411’s TNA Victory Road Report 07.11.10

Welcome one and all. So who do we think will face AJ and Kazarian tonight? I initially thought that tonight’s guest hosts might get the nod, but since they are hosting the coverage I can’t see it happening. They are… DICK DASTARDLY and MUTTLEY!

Sassenfrassenrassen Dick Dastardly!

This just in: Paul Heyman will not be in Orlando, as he has signed with the Miami Heat.

We open with Abyss telling us that They told him to, and they keep showing pictures of the ECW guys when talking about Them. Gasp shock horror.

PYRO!

TNA X-Division Ultimate X Submission Match: Doug Williams © vs. Brian Kendrick

They play up Williams’ fear of heights as he comes to the ring. As long as he doesn’t have a fear of Chaos Theories. I love that move.

Williams starts climbing while Kendrick removes his jacket. Kendrick tries to cut him off but gets kicked, and then the FEAR kicks in and Williams drops to the canvas and applies a cravate. Arm drag counter by Kendrick, he mounts Williams in the corner and hits the 10-spot punches. European uppercut by Williams, whip and a charging knee. Suplex by Williams into a modified inverted Indian Deathlock. Williams floats into a front facelock, Kendrick punches out but runs into a knee. Kendrick blocks the Tornado DDT and hits a middle rope missile dropkick. Cobra clutch!! Williams escapes and hits a flying European uppercut to halt Kendrick’s momentum. Figure four headscissors applied by Williams, Kendrick rolls and escapes and lays in some crossface shots. Cobra clutch attempted again, Williams drops back onto Kendrick to break it. GORY SPECIAL applied by Williams! Kendrick slips out the back and hits a series of stiff dropkicks before going for the clutch again. Williams backs him into the turnbuckle, charges and gets launched to the floor. Williams gets back to the apron and kicks Kendrick in the head then starts to climb. Kendrick catches him…COBRA CLUTCH in the corner! Williams is hanging in the Tree of Joey Lawrence while Kendrick chokes his ass out. Kendrick goes up again…Williams is up! SUPER BACK SUPLEX! They work a series of reversals ending in Kendrick locking in the cobra clutch! Williams tries to escape and ends up rolling through the ropes to peel Kendrick off. Kendrick climbs the structure in the outside of the ring, Williams follows and THROWS Kendrick down across the top rope! Kendrick took a nasty bump on the apron on the way to the floor. Williams drops down and produces a pair of white gloves from somewhere, and slaps Kendrick in the face with them. He enters the ring with Kendrick out on the floor…ahhhh he puts on the gloves to help him shimmy across the cables. Smart. He’s scooting on over but Kendrick is up…Williams is about 2 feet away when Kendrick catches him and pulls them both to the mat. Kendrick got the worse of that fall. Cobra clutch applied by Williams!!! Ref checks the arm…1…2…3!!! Wait…isn’t that technically a knockout?

Winner: Douglas Williams via “submission” (cobra clutch)
Rating: ***¼ I dug this. Good fun, some nice bumps and a good story of Williams scouting the Clutch, then winning with it.

Taz and Tenay run down the card, then throw it to Christy with Team 3D. Wait, it’s just Ray who says Jesse Neal is a failure like Christy’s Playboy. OOOOH BURN! He then says Devon shouldn’t touch him because he made Devon, and Devon is nothing without him.

Brother Ray vs. Jesse Neal vs. Devon

Ray is out first but decides to hide. Neal is out next and gets blindsided by Ray. Devon’s music hits…but he is nowhere to be seen! Backstage we see that someone has barricaded Devon’s door with a 2×4. IT’S HACKSAW! In the ring Ray is beating on Neal. Ray drops a pair of elbows and slaps the shit out of Neal’s chest. More slaps to the torso of Neal, a scoop slam and a MISSED elbow! Neal lays in some weak-ass forearms but gets back dropped by Ray. Whip and a running ass attack by Ray, followed by a big boot. The ECW boys have arrived to a raucous reaction. Ray is watching them SPEAR!!! 1…2…Neal can’t get the win. He mounts Ray and hits some stronger forearms but runs into a back elbow. Ray grabs him a chair but here comes Shannon Moore to conveniently distract the ref so Ray can waffle Neal. Music…DEVON! He escaped! He faces off with Ray and gee, I wonder if he attacks Jesse Neal. Wow, swerve. SPEAR TO DEVON! Neal looks shocked that he hit the wrong guy! BUBBA BOMB to Neal! 1…2…3! Seriously dude, one’s fat and white the other is cut and black…how the fuck do you make that mistake?

