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OH YEAH, THIS IS A WRESTLING SITE, ISN’T IT?

RIP BRODIE LEE

Match 1: Jungle Boy vs Adam Cole
LOCKUP!!!!! Go behind form Cole into a side headlock. Hit the ropes, Cole cinches the hold, arm drag from JB, but Cole head scissors, kip up and both men up, side headlock from Cole again, and he corners him. Whip to JB, who tries to hop over, vut Cole backs up, gets a side headlock takedown into a pin for 1…NO!!! JB backs him into the ropes, ref break, but Cole punches and JB hits some knees. Side headlock again, JB hits the ropes, shoulder tackle. Cole is shocked, he corners JB, hits a kick, right hand, Cole works the arm, whips, reversal, Cole hops over, and this time JB is behind him! Finger lock, chop to the chest, arm drag off the bounce, and a dropkick! JB kips up and the crowd LOVES IT!

Cole rolls to the outside, pissed. JB runs to the outside, Cole back in, JB follows, and Cole stomps. Whip to the corner, JB kicks out of the corner, sits on the top rope, and Cole shoves him, causing him to fall hard to the outside. Cole rolls JB inside the ring and locks the head. Neckbreaker. Knee to the back, box of the ears, headlock from behind. Back elbow from Cole! Cole grabs the head, then the arm in the corner. Whip to the opposite corner, hard, backfirst. Right to the face of JB, Cole works the arm, whips hard again, JB with a back elbow, right, chop, whip othe ropes is reversed, and JB hits the leg with a dropkick. He gets sent to th ropes, but comes back with a hard clothesline! Hard right form Cole, SUPERKICK FROM JB! Enziguri from Cole! Another kick to Cole! Kick from Cole! Snap suplex from JB! Belly to belly fom JB, German! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Waistlock is still on, JB sits Cole on the corner, pulls him down into the Tree of Woe, but Cole hits a knee! Nice. Cole pulls himself up. JB with an enziguri to the back of the head!!! TREE OF WOE! Runn and slide with a dropkick to the face from JB! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! JB Pumphandles, into a fireman’s, rolled into a pni for 1..2..NO!!!! Backstabber from Cole!!! He locks the head, suplex onto the knee!!! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!!

Cole is up first, staring at JB. He tlks some trash and shoves the face of JB. This, immediately after the crowd cheers the fuck out of him. JB with a slap to cheers! Reverse hurricanrana! Hits the ropes, huge clothesline to the back of the head! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! JB with a slam! 1…2…NO!!! Cole is able to send JB to the outside the hard way. Cole gets to the apron as Aubrey hits 4. Coel dives off, lands on his feet, JB enters the ring, hits a suicide dive but Cole is there to kick his head in! Cole on the apron, Jungle Boy RUNS TO THE FUCKING ROPES, HOPS OVER THEM, AND HITS A HURRICANRANA OFF THE APRON!!! Son of a bitch. JB on the apron, Cole in the ring. Springboard from Jungle Boy. SUPERKICK! Panama Sunrise! Cover! 1…2….Cole is cocky with a grin!!!! KICKOUT!!!! Cole grabs the hair, removes his knee pad, pulls out the guns, goes for a knee to the back of the head, but JB ducks and pulls the leg! SNARE TRAP!!!! He’s got it locked hard! Cole crawls towards the ropes. JB releases, drags him back to the center, Cole kicks him, JB rolls outside then back inside, locks up from behind, they hit the ropes, Aubrey is there, and she’s trapped!

LOW BLOW FROM ADAM COLE!!! Cole hits the ropes and runs with. Knee to the back of the head! Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Adam Cole
Holy shit, what an opener. I mean, you know it’s gonna be good, but shit, this was GOOD. A banger, as I sometimes say. A lot of little things, from Cole being able to turn cheers into boo, his smirk on that cover, the continuous side headlocks, just damn. A clinic.
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 13:39

The Elite are here to celebrate, and apparently have something to say.

After the break, we come back to Anderson on the mic, welcoming The Super Elite. He says to be Elite, you must have the Impact tag team champions, Adam Cole, the AEW World Champion, and the greatest tag team to ever step foot in the ring, The Young Bucks. Although they don’t have the titles, they’re still EVPs.

