411’s The Nine Lives of Hulk Hogan Report

-Not sure how I missed this one when it aired, but thanks to YouTube I can see how they portray my childhood hero. Yes, as I have mentioned countless times Hulk Hogan is my favorite pro-wrestler of all time. I was born in 1981 and my father watched wrestling, so I grew up on it and Hulk Hogan was the greatest thing ever. I ran home crying when he lost to The Ultimate Warrior at WrestleMania VI (I was 8 years old). When Hogan jumped to WCW, I was Team WCW in the Monday Night Wars. The one time I didn’t really follow Hogan is when he jumped to TNA. I watched, but TNA wasn’t it for me, so I didn’t join the TNA bandwagon against WWE. I was an avid watcher of Hogan Knows Best and Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling. The great Larry Csonka had some fantastic reviews of Hogan Knows Best episodes that I recommend. The first show I ever went to was headlined in The Civic Arena by Hogan vs. Earthquake in a Stretcher Match. The only other time I saw Hogan wrestle was when he defended the WWE Title against Chris Jericho on SmackDown in Pittsburgh at the Mellon Arena (old Civic Arena). I know the cool thing has been to hate on Hogan and try to minimize what he has done, but the nostalgia runs too deep in me. I was embarrassed as a Hogan fan to hear what he said on that tape and it hurt to know my hero had those views, but then this is where things get tricky as I know Terry Bollea the man is different than The Hulk Hogan character I grew up on. I can separate the two and thus still lose my mind when I see him slam Andre The Giant (there’s an awesome song about it, go listen to it. I cried listening to it.), drop the leg on Savage at Bash at The Beach, or Hulk Up against The Rock in Toronto.

-I am familiar with this series as they did the infamous 9 Lives of Vince McMahon that was a clip show of Dark Side of The Ring with just a few new comments from some talking heads. I am curious if this is going to be the same thing. Let’s get to it!

-Kevin Pollak is our narrator!

-Hulk Hogan is the king of the world in the 80s and early 90s. We meet Brian Blair first and he met Hogan at the wrestling matches in the Armory. Tampa didn’t have pro-sports teams, so the big thing was University of Tampa Football on Saturday Nights and wrestling on Tuesday at The Armory.

-Brutus Beefcake is next and he used to see Hogan in the front row yelling at the wrestlers. He goes back to 1974 with Terry Bollea, aka, Hulk Hogan. Tampa was the home area of guys like Dusty Rhodes and Billy Graham as far as wrestling.

-Terry Bollea is born in 1953, the youngest of two boys. He was near 200 lbs by the time he was 12 years old and was crushing homers in Little League. He became a bass player in a rock band, Rukus. He wore platform shoes and was nearly 7 feet tall. The bar was a hot spot for wrestlers and they could see charisma in Hogan. They convinced him to give it a try and Hogan didn’t know about the hazing in wrestling. Mark Dagostino, co-wrote Hogan’s auto-biography, and says that some were likely threatened by Hogan and wanted him out of the business.

-Hogan did quit a few times, but came back with his friend Ed Leslie (Brutus). They tagged as The Boulder Brothers. Hogan soon took the nickname of Hulk because he was bigger than Lou Ferrigno. So, he was called Terry “The Hulk” Boulder for a bit.

-Soon he made his way to WWF with Vince Sr. Kurt Angle is here and mentions he had wrestled for TNA which has me wondering how old this interview is. No mention of working in the WWF or being a Hall of Famer. He notes he has known Hulk Hogan for twenty-two years. So, if that’s 2002, when Hogan came back, that would be current.

-We skip Rocky III, AWA, and jump to Hogan beating The Iron Sheik for the WWF Title. Never mind, as we jump back to Sylvester Stallone seeing Hogan on TV and wanting him to be in Rocky III. What is this timeline? Hogan is wrestling’s biggest star as we see him on Carson.

-WrestleMania III: Comedian, Roy Wood Jr, says Andre was as close to being as impactful as Hogan, but for opposite reasons. He didn’t say much and then just beat your ass. Roy then introduces himself as a Hulk Hogan fan since 1984 until whenever he said the N word. Blair says Andre was in a bad mood, put on a bunch of weight, and was drinking so he worried what might happen out there. Oh, this story again. Brutus jumps on that and says you never know what will happen when someone is 7’4” and 650 lbs. Now what’s not an exaggeration is how amazing the moment was when Hogan slammed Andre in front of 93, 173 fans (yes, I still go with that number). The moment is still the biggest in wrestling history and it only shoots Hogan even further into the stratosphere.

