411’s WWE Raw Report 09.25.06

411’s RAW Report – 25th September 2006

Yeah, this show will sure put TNA in it’s place

Welcome to 411’s LIVE RAW coverage. We’re in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Hosts are Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross.

I had one of those really bad weeks, as do most people who drink heavily, and as a result became incredibly unproductive. I got arrested on Tuesday for some serious drunk and disorderly. That’d be my second caution from the local constabulary in the past year. A quick run down on how I got in such a bad state. Post work I popped into the local for a few beers. A few became a quick 5 pints before closing. But before it closed I snuck in a last order of a Jaap Stam (half a mild, double black vodka and red bull), a shot of Mint Chocolate Corkys and a Velvet Hammer. I tend to get a bit saucy with the drink ordering after a few pints. Then I went to another bar that was open later and had another couple of beers. Before heading off to a mate’s house for 6 or so cans of lager. Then he broke out the homemade vodka and that’s where it gets a bit blurry. And then on Saturday matters only detiorated. Much the same sort of set up only after the pub we adjourned to the nearest available house to consume some serious amounts of rum. I got in at about 7.30am. There’s something weird about coming home after the sun has come up. Way after in this case. Generally my writing/research/film watching goes down on Wednesday and Sunday, my two days off work. So this week I was either asleep or brutally hungover. I actually felt incredibly inspired and came up with what I think would be a really good idea for a book. I wish I’d kept a conversation I had with a Canadian friend of mine on Sunday morning around 8am where I was plotting to kill two prostitutes as it was the basis for a great concept. Of course I’ll never get around to writing it because I’m incapable of actually writing something that goes past one day to write. The best I’ve managed in an attempted novel was 10,000 words.

If you wish to communicate your ire, congratulations, felicitations, gratitude, location of your pornography/girlfriend’s private online picture gallery/drug stash, love of my work, hatred of everything or anything else you can think of I’m available on MSN Messenger under the address of [email protected]. Or you could just email me. Up to you.

PR…technical difficulties. The lights are out. I bet Vince is losing his mind. Not only does Kurt Angle head off to TNA but now he’s sat there in the dark on live TV. JR shills the show saying DX has a Gauntlet match tonight against three other tag teams and Lillian Garcia’s mic isn’t even on. No Titantrons for whoever is coming out.

Candice Michelle v Lita

This is in the opening round of the tournament to crown a new women’s champion. It’s also a rematch from last week where Candice scored a huge upset over the former women’s champ. Lita gets the mic, which now works, saying she was the champion so she just be given the belt. Apparently she met with The Coach and got to pick her own referee…Edge. He makes a point of checking the ladies carefully. Edge flat out spears Candice before the opening lock up. Lita goes for the pin and wins but John Cena is out here to clear the heels out. Lita pins Candice after an Edge spear. Lights are back on in the arena but they’re still having trouble.

SHILL – next is Kane v Johnny Nitro for the IC belt. Speaking of technical difficulties, I can’t get the server. Bloody hell.

PROMO TIME – John Cena. He just lays into Edge claiming Edge took out the power in order to get all the people to leave so they wouldn’t get to see John Cena. Edge comes back out here to defend himself and claim that Cena is speaking falsehoods. Cena wants to kick Edge’s ass but Edge refuses to have a match here tonight. He has a rematch clause in his contract but he’s going to do it on his terms. He’s off to celebrate Lita’s win instead. Cena takes a moment to rag on Lita’s lack of chastity. “A lot of balls have been pounded into her endzone” – Cena brings the football references. He suggests anyone in the crowd could have her for $10 but the doctors fees to get rid of the “anal lice” wouldn’t be worth it. “Screw you” – Lita. “I don’t have ten bucks” – Cena. Lita goes on to claim she has feelings and everyone wants her but they can’t have her. She calls Cena a joke calling Edge the better wrestler. In fact the entire locker room are better wrestlers. Even Lita is a better wrestler. Cena says she’d be better if Cena were blind and didn’t mind catching herpes. He calls Edge down here right now. Edge accepts but points out Cena said he could beat Lita with one arm tied behind his back, amongst other things. Edge wants Lita v John Cena with one arm tied behind his back. So it’s on for later apparently.

TOUR FOOTAGE – Mexico. Super Crazy is really over. Cena puts Mexico over.

IC title – Johnny Nitro (c) w/Melina v Kane

Nitro gets jumped before the bell and side slammed. Melina jumps on the apron and gets dragged in but that gives Nitro time to get on his feet. Coach banned Umaga from ringside apparently. Nitro goes up top but just jumps into a big boot. He goes for the Tombstone but Umaga runs in and chair shots him. Kane wins on DQ thanks to Umaga interfering. So much for the ban.