Winner: Brother Ray via pinfall (on Neal, Bubba Bomb)
Rating: ** This wasn’t bad, and kudos for not going the obvious route with the finish. Neal is still really green though.

TNA Knockouts Title Match: Madison Rayne © vs. Angelina Love

Love is out first, and uhhh…DAT AZZ. Rayne copies Love’s entrance, and I am not complaining.

Love with a quick kneelift, and the favour is returned. The two exchange blows until Love just starts yanking Rayne down by the hear. SPEAR by Love. Rayne to the floor, Love follows to toss her back in. 2 count off the cover. ANOTHER spear gets 2. Rayne counters a scoop slam with an eye rake then whips Love to the corner. Front facelock by Rayne, she buries some knees into the ribs then hits a neckbreaker. 2 count only. Rayne straddles Love’s head and hits the repeated scissor stomp, then gives us a delightful view as she crawls off. Love counters the O-Zone/Playmaker into a clothesline, then hits a series of clotheslines and a flying heel kick. Rayne jacks Love’s jaw on her knee then goes to the floor. She has a chair…brings it to the ring…BOTOX INJECTION through the chair by Love! OK some woman in a black leather catsuit on a motorbike just arrived ringside. Rayne throws Love to the floor and the helmeted stranger slams Love into the ringpost! Ref tries to get a look at her because of the pre-match stip, which says that any Beautiful Person who interferes will cause a title change. He awards Love the title! We still don’t know who is under the helmet, though the mind boggles why they are still hiding it. If it isn’t Lacey or Velvet then Rayne keeps her title, and if it is then why hide it now?

Winner, and NEW TNA Knockouts champion: Angelina Love via DQ (stranger-ference)
Rating: *3/4 No. Couldn’t get into that. Apart from the kick through the chair this was pretty tame and not what you’d expect from these two, and the finish was just weird.

Christy is with Mr. Anderson who talks about the Enigmatic Assholes facing off, and calls it the left butt cheek facing the right butt cheek. He says he will control the monster Abyss like Frankenstein did, and then makes a joint-smoking gesture while saying RVD’s title reign will go up in smoke. Somehow he made this sound funny and the crowd consumed it.

AJ Styles and Kazarian vs. Rob Terry and Samoa Joe

Let’s go to Blaccu-Weather meteorologist Ollie Williams to find out how Kaz and Styles reacted to their opponents. Ollie?

They done shit theyselves

Thanks Ollie. Now this! Styles and Terry start, Styles dances around and tags in Kaz. Terry grabs his head and hits a shoulder block, sending Kaz to the floor. Joe is nice enough to meet him, then turns and kicks a charging AJ in the face. He rolls Kaz back in than tags in. Joe pounds Kaz in the corner, whips Kaz in but Kaz runs up the ropes…Joe walks away and Kaz crashes and burns. Terry tags in, as does Styles. Styles floats like a butterfly but crashes like BP as Terry nails him and throws him to the floor. Kaz charges and also gets tossed. Tag to Joe….TOPE CON HI-JOE! Back inside he squashes AJ in the corner and kicks him in the head. AJ goes to the eyes, taunts Terry and uses the distraction to double team Joe. Kaz tags in and gets a textbook dropkick to Joe. AJ tags in, gets a snap mare and a rear chinlock. Joe turns into a front facelock, gets to his feet and lifts AJ up, but Kaz comes in and knocks Terry off the apron before helping AJ hit a tornado DDT on Joe for 2. Styles goes for the Styles Clash, Joe counters but AJ rolls through the counter! Joe kicks him in the head PELE! AJ charges Joe in the corner…uranage! Tag to Terry, he comes in with BIG Irish whips for each man, then gorilla presses AJ across the ring. Kaz ducks a kick but gets caught on a crossbody and eats a fallaway slam. He sets up AJ for a suplex…into a front powerslam. 1…2…Kaz breaks it. Joe chops shit out of Kaz, a whip and a charging knee and goes for the muscle buster…Wolfe is out! He tries to pull Joe to the floor, succeeds and then wishes he hadn’t as Joe kills him. KAZ with a flying axehandle to the floor onto Joe. Wolfe is in the ring as the ref yells at Kaz…Terry kills him with a clothesline. Terry gets nailed with an AJ flying forearm from behind. Springboard missile dropkick by Kaz! Springboard legdrop by Kaz! Springboard 450 by AJ! 1…2…3!!

