411’s WWF Sunday Night Heat Report 02.24.02

Hello folks, this is YOUR 411 WWF Sunday Night Heat report. Tonight’s hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz. We are NOT live from WWF NY.

Match #1- The Hurricane w/Mighty Molly vs. Tajiri w/Torrie for the WWF Cruiserweight Championship

They shake hands to start. They lock up and Hurricane grabs a headlock. They run the ropes and trade armdrags to a standstill. Hurricane off the ropes and he shoulderblocks Tajiri but falls prey to a kick to the head. Big clothesline by Helms to cue the comeback. He follows with a side Russian legsweep and goes up top. He gets caught with a kick to the gut on the way down, then takes the handspring elbow. Tajiri kicks out of a chokeslam and hooks the tarantula. He is forced to let go after five seconds, though. Tajiri tries another buzz-saw kick but misses and falls prey to the Eye of the Hurricane! Helms hooks the leg but Tajiri rolls him onto his shoulders for the pin to retain.

Winner- Tajiri

Lilian interviews William Regal who defends the IC title against Rikishi tonight. He plays up the power of the punch.

Match #2- The Godfather vs. Test

The Godfather’s hos are particularly unappealing tonight, and Tazz totally calls it, going as far as recommending a boob job for one of them. I have to say the Godfather’s return has been a pretty huge wash. The again, if the WWF couldn’t make something out of HHH’s return, what can we expect for Papa Shango? Standard big-man match on the inside for a while, with Godfather having the advantage first. They head outside for a minute with nothing really happening. Back in, as Test dominates with cross-corner irish whips and his standard Kevin Nash moveset. What’s the point of keeping somebody who is pretty much Nash without the charisma if you actually have Nash back. Test misses the big boot and straddles himself on the top rope. GF hits a clothesline and a legdrop. Test hits a cheap-shot and tries to pin GF with his feet on the ropes, but the ref catches him. Godfather gets two off a rollup. He misses the Ho Train and falls prey to a new finisher with from Test that looks like an inverted Eye of the Hurricane.

Winner- Test

Recap of the Tough Enough 2 Casting Special. Putting Chavo, Ivory and Hardcore Holly in the show is a stroke of genius. I can’t wait to see Holly verbally destroy somebody. Hopefully they don’t screw up the selection process and get another bunch of good for nothing pansies like they did last year.

Match #3- Val Venis vs. Booker T

Venis does his usual schtick. Spare me. Tazz saves the segment by saying a female audience member looks like a he/she. Somebody should do us all a favor and re-injure Venis. Maybe Vince can convince Test, Venis, and Billy Gunn to ride in Scott Hall’s car and let alcohol do us the favor. Remember when people speculated about what a huge superstar Booker T could be if he were to join the WWF? Yeah, neither can I. Is it just me or am I particularly negative tonight. They lock up to start and roll around into the corner. They exchange shoves and Booker just goes berserk on Venis! Yeah, sucka! Venis comes back, getting two off a knee drop. That does not last long. Booker nails a kick and goes for the Book-end. Venis elbows out and hits a neckbreaker. Flying shoulderblock from Venis leads to a back-bodydrop and a pair of knees. Side Russian legsweep gets two. I got new shoes today. And socks! Go socks. Speaking of sucks, on with the match. Booker hits the guillotine kick but can’t hit the sidekick. Booker escapes Venis’ new submission maneuver. Veins bodyslams Booker and heads up top. He goes for a frogsplash, but hits knees. Spineroonie! Spineroonie! Sidekick- 1…2…3!

Winner- Booker T.

I was too hard on this match, it wasn’t that bad. Speaking of bad, how about my socks joke?

Lilian gives Rikishi a chance to retort. He plays up the power of the ass. I have absolutely no idea what makes Regal deserve all the screen time and pushes, other than his friendship with Steve Austin. Same with Rikishi, except he is The Rock’s cousin. WCW, anyone? I love bad moods. Speaking of which, let’s take a look at Bret Hart whining over at the WWA PPV preview. I’ll watch the lucha match, but that’s it. I WAS going to watch because of Savage, but if he is no-showing, so am I.

Back in Heat, we get the mega-long recap of the nWo-Austin-Rock situation from the past 7 days. I can’t believe the WWF is blowing the Rock vs. Hogan money match with only a one-month buildup. Specially considering The Rock is not even going to be on TV during most of that month. Vince is senile, time for Shane to pull a McMahon and set the old man out to pasture. Let me say the voice-over work we are getting from Cole and Tazz to cover for the show not being paid absolutely sucks. The recap ends with Austin spraying “3:16” on Scott Hall’s back. It took Sting 2 years to even get a moral victory over the nWo, it only took Austin five days.

Let’s head back to the WWA PPV preview. Devon Storm is going to be taking on Sabu. The over/under on blown spots is 7. I say over.

Main Event- William Regal vs. Rikishi for the WWF Intercontinental Champioship

Tazz has problems with missed periods. Maybe he’s pregnant. Regal, like a moron, goes for a sunset flip, but escapes ass. Rikishi grabs an armlock but falls prey to a knee to the face. Headlock by Regal to give both guys a chance to rest from the rapid succession of rest holds. Rikishi gets a belly to belly suplex and follows by dropping the leg. Regal heads outside and grabs his belt. Rikishi nails him with a superkick though, and splashes him in the corner. Stinkface! Teddy Long takes the belt away from Regal and while he disposes of it, the match ends like we all knew it would. The horse is dead as hell, yet the writers won’t stop beating it. Maybe somebody should beat them. Or kill their horses.

Winner- Regal

OK, that’s it for me. Check out 411’s recap of the WWA PPV with a possible contribution from me.