vegetables before)
TNA pays me millions
to wrestle and cross the line
I will never ever bitch
even about an $800 bottle of wine (Keith note: show joke about Robin spending 800 dollars on a bottle a wine at dinner)
We can go to the theater
we can roll around in the grass
we an get coffee at starbucks
but don’t try to squirt it up my ass (Keith note: Robin’s is a enema nut)
Robin please give me a chance
for a love like you’ve never seen
and I’m much more well hung
than that damn Jim Florintine (Keith note: Robin’s ex-boyfriend)
I will look past your shortcomings
and unlike Howard I don’t snore
I don’t even care that you scored a fucking 34 (Keith note: Robin’s score on a narcissism test)
any man who disrespects you
I will certainly strangle
so how does this sound my sweetheart
oh Robin Ophelia Angle
I can make love to you all night
and I’ll make you squeal
I’ll have you screaming
its real, damn real”

– After the poem: Robin was impressed with Kurt’s poem. Robin said she would go out with him and be the stepmom to his two kids. Kurt noted they both are busy people – and mentioned how he’s got shows this week and he’s going to japan for a week – but he’d love to set something up. “I’ve been training hard -MMA too -because of the opportunity that might come in the near future. I’m a world class athlete.” They then discussed ED, and how Howard was worried Kurt wouldn’t be able to “perform.” Angle said he had no problem – as Robin and Howard noted how good he looked in a suit. “At least I have an opportunity to take you out.” He said he could give it to Robin “3-4 times a night. It can happen!”

– They plugged Lockdown on April 19 as Howard called it “the big one.” Kurt said he was in one of the main events – they talked about the ALL CAGE MATCH FORMAT. Mick Foley “whos crazy as hell” being involved and Kurt noted “he might do something crazy off the cage.” Kurt said he was part of the Main Event mafia and he was the godfather of this team against Jeff Jarrett (Keith note: wasn’t it Samoa Joe) team. Howard asked if Robin was going to go to Lockdown, but she was already booked.

– Rhaka Kahn: Howard commented Kurt dated a 6 foot tall woman wrestler by the name of Rhaka Kahn. Robin asked “Who’s Rhaka Kahn?” Kurt replied “six foot tall a very beautiful woman, we’re very good friends. She’s cool, she’s one of the most genuine people I have ever met during a horrible time of my time. She was there for me.” Howard talked about Kurt spending $2000 at Rick Caberet strip club, however Kurt, who felt like a pervert at the strip club. “Booker T taught me this – I have a three foot rule. You can dance, I can watch, but I don’t want the knee in the crotch.” Kurt talked about his friends “Kevin Nash, Booker T…”

– Reality Show: Stern toadie JD talked about the reality show pilot with the Angles and the drama around it and the woman who wanted to kill Kurt’s wife. “Usually the crazy girls that are crazy are white, this girl was black!” Kurt discussed his bedroom skills with the ladies. Howard than told a story about Angle getting flown in by a woman who claimed she was the sister of 1980’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model KATHY IRELAND~! – Kurt tried to take her back to his room, she said no, and then a few weeks later he saw the girl again on the Riki Lake show about TRANSEXUALS! This was pre-olympics Kurt Angle, and he made out with this person for 7 hours! “And you have a three foot rule with strippers” Howard noted. “If I knew I would have beat the shit out of you.” They went into detail about what happened that night. “I’ve been everywhere Robin!” Kurt exclaimed.

– Health: “I’m forty years now, and feel better than I felt since the olympics. The last three years – I have healed up really well, and I’m down to the same weight I was when I won the olympics.” He then said he did the tests for fight promoters “who are big and popular” to make sure his neck was ok “I went thru all the tests to make sure I could pass the state commissions and I passed with flying colors”

– The Iron Sheik calls in: He talked about being in the Olympic city where Kurt won the gold in 1996, and then called Kurt “a whore” for leaving for the WWE. Kurt mentioned how he made Hogan tap out, Sheik replied “I will beat the fuck out of you!” Sheik was yelling about his gold medals and Kurt yelled back “and you were never in the olympics you lying son of a bitch.” Sheiky baby called Kurt a golddigger and went on a normal sheik rant saying Kurt was no “Bruno Sammartino.” They calmed him down by calling him “sheiky baby” “Mr. Stern, Mr. Howard Stern I am a 1971…” Kurt butted in “AAU champion, you are full of shit. You have to be an American to be in AAU.” Sheik ranted. Kurt commented “he wants a payday, he wants a WrestleMania. He can’t walk!” Howard replied “so what?” Sheik yelled as producer Baba Booey went to wikipedia and found out the TRUTH about the Iron Sheik and his “gold medal.” Sheik called Angle a “jew and a DICKHEAD. All he can think about is DICK! I challenge him anytime, anywhere!” Kurt “It won’t take me 8 seconds, I would choke him out in 8 seconds.”

– Eric The Actor/The Midget (a regular Howard Stern caller): Eric called in to ask if Kurt was going to be at Oakland TNA house show-they actually referenced the last time that Kurt was on the Howard Stern show when Eric the Midget became an honorary member of the Main Event Mafia. Angle than noted “He’s my bitch, he’ll take care of it…J.B. Jeremy Borash”

– Wrapup: Kurt Angle put over Stern’s wife Beth (as they’re both from Pittsburgh) and how the producers on the show Angle was on Spike Tv’s Casino Cinema were upset because Kurt was “playing durnk on the show.” One of the sponsors was Smirnoff Vodka and Kurt was “working them.” Kurt said he wouldn’t have a problem with Robin being more famous than he is. Howard put over Robin’s pendulous breasts – and they had some breast discussion about fake vs. real. They talked about Robin’s breast reduction, Angle’s reaction “Wow!” and asked “Why do black women age so well?”