Cole grabs the mic, says he told us so, he told the world that he’d beat Jungle Boy, and he did just that. On top of that, he did it by himself. Why? Because Adam Cole is Elite. On top of that, Adam Cole is undefeated.

Cutler grabs the mic, tries to talk, but Nick grabs the mic and tells him to shut up. He asks Rochester if we are ready to hear the best promo in all of pro wrestling, then hands the mic to Nakazawa.

CM PUNK chants shut Mike up, then Kenny grabs the mic. He says his phone has been ringing, his social media, Twitter, Facebook, even MySpace, all saying the same thing: that was the greatest match they’ve ever seen. Possibly AEW’s greatest match, and he says, “that’s cool,” but see if he cares. Danielson cashed in on his promise and kicked his head in, but here’s the problem – the problem is Bryan couldn’t get the job done when it counted. HUGE YES chant. He says Bryan will not get a rematch, has zero record, and he will never see Omega face to face in the ring again.

Out comes Bryan with a mic and a white shirt. He asks if we want to see a rematch, and the crowd chants YES. Bryan says we want a rematch, he wants one, but it appears Kenny doesn’t have enough balls to give him a rematch. He presents Kenny “No Balls” Omega to the crowd.

KENNY NO BALLS chant. Lol.

So now, let’s see if anyone in The Elite has any balls, because he challenges any one of them for a match on Rampage.

Kenny says wow, big words from such a small man. Why Rampage? How about right now? Today is Bryan’s lucky day. Fuck it, Bryan says ok, but he ain’t coming alone.

Out comes….Kazarian, Christian, Luchasaurus, Stunt, and Jungle Boy. They all run into the ring to clear it out of the heels.

The Elite leave the ring and head up the ramp.

Match 2: Matt Sydal and Dante Martin vs Cody Rhodes and Lee Johnson
Cody and Dante start, shake hands, lockup, side headlock as we get a CODY SUCKS chant. Side headlock takedown. Tag to Sydal, tag to Lee. Sydal with some snapmares then a kick to the back, tag to Dante. In comes Dante, Arn gives Lee some tips on the side lines. Cody yells at Lee to pay attention. Lockup from behind, Lee locks the head, Lee releases, slides under a dropkick, locks up from behind, Dante flips backard,s Lee hops over from the corner, turns, and runs but Dante hops off the bottom rope and flips like crazy, then jumps over a kick. They go forehead to forehead, and in comes Sydal, so Cody and Lee go on the offense with punches as we go to break.

We are back and Dante with a hurricanrana to Cody, Cody hits a right hand, Dante with a right, Cody with another, Dante with another, and another. Vertebreaker from Cody! Matt runs in, hits a high kick to Cody, head scissors to Lee, and Sydal sends him out. Dante to the top rope, flies with a missile dropkick and a cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Dante to the top rope. He flies with a double jump springboard moonsautl and a cover for 1…2..NO!!! Cody with a kick to the entering Sydal. Lee grabs the trunks of Cody and tags himself in, rollup to Sydal into a huge kick to the face. Dante to the apron. Lee catches him, but Dante rolls into the ring, gets a 1..2…NO!!!!

Superkick from Lee, hooks the leg, drops Dante’s head onto his knee. Cover for 1.2…..3!!!!

Winners: Cody Rhodes and Lee Johnson
Love that little moment of Lee tagging himself in and getting the win. Y’all kept booing Cody, you’re gonna get the heel turn.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 7:47

Tony enters the ring, Cody gets some boos. Cody says he knows the audience waited a long time for this show, let’s not wait, why doesn’t Malakai come out now?

Arn tells Cody to stop talking. Black came in on July 9th, using all of Nightmare to get to him. Destroyed Cody, he starts taking his boots off, we didn’t talk about that! Round 2, Cody rolls out to check on Arn? He should have finished t hat fight. Here’s some differences – Malakai is an assassin, a predator, he will do anything in the world to win a match. Arn would step in and take the fight, but he’s too damned old. Tell ya what, there are two big differences between Cody and Arn – he pulls up to a red light, robs his car, Cody says, “ok, take it, just don’t hurt me.” Arn? He pulls out the glock, put it on his forehead, and spill his brains! He’s Arn Anderson, and all that this implies, and he’ll be damned if he is going to coach a loser. Come on, Lee, at least you listen.

