WrestleMania IX Review

-4/4/1993 from Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, NV

-Hosted by Jim Ross, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

-This is the rather infamous show where everyone is wearing togas. It is also Jim Ross’ WWF debut. Opening ceremonies see Caesar and Cleopatra come out along with Savage and Heenan. Savage rides in on a sedan accompanied by vestal virgins, and Heenan rides backwards on a camel.

WWF Intercontinental Championship: Shawn Michaels © (w. Luna Vachon) vs. Tatanka (w. Sensational Sherri)

Shawn put Sherri in front of him and she went through a mirror. She came back and turned on him turning her face. So now she’s out to watch Shawn get his, although she isn’t really with Tatanka. Shawn acquired the services of Luna to watch Sherri. Shawn tries to take Tatanka down with a couple single legs, but Tatanka kicks him off. Shawn grabs a hammerlock, which Tatanka quickly reverses. Shawn reverses that into an overhand wristlock, but Tatanka powers out and shoves Shawn into the corner. Shawn grabs a headlock, and takes Tatanka over with it. Tatanka counters out of that with a side suplex, and follows up with a big chop. Tatanka tries to charge in the corner, but Shawn moves. Shawn dives off the top but Tatanka armdrags him coming off the top. Three more armdrags, a chop and a clothesline send Shawn to the floor. Tatanka meets Shawn with tomahawk chops when he tries to get back in, but eventually Shawn gets a thumb to the eye and drives Tatanka into the corner, which allows him to come back in. Shawn hits a sunset flip off the top for a two count. Tatanka hits the ropes and Shawn tries a leapfrog, but gets caught in an inverted atomic drop. DDT connects by Tatanka, and that is followed by a wristlock. Tatanka legdrops the arm of Shawn and then locks in an armbar. Shawn fires Tatanka into the ropes and delivers a clothesline, but injures his shoulder on the move. That allows Tatanka to go back to the armbar, as he works the injured shoulder. Shawn pushes Tatanka into the corner, which breaks the hold and delivers an elbow. Shawn charges into the corner and shoulders the post. Tatanka goes back to the armbar. Into the corner again, and Shawn tries a leapfrog, but gets caught in a shoulderbreaker. Elbow drop connects for Tatanka who goes to the top rope and delivers a tomahawk chop. He goes off the top rope again, but falls into the early prototype of sweet chin music. Shawn fires Tatanka over the top rope, and Luna goes to inflict some damage, but Sherri puts a stop to that. Shawn goes out after Tatanka and fires him into the apron. Shawn comes flying off the apron with a clothesline before heading back in. Shawn hits a swinging neckbreaker for a two count, and then delivers a dropkick for another two. Shawn grabs a reverse chinlock, and Tatanka fights to his feet elbowing Shawn into the corner. Shawn jabs away at Tatanka in the corner, and botches a victory roll, but gets two anyway. Shawn goes for the victory roll again, but Tatanka drops down and both men are down. Tatanka crawls over to make the cover and gets a two count. Off the rope an elbow drop misses for Tatanka. Shawn goes to the second rope and delivers a double axe handle. Tatanka starts his war dance and no sells three of them from Shawn. Shawn goes for the kick, but Tatanka catches it and delivers a series chops. Shawn off the ropes gets another big chop. Tatanka goes to the top rope and hits a crossbody for two. Slingshot by Tatanka sends Shawn into the post. Tatanka catches him in a rollup for two. Tatanka goes for a Samoan drop, but Shawn drops down the back and rolls him up for two. Shawn goes to the top rope, but gets caught with a powerslam for two. Shawn is able to throw Tatanka to the floor, but misses another dive off the apron. Tatanka slides into the ring, so Shawn grabs the official and pulls him out of the ring. Tatanka hits the Samoan drop, but the ref calls for the DQ at 18:16. Shitty ending really drags down what was to that point a tremendous match. Afterward Luna attacks Sherri on the floor and Tatanka makes the save.