POST MATCH Umaga continues the assault and bashes Kane in the side of the head with the ringsteps. FOR SAMOA!

BACKSTAGE DX hang out. Shawn plugs the WWE magazine. Shawn covers how much HHH talked about in his interview including his “wacky facial hair”. Shawn says there’s no advertising for the DX merchandise (like the stuff they’re wearing). SHAMELESS WWE.com shopzone plug follows. Maria comes in to ask them about the 3 teams they’re facing tonight. HHH says there’s no way to stop DX. HHH offers to take his piece out so Maria can properly understand the DX “suck it” catchphrase. Shawn drags him off. So in comes Eugene. Maria tells him to suck it and he faints. Heh. I’m a sucker for pratfalls.

THIS WEEK IN WRESTLING HISTORY – September 23rd 1977. Puerto Rico. Andre the Giant v Gorilla Monsoon in a boxing match. Worked boxing matches always look bad. Andre sold like a champ in this one though. Andre wins with a knock out right hand punch.

BACKSTAGE Coach goes to see Shelton Benjamin. He’s concerned about Shelton’s remarks about racism last week. Coach bitches him out saying that Shelton never capitalised on his chances. Shelton points out his 3 IC title runs. Coach reminds Shelton that Vince’s hero is Martin Luther King. Coach talks about how he’s a black man in this business. Shelton points out he’s an Uncle Tom, without using the words. Jack EvansJeff Hardy then turns up acting black. Coach books Shelton v Jeff tonight. “Thanks…brother” – Shelton. Coach keeps walking and bumps into Edge and Lita. Edge wants that match between Cena and Lita. Coach goes one better making the match No Holds Barred. Coach says he doesn’t want it to be predictable so Edge isn’t allowed to touch John Cena at all or he loses his rematch clause. Lita looks flabbergasted.

Keeping tabs on Astros v Phillies. Go Mike Lamb!

Ric Flair v Mikey

The Flair v Spirit Squad series continues after Flair beat Johnny last week. The Squad stayed on the ramp last week but they’re ringside today. Flair WOO’s and struts. Mikey punches him back into the corner and adds in a few kicks. Flair turns the tables and hits a few chops. Mikey is quicker though and springs into a dropkick for 2. Mikey with a slam and a 2nd rope elbow drop. Flair sells the eye and Mikey starts slapping him around. Flair grabs him by the mouth to shut him up and adds in a few chops. Mikey catches a right hand after another attempt off the top. More chops from Naitch. Kneedrop and he goes for the Figure Four but Nicky jumps in and gets thrown over the top. Mikey is still down and Flair pins him with a handful of tights for the win. The rest of the Squad got knocked over on the floor from Nicky going over the top.

Adam Everett just popped out with two on. Gah, we’re always stranding people. Still ahead 5-4 though but he had the chance to put some more runs on the board.

MAD TV – John Cena was on it with Marine related antics. That’s on this Saturday.

DX Gauntlet challenge match

Coach has booked three teams to face DX in succession. I guess the match doesn’t stop if DX lose a fall. This crowd is sure reacting how it’s supposed to. Noticed that with Cena earlier. They pop all the DX shtick. Shawn stops it in mid flow for a recap of Vince McMahon getting mistreated in the Hell in a Cell.

DX v Highlanders

HHH does a comedy bit where he asks Robbie what his name is and uses the distraction while Shawn Michaels superkicks Rory for the pin. HHH hits a Pedigree on Robbie just to rub it in.

DX v Charlie Haas/Viscera

Way to make the 3rd team obvious! Haas starts aggressively against HHH but is soon overcome. DX show some strong double teaming. Shawn in for some chopping. Haas thumbs him in the eye and in comes Viscera for the Bossman Slam. Vis grinds and we’re into a heat segment. Vis hits a weak clothesline for 2 and we hit the break. After the break Shawn is still taking a heat segment. During the break Vis dropped a big leg on the back of his head. Shawn feels the crowd and battles for a tag. Haas cheap shots HHH but then the heels miscue with Vis accidentally splashing Haas after Shawn drags him in the way. HHH gets the tag and cleans house. Vis won’t go over for anything so Shawn comes in for the double clothesline. Haas is left to get the Pedigree. Vis stays up after a superkick but then slowly falls on top of Haas. DX pin both guys in a pile on.

DX v Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

DX are a bit worn down but not a lot. They win an opening brawl. Shawn hits the flying forearm and nips up. Murdoch cheap shots him though and Cade hits a lariat. Murdoch tags in to continue the beating and Shawn is into his second heat segment of the night. Cade tries a low bridge but fails so Murdoch tosses Shawn to the floor. Cade goes for more abuse but HHH runs around and we get a big brawl on the floor. Shawn ends up getting whipped into the ringpost and getting knocked out. After brawling with HHH for a bit they get Shawn back inside. Cade has a chair and that’s a DQ. DX win by DQ after Cade brought the chair in. HHH uses the chair on Cade after the bell.

