The Name on the Marquee: WWF The Main Event (2.5.1988)

-You know how you just sit there and roll your eyes every week while Michael Cole tells you that RAW is the longest running weekly episodic live color sports-entertainment two-dimensional human being-produced reduced-fat 25% caffeine-free television program in history? Well, once upon a time, the WWF set a record that didn’t have to be spun or yanked out of their asses…Clocking in at a 15.2 rating, we now bring you the single most-watched wrestling broadcast in the history of American television.

-Originally aired on NBC, February 5, 1988.

-Cold open promos: Randy Savage promises to send the Honky Tonk Man to Disgraceland! Honky complains that Savage’s head did a lousy job tuning up his guitar! Ted DiBiase vows that the title belt will be around his waist when Andre is done tonight! Hulk Hogan disagrees to some extent!

-Debut of the new theme music…Fare thee well, Animotion.

-The Voice himself, Don Pardo, let’s us know that tonight’s matches are brought to you by Coors Light.

-We’re LIVE in Indianapolis, IN, in front of the most rabid crowd you could ever imagine.

-Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura.

-We waste two valuable minutes of this live special watching a Hulk Hogan weight training montage. The only thing worth noting is the generic piece of production music in the background, which got repurposed a little later in 1988. You’ll recognize it as Jake “The Snake” Roberts’ entrance music.

-Gene Okerlund interviews Honky Tonk Man, who puts on a clinic of Elvis puns to explain his plans for both Savage and Elizabeth.

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE: HONKY TONK MAN (Champion, with Jimmy Hart & Peggy Sue) vs. RANDY “Macho Man” SAVAGE
-Okay, so I’ve covered the story behind this one already, and so have a ton of other people, but just in case…The original plan was that this match was going to be the squash to end all squashes, with Savage beating Honky into a pulp within just a couple of minutes and taking the gold. Honky was pissed about the fact that there was absolutely nothing in the way of a feud or angle planned for him afterward, so this might as well have been a burial for him. So Honky called the NWA and told him that he could be at their next TV taping and he was bringing the belt with him. Vince, in turn, shit a brick and allowed him to retain. Either Randy was (Honky’s version) disappointed about the turn of events or (Other people’s version) telling everybody who would listen that he was going to kick the shit out of Honky legit in retaliation for costing him the title. Vince, in order to prevent (low morale/a coast-to-coast network ass-kicking) changed the booking of Wrestlemania IV to appease Savage.

-Savage chases Honky to the floor. Savage chases him and gives him an elbow between the eyes. He takes Honky back into the ring to snap his neck over the top rope. Another elbow between the eyes and Honky goes to the floor. Savage noggin-knocks Honky & Jimmy. Jimmy hooks Savage’s leg from the floor and that allows Honky to take control with some cheap shots. Savage tries a backdrop. Honky counters with a sunset flip between the eyes. Savage charges him in the corner; Honky moves and snapmares him. He tries an elbow but misses. Savage goes after Jimmy again and in the process, Jimmy drops the megaphone in the ring. Honky is able to take a free crack at Savage with it while the referee is distracted. Savage kicks out at two.

-Snapmare to a neck vice by Honky. Savage elbows out and shoulderblocks Honky. He goes for another one and gets hiptossed out to the floor. Honky takes a time-out to flirt with Elizabeth before re-focusing his efforts and putting the boots to Savage. Jimmy Hart chokes out Savage while Honky distracts the referee. That’s so much fun, they do it again. Honky throws punches and kicks at Savage. Savage starts to show some life with elbows. Nasty-looking clothesline by Honky, and he unloads a series of elbows on Savage.

-Honky goes to the floor to say hello to Elizabeth, and Elizabeth gets trapped between Honky & Jimmy hart. That pisses off Savage enough to totally revive him. He sneaks up on Honky, kicks his ass, throws him into the ring, throws him back out, and comes off the top rope with the elbow. Back in the ring, he slams Honky and comes off the top with another double axehandle. Jimmy Hart comes up to the apron and Randy goes to deal with him. Honky sneaks up and tries to attack, but he ends up giving his own manager a high knee out to the floor. Savage immediately clamps on a sleeper and Honky starts to fade away, but now Peggy Sue is starting to corner Elizabeth on the floor. Savage lets go to deal with her, and Honky comes to the floor to rescue his woman. Savage sees him coming and whips Honky hard into the post, then calmly slides back into the ring to beat the ten-count. Savage wins by count-out. 1 for 1. Savage doesn’t win the belt, but my god, this crowd doesn’t care. As good a match as you can possibly have between guys who don’t trust each other. Really good.

-Post-match, Savage gets distracted by Honky waving his guitar around, and it’s a set up because it’s the megaphone that winds up KOing him. Savage is prone in the corner and Honky decides it would be fun to hit him with the guitar anyway. Once more, Elizabeth dives over her man to save the day. Savage recovers, snaps up and snatches the guitar out of Honky’s hands, and Honky & the gang haul ass out of there while Savage destroys the guitar. Savage is so grateful that he FINALLY returns the favor to Elizabeth and holds the rope open for her, then lifts her onto his shoulder.

-Jason & Justine Bateman have movies coming soon…I still can’t understand how Jason Bateman was a teen idol; he was an odd-looking guy during the tail end of puberty. Justine, on the other hand, I totally get, and would completely, consistently, and thoroughly hit that.

-We recap the Hogan/Andre saga, from Wrestlemania III to Andre’s attack on the last SNME, to Andre’s attack at the Royal Rumble.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Ted DiBiase & Andre the Giant. Andre the Giant is going to squeeze and twist Hogan and he won’t stop until the Million Dollar Man is the new champion.

