Big E Reflects On How He Tackled His Darkest Times In His New Book

Big E is releasing his autobiography next year, and he recently talked about how he approached writing about his darker moments in life. The WWE star is set to release How I Got Over: Healing from Depression and Psychosis to Find Joy In and Out of the Ring in February of next year. The book covers his life including his time in the ring, his struggles against depression and more.

Big E spoke on Insight With Chris Van Vliet about writing the book and how he touched on his mental health struggles, which he has been open about. You can see the highlights below:

On If Some Topics Were Difficult To Write About:

“I think they would have been difficult if I started writing the book a few years ago, but not really. I’ve really been excited about this. Sterling K. Brown talks about being naked with your clothes on. That idea of being so transparent and open and honest, and honest with yourself as well. So, for me, the last few years, the thing that’s excited me is I want to make art, or shows, or books, or series, whatever it is, I want to make things that are raw, that are honest, that are open, because I think a lot of times when you see someone who has attained something in life, when you see someone who’s on TV or doing certain things, you think they are free of problems or free of cares. But I shared a locker room with so many people, I think there’s so many people who gravitate to pro wrestling because there’s this hole inside of them that they’re trying to fill, and I talk a lot in the book about that hole I was trying to fill. I think a lot of us deal with imposter syndrome, a lot of us quietly fight our own mind, so I wanted to just kind of shine more light on this myth that so many people have about people who are public figures and thinking that life is easy or smooth. That’s not to say that I want you to say, ‘Oh, woe is the guy who is making millions of dollars.’ That’s not the point, but I think when we can understand that the human experience is so universal, and that whatever walk of life you come from, that so many of us experience so many of the same struggles, maybe some of us on TV are better at masking them, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have the same fights or similar fights. So, I just thought the more I could be open and honest, the more I would be able to connect with people who are struggling right now.”

On Writing About the Darker Times In His Life:

“Yeah, a lot of that, it’s a journey. I think being able to better understand myself and my own mind was certainly a journey, and I’m so grateful for therapy in college. It was one of those things where I didn’t grow up in a household where therapy was something that was pushed. It was a man doesn’t show his feelings, he keeps everything bottled inside, he doesn’t cry about what he’s going through, so I had to unlearn a lot of that. I was forced to go to therapy at the age of 19, and I was so fortunate to have an incredible man in Marvin Sims, who, unfortunately, is no longer with us. But he was someone who just took his time with me, and I don’t think I’d be alive if it wasn’t for him. So, it was therapy. I needed medication at the time. I talk about being on a serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, an antidepressant, and an antipsychotic in college. It was that, but for me, man, I really beat the drum so much. If you follow me on Instagram at all, for the most part, you probably see a lot of stuff from Headspace, but I’m a big believer in meditation. That was the app that I used, and it just helped me.”

“I think meditation really can help anyone. One, it’s just allowed me to be so much more present, instead of me worrying about the future. I had so many injuries in college, I tore both my ACLs, I broke my right patella, tore my left pec, all in two and a half years. Every time I had an injury, I got back on the treadmill of overthinking, and my depression got worse and worse and worse. But meditation really just allowed me to deal with a lot of the ups and downs of life. I felt that before, my depression controlled me. I would have to deal with its ups and downs, and its ebbs and flows. But meditation just really allowed me to be at a point where I was able to kind of withstand anything that came my way, it really just gave me such a strong foundation for my mental health. Where, okay, bad things are gonna happen, that’s life. So I’m so grateful, because if it wasn’t for finding meditation during the pandemic, I don’t think I would have handled the injury well. I think I would have spiraled, because I had so many things being thrown at me. One doctor was talking about putting me in a halo, where they drill into your skull, and that was a possibility at one point. They drill the screws into your skull to attach this halo that I would be in for three months. Another option that was discussed was fusing my C1 and C2, and one doctor told me effectively I would be disabled because I would not have the ability to rotate my neck enough to be able to drive, so there was that. I get to the hospital as well, and they told me you were just this close to stroke or paralysis or even death. So I think years before, if I didn’t have the mental tools, I think I would have plummeted. My mental health would have been in a very, very bad place. But I’m so grateful to have had the tools now to be able to deal with all those ups and downs.”

On Being So Positive In Public:

“Yeah, I think people are very used to seeing a certain side of me, it’s something I talk about in the book as well, but I think of the comedians that I loved that ended up struggling with their mental health. I think, like Robin Williams, how I could never understand, how can someone who brings people so much joy struggle?”