411’s WWF Sunday Night Heat Report 3.17.02

Hello folks my name is Carlos Mahuad and I am back writing WWF Sunday Night Heat. Don’t expect a wrestling-packed show tonight, as we will probably get one last effort at the Wrestlemania hard-sell. Tonight’s show is live from the Skydome in Toronto, Canada. Our hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz. I must say Tazz is looking quite dapper in his suit with orange shirt.

We start off with a retrospective going back all the way to Vince McMahon’s “inject the WWF with poison” speech. It leads to the Steve Austin versus Scott Hall match tonight. This match looks like it could be pretty good, especially since Hall has a quite a bit to prove tonight. I have to say I am uncharacteristically hyped for tonight’s show. The only thing I’m not quite convinced with is the music portion of the show. Saliva and Drowning Pool are not exactly Aretha Franklin. They’re not even Boyz II Men or Run DMC.

The next match mentioned is the Hardcore Championship match between Maven and Goldust. This, much like the actual match, is just an excuse to hype Tough Enough 2. I watched an episode for the first time this season, and I thought it was pretty good. This batch of kids is a lot more promising than last year’s. No hot chicks though. The training staff is head and shoulders above season one. I recap recaps. How embarrassing is this?

Lilian Garcia interviews Maven backstage. I still hate his interviews. And his eyebrows. He is ready for Goldust, and is keeping his eyes open in case somebody tries to take advantage of the 24/7 rule. He demonstrates this by looking every which way during the interview.

You know, even the Rock vs. Hogan Wrestlemania commercial gives me goosebumps. Remind me to buy the poster. Or maybe I’ll just put a link so you can buy it for me. Or maybe not.

We get a video recap of the Undertaker vs. Ric Flair feud. This is a classic buildup, too bad neither man will be able to pull out a match of the feud’s caliber. We take a look at last week’s WWF Board of Director’s meeting in which Vince took full control of the WWF from Flair. The show continues with a little video package from Wrestlemania Axxess. Now, I’m not kidding about this. I need somebody out there to help me get my hands on that Stacy Keibler legs and butt statue. Get me the price or where I can buy a replica, or at least let’s get together and steal that sumbitch. I don’t care what it takes. Michael Cole then goes totally homo on us by telling Tazz they had sex on the beach this week. They follow up with HHH’s appearance on Conan this week and that leads to hyping of the Unified Championship match tonight.

I can’t believe Kane and Bubba made it to the finals in The Weakest Link. That has to be one of the signs of the apocalypse. We get one more video package of the Hogan-Rock feud with footage from all the way back in the 80’s.

Holy crap, a match!

Mr. Perfect, Lance Storm, and Test vs. Scotty 2 Hotty, Albert, and Rikishi

Man, Storm has one big smile on his face. Storm and Albert start out. Storm attacks from behind but succumbs to Albert’s power and takes a press-slam powerbomb for two. Test and Scotty take a turn with Test beating the crap out of Scotty in both corners. Storm comes back in and trades punches with Scotty before slamming him and missing a second-turnbuckle elbow. Both men tag out and Perfect and Rikishi come in. Rikishi messes up a samoan drop. Storm comes in to help but falls prey to the worm. Test comes in and big boots Scotty out. Rikishi comes in and throws Test out of the ring. Perfect is set up for the stinkface. Perfect saves himself by putting his towel on his face. When Rikishi stands up the towel is stuck in his but crack. Eewwww. Rikishi takes the towel out then hits a banzai drop for the win. Fun match with a hot finish.

Winners- Rikishi, Scotty and Albert

We close the show up with a final recap of the Undisputed Title feud. See you in a few hours in the Main Event!