Winners: AJ Styles and Kaz via pinfall (Styles on Terry, springboard 450)
Rating: *** Not as good as I hoped. 3 top guys and it suffered from there being no natural flow between any of them.

Abyss tells Christy that They gave him his nasty new weapon and They are taking over. Whose side are They on?

Steel Cage Match: Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

Oh dear. Right after Tenay says that Morgan can’t run away, Borash says it’s escape rules. So he wins BY running away.

Hernandez starts by introducing Morgan to the cage walls. He crotches Morgan over the top rope than climbs the turnbuckles and hits a missile dropkick. Hernandez starts hitting avalanche splashes, crushing Morgan into the cage…but tries it one too many times and eats chainlink. Morgan is now in control and he takes Hernandez into the cage walls. Morgan poses over Hernandez and throws him into the cage again. Hernandez is slumped in the corner now, Morgan picks him up and hits a roaring clothesline. Morgan gets cocky ad tries to leave but Hernandez grabs his ankle. Morgan decides to beat him down some more, then hits the carbon footprint on Hernandez in the corner! Ouch. He stomps on Hernandez, calls for the door to be opened and has one foot out when he turns around and beats on Hernandez some more. He pushes the face of Hernandez into the cage, Hernandez is already busted open. Morgan pounds away on the cut and shows off his blood-covered hand. He whips Hernandez in but gets nailed with a series of clotheslines from a suddenly fired-up Hernandez. BIG shoulder block! Border toss attempt…BOTCHED! He drops Morgan who covers it well and goes right on the attack, but misses a charge. Border toss again…BOTCHED! Morgan almost fell on top of him there. Hernandez tries to climb anyway….wait. WAIT. Hernandez from the top of the cage…SPLASH MISSES!!! Morgan produces a set of handcuffs…and locks them on. Morgan climbs the cage, acting cocky…Hernandez snaps the cuffs! He spears the cage door and hits the floor first!

Winner: Hernandez via escape
Rating: **½ I enjoyed that in parts, but it wasn’t particularly amazing. The two botches REALLY hurt it too.

I’m getting reports that the woman in the helmet was Tara, who has reportedly re-signed with TNA.

Christy is with Ric Flair, who cuts a Ric Flair promo as only Ric Flair can.

Ric Flair vs. Jay Lethal

Lethal is out first in some ugly-ass red and yellow gear. And I mean UGLY-ASS. Flair is in the orange creamsicle robe. Lethal grabs a headlock and takes Flair down with a shoulder block. Flair now grabs a headlock and takes Lethal down with a shoulder block of his own…then eats a dropkick. Chop from Lethal and a back body drop, then a clothesline sending Flair to the floor. Flair gets to the apron and is suplexed in by Lethal, dropkick gets 2. Flair goes to the eyes and then hits a chop, a series of them now. Lethal blocks one then lays in his own chops…FLAIR FLOP! Back to the eyes goes Ric, he climbs the ropes…oh come on, you know it didn’t work. SUPERPLEX by Lethal from the top! Surprised Flair could take that. Lethal up top…MOONSAULT MISSES! Flair goes with the tried-and-true knee-stomping formula now. Chop block by Flair. More knee stomps…FIGURE FOUR! Whoooo!!! Lethal writhes in pain as Flair holds the ropes for leverage. Hebner catches him and breaks the hold! Flair argues, SCHOOLBOY! 1…2…no! Flair goes back to the knee, Lethal tries to fight back and gets a flying forearm. Arriba! Handspring elbow from Lethal, who then beats down Flair in the corner. Flair reverses and whips Lethal to the corner…FLAIR BUMP to the apron! Lethal struts and tries a sunset flip into the ring, but instead reveals some ancient ass. I needed to see that why? Flair kicks Lethal off and grabs a sleeper. Lethal drops down and drives Flair into the turnbuckle then hits a Kevin von Erich crossbody. Springboard splash to the knees! A chop block from Lethal…FIGURE FOUR by Lethal! Flair TAPS!!!!

Winner: Jay Lethal via submission (Figure four)
Rating: ***½ How does Flair do it? The man is OLD and yet he can still put on a strong match. That was really good for the time it got, given Flair’s limitations.

Lethal celebrates with the crowd and gives a shoutout to his mom. Awwww.

