411’s WWF Sunday Night Heat Report 12.23.01

Hello and welcome to this special quarter-assed edition of 411’s Sunday Night Heat Report! Hey, what do you want from me? My satellite freezes up every 30 seconds, it’s the day before Christmas Eve, and the site is half dead so I’m not even sure if this will be posted. Our hosts are Tazz and Michael Cole, with special guest Al Snow. You know where they’re at.

Match #1- Crash Holly vs. The Hurricane

Well this brightens up my day a bit. I love Hurricane Helms. They lock up and Holly pounds Helms down. Crash steals Hurricane’s cape and mocks him. He goes up top but Helms knocks him down. Crap! Hurricane sets up for the Nightmare On Helms Street!! Crash reverses out and ddt’s him. Damn. Crash hotshots Hurricane, but Molly interferes with a missile dropkick. This give Hurricane the chance to hit his finisher for three.

Winner- The Hurricane

Match #2- Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo vs. Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert

The Ambiguously Gay Duo have bleached their hair and gotten matching tights. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Gunn punishes Albert in the corner but a monster clothesline gives the big man the momentum back. Giant swing! It kinda backfires because now Albert is too dizzy to follow up. Hotty and Palumbo come in and Palumbo gets the best of him and tags Gunn in. They use some dirty heel tag team strategy. Good for them, but I thought they were faces. Guess not. Scotty misses a superkick but hits a ddt. Albert gets the hot tag and goes to work. Scotty comes in and goes for the worm on Gunn but Palumbo trips him from the outside to set up the famouser for the win.

Winners- The AGD

Al Snow makes his way out to the interview area. He and Tazz have made thier peace, I guess. This is pretty much a hype segment for Tough Enough 2. I don’t think I’m watching this one. I like my kayfabe.

Match #3- The Dudley Boyz w/Stacey Keibler vs. Tajiri and Spike Dudley w/Torrie Wilson for the WWF Tag Team Titles

My word Keibler is cute, off the charts cute. Tajiri starts off and doesn’t do too well against the champs. The picture is frozen on Torrie. Heh, that rules. The Dudleyz hit the wazzup drop on Spike. I love a good old-fashioned squash. I can’t think of a time when the WWF Tag Team Title scene was this depleted. Well I can, but I don’t want to. They have a bunch of people with nothing to do that could really help out here. Like The Impact Players, Raven and Saturn, Kidman just to name a few. Spike makes a hot tag and Tajiri disposes of both Dudleyz with some kicks that hold certain buzz-saw like qualities and then hooks the tarantula on D-Von. Spike comes in but falls prey to the 3-D, for three.

Winners- The Dudley Boyz

Match #4- Rob Van Dam vs. Christian for the WWF European Championship

The champ comes out first, because that’s how it should always be. Rob is out next, cause, who else would come out? They work the ropes to start and Van Dam gets the best of Chrisitan with a flip. He sends Christian to the outside the hard way and follows up with some hard risk. Back in Christian regains the advantage and posts Van Dam shoulder-first. He gets two off a powerslam and then chokes the challenger cheatingly. Van Dam punches his way back and then hits his spinning kick to put Christian down. Cross-corner whip sets up the monkey flip but Chrisitan reverses out. Van Dam lands on his feet and goes up top. He hits a cross-body for two. Rolling thunder gets two more. Rob Van Dam goes up top but is crotched by the champ. Christian attempts a superplex, but RVD pushes of and hits the *****! Before he can make the pin, Y2J runs in for the dq finish.

Winner- RVD

Well, that’s it for me. Thanks for reading and Happy Holidays!