Winner: Tatanka (Disqualification-Touching Official **3/4)

-Mean Gene meets up with The Steiner Brothers

The Headshrinkers (w. Afa) vs. The Steiner Brothers

I still have trouble connecting this version of Scott Steiner with the version that currently resides in TNA. Slobberknocker makes it debut in WWE vernacular at the outset of this match. Fatu starts with Scott. Scott takes him down with an armdrag, and then takes him down again with a double leg before grabbing an armbar. Fatu comes up and drives Soctty into the corner, but gets arm dragged out. Scott gets a clothesline, but Fatu comes back with a thumb to the eyes. Fatu drives Scott into the corner and the Headshrinkers double team. Rick comes in but gets thrown out by Samu. Scott gets thrown to the floor as well, but the Steiners go to the top rope and both deliver clotheslines sending the Shrinkers to the floor. Back inside still both men tag out and Rick squares off with Samu. Rick gets whipped to the corner and met with a clothesline. Another whip to the corner, but this time its Rick who comes out with the clothesline. Rick rams Samu into the post, and then tags in Scott. Double underhook powerbomb is delivered to Samu, and a dropkick is given to Fatu. Scott hits the ropes, but gets thrown over the top rope, on what may have been a botched stun gun by Samu. Afa delivers a shot with the bamboo stick on the floor and Fatu tosses Scott back inside. Fatu tags back in and delivers a backbreaker. Fatu comes off the second rope with a headbutt, and Rick has to make the save. Tag to Samu and they deliver a double headbutt. A whip follows spinning heel kick by Samu to the corner. Samu charges but runs into a boot from Scott. Fatu tags in and is able to stop Scott from making the tag, but kicking him back to the floor. The ref gets tied up with Rick, which allows Samu to post Scott on the floor. Back inside Scott gets a facebuster on Fatu, but of course he’s Samoan so it has no effect. Superkick puts Scott back down and Samu tags in. Elbow drop by Samu is followed by a dropkick. Samu rams Scott into the head of Fatu and they continue to double team in the corner. Demolition Decapitation connects as Fatu comes in and that gets two. Fatu grabs a nerve pinch, but Scott is able to elbow out. Off the ropes a double clothesline puts both men down, but Fatu tags Samu who prevents Scott from making the tag. Bodyslam by Samu sets up the top rope headbutt, but Scott moves out of the way and again both men are down. This time Samu tags Fatu, but Scott is able to make the hot tag to Rick. He delivers a backdrop to Fatu, and a slam to Samu. Clotheslines for everyone, but Rick tries a double noggin knocker to no avail. A double team face buster follows double headbutt. Fatu puts Rick on his shoulders and Samu comes off the top, but Rick hits a powerslam. Scott tags in and hits Fatu with a belly-to-belly suplex. He walks into a superkick from Samu, who then delivers a Bodyslam. Samu off the ropes walks into a Frankensteiner, which finishes at 14:23. Good little match there.

Winners: The Steiner Brothers (Scott pins Samu-Frankensteiner ***)

-Mean Gene gets a word with Doink The Clown who has painted the statue of Julius Casear. We also get a recap of the events that led up to Crush and Doink.

Crush vs. Doink The Clown

Doink sprays Crush with a flower, which pisses Crush off so a chase begins on the outside. Crush slams Doink on the floor, and fires him into the post. Doink tries to escape, but gets rammed into the railing before getting fired back inside. Doink gets trapped in the corner and Crush chokes him out. Whip into the corner and Doink bails to the floor. He pulls Crush outside and delivers a few shots to no effect. Crush continues to pound away again firing Doink into the post. Back in the ring Crush delivers a neckbreaker and a stomp. Crush clotheslines Doink on the top rope, and follows up with a backbreaker. Doink is able to drop down from the apron hanging Crush on the top rope to get control. He comes off the top rope three times with forearms to the back of the neck of Crush. Piledriver from Doink connects, and then a kick sends Crush to the floor. Doink fires Crush into the post and then pulls him back in the ring. Bodyslam connects and sets up another trip to the top rope. This time though he jumps into the boot of Crush. They stagger to their feet, and Doink gets the better of it ramming Crush into the buckle and delivering a chop. Doink comes off the second rope, but gets caught and powerslammed. Clothesline sends Doink over the top to the floor. Doink tries to go under the ring, but he gets caught by Crush and fired back inside. Press slam sets up the head vice, but Doink quickly makes it to the ropes. The ref takes a bump, and Doink goes out again trying to get under the ring. Crush fires Doink back inside and delivers a spin kick. Crush locks in the head vice again, but another Doink comes in and hits Crush with a loaded cast. The original Doink holds Crush so he can get waffled again in the head with cast. The second Doink goes back under the ring as the ref comes to and that finishes things at 8:29. After the match referee Bill Alfonso comes out to tell the referee what happened, but when they check under the ring the second Doink is gone.

