The SmarK Retro Repost – Breakdown

– Live from Hamilton, Ontario.

– We don’t get to see Heat here in Canada. Instead we get a standard pre-game show hosted by Dok Hendrix.

– Your hosts are Jerry Lawler & Good Ol’ JR.

– Opening match: Edge v. Owen Hart. Huge face pop for BOTH guys. Owen is wearing a Toronto Argonauts jersey to piss off the crowd. Good start as they trade armbars before Edge reverses an armdrag into a rana, then hits a baseball slide. He comes the second rope onto Owen, but gets caught and powerslammed on the floor. Big nugget chant. Neckbreaker for two. Belly to belly for two. Looked odd, like Edge was basically jumping in the air all by himself. Owen with a victory roll for two, Edge reverses for two. Spinning heel kick for two. Chops, and enzuigiri puts Edge out. Owen to the top and Edge with the facefirst slam thing on him. Flapjack by Edge. Swinging neckbreaker for two. DDT for two. Bridge suplex for two. Owen goes behind for a german suplex for two. Cross corner whip, and Owen misses a charge. Superplex blocked by Owen, and Owen comes off but Edge gets his legs up. Owen grabs them for the Sharpshooter but Owen escapes, but then Edge with a small package for two. Then, another guy appears at ringside who looks exactly like Edge, distracting him enough for Owen to roll him up for the pin. Good match. ***1/4

– Too Much v. Al Snow & Scorpio. Interesting addition to the card. Scorpio starts out with Taylor and they have a great little wrestling sequence. Snow draws a big “Head” chant from the crowd. Okay, he’s over, I admit it. Scorpio distracts the ref enough for Snow to set up a chair and do Air Snow. Scorpio tries the move and fucks it up. This match is breaking down while Snow fights Christopher in the ring. Scorp hits a flying splash and picks up Taylor at two. Snow back in, but Christopher stops the Scorpio moonsault attempt, putting him into the Ricky Morton role. Double-teaming by Too Much until Scorp makes the hot tag. Snow cleans house with Head and gets two on Taylor, but Christopher off with a legdrop for two on Snow, but Scorpio with a top rope move on *him* for two, then Snow snowplows *him* for three. Scorpio has issues with Snow after the match over an accidental head-shot. Good enough. **1/2

– Marc Mero v. Droz. Yay, an hour 1 RAW match. Mero controls early with his usual stuff until Droz hits a shoulderblock. Droz out of the ring and Mero hits the Badd Day plancha! Haven’t seen that in months from him. Lots of kicking and punching but at least there’s no resting. Mero chokes him out with the TAPE OF DOOM! Jacky comes off the top and hits Droz with the WOMEN’S SHOE OF DEATH! Mero nails the Wild Thing (renamed Marvelocity by JR) for the pin. Solid enough. **

– Vader v. Bradshaw, anything goes. Bradshaw shaved off the moustache and now he looks like he’s 18 years old. A slow, weak brawl. Bradshaw runs the bell into Vader’s head and elbows him on the floor for two. Vader fights back and rams the stairs into Bradshaw’s back lightly. They fight into the ring, back out again as Vader dominates. A ballshot gets two. Whip to the apron and clothesline by Vader. Back in the ring and Vader goes for the splash off the second rope that he never hits. And he hits it! Up to the top for the Vaderbomb, but it only gets two. Bradshaw’s lariat only gets two. #2 puts Vader down again and a standing neckbreaker gets three. Retire, Vader. It’s over. 1/2*

– Jason Sensation does some impressions for the WWF.com gang.

– D’Lo Brown v. Gangrel. D’Lo now once again resides in Chicago. Slugfest to start. Front double-hook suplex and a pair of elbows by Gangrel for two. D’Lo retakes control but misses an elbow off the second rope. Running powerbomb only gets two because of stalling. Gangrel tries a swinging DDT but D’Lo blocks and suplexes him for two. More punches traded and D’Lo with a rollover for two. These guys just aren’t working well together. Gangrel blows a hotshot and Mizark Henry wanders out and pulls out Gangrel, beating him up enough for D’Lo hit the Skyhigh right after and get the pin. Gangrel spits blood in their faces and DDTs D’Lo for fun. Okay but nothing special. *1/2