For The Vacant TNA Tag Team Titles: The Motor City Machineguns vs. Beer Money

No boozer cruiser? Booo!

Storm and Shelley start, Shelley gets an inverted atomic and a headscissors. Storm fights back and tags in Roode, who eats a roaring elbow. Tag to Sabin who gets poked in the eye. Right hand by Roode, Sabin blocks a whip and kicks Roode in the face. Shelley tags in and makes a ramp for Sabin, who jumps off the back of Shelley to kick Storm, then does it again to kick Roode to the floor. Back inside, Shelley drops his head and gets kicked but gets a drop toehold/bulldog combo with Sabin for 2. Tag to Sabin who leapfrogs Shelley and lands on the arm of Roode. Roode gets a knee lift and tags Storm, he tries a German but Sabin holds the ropes and tags in Shelley. Double back elbow and double senton gets 2. Shelley knocks Roode off the apron, Storm then smacks Shelley. Roode crotches Shelley on the corner post and tags in. He does nothing and tags back out. I hate that. Storm applies a chinlock, Shelley tries to fight back but is cut off and eats a double vertical suplex.

BEER!

MONEY~!

A pair of whips by Roode on Shelley, followed by gutbuster for 2. Rear bearhug by Roode now. Shelley elbows out, Roode tags Storm in and HE applies the rear bearhug. Shelley breaks free and hits a jaw breaker. Roode grabs him from the apron but Shelley fights out of the corner, avoids a charging Storm and gets a drop toehold on Roode…who is kicked by Sabin on the apron. Sabin tags in! Flying forearms everywhere! He shoves Roode into Storm, then uses Storm as a ladder to hit a tornado DDT on Roode. 1…2… broken up. Storm is thrown to the floor, Sabin hits a running kick to the jaw! Springboard clothesline to Roode! 1…2… no! Shelley holds Roode for the flatliner, and hits it in combination with a dropkick from Sabin…into the turnbuckle. Storm takes out Sabin on the floor, while in the ring Roode eats a standing Shiranui! 1…2…Storm interrupts. Stun Gun on Shelley! Sabin fights off both men and nails a forearm on Roode and a Frankensteiner on Storm. He tries another from the middle rope but gets caught by Roode and passed to Storm who hits the Eye of the Storm. 1…2…no! Shelley in, he gets his leg swept by Roode and catapulted into a lunngblower. Roode sets for DWI….Sabin breaks it up. Kicks to Roode, Storm levels both Guns with a clothesline. Shots to Sabin in the corner, a whip and charge is blocked by Sabin. Storm tries to kick Sabin in the head, he blocked it and Shelley kicks HIM in the head. Springboard crossbody to the floor by Sabin! Roode tries to suplex Shelley back in but ends up hitting a flying crossbody to Sabin after Shelley escaped. TOPE SUICIDA by Shelley. All four men are down on the floor, Guns and Roode roll back in as Storm crawls around the ring with his beer bottle. “This is awesome!” – Orlando. Storm crotches Shelley on the top then spits his beer…into the face of the ref! Neckbreaker/splash combo for 2!! Hebner is out to make the count! 1…2…NO! Poetry in motion by the Guns, Shelley from the top…Crossbody! Roode rolls through!!! 1…2…no! Roode and Shelley trade shots, Shelley gets a series of slaps but Roode goes for the spinebuster…blocked! Kicks from the Guns! Roode is out!Schoolboy by Storm! Both refs count as Storm pins Shelley and Sabin pins Roode! 1…2…3 on both counts!

Winners: I have no fucking clue via pinfall (maybe)

Hebner restarts the match! Beer Money stomp on the Guns. Storm misses a charge and crotches himself in the corner! SUPERKICK to Roode from Shelley! Low dropkick to Storm! Frog splash/neckbreaker combo! 1…2…3!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winners, and NEW TNA Tag Team Champions: Motor City Machine Guns via pinfall (Shelley on Roode, splashbreaker)
Rating: ****¼ Wow. Nuff said.