Holy shit…

Match 3: Jon Moxley, Eddie Kingston, and Darby Allin vs Bear Country and Anthony Greene
Green and Allin to start. Darby with an arm drag, roll up for 1…NO!! Darby with a side headlock. Hits the ropes, shoulder tackle, Darby rolls over, deep arm drag, knee to the shoulder. Tag to Kingston, who enters with a hard chop. Knee, whip, hard knee to the gut. Tag to one of the bears, Moxley hits some chops, then a tackle, another tackle to Boulder. Moxley slaps the shit out the guy, hits the ropes, tag to the other big boy, body slam from Boulder. Bronson in with a senton, cover for 1..2..N!O!! We get a combo splash, but Kingston runs in and dropkicks Boulder, and hits a fucking GERMAN TO BRONSON!!! Boulder locks up from behind, Mox locks HIM up from behind! Back elbow to Mox, Tag from that lanky kid. Darby flies off the corner onto Bear Country!

Green to the top rope, hits a crossbody to Mox and Kingston, but they both stay standing, lol. Violent Crown and a cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winners: Darby Allin, Eddie Kingston, and Jon Moley
Oh what fun
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 3:24

Kingston goes to the crowd, grabs a Brodie Lee sign, enters the ring and holds Green up for Sting, who comes in and hits a Scorpion Death Drop with a smile. Lol.

Video package for Ruby and Britt. Solid work from both.

Matt Hardy and his family is in the ring. He says a year and a half ago, he was supposed to make his debut here. Fortunately, that was deleted, because this place didn’t deserve Matt’s debut. Rochester is an awful town that produces awful people, and doesn’t deserve a legend like Big Money Matt Hardy!!!

Match 4: Orange Cassidy and The Dark Order vs Matt Hardy’s Family
Evil Uno, Grayson, and Angels already start arguing. Blade takes advantage, attacks Angels, sets up for a suplex, while Blade is on the top rope and dives for a crossbody. Cover for 1…NO!!! Tag from Quen. Tag to Kassidy, Punches in the corner, whip to Angels, into a boot, lift up into a bulldog. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Tag to Orange!!! Hands in pockets, dropkick to Private Party, kicks to both men, Jack Evans attqcks from behind, then EVERYONE ENTERS THE RING TO FIGHT IT OUT!!

Back from PIP, and Angelico and Evans are in the ring. Grayson tags in Reynolds, who flies in with a spinning uppercut. Dropkick to Evans. Kick from Evans, Uno in th ring, gets a big boot to Evans. Angelico is in, whip to him, kick to Uno, Angelico sends Reynolds into Uno, Evans lokcs Reynolds up from behind ,back elbow, high lift and a knee. Tag from OC. He falls off the top rope with. Thumbsup splash! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!!

5n the outside, Uno is arguing with Reynolds. Reynolds tells Uno to just leave. Orange Punch blocked, rollup, everyone enters the ring, Evil Uno is at the top fo the ramp, -1 TOSSES THE PAPERS!!!!! Brodie’s wife tells them to get their shit together and get in the ring! Uno and Reynolds and Colt run into the ring and attack!

Dark Order is in the ring by themselves! Grayson hits the ropes, corkscrew over the top! Cbana with and Silver with flips off the apron! Five powerbombs someone onto everyone else! Shit is going wild!!1 SILVER IS ON THE APRON! CANNONBALL SENTON! RUNS OT STOMP ANGELICO, PUMPKICK TO EVANS, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE TO PRIVATE PARTY, TOP ROPE AND HE DIVES, FIVE IS THERE TO HIT A SPINBSUTER!!! ORANGE PUNCH TO MATT HARDY! High kick from Silver, holy fuck I CANT TYPE!!!!

Grayson and Uno with Fatality after a sick back and forth from Reynolds and Silver! Cover form Silver for 1..2…3!!!!

Winners: The Dark Order and Orange Cassidy

Total Rating: ****** -1
Match Time: 7:53

The Dark Order shke hands and hug in the middle of the ring with Brodie’s wife and kid.

