411’s WWF Royal Rumble Report 1.20.02

WWF Royal Rumble Report 1.20.02
Live
Announcers: JR, King
Report: Widro

WWF Tag Team Titles
Spike and Tazz (c) vs. Dudley Boyz w/Stacey
Tazz has new music by Cypress Hill. Brawling for a while, settles down to Bubba and Spike in the ring. Bubba rips Spike’s neck brace off for some beatin’. Spike finally hits the Dudley Dog but he is too weak to cover, so both reach for a tag. Both get it, but the ref doesn’t see Tazz tag in, so he isn’t allowed in. Faces get control, but Stacy distracts. Spike tossed to the floor, Tazz gets the Tazzmission on Dvon and gets a tapout!
Winners and STILL champs: Spike and Tazz

Lilian Garcia interviews Edge. Edge says he’ll win.

WWF IC Title
Edge (c) vs. William Regal
Ref digs into Regal’s tights and finds the brass knucks. Back and forth stuff. Edge does a cool held backdrop. Regal up and goes to work. They tumble to the floor. Back in, and Edge chains some moves into a pin for 2. They roll around for a bit, Regal gets the Regal Stretch, but Edge reaches for the ropes. Edge spears the ref by mistake. Regal has the brass knucks and levels Edge. Ref finally gets up, and counts the pin.
Winner and NEW IC Champ: Regal

After the match, Cole interviews Regal in the aisle, and Regal lauds his huge punching power.

WWF Woman’s Title
Trish (c) vs. Jazz
Jacky is your special ref. It would be great if Jacky turns here and creates a “Badass sistas” team with Jazz. Apparently Trish’s hand is very very injured from the attack on Smackdown and it’s all bandaged up. Lots of rolling pins to begin. Jazz fully in control. Just about no heat until she pushes and shoves with Jacky. In the scuffle, Trish rolls up Jazz, but Jazz reverses and Jacky hesitates, then counts a 2 count. Bulldog by Trish for 2, Jazz rolls over for 2 as well. Snap DDT by Jazz for only 2. Jazz charges Trish in the corner, Trish gets her leg up, does another BULLDOG and gets the pin.
Winner and STILL champ: Trish

Earlier tonight Flair arrives with his daughter and Reid. Flair blows off the COACH.

Street Fight
Vince McMahon vs. Ric Flair
Does McMahon’s body make anyone else sick? Staredown. I can’t believe how early it is. Lockup and McMahon pushes off Flair and then poses. Then again, and McMahon struts to massive boos. Flair is looking less flabby than last time I saw him wrestle, but still pretty damn flabby. Chops. Flair flop. Flair signature turnbuckle flip and McMahon knocks him to the floor. McMahon follows and they brawl in the aisleway. All around the ringside area, Flair is already bleeding. Vince tosses Flair into the STEEEEEEEEEL steps. Bodyslam on the concrete. Into the ring, Vince has a leg lock of some sort on Flair, who is doing his damnest to sell here. Vince locks in the figure four. Flair turns it. McMahon escapes and grabs the LEAD pipe. Flair with a low blow as McMahon tries the Lead Pipe Blow. Brawling on the floor, Flair has CHOPS with big WHOOOOOs from the crowd. Flair grabs a Spanish Announce Table monitor and whacks McMahon in the face. Then he talks to the other one like a crazy man. They brawl behind the SAT and finally Flair brings it back into the ring. Flair pulls McMahon out of the ring again and beats him in front of his family who take pictures and laugh. That’s weird. Remember when Vince Russo shaved Reid’s head. Ah the good old days. Back into the ring again, Vince begs off. Flair punches Vince in the cut so he bleeds more. Another low blow. Flair has the LEEAAADDDD pipe. Whacks Vince in the head. Flair goes for the figure four to a huge pop. And gets it. Vince fights. Wow McMahon taps.
Winner: Flair

Cole interviews Nick Patrick for a minute, until Steph takes his place and blah blah blah I cant even listen to her voice. She runs down Debra, and from behind is Austin and he says, surprisingly, WHAT over and over.