-Roy says Hogan cut great promos that made him order SummerSlam. He asks how many children snuck and ordered wrestling for $90 (I know he is a comedian, but wow), and got their ass beat by their parents. Ehh, I either went to a friend’s house, or my dad’s to watch, or just listened through the scrambled lines on TV and waited for the VHS when it would come out at Oliver Video.

-We see Hogan’s cartoon and all the merchandise. Blair says that when Hogan lifted Andre he tore muscles in his back. Angle says Hogan was in pain all the time and looked like an 80-year-old man backstage.

-Oh boy! We jump to Survivor Series 1991 and Dagostino tells the story of Undertaker hurting Hogan with The Tombstone on the chair. He says it could be due to Hogan being so sweaty. They edit Taker’s comments (from an interview) where he says, “I just thought I killed him.” They leave out where Taker says he went back and saw the tape and Hogan’s head never touched the canvas. The author says Hogan was in the hospital for two days after that and was never the same since. Brutus feeds the story as well talking about the oil and how wrestlers could slip.

-Hogan developed a pain killer problem and he talked to Angle about it. Brutus says it is hard to find wrestlers who weren’t on some kind of pills. Missy Beefcake next (she was on The Marty episode of Dark Side with her cleavage out all over the place), and she talks about Brutus having fanny packs with his drugs and Hogan’s drugs in them. Hogan did a lot of percs and Oxy, but won’t say anything else to get herself in trouble.

-Beefcake says Hogan showed him a check for 1 million dollars that he got for WrestleMania. It was a party lifestyle with sex, drugs, and Rock n Roll. We go back to the 80s with Hogan being the biggest star. Hogan would have the top level of a hotel with suites connected where the boys would party. It was the 80s and cocaine was like weed as everyone did it. They worked hard and played hard.

-Terry meets Linda in the 80s as we continue to jump all over the place. Hogan and Linda get married and she joins in on the party and drug use. Roy Wood talks about telling kids to take their vitamins, and then excuse me, as he makes the coke snorting gesture. He says he would be more worried if Hogan was praying after matches.

-Perez Hilton, this is what we are dealing with here. Sigh! STEROIDS! Inside Edition talks about the sinister side to Hogan’s success. Greg Valentino, a steroid expert, because why not, is here and says everyone was using them. Missy says Hogan wasn’t natural, but a man has to do what he has to do in any business and mentions Brutus used them.

-We jump to 1994 as The FBI is coming for Vince McMahon. First, we jump back to Arsenio Hall asking Hogan about steroids. We don’t see anything else. Roy says that Hulk Hogan didn’t take steroids, Terry did. Back to Arsenio as Hogan says he is not a steroid user and doesn’t take steroids. Blair says that was the wrong thing to do and Missy says Hogan was a liar and doing what he had to do. Greg says if you do messed up crap, then admit it. “Hogan has done so many things, but won’t admit to it.” Brutus says he took roids, so did Hogan and so did Vince. Kurt says he went to drugs eventually and knows Hogan abused cocaine and steroids to get the job done.

-The FBI came to Hogan’s house to question him. Beefcake went in front of a grand jury and they wanted him to flip on Hogan, so he would flip on Vince. The feds come after Vince and they have Hogan as their star witness. Beefcake says he kept everyone out of trouble without lying to the jury. Everyone gets off but reputations are tarnished. Apparently, Terry can no longer play the hero and is out of wrestling for good.

-Hogan hangs up the boots as we continue to screw up the timeline. Hogan gets cast as Hurricane Spencer on Thunder in Paradise. Yes, I watched that show.

-Ted Turner comes calling as WCW wants to compete with the WWF. We have a snippet from a Hogan interview where he told WCW no at first. The author backs that story up, but WCW came back with an offer he could not refuse. They offered him percentages of merchandise and percentages of all PPV plus creative control.

-Let’s jump ahead to 2005 with Hogan Knows Best! The show became a SMASH for VH-1 and turned Hogan’s family into celebrities. Hilton talks about the reality TV curse and how the show had negative effects on the family. He lets us know that reality TV is fake and a lot of the fights between Linda and Hogan were too real and didn’t make the cut.

-Mark calls Linda a tyrant with control issues and a drinking problem. Most of her fits of anger didn’t make camera. Brutus backs up the alcohol claims as she would drink in the afternoon and be ready to fight by 6 PM. The show was cancelled due to their fighting.

-Hogan becomes host of American Gladiators and gets a call from his attorney letting him know Linda had filed for divorce. The call happened just as he was going to walk out and tape the first episode of Gladiators.

-Linda walked away with nearly all of Hulk’s money. Angle says it is sad that all those years Hogan spent as the biggest draw in the business were nearly for nothing and he had to start over.