Lio Rush gets a video package? I thought his ass retired. He wants to talk to us about a Leverage Buyout. He makes profits for himself and for the companies, and uses them to pay off loans. This is true success and true wealth, and he’s got the keys. It works, he promises. LBO Lio.

Uh….ok?

We return to Lambert in the ring, talking about some guy’s knee in Jericho’s face. He asks the crowd to shut up so he can pay Jericho a compliment. He had a successful career, and his greatest accomplishment was when he took a start up company with skinny little acrobats and turned it into the hottest promotion this business has seen. He says they made Jericoh retire, there will be no more Fuzzy records. They have chopped off the head of AEW’s snake. He references The Balls of Jericho.

Sky has the mic now, as the crowd chants SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Sky says about a year ago, he asked us if we were paying attention. He’s one of the first champions, has one of the best winning percentages since day 1. Not long ago, he grabbed the giant Sonic ring and became the face of the revolution, and it still wasn’t good enough. Know who was paying attention? Dan Lambert. He sees what we all ignore. He sees Scorpio Sky as a main eventer, just like Ethan Page.

Page says the idiots are in the crowd are not paying attention, because they look past guys like them. They don’t throw up the middle finger, they don’t swear. What’s tough is having two black belts, never being pinned or submitted, and he’s still overlooked. They wont be overlooked anymore. He’s got the best smile in pro-wrestling, dress likes a champ, talks like one, walks like one, and now he rolls with champions. Men of the Year are the top team.

We switch gears to Hikaru, where she talks about her past two years. She is looking for her 50th win. Serena Deebs is here to applaud her, but says her 50th win will mean nothing if she cant beat Serena. Hikaru says she’s excited to face her. Next week, AEW Dynamite second anniversary, Hikaru vs Deebs.

Match 5: Tay Conti and Anna Jay vs Penelope Ford and Bunny
Tay and Anna start off hot with an attack before the bell. Once it rings, Anna and Tay double team Ford, both hitting a back elbow. Cover from Tay for 1…NO!!! In comes Ford to stop a beatdown, but Jay comes in. Ford hits her with a right, Tay duks under a hold, hard arm drag, another, or judo throw, rather. She sends Ford into the corner, tag to Jay. They each hit high kicks in the corner, then run for another, but Tay falls off the apron after Bunny dodges a hit. Ford hits a bakstabber, Bunny hangs her up on the top rope. Bunny spins Jay then hits a right hand. Ford drops some knees hard on Jay.

We are back, and theres a tag to Tay, and a tag to Ford. Clothesline from Tay, another, kick to the face from Tay. Tay hits the bottom rope, hops ot the top rope, flies off with a crossbody, tags in Jay, locks the head, both hit a suplex, cover to Ford for 1..2..NO!!! Bunny in to stop the pin. Tay grabs Bunny an tries to send her outside, but Bunny sends her out instead. Ford attacks the back of Jay. Ford Matrixes out of a clothesline, hits a stunner, fireman’s to Jay, then a gutbuster! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Ford with a moonsault to no avail. Bunny rolls in, Tay grbs her, hits a TayKO!

Jay on the inside, hits a high kick then locks in The Queen Slayer! Ford is out!

Winners: Tay Conti and Anna Jay
A bit sloppy to start, but they did find their footing after the break. All four women could use some work, but one cant deny the growth.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 6:36

-1 comes down to celebrate with the girls.

We get quick promos from Jade, Thunder Rosa, and Nyla for their upcoming match at Rampage.

MJF is here, and holy shit, I’m mildly concerned he may say something bad.

MJF says he wants this company to be successful, and he’s willing to do whatever he’s got to in order to make it happen, so long as he gets what he asks for. He says there are a handful of young men who have been here since the beginning that will push the company forward for the next couple of decades. Four men to be exact – four pillars. Jungle Boy – BEAT HIM. Sammy Guevara – BEAT HIM! Darby Allin – Whatever, and the strongest pillar, the guy who was in the first match in the history of this company, the youngest to main event a PPV, a two-time diamond ring winner, M!J!F!

He brings this up because without him, this company ain’t shit. He is the past, present, and future, which is why he deserves to be the AEW World Champion.

Schiavone: “Earn it in the ring, then, dude.”