SHILL – RAW “Family Reunion” in 2 weeks time. It’s a special 3 hour show. I hope it starts an hour early but it’ll probably end an hour late.

RINGSIDE – Toby Keith.

PROMO VIDEO – Cryme Tyme. This has negative press now. This week another white guy gets robbed. This time an ATM user gets kicked in the face and loses his cash withdrawal. This is old already and they haven’t debuted yet. Next week they purchase a copy of John Madden ’07. Or maybe not. You got dat Madden?

Jeff Hardy v Shelton Benjamin

Benjamin hits a shoulderblock and Hardy takes a moment to recompose himself before hitting a hip toss. Shelton gets upset and shoves Hardy in the face. Hardy hits a Matrix style neckbreaker so Shelton just wails on him until he falls into the rail. Shelton pulls him back in and hits a slam. He chokes away with his foot before going to the chinlock. Hardy gets out with a jawbreaker and hits a flying forearm. Hardy with the Whisper in the Wind for 2. He calls for the Swanton but Shelton just jumps onto the top rope. Hardy shoves him off into position and hits the Swanton Bomb. Shelton has his foot on the ropes to prevent the pin. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate but Shelton has the ropes again. He’s looking smug but not for long because Jeff Hardy wins with an inside cradle.

I look away for five seconds and Chris Burke has struck out again. Come on guys, three more outs.

SHILL – The Marine. This time focusing on Kelly Carlson who plays Cena’s wife in the film. As part of that there are US Marines at ringside.

Randy Orton/Chris Masters v Super Crazy/Carlito

Crazy has two wins over Masters recently but Masters starts with Carlito instead. Carlito is much faster and hits a quick dropkick for a near fall. He starts at the arm and Crazy tags in to continue. Masters thumbs him in the eye but gets caught with another dropkick. Crazy goes for the 10 count punches but Masters just powerbombs him out of the corner for 2. Orton in to hook up a chinlock. Tags are made and Carlito goes for a crossbody but gets caught so he hits a springboard move instead. Masters runs into a flapjack for 2. Everyone piles in for a scrap. Crazy hits a diving sunset flip and a low dropkick on Orton but misses with the moonsault. Orton hits his round the back backbreaker. Carlito is back in to toss Orton out. Masters looks for the Masterlock but Carlito elbows him off. Carlito flips over the top into the Backcracker for the win. Carlito pins Masters with the Backcracker.

POST MATCH Carlito loses sight of Orton who sneaks in and hits the RKO.

Final score in Philly sees Houston win again. On a roll. Now I’m checking out the Cards who are a run down against the Padres.

PROMO TIME – The Coach. He has something to amuse Vince McMahon with. He brings out Eric Bischoff. This would be his first appearance since getting fired by Vince McMahon in December. Bischoff thanks the Coach for letting him on TV tonight and hugs him. He calls his firing unjust. He signed a book deal and now the book is finished. It’s called “Controversy creates cash” and he tells the truth about his career. He says the book is going to piss off Vince McMahon. He says RAW wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for him, WCW and Nitro. He says there would be no DX without the New World Order. There would be no Mr McMahon without Eric Bischoff. Which is true. The mic gets cut off and that would be the end of his segment.

Lita w/Edge v John Cena w/one arm

Cena has one arm tied behind his back. It’s his right arm in case you’re wondering. Edge tries to distract and Lita thumbs Cena in the eye and kicks him in the balls. The old one, two punch. Cena looks upset and jacks Lita up into a one armed FU for the win. Cena wins via FU.

POST MATCH Booker, Regal and Finlay are all in there and Cena still has one arm tied behind his back. So he gets a beating. Regal works the free arm, Finlay uses the shillelagh and Booker throws the odd boot in there. Edge finds this all very funny. Booker axe kicks Cena down. Lawler speculates that Cena is getting a beating because he’s going to Smackdown to tag against these guys on Friday. Booker isn’t happy with Cena entering his kingdom of Smackdown so he’s going to make him kiss his royal feet. JR finds Booker’s “English accent” ridiculous. It’s an English accent? Cena tries to fight back so Booker hits a scissors kick. Regal takes that arm again and Booker takes his boot off. Cena has his face forced into Booker’s foot. Now Edge has the mic. He tells Cena he got his ass kicked and it’ll happen again Friday and again next week on RAW inside a 15 foot high steel cage when Edge invokes his rematch clause.

See you next week when Edge gets his rematch. I’m off to watch the Padres finish off the Cards (I hope). Oops, base hit.