The Furious Flashbacks – Starrcade ‘89

You’ll notice I’ve skipped around the name of the company debate by dumping the company name and just sticking up the show name. Everyone knows what Starrcade is. No worries. I was going to plug the people I regularly read on 411 in lieu of an introduction but my pathetic dial up Internet can’t even load the main page let alone the pages I need to link to. In order to gauge my 411 reading habits then think tape reviews, news reports, movie stuff, Tim O’Sullivan and Ryan Byers. I’d do a top five but it’d be all Csonka, all the time. You knows it. Favourite TV show right now – Viva La Bam. It’s a bit like Jackass only with actual characters. I think this was the best direction that Bam could go in considering that Phil and April were the real stars of Jackass. The addition of Don Vito is inspired. Angry drunken cripple gets thrown out of casino shocker! Why isn’t the DVD out until the end of the year? That’s just shit! At least the second season is running on MTV at the minute. It’s about they put something about there that didn’t suck. I was getting pretty sick of flicking on 440 and getting either Cribs, Pimp My Ride or Punk’d. The only downside to Viva La Bam is that Bam Margera still strikes me as a spoiled child who got lucky. I feel the urge to shout “GET A JOB” at him and his slacker cohorts at regular intervals.

This was the first Starrcade to be somewhat experimental. Two tournaments to determine…er…nothing. One singles round robin with four guys and one tag team round robin with four teams. We’re in the Omni in Atlanta. Jim Ross is joined by Terry Funk (for singles matches) and Jim Cornette (for tag matches) to review the scoring system and analyse how to win. Here’s the 411.

20 pts for clean win (pin or submission)
15 pts for count out
10 pts for DQ
5 pts each for a draw
0 pts for a loss. Doy.

Ross shills the fact that every match tonight will be a main event.

Doom w/Woman/Nitron v Steiner Brothers

If you read Ask411 you’ll know that Nitron is Tyler Mane who played Sabretooth in X-Men. Here’s the continuation of the feud from Halloween Havoc. Loving the #1 and #2 calling on Doom from JR. “Pushing #1 back” sounds like Scott Steiner is trying not to piss in the ring. He hits a powerslam and a STEINERLINE. Simmons grabs Rick as he comes in and hits a Stunner but Rick isn’t bothered and he hits a belly to belly. Reed runs in and gets slammed. Rick with another powerslam for 2. JR points out that the Steiners are the only team without a manager tonight. Scott in to hit a backbreaker for 2. Scott misses with a clothesline on the ropes and falls outside. Nitron hammers on Scott given an opening. Simmons powerslams him coming back in for 2. Scott gets a fluke roll up for 2 before taking another shoeing. Cornette talks about Doom wanting to cripple the Steiners for Woman rather than focusing on the tournament. Simmons with a spinebuster for 2. Doom cheat on a chinlock with illegal double-teaming. Rick strolls around to bother Doom while Scott gets another cheeky roll up. Ref is too distracted to count. Scott hits a belly to belly and you can tell he’s quite tired because he doesn’t do it overhead. Hot tag to Rick and cleans house with two minutes left on the time limit. Steinerline and a powerslam but Rick isn’t pinning. Steinerlines all round. OOF! Nitron trips him up but Rick bails to STEINERLINE the future Sabretooth. Everyone brawls on the floor and you’d better believe that’s a count out at 12.26 but Rick sneaked back in before the count hit ten so the Steiners win cheap. **. Your standard formula tag match to open things up. They’re still dragging this out and protecting both teams to ensure a big blow off match down the line. But this is Starrcade so that’s kind of weak.