He says of all the Khans in professional wrestling, Tony is in his top two. He says he has other friends from back in the day, and if Tony doesn’t give him what he wants soon, he’s got a friend in MLW, Bruce Prichard, and he’s got Bruce on speed dial.

DARBY IS HERE!!!

Well if it isn’t freaky-deeky Darby! Damn, he says as much as he loves thw whole school-shooter, mime on a skateboard thing….fuccckkk lol.

He says Darby is jealous of MJF. There is nothing wrong with being the 2nd best guy. He says He is Gretzky, Babe Ruth, Jordan.

Darby wants to know if MJF is done talking. IF MJF wants to leave, go. GO! He wont care, and we wont either. Darby says he is AEW4Lyfe until death. How can MJF be the #1 when Darby is the only one to win a title between them.

MJF says sick burn, Darby. Lol. As much as he loves the deep Batman voice, no, nevermind, he respects Darby because he is straight-edge. You know why? Because when Darby was a wee-little boy, he decided to jump in his car with his drunk, alcoholic uncle, and he died that night after an accident. Didn’t he? A real travesty. Why? Because that night, the wrong man died.

Darby’s eyes are closed, he is finding his chi. He tells MJF he will not hit him, MJF will not break him mentally. If MJF has anything else, keep talking.

MJF says ok, they’re done here. MJF walks out.

Match 6: TNT Championship Match
Sammy Guevara vs Miro
Sammy tries for a knee to start, but Miro just drops his ass. Arm to the nose, then some stomps, and a right hand to Sammy. Stomp to the ankle of Sammy, then a clubbing blow to the back. Hard forearm to the back. Sammy with a right hand, another, anther. He hits the orpes, and Sammy is there to truck his ass down hard. Cover for 1..NO!! Miro rips the chain of Sammy’s off and tosses it. Miro misses a clothesline, and Sammy hits a crossbody so hard that they fly outside. Sammy sends Miro into the ringpost, clubs to the back, Miro shoves him, Miro runs, Sammy ide steps and sends Miro into the steps. Sammy grabs Miro and slams his head into the steps. Another. Sammy sends Miro int othe ring. He heads to the apron, then to the top rope. Sammy tries for a 450, but Miro catches him in mid air and lifts him, then hits a belly to belly!

We are back, and Sammy is hurting. He’s on the floor writhing until Miro picks him up by the arm and hits a short clothesline. He grabs the wrist again, pulls Sammy up, and hits another clothesline. The owd asks for another. Lol. Miro lifts Sammy, hits the ropes, Sammy with a Spanish Fly out of nowhere!!!! Sammy pulls himself up. Running knee to Miro. Another to the face! A third attempt isn’t successful, as Miro locks the waist, german, but Sammy lands on his feet. Miro rushes the corner, Sammy moves, Miro flies to the outside the hard way. Sammy hits the corner, hops over the fucking CORNER ONTO MIRO! HOLY FUCK! He grbs Miro and sends him into the ring. Sammy to the top rope! Sammy flies, rolls through, Miro catches him and slams him down hard. Miro calls for the end. Misses a pump kick! Sammy with a knee strike in the corner, another!!! Crossbody, high kick on the apron, Sammy to the top rope. He grabs the head, hits a right hand, punch from Miro. Another. Miro to the top rope. Lock of the head, Sammy fights back, hitting punches and a headbutt, another, Miro down to the mat, Sammy flies for a Cutter!!!! Sammy calls for the end. He grabs Miro, torture rack attempt, looking for the GTH, but Miro drops him and hits a kick to the chin! 1….2….NO!!!! Sammy rolls to the outside. Miro is pissed. He rips the buckle cover off the corner. He goes to another corner and rips that one off as well. He’s removing them off all four corner. FUEGO IS HERE!! He hops on the apron to stop Miro, Miro hits a punch to the face. Lol.

Sammy in the ring! Kick to Miro! Miro hits the corner face first!! TORNADO DDT FROM SAMMY! WTF IS GOING ON!! GO TOO HELL!!!!!!! CROWD IS FUCKING LIT! Sammy to the top rope! 630 senton and a cover! 1….2…..3!!!!

Winner: Sammy Guevara

Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 13:39

End Show