Kurt Angle vs. D’Angelo Dinero

This should be awesome. Pope reverses a facelock into a hammerlock. Angle snap mares out and Pope goes back to the hammerlock. Angle reverses and gets a headlock takedown and locks in a tight headlock. Pope escapes and hits a pair of hip tosses , a couple of kicks and a big flying shoulder block. Angle bails to the floor and Pope holds the ropes to let him back in. Kurt thanks him by kicking him in the gut and nailing a buckle bomb. Suplex by Angle gets 2. Chinlock by Angle, Pope escapes but runs into a knee lift. 2 count only. Back suplex by Angle, then a rear chinlock. Pope escapes and gets a sleeper but Kurt reverses…Pope reverses again to a back suplex! They exchange shots, Pope wins the exchange and hits an inverted atomic and a series of elbows. Kurt guts the momentum with a belly to belly suplex for 2. Kurt drops his head and Pope takes advantage with a suplex and a German, followed by an STO for 2. Pope charges in the corner but Angle moves…GERMAN! The trifecta! 1…2…no! Angle stalks Pope…Angle Slam attempt countered! Boss Man Attack! Pope to the top rope…Kurt runs up with him! BELLY TO BELLY from the top! 1…2…no! He tries the ankle lock but Pope kicks him off. Angle charges and hits the post with his shoulder…Pope rolls down the knee pads…lungblower! 1…2…no! Kurt avoids the charge, ANGLE SLAM! 1…2…NO! Straps are down, ankle lock! Pope crawls to the ropes but Kurt drags him back…Pope counters to a rollup! 1…2…no! Sunset flip by Kurt…Pope sits down on it! 1…2…no. ANKLE LOCK! Angle drops and grapevines…Pope taps!

Winner: Kurt Angle via submission (ankle lock)
Rating: ***¼ Yeah it was OK, I think with time these two could do better but this was fine.

TNA World Title Match: Rob Van Dam © vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Abyss

Abyss is walking around aside the ring while the others face off. He gets to the apron and the other three blitz him and beat him down. They take turns beating on Abyss in the corner, RVD gets a monkey flip and Abyss goes out to the floor. Hardy FLIES off the back of RVD with a somersault senton to Abyss!! Anderson schoolboys RVD! 1…2…no. RVD questions him on it and explains that he is Rob…van…SPIN KICK by RVD. He drops a spinning leg and goes for rolling thunder, but Abyss trips him and throws him to the barricade. Abyss stalks Anderson now but gets attacked from behind by Hardy. Hardy and Anderson play tennis with Abyss, who stops that with a double goozle. They fight out and take Abyss down with a double shoulder block. Double leg drop by Hardy and Anderson. Anderson on all fours for Poetry in Motion…he catches Jeff coming in! 1…2…RVD breaks it up. RVD goes after Jeff but drops his head and eats a mule kick and a gourdbuster. 1…2… no. RVD FLIES to the floor and nails Abyss. Hardy comes flying over the top behind him, into Abyss. Anderson is on the top…axehandle to Abyss! Anderson and RVD are in the ring, split-leg moonsault by RVD! 1…2…no. Hardy in and he gets kicked HARD by RVD. Anderson is up and counters a whip, RVD gets an elbow into the charge, but gets crotched going to the top. Superplex by Anderson…Hardy comes over! DOUBLE superplex coming…Abyss comes over! I smell tower of doom…Oh yes! Abyss was the powerbomb part, with RVD taking the most from that. Abyss is the first one up…GOOZLE to RVD! RVD gets a foot into Abyss’ face, a few more kicks and Abyss is down! Clothesline for Hardy and a top rope kick to Abyss! To the top…ANDERSON shoves him off! RVD hit the edge of the ramp there and looks like he’s out. Abyss has Hardy, he whips him in and charges but Hardy gets the elbow up. Whisper in the Wind! 1…2…Anderson breaks it up. He goes to work on Abyss…Mic Check! 1…2…Hardy breaks it! Twist of Fate blocked by Abyss! BLACK HOLE SLAM!!! 1…2…Anderson pulls the ref out! Abyss goes over to yell but Hardy knocks him to the floor. Anderson and Hardy are alone in the ring, slugging it out…Anderson gets control but drops his head. Mic Check and Twist of Fate both countered. Back elbow by Jeff…TWIST OF FATE! Jeff to the top…SWANTON! Abyss is up…CHOKESLAM to Hardy on top of Anderson! Abyss covers both! 1….2…RVD with the Five-Star! He pins Anderson! 1…2…3!

Winner: Rob van Dam via pinfall (on Anderson, five-star frog splash)
Rating: ***½ Good fatal fourway but short of being special

Post-match Abyss levels RVD and tries to kill him with the nailed 2×4, but RVD escapes. That’s the show folks!