Steiners 15 Doom 0

Sting v Lex Luger

Luger has turned into a bit of a dick so the crowd is firmly behind Sting here. Luger gets so upset with his reaction that he walks. Sting bails and kicks his ass on the floor. Sting shows his athleticism and knocks Luger back down every time he gets up. Sting hits a slingshot splash for 2 and Luger bails again. Sting controls on the floor again and clotheslines him. It’s all Sting in terms of crowd and he wails on Luger in the corner. Another clothesline gets 2. Sting hits a crossbody for 2. He keeps utilising an armbar in between bursts of offence. I’d rather it was Luger using the rest holds but as he’s getting a whipping we can’t be picky. Luger runs into a knee and gets pinned again for 2. He goes for another crossbody but Luger catches him into an atomic drop to turn the tide. Another from Luger and frankly I think it’s a silly looking move that no one really buys on babyfaces. Luger kicks at the fallen Sting and takes it outside to rail him as well. Luger axe handles Sting for 2. This turns into a slugfest but Luger seems to have a little more in the tank so he wins that and hits a powerslam. Sting avoids the Torture Rack and heads into the ropes to protect himself. Sting pops up and he’s hitting the no selling. Time limit is running low. Suplex gets 2 after something goes wrong on the ropes. Luger takes a powder looking for the draw with less than a minute left. They fall back inside in a really awkward spot. Just asking Luger to do something complicated is asking for trouble. Luger ends up on top with the ropes for the pin with 20 seconds left on the time limit. **1/4. That was fun for the most part. Certainly more energetic than the opener and it sets up the Sting-Luger run.

Luger 20 Sting 0

Roadwarriors v Doom

Doom are right back out here after taking a beating in the opener. Animal starts with power and hits a dropkick as well to show his range. We hit clipsville pretty early thus missing out the heat segment on Hawk. No big loss there. Animal hits a shoulderblock and a powerslam for 2. Everyone comes in for a brawl allowing Hawk to hit a diving clothesline and Animal gets the pin at 2.59 shown. Too clipped to rate. Woman is less than thrilled with Doom losing again thus having no hope of taking this tournament. So much for protecting them for another Steiners match too.

Roadwarriors 20 Steiners 15 Doom 0

Ric Flair v Great Muta

They start fast teasing an awesome match. Muta is looking particularly energised as he hits a handspring back elbow. Flair pulls out some CHOPS~! Shinbreaker! FIGURE FOUR! This is under 2 minutes. Gary Hart’s guys try to make the save but the Horsemen stop them. Meanwhile Muta is out – MOONSAULT! But Flair gets the knees up and inside cradles Muta for the win at 1.54. Ѕ*. Too bad they didn’t let them go at that pace for longer. Meanwhile Flair becomes the first man to pin Muta in the NWA.

Flair 20 Luger 20 Sting 0 Muta 0

Roadwarriors v Steiners

Cornette suggests both teams are strong but dumb. Hawk clocks Scott with a Enzuigiri. My tape cuts out briefly but comes back with Hawk hitting a clothesline for 2 on Rick. He comes back with a STEINERLINE. Animal hits a flying shoulderblock and the crowd is dead here. They don’t know what to think of a big babyface match from a territory built on strong heels. Rick hits a belly to belly for 2 with Hawk saving. Hawk in to press Scott and drop a fist for 2. Rick saves there. Hawk with a big boot for 2. Scott back in to hit a belly to belly on Animal for 2. Scott runs right into a clothesline and that looked wicked. Gutwrench from Hawk into an over the shoulder backbreaker. He follows up with a gutwrench suplex for 2. To the ropes and Scott hits a belly to belly superplex…just barely. Hawk is out on the floor but in comes Animal with a BORE-HUG on Scott. Hawk comes back in after a rest and hits a powerslam. Animal in to drop an elbow for 2. Everyone comes in for a brawl. Roadwarriors double-team Scott with a back suplex/clothesline spot but Animal pins himself allowing Scott to kick out and win at 7.26. **1/2. That was a real barnburner but the crowd didn’t care much for the babyface clash. Roadwarriors are pinned and that’s another potential main event blown for no real good reason.

Steiners 35 Roadwarriors 20 Doom 0

Great Muta v Sting

Muta blows green mist. Terry Funk points out that Muta has beaten Sting in the past. Amusing Sting typo’s – “Stong”, “String”, “Srinf”. And that’s just this column people! They run a near misses and Muta gets monkey flipped and clotheslined. Sting hits a clothesline for 2. Muta blocks the Scorpion Deathlock and he bails for a breather. Amusing how Funk mentions the NWA but Ross is quick to correct that WCW and Turner Home Entertainment are going to have a great 90’s. Trust me, Terry, NWA aren’t going to have a good 90’s. Muta hooks on the CATTLE MUTILATION! Sting flips out into punches. Sting with a press slam for 2. Elbow drop scores for 2. Muta looks to finish after some corner choking with a backbreaker. Moonsault misses but he lands on his feet and hits a spin kick. He climbs again but Sting dropkicks him. Muta is crotched and Sting hits a superplex for the pin at 8.39. So much for Muta’s unbeaten streak as he’s beaten for his second time this evening. **. Really good at the start when they were at a pace and the finish was good. The middle bit was less good.