Winner: Doink The Clown (Pinfall-Loaded Cast *1/4)

-Todd Pettingill interviews a Japanese photographer who can’t speak any English. Hilarity ensues.

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

This is shortly after Backlund’s comeback, and well before the heel turn that defined the second half of his career. Backlund offers a handshake, but gets a toothpick to the face. Backlund sweeps the leg of Razor a few times to take him down. Razor comes back with a boot and a slam. Razor delivers a few right hands after a second slam. Razor gets whipped into the corner and Backlund hits a pair of hip tosses, but misses a dropkick. He comes right back with a forearm, and a double underhook suplex. Atomic drop sends Razor to the apron, but Backlund quickly slingshots him right back in. Razor gets a small package out of nowhere to finish at 3:46. Well, okay then.

Winner: Razor Ramon (Pinfall-Small Package ½*)

-Mean Gene talks to Money, Inc. and we get a recap of the incident on Raw that caused this match.

WWF Tag Team Championship: Money, Inc. © vs. The Mega-Maniacs (w. “Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart)

Hogan was either in a Jet Ski accident or attacked by Savage the night before depending on what story you believe so he’s got a nasty looking eye. They explain it in kayfabe that Money, Inc. paid off someone to take him out. Money, Inc attack before the bell, but they get tossed quickly so Hogan can tear off his shirt. Beefcake starts with IRS, and gets quickly rammed into the corner. Quick tag to Dibiase who is in with a pair of chops, and a back elbow. IRS comes in and delivers an elbow before again tagging in Dibiase. Dibiase comes off the second rope with a double axehandle but hits Beefcake’s protective mask and there is no effect. Double noggin knocker by Beefcake connects, and then he rams Dibiase into the buckle 10 times. Tag to Hogan to a huge pop, and he goes over to the corner for the 10-punch attack. Hogan mounts a fallen Dibiase and punches 10 more times. Dibiase comes off the ropes and into a clothesline. Tag to Beefcake and a double big boot to Dibiase. Beefcake delivers a stomp and a slam before tagging out to Hogan again. Hogan comes off the second rope with a double axe handle. A clothesline sends Dibiase to the floor. IRS comes in and after a few shots he gets thrown to the floor. Dibiase and IRS decide they’re just going to bail and say to hell with it much like last year. However the referee declares they will lose the match and the titles if they don’t return. That draws them back to the ring, and again its Dibiase and Hogan. Knee to the gut gives Dibiase control as he chokes out Hogan on the second rope. IRS grabs the tag rope and chokes Hogan with it from the floor as the ref is tied up with Beefcake. Dibiase chokes some more with the rope and delivers a chop. Dibiase continues to choke this time on the top rope. When the ref warns him, IRS does the choking. Dibiase slaps on the Million Dollar Dream, and Hogan begins to fade. Hogan’s arm drops twice, but of course is up at three and Hogan fights to his feet. It’s only temporary as he is unable to break the hold. IRS comes in and gets tied up with the ref, and that allows Beefcake to make the save by putting Dibiase out with the sleeper. Both men get up and Hogan makes the hot tag to Beefcake. He comes in and delivers a high knee to IRS, and an atomic drop to Dibiase sending him to the floor. Beefcake comes off the ropes with a series of right hands, but Dibiase is able to hit him with the briefcase to the back from the floor. IRS comes back with a pair of elbow drops, and tags in Dibiase. Dibiase goes for the protective mask and eventually is able to remove it after a struggle. They go to work on the face driving the face into IRS’s boot, and then a tag to IRS. He delivers a few punches before tagging Dibiase back in. A few punches and another quick tag. Off the ropes Beefcake ducks a double clothesline and delivers one of his own. Beefcake locks the sleeper on IRS, and Dibiase makes the save. IRS and Beefcake fall into the referee putting everyone down. Hogan sits on the apron and waits for the tag despite the ref being unconscious. Finally both IRS and Beefcake tag and Hogan comes in with a big boot. He gets the titanium mask and waffles both IRS and Dibiase with it. Jimmy Hart turns his vest inside out to reveal stripes and he makes the count without a referee, and like idiots Hogan and Beefcake celebrate like they won the titles. Danny Davis (how ironic) runs down and awards the match to Money, Inc at 18:47 due to Hogan using the steel mask. Jimmy Hart fires Danny Davis out of the ring and Hogan and Beefcake stand around a pose despite losing. Another decent match ruined by a shitty ending.

