411’s WWE Raw Report 03.15.04

411’s WWE Raw Report 03.15.04
Live from East Rutherford, New Jersey
Announcers are JR & The King
Report done EXCLUSIVELY for 411Mania by Jacob Ziegler

We begin with Triple H coming out to the ring, no title, arm in sling. He is very angry, and says that Benoit’s win last night doesn’t mean crap. He puts himself over, yadda yadda yadda. The fans are chanting “BENOIT.” Benoit finally comes out to interrupt. Fans chant “you tapped out.” Benoit decides that he’s the best, not Hunter. Benoit attacks, and Evolution runs out. Shawn Michaels comes to the rescue with a steel chair. Benoit and HBK stare each other down. GM Bischoff comes down and says that he just got a phone call from Vince, saying he was not to sign a World Title match anytime in the near future. Vince will explain when he gets to the building. Bischoff makes the main event of Orton, Batista & Flair against Michaels & Benoit.

HBK runs into Coach backstage. HBK says he came to Benoit’s rescue because he wants Benoit to be healthy, so he can get a World Title match.

Victoria & Lita vs. Jazz & Molly Holly

Haven’t we seen this match like a thousand times? Molly comes out with a long blonde wig on. Molly goes right after Victoria. Crowd chants “Molly’s bald.” Lita comes in and confirms that there really is no wrestling move she does well. And her clothes are weird. And her entrance music sucks. Oh, right, there’s a match going on. Lita pulls off Molly’s wig, and Molly runs to the back, leaving Jazz by herself. Lita hits a horrible DDT for the win.
WINNERS – Victoria & Lita

JR & King plug the main event, plus Stacy Keibler vs. Miss Jackie and RVD & Booker defending the World Tag Team Titles against The Dudley Boyz.

We’re back and King and JR are talking about Jericho and Christian. We get some still photos. Some guy tries to interview Jericho, but he’s not in the mood for talking.

Matt Hardy vs. Chris Jericho
Matt Fact #1: Matt is ridiculously underrated. Wow, no shit. Why is he getting buried again? Jericho and Matt slug it out. Jericho busts out “beheaded” for Jericho’s clothesline on Matt. Jericho dominates, choking Matt with electrical cords, and gets himself disqualified.
WINNER, BY DISQUALIFICATION – Matt Hardy

We’re back, listening to a snippet of the all-acoustic Godsmack album due out tomorrow. Yuck. Jericho is leaving the building. More hype for the main event.

Randy Orton is here. I like Orton, I don’t care what anyone says. He challenges Foley to a 1-on-1 match with Evolution banned from ringside, so he can prove to everyone that Foley is a loser. He then calls Foley’s son Dewey “Huey.” We get Louie and we’ll be all set.

Oh my. Sylvan Grenier is back, and La Resistance has their version of Matilda – a poodle named Fifi. Austin walks in to interrupt. Austin actually writers a ticket. Austin, the cripple by the way, threatens La Rez, and they walk away.

WWE Rewind is Gene, Bobby, Moolah and Mae from last night.

Val Venis is out, and some lady removes his towel. She starts to take her shirt off, but Kane’s music hits instead.

Val Venis vs. Kane
Squash.
WINNER – Kane

Highlights of the Hall of Fame ceremony. The best part was Heenan tearfully wishing Monsoon was there to see it. I second that.

Miss Jackie vs. Stacy is next!

Miss Jackie vs. Stacy Keibler
Where’s Rico? Jackie pushes Stacy to the outside. Stacy hits a high kick and goes for the Nash choke. It’s a good thing they’re still studying Nash in school. Biel out of the corner. Jackie comes back with a snap mare and a reverse chinlock. They’ve already gotten more time than Val Venis and Kane. Mr. McMahon’s music hits, and he’s got his power walk going. The girls leave.
WINNER – No contest, apparently

Vince says that “Where it All Begins Again” is more than a theme, it’s a promise. He’s going to shake things up, again. Vince says the GM has become too protective of his friends. Vince says the fans want new superstars, new matches, and new rivalries. He says Raw superstars are going to Smackdown, and Smackdown superstars are coming to Raw. Vince says that next week all the Smackdown superstars are invited to Raw for a good old-fashioned lottery. It doesn’t matter which superstar it is, everyone is in the lottery. This sounds interesting.

Johnny Spade calls Bischoff “EB.” That kid’s got potential. Evolution is pissed. Bischoff is not much happier.

The Dudley Boyz vs. Booker T & Rob Van Dam for the World Tag Team Titles
Booker and Bubba do their thing, and D-Von comes in. RVD & Booker kick a lot. Bubba and D-Von punch a lot. It’s a match made in heaven. JR says that the Dudleys just don’t work as singles wrestlers. How true. The commentators aren’t focusing on the match, why should I? Ooooh, Bubba hits a wicked spear. 3D on Booker, but RVD breaks up the count. D-Von hits a big Neckbreaker on RVD. And we go to commercial?

We’re back, and JR and King continue to not talk about the match. Booker hits a spin-a-roony after the two teams do a lot of stuff to each other. I’m sorry, but I can’t do PBP here. RVD hits a five-star, and Booker crawls over for the cover, and D-Von breaks it up. And the MATCH CONTINUES. RVD and D-Von go over the top. Booker hits a Book End, and he and RVD retain the titles.
WINNERS – Booker T & Rob Van Dam

Highlight package of WrestleMania XX is shown. Pretty good show, once you sift through the junk.

Spike Dudley comes down, but Christian attacks him, and he and Trish are cutting a promo. They bleep “screwing?” Then Trish insinuates that she and Christian did the nasty. Christian says that Trish likes it rough and dirty. Says she wants A MAN. Trish says Jericho can’t get no Stratusfaction. Then she and Christian make out. Massive heel heat for that.

La Rez is talking about the draft and stuff.

Rene Dupree comes out and cuts an anti-American promo. Stupid Austin comes out on his stupid ATV. JR says Austin is American as American can be. So it’s American to beat our wives, drink and drive, and act like an ass? I know I’m supposed to be objective, but that’s just too much for me to take.

We’re back with a short featurette on “Walking Tall.”

Shawn Michaels & Chris Benoit vs. Batista, Randy Orton & Ric Flair, with Triple H
Batista and HBK start off. Flair gets tagged in, and continues to bring the awesome. Isn’t he injured or something? They trade chops. Benoit comes in and Flair continues with the chops. Benoit chops. FLAIR FLOPS! Orton is in, and Michaels takes all the heat. Mick Foley shows up, and looks like he’s on his way to the arena. Crowd chants “Foley.” Referee goes down, and everyone hops into the ring and it’s a big schmozz. Foley makes his way down and goes right after Orton. Hunter comes in and gives Shawn the pedigree. Fans chant “you tapped out.” Earl Hebner walks down, but Michaels kicks out at two. Orton and Foley seem to have been forgotten. Michaels is bleeding again. Benoit finally gets the hot tag and cleans house. Rolling Germans on Batista – impressive. Listen to that pop for Benoit! Batista kicks out of the flying headbutt. Hunter goes for the pedigree on Benoit, but Shawn kicks Hunter in the face instead. Batista goes for the demon bomb, but Benoit reverses into the sharpshooter. HBK hits the kick on Flair, and Batista taps to the sharpshooter.
WINNERS – Shawn Michaels & Chris Benoit

They hype the draft for next week from Detroit! See you there!