-Nick Hogan gets into a car wreck and it cripples his friend, John Graziano. Roy wonders what good is celebrity if you aren’t going to use the shit. “Yes, your honor I nearly killed my friend but as you can recall, my father beat Andre The Giant at WrestleMania.” Nick was 17 with no record, but was sentenced to 8 months in prison as a way to make an example out of someone with a famous last name according to Mark.

-Hilton says Hogan was so distraught that he became suicidal. Mark says Hogan had been drinking in the house and felt lost. He had a bottle of rum, Xanax, and a gun. At one point he had the gun in his mouth and all he needed was three pounds of pressure.

-Hogan got a phone call and it was Laila Ali (Muhammad’s daughter). She was Hogan’s co-host on Gladiators and she thought something was up with Hogan, so she called to check on him. She got him out of his funk and Blair says that Hogan realized sunshine is better than darkness. It seems American Gladiators was a hit.

-Bubba The Love Sponge: Blair says Bubba has some great qualities and is witty. Bubba and Hogan became great friends. Angle says he was a regular on the show and knew Hogan and Bubba were best friends. Unfortunately, Hogan was thrown to the wolves by Bubba. Beefcake says he never liked Bubba and thought he was evil. He tried to talk Hogan out of having sex with Bubba’s wife, Heather. It seems Bubba had a sin den with hookers, coke, and cameras everywhere. Hogan fell into the trap and out comes a tape. Missy says she remembers telling Hulk that he could walk into any 7-11 and say, “I’m Hulk Hogan brother and I need to get laid and 10 women would jump out on him. Why someone’s wife?”

-Hogan says the sex tape was filmed without his knowledge and Gawker ended up with the footage. It crushed Mark as he was angry that Bubba could do that. Roy admits he googled the tape because it’s a sex tape. “Come on. Come on. It’s The Hulkster.” Angle says it is sad to see someone humiliate Hogan like that.

-Hogan lawyers up! Angle thinks Bubba wanted to make some money and ruin Hulk Hogan. The sex tape wasn’t the worst thing to happen though.

-WWE fires Hogan as the tape has Hogan dropping the N word. Roy says black people invest in white people and the reaction was, “Man, not Hulk Hogan.” We hear the words and Roy says it was disappointing to hear. Hogan is erased from the WWE Hall of Fame and merchandise is no longer sold. They mention if you were pro-Hogan you were seen as anti-black and anti-minority. Missy says it was horrible and Hogan paid for it dearly. Hogan goes on a media tour to try to clear his name as he says he is not racist.

-Peter Thiel, a billionaire, bankrolls Hogan’s lawsuit against Gawker because he has his own issues with them. Someone says the main question became is a celebrity’s “dick and balls public domain.” In the end people felt sorry for Hogan and the verdict was that Hogan’s dick and balls were not a news story. They show The SNL skit where Pete Davidson joked that Hogan is the highest paid porn star by $139 million after he gets a $140 million verdict in his favor. Gawker field for bankruptcy as they could not pay that and I believe they settled.

-The WWE brings Hogan back and put him back in The Hall of Fame. Roy says that Hogan and WWE are soulmates and wrestling gave Hogan purpose. Hogan gave WWE one of their biggest stars of all time. Angle talks about all the comebacks Hogan has made and Mark says Hogan wanted to call his book Resurrection because of how many times he has come back from the dead.

-Perez calls Hogan a real-life cartoon character, and he will forever be remembered and relevant. Beefcake says he really liked Terry and they had great times around the world for years. Angle says Hogan blows his mind at how he is able to enjoy life and let people see him as Hulk Hogan. Roy doesn’t see a world where Hogan’s charisma doesn’t win over people. You won’t erase a legend and nobody can take away his name or his impact.

-I found this better than the Vince one because it wasn’t a Dark Side of The Ring clip show. This also seemed to paint Hogan in a much better light than what happened with Vince. Some of the talking head choices were kind of weird. Blair, Beefcake, and Angle made sense as did Mark, the author. Beefcake’s wife just gave us some memorable lines. Perez Hilton was there I guess for the Gawker stuff which kind of makes sense. Not sure the purpose of the comedian, but he had some funny lines. I guess they also needed a person of color to discuss the N word scandal. The constant jumping back and forth in the timeline was weird, but once they got to the sex tape and focused on that this became better. The Undertaker story was really weird as I am sure there are other things that injured Hogan and led to pill issues. I still don’t even see where Hogan’s head hit the chair, but I guess you have to pick a side and believe one of them. It was dirty the way they cut off Taker’s comments and left out how he watched the tape and saw that Hogan’s head never made contact. In closing, this was better than the Vince one, but still nothing to this. They do a better job with Dark Side and without any real big or important names there to talk about Hogan or even Hogan himself, it doesn’t hold much water. Thanks for reading!