WWF Undisputed Title
Chris Jericho (c) vs. The Rock
Announcers talk about how Jericho is an underdog. Staredown and Jericho trash talks. Jericho puts his hand in Rock’s face and then tells him to bring it. Rock attacks and hits a Samoan drop for 2. Jericho flees to the floor. Jericho climbs back in and takes control of the match. Jericho chops and undoes the turnbuckle pad. Jericho tries the Walls, but Rock spins out of it. Jericho with a side headlock on Rock. Jericho continues in control. Jericho hits TWO lionsaults but still only gets 2 and pouts to the ref. Push and shoves with Hebner. Jericho to the middle rope, but Rock grabs him and gets the Shaprshooter. Lance Storm and Christian are here and while Jericho taps, the ref tends to Storm. Christian in for a distraction. Jericho hits Rock Bottom on the Rock, then sets up for the elbow, but Rock is up and tosses Jericho to the floor. Brawling on the floor. Rock preps the announce table for some smashin’. Jericho blocks a shot into the SAT, then hits Rock face first on the table. Jericho preps the SAT. Jericho and Rock are on the SAT. Jericho sets up for something… It’s a Rock Bottom, but Rock elbows out of it. Then Rock hits Rock Bottom on Jericho through the table and both are down in the wreckage of the SAT. Rock pulls Jericho up and back to the ring. Back and forth. Jericho gets the Walls, and Rock fights. And finally gets the bottom ropes. Jericho breaks the hold. Jericho beats on Rock. Rock goes for a flying burrito but hits the ref as Jericho dodges. Jericho then whacks the Rock with a title belt. Jericho waves, and out comes Nick Patirck who counts 2 on Rock. He must not remember his feud with Jericho where they had a match where Jericho had an arm tied behind his back. Rock up and hits a DDT on Jericho. Rock covers, but Patrick wont cover. Rock up, he knocks out the ref. Rock hits Rock Bottom and then the People’s Elbow on Jericho, but there is sadly no ref. Rock tries to revive Hebner, but Jericho hits a low blow, knocks Rock into the exposed STEEEEEEEEL turnbuckle, and covers with his legs on the ropes. Hebner groggily covers.
Winner and STILL champ: Jericho

Shawn Michaels is in WWF NY. What does HE think of the Rumble tonight? He gives some promo about the McMahon/Flair match and the Rumble match. He predicts either the UT or Austin because Don’t Mess With Texas. Sexy Boy music!

The Royal Rumble
I’ll break this into a bunch of posts for all of you to enjoy. Rikishi is #1. Goldust is #2. They even brought back the cool camera effects for his entrance. Long entrance for the bizarre Goldust. Rikishi attacks and brawling begins. Rikishi tosses Goldust, but Goldy hangs on and pulls himself back in. Goldust almost eliminated again. #3 is the Big Bossman. Goldust up top, crotches by Rikishi, and Bossman is tossed into Goldust. Bossman and Goldust work together to try to eliminate Rikishi. That doesn’t last, as they brawl with each other, and here comes #4, who is Bradshaw. The big Texan sprints to the ring and attacks everyone. Goldust bumps hard for Bradshaw. Bossman and Rikishi pair off, Goldust and Bradshaw do. Rikishi goes for a stinkface on the Bossman and gets it. Rikishi eliminated the Bossman. Samoan drop on Bradshaw as Goldust stays in the corner. Brings Bradshaw to the corner for a 10 punch count along, but Bradshaw powerbombs Goldust out of the corner. As that happens #5 is here, and it’s Lance Storm. Storm and Goldust paired up, Rikishi and Bradshaw. This is slow. Al Snow is #6. Jim Ross intros him as “from the Tough Enough show”. Clothesline from HELL for Storm, but he is still in there. Snow trying the idiotic ‘push the fat guy out slowly in the corner’. Goldust goes to eliminate Snow, Rikishi around. Bradshaw and Storm together. Storm and Rikishi grapple, Bradshaw and Snow as Goldust relaxes. #7 is Billy Gunn. They better have someone cool clear all this crap out of the ring soon. Al Snow eliminates Lance Storm. Bradshaw is gone, I missed how. Here comes #8. The Undertaker, and hopefully he’ll clear all these scrubs out. He comes down on his Titan Bike.

UT is kicking some ass. Chokeslams Goldust out of the ring. Tosses Al Snow. Goes toe to toe with Rikishi. Big boot to the face by Taker. And Rikishi is thankfully gone. And Billy Gunn is as well. We’ll just wait for #9 now. Matt Hardy comes out with Lita, and they kiss, so I guess that’s forgotten. Lita is in the ring too and they both are being beaten by UT. Lita with a low blow on Taker, then a twist of fate by Matt, and they double stomp the Taker. Matt tries to eliminate Taker but he fights. And takes control. Ah well. Slows down as Matt tries more offense. #10 is shockingly Jeff Hardy. He blocks a suplex, and the Hardyz work together on the Taker, and in comes Lita too. The Hardyz hug, awwww I got chills. They double team UT, but he double clotheslines them and they are down. UT tries to toss Jeff but he hangs on. Another twist of fate, Jeff up top and hits a Swanton! Jeff hits Poetry in Motion, but UT catches him and dumps him. Matt gets a Last Ride. UT just tosses Matt out. Here comes #11. It’s Maven! Lita on the apron, distracts Taker, but the Hardyz come back to get them some. UT eliminates the Hardyz again just in case you forgot who’s yard it was. Then Maven with a dropkick and the UT is eliminated! UT back in, and Taker stalks Maven around the ring. UT tosses Maven through the middle ropes, and then beats him around the ringside area. UT beat up Maven for a while until #12 comes out, and it’s Scotty 2 Hotty. He dances down the aisle, the Taker punches him, then goes to work on Maven in the ring. Taker tosses Maven over the top and brawls with him through the crowd. Why would that count? Scotty by himself in the ring.