Winners: STILL WWF Tag Team Champions-Money, Inc. (Disqualification-Foreign Object **1/2)

-Todd Pettingill is in the crowd with Natalie Cole and The CEO of Caesars Palace Dan Reitchartz who looks like someone right out of Oceans Eleven.

-Mean Gene catches up with Mr. Perfect for his thoughts on the upcoming match with Lex Luger.

”The Narcissist” Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Luger comes to the ring with four ladies in thongs to hold his mirrors. Seems tame now, but it was ridiculously edgy for WWF in 1993. They trade wristlocks to start and it ends in a stalemate. Perfect grabs a hammerlock, but Luger is quickly to the ropes to break. Luger comes off the ropes and gets a chop to the abs and a knee lift from Perfect. Dropkick connects for Perfect sending Luger to the floor. Back inside Perfect drives Luger into the corner, but Luger gets a shot in on the break to take control. He drives Perfect into the turnbuckle, and then sends him into the row. Luger goes for the big boot, but Perfect catches it and gives him a heel trip. Perfect drops on the leg of Luger and then grabs a spinning toehold. Luger gets to the ropes to break that hold so Perfect delivers some brutal chops in the corner. Perfect has an Irish whip reversed and goes flying into the buckle. Luger dumps Perfect to the floor, and then goes out after him. Luger drives Perfect into the ring apron before throwing him back inside. Luger delivers a forearm to the lower back, and then hits a backbreaker for two. Luger drives Perfect into the corner, but Perfect fights out with a series of kicks. Perfect charges into the corner, but Luger scoops him in the corner and tries a pin with the feet on the ropes. The ref catches him so the count stops at two. Powerslam in the middle by Luger picks up a two count. Perfect hits a sunset flip for two, and then goes to the sleeper. Luger quickly gets out of that by driving Perfect into the corner. Perfect gets an inside cradle off the ropes for two, and then hits a backdrop. Perfect sends Luger into the corner and then slingshots him into the buckle. Forearm off the ropes connects for Perfect for another two count. Perfect delivers three punches in the corner, but Luger tries to come out with an inverted atomic drop. Perfect counters that and gets a clothesline for two. Neckbreaker by Perfect gets another two count. Missile dropkick looks to finish for Perfect, but Luger gets a foot on the ropes. The fight for a backslide, which is won by Luger thanks to a little leverage from the ropes. Perfect gets his feet on the ropes but the ref doesn’t see it and counts him out anyway at 10:54. What is it with the shitty finishes on this show? Another good match that was ruined by an odd finish. After the match Luger takes out Perfect with the bionic forearm. Perfect chases Luger to the back, but gets jumped by Shawn Michaels.

Winner: “The Narcissist” Lex Luger (Pinfall-Backslide **1/4)

The Giant Gonzalez (w. Harvey Whippleman) vs. The Undertaker (w. Paul Bearer)