Sting 20 Flair 20 Luger 20 Muta 0

We stop off for analysis with Funk suggesting Muta isn’t doing so well. In tags Cornette suggests the Wild Samoans have an advantage because they’ve not competed yet. Cornette plumps for the Steiners though. Funk backs Lex Luger to win.

Wild Samoans v Doom

Here’s a match no one gives a crap about! My only amusement comes from Jim Cornette suggesting that Norman the Lunatic is fencing some of his tennis rackets, which is why he’s dressed up as Santa to hide them in his sack. Doom are easily able to out smart their opponents here. Reed goes for a bulldog but gets shoved off by Samoan Savage. Doom double team to get in front again. Fatu tags in and flying headbutts Simmons for 2. An accidental clash of heads leaves Simmons floored again and Humperdink shoves Fatu onto him for the pin at 3.20 shown. Well, it’s way to clipped to rate but it’s also too shit to rate. That’s Doom eliminated with zero points. Woman is the very epitome of unimpressed and Doom have been buried tonight.

Steiners 35 Roadwarriors 20 Samoans 20 Doom 0

Ric Flair v Lex Luger

Bit of a reversal here as Flair has more support than during the strong Luger face run at Flair’s title beforehand. We clip into the match with Flair getting a kicking in the corner. So we lose 10 of the 15 minutes right off the bat. Luger with a press slam and he celebrates. Flair is hung up by the neck and Luger works it over. Remember Funk worked over Flair’s neck for months before this. Luger goes for a suplex but Flair blocks into one of his own. Backslide gets 2. Flair does his corner bump with apron running but ends up clotheslined on the way down for 2. Sunset flip from Flair gets 2. Flair climbs again but Luger picks him off with ease. Why does he ever do that? That’s worked once in the last 20 years. Flair hits a back suplex and hooks on the FIGURE FOUR but time is running out. The 15.00 are up but we only got to see six of them. Too clipped to rate again, really. It looked to be decent but there seemed to be a lack of plan.

Luger 25 Flair 25 Sting 20 Muta 0

Wild Samoans v Steiners

JIP with Scott taking the heat segment. Samoans are headbutting a lot. Rick runs in to bite one of the Samoans. Scott gets worn down with a BORE-HUG. We’re already well over 10 minutes. Powerslam gets 2. Just two minutes left now. Scott gets a backslide with the ref distracted. FRANKENSTEINER! Scott is too hurt to follow up and continues to get a beat down. Sunset flip gets him 2. Hot tag is made but the ref misses it. STEINERLINES all round. Fatu charges Scott but gets backdropped over the ropes, which the ref deems to be a disqualification with around 20 seconds left in the time limit. There wasn’t much happening in terms of match as it was all heat on Scott and the ref missed the finish. I’m quite glad most of that was clipped.

Steiners 35 Samoans 30 Roadwarriors 20 Doom 0

Lex Luger v Great Muta

If Luger wins then Flair can only tie him and has to beat Sting to do so. Muta is already eliminated. Luger is already on one leg thanks to Flair and we slip well into the match again with Muta hitting the handspring back elbow. He attacks Luger’s bad knee. Luger tries to get something going but Muta wipes out his knee again. The tournament is somewhat bad for crowd reaction here as no one cares much for either guy. Muta hooks a half crab but Luger gets the ropes after it’s turned into the Mutalock. Luger tries to fire up but Muta spin kicks him. Crowd digs that a little bit and it seems that Luger is more hated. Luger sells away and gets dropkicked. Luger hits a clothesline out of desperation and rolls around selling the knee. Luger fucks up a hip toss and misses a stomp of all things. Muta tries for a sunset flip, impartial referee Nick Patrick stops Luger using the ropes and that gets 2. Luger comes back with a powerslam with a minute left. Luger is too hurt to rack Muta but gets MIST in the face anyway. Muta is disqualified at 7.07 shown. *. Looked to be pretty bad even with only half the match on here.