The countdown for #13 starts as UT continues his beatdown on Maven in the concession area. It’s Christian. UT is standing over Maven near some popcorn machine then eats popcorn to mock Maven. Moments earlier UT had slammed Maven through the popcorn machine. Oh wait, Scotty isn’t in the ring, he’s still knocked out from Taker’s punch. Christian is relaxing in the corner, and finally Scotty is in. Poor crowd. I feel for them. They brawl for a bit, #14 is DDP. He goes to work on Christian, and he has a bit of heat here in Atlanta. Diamond Cutter out of no where on Christian, then like a moron Scotty attacks him. DDP out through the middle ropes so he isn’t gone. Scotty wants to do the worm on Christian. Face buster, then does it. Page tosses Scotty. #15 is Chuck. DDP and Chuck brawl as Christian stays behind. Chuck and Christian work together on DDP. #16 is the Godfather! He has 4 hos! No wait, he has more hos! That’s 8. Oh wait, more! 12 hos! They all dance. Pimpin’ aint, pimpin’ aint, pimpin’ aint easy mang. DDP is eliminated off camera says JR. Chuck and Christian are the only ones left. #17 is the Hip Hop Hippo. Albert is ousted by Chuck and Christian. They double team the Godfather. He stacks them in the corner. Goes for the Ho Train, but they move and toss him. Christian goes to shake Chuck’s hand and then attacks him. #18 is Saturn so they are really loading up the end.

#19 is Stone Cold Steve Austin. About damn time. Austin tosses Christian. Stunner on Saturn. Chuck is tossed. And Saturn is tossed. Austin on the corner, looks at his wrist, maybe his watch is talking to him. He has some time, so he goes and gets Christian back into the ring and beats him up more. And also Chuck. #20 is Val Venis who gets a huge pop. He is in great shape. Austin goes right to work on Venis. Stomps a mudhole in Venis in the corner, and each stomp gets a WHAT. Venis takes control! Thesz Press on Venis. #21 is Test with new music. He goes right for Austin. I vaguely remember a Venis/Test program, but who knows. Val and Test work together on Austin. Test hits the big boot on Venis by accident, Austin sends Venis over, then sends Test out. Oh good, it’s clear again. Austin checks his fake watch again. #22 is HHH. He enters slow to bask in those cheers. Damn this is slow. They stare down. They talk trash. It’s about time for #23, no? Austin hits HHH first. #23 is The Hurricane. He picks both up by their throats, but they just point at him and toss him together and go back to fighting each other. Austin with a spinebuster. #24 is Faarooq to no pop. Spinebuster on Austin. HHH attacks Faarooq, stunner on Faarooq, and HHH tosses him. HHH and Austin left in the ring as only RVD, Perfect, Kane, Big Show, Angle and Booka T remain…

#25 is Mr. Perfect! He is going slow and keeps tossing the towel as his classic music plays. He goes to work on Austin. HHH goes to hit Perfect, but he fights back. He goes to eliminate Austin, HHH over, and Perfect fights him off. Austin and HHH work together on Perfect. #26 is Kurt Angle. He goes after HHH. Perfect and Austin paired up as well. Angle suplexes HHH. Angle goes to eliminate HHH, like a moron Austin STOPS HIM and beats him down. #27 is Big Show. Chokeslam on Perfect. Double Chokeslam attempt on HHH and Austin, but they kick him and go to work. Show guerilla presses Angle, but HHH kicks Show. Show dominating. #28, and I’m guessing it’s Kane. And I’m right since I’m that damned good. HHH, Austin, Angle and Perfect on the mat, and Show and Kane go toe to toe. These two hosses are going right at each other. Kane bodyslams Show over the top. Austin hits Kane with a stunner, and Angle eliminates him. #29 is RVD. Five star on Angle. Kicks all around. Rolling Thunder on Austin. Then HHH hits RVD with the pedigree. Back to slow brawling. Perfect suplex on Angle. #30 is of course BOOKA T! Booka T picks up RVD. And just tossed him! Damnit. Spinaroonie! Stunner on Booka T and he’s gone. Angle Slam blocked by Austin. Angle Slam on HHH. German suplex by Angle on Austin. Another one. And a third German suplex by Angle. JR mentions Chris Benoit? Austin goes to eliminate Perfect. Perfect and Angle double team Austin, but he doesn’t fall to the floor. Angle eliminated Austin! Perfect and Angle go at it. Imagine if Mr. Perfect won! Aw man, Austin pulls Perfect to the floor, and Angle goes to beat on him as well. Perfect and Austin back in. HHH and Angle brawl as Perfect watches on. Austin back in with a chair, and he levels Angle and Perfect. And then HHH. He leaves with all three out in the ring. Perfect holds HHH for Angle, but HHH dodges and Angle hits Perfect but doesn’t eliminate him. Perfectplex on Angle, but there are no pins. HHH sends Perfect out. It’s down to Angle and HHH. Staredown. Back and forth brawling. Angle backdrops HHH out, but his feet don’t hit the ground. Angle celebrates, but HHH is back, FACEBUSTER and tosses Angle.
Winner: HHH