-We get an infamous promo from Hulk Hogan “backstage,” wearing the 1986 title belt, a bandana, and a gold crucifix. He comes to the ring seconds later wearing the 1988 title belt, a headband, and no crucifix.

WORLD TITLE: HULK HOGAN (Champion) vs. ANDRE THE GIANT (with Ted DiBiase & Virgil)
-Among the small existing legion of smarts who knew that Hogan needed to drop the belt to make a movie, the expectation was that Hogan would go over here, but go over in some controversial way that would lead to President Jack Tunney announcing that the title would be held up. The ending that happened instead proved to be quite a bit more clever.

-Hogan poses and does his ear-cupping routine BEFORE the match, which should be a clue as to what’s about to happen. Before the match, we get the famous shot of Andre panning from his feet up to his head; if you’ve seen an Andre tribute montage since 1993, you’ve seen this clip. Jesse mentions that he feels good about seeing that Dave Hebner is in the ring to serve as referee and not that awful Joey Marella. Yep, Dave Hebner is referee all right.

-Andre takes his sweet ass time in the corner once the bell rings, so Hogan just gets frustrated and takes a cheap shot, then beats the hell out of DiBiase & Virgil. Series of punches and chops by Hogan. Andre absorbs all of it. Hogan rams him into the turnbuckle. Axe bomber by Hogan, then a clothesline. Hogan takes a couple more shots at DiBiase and Virgil for shiggles. Hogan rakes the eyes of Andre and clotheslines him in the corner. Vince & Jesse can’t believe that Andre isn’t going off his feet.

-Hogan heads up to the top rope for the first time ever and it doesn’t go well. Andre catches him, squeezes his nuts ridiculously hard, and Flair-slams him. Andre tries a new move of his own, a diving headbutt, but Hogan rolls out of the way. Andre revives quickly and starts to choke away, just like he promised. Irish whip by Andre and Hogan crashes into the turnbuckles. Andre stomps him and slams him. He brings Hogan to his feet only to headbutt and chop him. He sends Hogan into the ropes and gives him a boot to the face, and a quick-thinking cameraman keeps us from seeing that Andre tumbles to the mat himself on impact.

-Virgil tosses him back into the ring and Andre chokes Hogan with his singlet strap. He chokes Hogan again and Hogan gets revved up and breaks it with sheer force. He chops and punches Andre more. Hogan goes to the second turnbuckle and jumps off with a clothesline, and that takes Andre off his feet. Hogan goes for the legdrop and Virgil hooks the leg. Hogan recovers quickly but Dave Hebner runs over to yell at him for a bit. Hogan drops the leg on Andre and gets the visual three-count. There’s no referee, though, so Hogan gets up to retrieve Hebner. Andre gets up, too. He sneaks up on Hogan, headbutts him, and takes him down with a butterfly suplex. He goes for the pin and Hogan kicks out at one…

-But Dave Hebner counts three anyway, and Andre the Giant wins the gold.

-Gene Okerlund interviews Andre in the ring post-match and Andre announces that he’s surrendering the belt to Ted DiBiase. Specifically, Andre announces that he’s surrendering the “tag team championship belt” to Ted DiBiase, so fuck you, Strike Force. Forget that, though, this is just starting to get awesome. Andre, Ted, & Virgil head out of the ring to celebrate, and Hogan just watches them in shock. But then Hogan turns around…

-And there’s a SECOND Dave Hebner standing in the ring. Hogan watches in shock as the two Dave Hebners argue with each other about the decision. Vince & Jesse are confused as hell and argue about which one is Dave Hebner. Meanwhile Hulk starts yelling at both of them about losing his title, but then just breaks down, faceplams, and cries. The two Hebners argue some more, and then the one who counted the controversial pin punches the other Hebner and kicks him out of the ring.

-Hogan, starting to put 2+2 together, grabs the pin-counting Hebner, gets some approval from the crowd, and press slams Hebner over the top rope and onto Ted DiBiase and Virgil on the floor. 2 for 2. The whole fucking thing gets the point.

-After the horror of seeing Hogan lose his title, though, there’s SOME good news. “Miami Vice” and “Unsolved Mysteries” are coming up next, and Dick Clark & Ed McMahon have a fresh batch of “Super Bloopers and NEW Practical Jokes” tomorrow night. And Sonny Spoon is the slick-talking private eye you won’t be able to stop talking about, coming soon to NBC.

-We return to Indianapolis, where Strike Force is preparing to square off against the Hart Foundation. (DEAD MATCH WALKING!) But screw that, “Mean Gene Okerlund is standing by with Mean Gene…” I guess this twins thing has Vince seeing double from everybody…

-Gene is talking to Hulk Hogan. Hulk knew Ted DiBiase & Andre the Giant would try anything, so he prepared for every possibility he could think of. But “twin referees” never entered his mind, and he lost because he didn’t see that one coming. All he can do is scream “How much money did he spend on the plastic surgery? They were identicaaaaalllll!”

-We’re completely out of time, and Vince signs off while we watch a few moments of Strike Force vs. Hart Foundation in front of a totally burned-out silent crowd. But thanks to WWE Network

8.1

The final score: review Very Good

The 411

You know, I got this tape 10 years ago in a tape trade, and casually dismissed it with, "Neat angle. Huh." And I moved on. But now, having watched Andre's heel turn, the close call at Wrestlemania III, his comeback, his attacking Hogan...With 14 months of build-up behind it, this felt AMAZING. I actually felt invested in this show. My heart raced. I got excited. I marked out a little. Highly, highly recommended, but only if you get yourself a WWE Network account and watch a year of content beforehand. I don't want to give it a perfect ten because it doesn't stand on its own, I don't think a person unfamiliar with the era would get into it, but in its proper context, this is a fantastic event.