Luger 35 Flair 25 Sting 20 Muta 0

Roadwarriors v Samoans

If the Legion of Doom win then they take the tournament but it has to be clean. Likewise the Samoans will win the tournament if they win clean but can take it by DQ and count out as well and still unseat the Steiners. Any draw situation will result in a “wrestle-off”. Animal starts no selling right from the off. Savage and Hawk chop at each other sloppily. Savage with something remotely resembling a judo throw. Hawk with a dropkick for 2. JR blames the increasingly sloppy nature of this match on “fatigue”. Samoans run a long heat segment on Animal. Everyone in for a brawl. Hawk hits a clothesline off the top and the Roadwarriors win at 5.45. DUD. WOW, that absolutely sucked.

Roadwarriors 40 Steiners 35 Samoans 30 Doom 0

So the winners of the tag team tournament are the ROADWARRIORS but they still jobbed to the Steiners leaving their position as the best tag team in the territory open to debate. A replay shows Animal falling over somewhere near the finish as it almost went tits.

Ric Flair v Sting

Winner of this match takes the tournament. Any screwy ending hands the tournament to Luger. This whole concept has made the entire night drag. Which is saying something considering the high degree of clipping. WHOO OFF! Flair out wrestles Sting standing so Sting takes it to the mat where he does somewhat better. Flair dumps Sting on the buckles to show his superiority. Sting is liking that so he just over powers Flair to remind him of where his strengths lie. Touchй, sir, touchй. International ends with Sting hitting a press slam. Flair bails to get himself back together. Sting gets a backslide for 2 so Flair breaks out the CHOPS~! Sting hits a pair of dropkicks and some clotheslines for 2. Funk points out they can’t carry on at this pace. Outside and Flair whips Sting into the rail. Impartial referee Nick Patrick lays the count on him. Flair suplexes Sting back in for 2. Flair hooks the Abdominal roll for 2. Flair berates impartial referee Nick Patrick thus turning the crowd more onto Sting’s side. Inside cradle, which pinned Muta, gets 2. Vertical suplex gets 2. Butterfly suplex gets 2. Sting picks it up a touch and hits a clothesline for 2. Outside again where Flair traditionally does better but Sting isn’t selling the chops anymore. Sting sunset flips back inside but Flair punches him in between the eyes. That wasn’t a popular move either. Flair gets nasty and goes to suplex Sting to the floor but he reverses back inside for 2. Sting is still no selling the chops. He does the 10-count corner punches and hits a biel. Clothesline gets 2. STINGER SPLASH. Flair is down. SCORPION DEATHLOCK! Flair goes right into the ropes and hits a SHINBREAKER INTO THE FIGURE FOUR! Sting gets the ropes. 1-1. Flair wants to know how much more time he has. Not much. Flair goes after the leg some more trying to set up the Figure Four again. Flair bizarrely goes to a headlock but all that does is show that Sting can bridge out into a backslide for 2. I make that 15.00 but one minute is left on the official timer. Shinbreaker connects again. Flair takes his sweet fucking time setting up the Figure Four and ends up getting rolled up and looking like a dickhead at 15.51. Sting wins the match and the tournament. ***. Good match, hated the finish but then with 9 seconds left what could they do? The time limit kind of killed it because I’d have quite happily sat through another 15-20.

Sting 40 Luger 35 Flair 25 Muta 0

So STING wins the tournament. The Horsemen jump into the ring and threaten an ass-kicking but end up raising Sting’s hand. Flair’s endorsement kind of marks the passing of the torch from the 1980’s to the 1990’s. From Flair to Sting.

BACKSTAGE Gordon Solie is with the Roadwarriors. Hawk calls them “the Ironmen” and says they’ve lived up to that nickname tonight.

Overall show thoughts – C

It feels incredibly long and I can’t imagine how dull it must have been unedited. Flair-Sting is the only match worth turning up for in the singles and RW-Steiners in the tags. The latter didn’t have anything approaching a build up and the fans had no interest in seeing it. Therefore you have a one match show and it’s a match that’s been done better plenty of times elsewhere. This is just an exercise in futility. Two tournaments that mean nothing on what is supposed to be the biggest show of the year. The lack of anything storyline wise hurts the show badly and the crowd were disinterested throughout. Motto, wrestling fans, tournaments in worked situations don’t interest anyone. Especially over just a single night. This is why there’s no King of the Ring anymore and Survivor Series ’98 was so incredibly overbooked. This is a complete waste of time. I feel like that I’ve lost two hours that I’ll never get back. It’s not even that the wrestling is that bad, because it’s not. It’s just so completely pointless. Gah, thumbs down.