– Triple Threat cage match: The Rock v. Ken Shamrock v. Mankind. The Rock cuts a promo and then Mankind replies with one of the funniest promos I’ve ever heard. Shamrock gets booed in Canada as usual. You’d think after getting booed in every city in Canada for the past year that it’d dawn on him that he’d not very well liked up here. Rocky gets the mad face pop of the century. Lots of random brawling to start as Mankind makes the occasional sneaky escape attempt while the other two are fighting. I’m almost afraid to hear how loud the pop for the Elbow will be. Goofy spot as Shamrock puts Mankind in an abdominal stretch and Rock puts Shamrock in one. Double hiptoss spot to break. Rock and Mankind end up teaming up and beating on Shamrock. Then Rock turns on Mankind and he and Shamrock team up. Shamrock goes for the anklelock on Mankind so Rock breaks him up. Then Mankind & Shamrock double-team Rock and the crowd boos like nuts. Mankind sets up some sort of dancing spot and Rock comes back. DDT on Mankind, spinning DDT on Shamrock. DOUBLE PEOPLE’S ELBOW~! The place explodes! Rocky tries to climb out but gets stopped. Crotchfirst to the ropes. Rocky crotches Shamrock and Rockbottoms Mankind for two. Huge “Shamrock sucks!” chant just to rub it in. Shamrock with the belly to belly and anklelock but Mankind breaks it up. Mankind tries to climb out but Rocky stops him. Rocky is holding onto him by the hair and gets him to the top of the cage. Shamrock climbs up to join him but gets knocked off. Rocky gets knocked off and Mankind goes to the top of the cage but misses the elbow! Everyone is out in the middle until Shamrock crawls for the door. Rocky is busted open. Shamrock gets pulled in by Mankind and brings a chair in with him. Mankind DDTs Shammy and gets the chair, nailing Shamrock to a huge pop. Mick climbs out of the cage like an idiot while Rock merely rolls over for the pin! Rocky wins! Great match! ****

– The fans taunt Shamrock all the way back to the dressing room.

– Val Venis v. Dustin Runnels. Terri Runnells has resurrected the Skanky Ho look. Dustin charges and gets spinebusted. Dustin returns with a powerbomb and preaches to Val. Dustin is wrestling like a face and getting a heel reaction. Val does the gyrations and Terri does them right along with him. Dull match. Terri makes cow eyes at Val while he has Dustin in a chinlock. Dustin comes back with a DDT and goes to the top but Val punches him off. Val tries a superplex, but ends up basically dropping Dustin to the floor. Terri encourages him to continue and causes him, uh, rise up again. Back in and a Dustin bulldog for two. Val didn’t actually get his shoulder up. Big screw up there. Val gets him down again and hits the Money Shot for the pin. Val and Terri make out in the ring as Dustin trudges back to the dressing room. Something has gotta give on RAW tomorrow night after that. *

– Jeff Jarrett & Southern Justice v. D-Generation X. The Outlaws jump out of the crowd and attack the heels. Jarrett starts with X-Pac, but Roaddog gets in and does a couple of boogie-woogie moves. Southern Justice are wearing suits. Slow, uneventful match. X-Pac is the face in peril. Billy Gunn gets the hot tag and a pier-six erupts. Bronco Rider on JJ and Dennis Knight takes him out right after. Canterbury and Knight double-team Billy Gunn and Jarrett smashes the guitar over X-Pac’s head outside the ring. Gunn with the Rockerdropper on Canterbury in the ring for the win. X-Pac is apparently having eye problems as a result of the guitar shot. 1/4*

– WWF title match: Steve Austin v. Kane v. Undertaker. Austin takes Undertaker out with a chair during the ring entrances. Kane and Austin do the initial fighting while Undertaker wanders back down to the ring. Austin and UT do some brawling outside the ring and Austin posts Kane after taking UT out. Stunner very quickly on Kane but UT pulls him off. UT works on Austin while Kane recovers. The brothers double-team Austin but an UT shot misses and hits Kane, then during the conversation that follows Austin nails UT into Kane. The brothers get over it and double-team Austin on the floor. The beating continues back in the ring. The three stooges watch the proceedings from the aisleway. Everyone fights down the aisleway until Austin fights back. He tries to piledrive UT but gets backdropped. He decides to take out Brisco for fun. The brothers drag Austin back to the ring and beat him up some more. Leglock by UT while Kane chokes him. Austin comes back but it doesn’t last long. Austin pops Kane with a chair but only gets two. UT nails him in turn and gets two before Kane breaks it up. Kane gets another two count but UT breaks it up and they argue. Kane turns around and UT punks him. Kane and Austin end up double-teaming UT before Austin goes to work on Kane with a Russian legsweep for two. Back outside the ring and Kane beats on Austin. They toss him in and fight over the two-counts. UT sucker punches Kane again and they fight in the corner. Both guys end up knocking each other out and Austin does a zombie situp. Austin whips them into each other but gets caught with a slam coming off the ropes by Kane. Kane’s elbow misses but Kane goes for the tombstone. Austin escapes and shoves him into the corner where UT is going up top. The brothers come back with a double-chokeslam and both cover for the pin? Finkel announces a new champion…but doesn’t know who to announce. Brisco snatches the belt from ringside and gives it to Vince, who runs to the back and into his limo with it. Vince taunts Austin from the limo as we end the show. Seemed about *1/2

The Bottom Line: Eh. A pretty decent undercard with a disappointing main event is about what I was expecting, and I got it. Nothing horrible or insulting, just some boring RAW-calibar matches with a few good standouts and an unexpected title change.

My official prediction is that Rocky wins his first World title tomorrow night on RAW. Vince is fucking insane if he doesn’t realize that the people were eating Rock up with a spoon tonight.

Thumbs in the middle for Breakdown.