Random Network Reviews: Saturday Night’s Main Event 1/4/86

Saturday Night’s Main Event
January 4th, 1986 | USF Sun Dome in Tampa, Florida

This actually took place on December 19th, 1985 but aired early in 1986. It is the fourth Saturday Night’s Main Event in history.

We start with a clip of Hulk Hogan making his PYTHON PROTEIN shake. He gives Mean Gene a sip, causing him to flex. After the intro video, Vince McMahon runs down the card. Jesse Ventura shows up but will wrestle tonight and his replacement is Bobby Heenan. I’m all for this change.

Bob Orton, Jesse Ventura and Roddy Piper vs. Hillbilly Jim, Cousin Luke and Uncle Elmer
Judging by the recaps, this has been building for three episodes of SNME. Maybe it’s due to how many guys are in there, but the ring looks slammer than usual. Elmer starts by working over Ventura. Things quickly change when Luke comes in as the heels beat him up. Luke isn’t wearing shoes, which irritates me. They do the faux hot tag spot to Jim before Elmer gets a real tag. He does the “I’M A BIG MAN WHO CAN’T WORK” trademark bearhug. This leads to everyone coming in and brawling. It seems like this will never break down to a normal tag match again. Luke bounces off the ropes and Orton hits him with the DREADED cast. Dude has had a broken arm forever. Piper applies a sleeper and Luke is out cold.

Winners: Bob Orton, Jesse Ventura and Roddy Piper in 8:01
About what I expected here. The Hillbilly team wasn’t very good but the heels did their best to make sure this didn’t suck. Might have been a tad bit too long though. *½

Fun in the sun time! Jimmy Hart and the Junkyard Dog are going to have a waterslide challenge. It’s literally just a race in waterslides. JYD wins. Ventura is now by the pool in speedos, interviewing Terry Funk. We also see a recap of Funk branding Hogan. Hogan no sold the hell out of this.

WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan (c) w/ Junkyard Dog vs. Terry Funk w/ Jimmy Hart
Hulk Hogan starts hot, just killing Terry Funk. He looks strange in blue and red. Hogan keeps sending Funk scurrying outside, even getting a chair and taking a seat inside while he waits. Funk seems to turn the tide but gets crotched up top leading to a 1980’s atomic drop. Each time Hart tries to get involved, JYD chases him off. He runs under the ring, leading to a distraction that works as it allows Funk to choke Hogan with his wrist tape. Funk hits a piledriver for two. Somewhere, Paul Orndorff is pissed. Hogan starts to Hulk Up, but Hart gets in a cheap shot. Funk covers but Hogan gets his foot on the ropes. Hogan delivers a clotheslines and…that it.

Winner and still WWF Champion: Hulk Hogan in 8:30
What the hell kind of a finish was that? The fans were red hot for everything Hulk Hogan did but they kind of fell flat with that finish. I wasn’t a bit fan of the start, but once Terry Funk started to cheat, it got better. The Jimmy Hart antics were fun too. **

Some George “The Animal” Steele segments are shown, including him playing in a shallow pool.

George “The Animal” Steele w/ Capt. Lou Albano vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth
George Steele is enamored with Elizabeth. Steele bites Savage and tosses him over the top. In WCW he would have been disqualified. They do the whole around the ring chase until Savage uses Elizabeth as a shield. George Steele sends him back out and goes to ripping the turnbuckle. Steele gets distracted by Elizabeth, allowing Savage to hit a double axe handle and win.

Winner: Rand Savage in 4:06
I get that this was to play into George Steele being smitten with Elizabeth, but it wasn’t a very good match. Why they would do it again at WrestleMania is beyond me. ½*

A music video highlighting 1985 is shown.

Peace Match
Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff w/ Freddie Blassie and Iron Sheik
Sheik gets the most heat of anyone in the match. They don’t really explain exactly what a Peace match is. It seems like it means no punching or kicking. They trade holds, which is about all they do the entire match. After a while of this, Volkoff just wins with a knee drop.

Winner Nikolai Volkoff in 4:32
I’m not entirely sure what this was supposed to be, but it was boring and I couldn’t’ have cared less. ¼*

Junkyard Dog and Ricky Steamboat vs. Mr. Fuji and the Magnificent Muraco
How many times does JYD need to be on this show? He is in trouble quickly as both Muraco and Fuji take him down. He no sells Fuji and slams him. He still ends up playing the face in peril for a short while. He makes the hot tag and Ricky is ready to get some revenge. He slingshots Muraco into Fuji, though I think that would have worked better the other way around. Fuji breaks a pin following a cross body and gets tagged. Ricky tags in JYD who gets the pin for some reason.

Winner: Junkyard Dog and Ricky Steamboat in 5:19
I was hoping to see more of Ricky Steamboat and less of JYD in this. Instead, it was the other way around and that didn’t make for a very good showing. ¾*

3.0

The final score: review Bad

The 411

Not the best showing here. When a sixty-six minute runtime feels far longer, something is wrong. Funk/Hogan was okay at best but everything else pretty much sucked. It was pretty funny to see them cut to the pool and see guys out of their element, but that’s about it.