Taker gets his first epic Mania entrance entering on a Funeral Chariot. That would be the only thing that was epic about this encounter. Gonzalez towers over Taker and delivers some forearms to no effect. Taker hits an uppercut, but Gonzalez locks a choke on Taker. Taker goes to the second rope to answer the choke. Low blow breaks that, but Taker comes right back with an uppercut. Old school is delivered by Taker and followed up with a series of kicks. Taker charges into the corner and runs into a foot. Big boot is followed by a hip toss. Gonzalez locks in side headlock and Taker begins to fade. He gets a second wind and fights out of the hold with a series of elbows. Gonzalez fires Taker out to the floor, and follows after him. Chops on the floor are delivered and Taker is fired into the ringsteps. Back inside Gonzalez delivers a pair of headbutts, but Taker keeps sitting up. They trade blows, and Taker gets the better of it with a series of blows knocking Gonzalez to one knee. Whippleman gets on the apron and slips Gonzalez a chloroform soaked rag. After a headbutt to Paul Bearer Gonzalez smothers Taker with the cloth, which draws the DQ, ending this abortion at 7:33. Taker gets stretchered out, but comes back seconds later and sends Gonzalez packing with a series of clotheslines. God awful match with a ridiculous ending. To think they also had a rematch at Summerslam, which may have been worse.

Winner: The Undertaker (Disqualification-Foreign Object -***)

-Mean Gene gets a word with Hulk Hogan to get his thoughts on the main event. He challenges the winner of the title match. How did we not see this coming?

WWF Championship: Yokozuna (w. Mr. Fuji) vs. Bret “Hitman” Hart ©

Bret attacks with a dropkick and fires away in the corner. Yoko shoves Bret off the second rope, but Bret is right back. Bret tries for a go behind to no avail, and a running tackle from Yoko sends Bret to the floor. Bret gets a kick on his way back in, Yoko tries it again, and this time he ties Yoko’s feet in the ropes. Bret comes off the second rope with an elbow drop before the ref can get Yoko loose. Bret comes off the ropes with a pair of clothesline, but on the third attempt he runs into a clothesline from Yoko. Bodyslam from Yokozuna sets up a legdrop. Yoko chokes out Bret on the top rope, and then locks in a nerve pinch. Bret gets whipped into the corner, but Bret gets the feet up on a charge. Bret comes off the second rope with a takedown getting two. Back up and Yokozuna hits a crescent kick to regain control. Back to the nerve pinch goes Yokozuna. Bret gets Irish whipped into the corner again, but again is able to move out of the way of a Yoko charge. Bulldog gets two for Bret, and he follows that with the second rope elbow for two. Off the second rope comes Bret with a clothesline, then he hits the ropes with a big clothesline temporarily putting Yoko down. Bret mounts in the second rope in the corner and tries to deliver some punches, but Yoko slams him out. In doing so Bret rips the turnbuckle cover off. Yoko goes to ram Bret’s head into the exposed steel, but Bret blocks it and instead sends Yoko into the exposed buckle. Bret is able to lock in the sharpshooter from there. From the floor Mr. Fuji throws salt in the eyes of Bret and the ref doesn’t see it. Yoko covers and that’s that at 8:55. Another in the long line of retarded finishes tonight. Apparantely the salt to the eyes was enough to keep Bret from kicking out, as Yoko didn’t even deliver a move. Hulk Hogan comes down to protest the decision, and tend to Bret. Mr. Fuji gets on the mic and issues a challenge to defend the title right now against Hogan. Bret tells Hogan to go for it and that leads to…

Winner: NEW WWF Champion-Yokozuna (Pinfall-Salt to the eyes *3/4)

WWF Championship Match: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna © (w. Mr. Fuji)

Yokozuna attacks Hogan right away and Fuji goes to throw salt in the eyes, but Hogan ducks and the salt hits Yoko. Clothesline and legdrop finishes in just :20 as Hogan again leaves the Champion. A lot of people shit on this decision, and I suppose the way things played out they have a point in reterospect. It’s still a cool moment however and one of the only redeeming qualities of this terrible fucking show. Hogan celebrates one last time at Wrestlemania.

Winner: NEW WWF Champion-Hulk Hogan (Pinfall-Legdrop DUD)

The 411: This is generally considered the worst Mania ever, and I really can’t disagree although it’s a toss up between this one, 2, and 11. This wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t for all the ridiculous finishes. Still the one thing that this show gets railed on the most for is actually in my opinion the best part. You’d fucked the fans for 3 solid hours with stupid finishes and awful action. You had to give them something. So I can defend Hogan winning the belt, but I still can’t defend this show.

Final Score:  2.5   [ Very Bad ]