USWA Championship Wrestling (1.20.1990) Review

-Originally aired January 20, 1990.

-Your host is Michael St. John.

-We go straight to the Sportatoriumn, where Mr. Excitement himself, Marc Lowrence, welcomes Billy Joe Travis and Skandar Akbar. Travis has switched to a Ric Flair knockoff robe, so I guess the feud with Bill Dundee is done-dee. Meanwhile, Skandar Akbar has brought out an enormous bag full of popcorn and throws it all over the floor because it represents “What I think of Jeff Jarrett.” Stale and forgettable when there’s no flavor added? They promise JJ that he’s going to pay for all the trouble he’s caused Devastation Inc.

“Simply Irresistible” JEFF JARRETT vs. JAMES RAPP
-Terry Garvin is calling commentary despite the promises that last week would be his final week. Honestly, this is a funny visual–nobody cared badly enough to sweep up the popcorn from Skandar Akbar’s performance art so the ring is just surrounded by popcorn now. Suplex by JJ, then he rams Rapp from turnbuckle to turnbuckle. Slam and an elbow by Jarrett and suddenly, a bearded old custodian comes to ringside with a metal trash can to clean up all the popcorn…HOLY CRAP THEY’RE PAYING THIS OFF! And the fans are one step ahead of this and instantly freak out when they see him sweeping the popcorn into the trash can, but then the old man suddenly dashes into the ring and clonks Jeff right on the noggin with the trash can.

-Terry Garvin goes to the “old custodian” for an interview, and Billy Joe Travis is hilarious here, not even changing his voice as he insists that “I’m just an old man!” He wonders what his good friend Billy Joe Travis could do if JJ is capable of being knocked out by an old man. Marc Lowrence is trying to play up concern for Jarrett, but the problem is this was a REALLY funny angle, with Billy Joe Travis displaying as much nuance as Ernest T. Bass in his surprise attack.

-House show promo for Wednesday night in Evansville, with Jeff Jarrett vs. Billy Joe Travis on top. Damn, they signed that contract fast.

-Back from commercial, Jeff Jarrett is being loaded onto a stretcher as Skandar Akbar and Jeff Gaylord head to ringside for the next match. Gaylord teases attacking JJ on the stretcher, and Jeff Jarrett acts as a human shield to prevent it.

JEFF GAYLORD (with Skandar Akbar) vs. TERRY BLACK
-Black tries to match power and Gaylord just shoves him down repeatedly. Backbreaker by Gaylord. Attempted sunset flip goes horribly wrong for both men, so Gaylord stun guns him and chokes him out. Gaylord comes off the top rope with a double chop to the chest (yelling “Hooooooo!” on his way up) and that’s enough to finish.

-Marc Lowrence welcomes Gorgeous Gary Young, cosplaying as Todd Christiansen if Todd had fronted a hair metal band. Young explains his beef with Dustin Rhodes, saying his entire family is full of ugly frauds and they’re yellah, too. And finally Dustin can take no more and comes out to fight for family honor, dragging Gorgeous Gary into the ring and laying into him while Akbar frantically calls Jeff Gaylord to the ring. It’s a 2-on-1 attack until Gorgeous Gary finally pulls a loaded glove AND a chain out and puts them on, and he bloodies Dustin (“bloodying Dustin” being a relative concept watching this in 2019) with a series of right hands. Jimmy Jack Funk rolls in to stop the attack but it’s too late and Dustin is out of it.

-MEDICAL UPDATE: Jeff Jarrett is still bland.

-Back at the Sportatorium, Billy Joe does a victory lap around the ring to celebrate Jarrett’s injury.

BILLY JOE TRAVIS (with Skandar Akbar) vs. JOHNNY RED
-This is turning into that brief spell Mid-South went through where nobody was allowed to be a heel unless Skandar Akbar was around. Travis politely offers a handshake for a while. Red isn’t having it and gives him a shove. Travis gives him a beating for his efforts before grabbing the mic and daring any of the potbellies in the crowd to get in the ring and take him on if they think they’re tough. Travis dances on top of Red’s body, leaving Marc Lowrence to lament, “You can injure a man by doing that” in his best “Mike Pence after chugging a whole thing of NyQuil” voice.

-Travis gets on the mic again and he is REALLY dragging this out, calling out the fans for being illiterate and fat, among other offenses, while Red just has to lie there and sell the agony of being previously danced upon. And finally Jeff Jarrett gets his cue and comes to ringside and takes Travis out to the floor, whacking him in the face with a chair a few times.

-Jeff Jarrett promises to take Billy Joe Travis out for good this Wednesday night in Evansville.

-Tojo Yamamoto & PY Chu-Hi are here. Tojo is wearing a football helmet now, with PY smacking him with a kendo stick a few times to illustrate that Tojo can’t be harmed by Matt Borne anymore.

GORGEOUS GARY YOUNG (with Skandar fucking Akbar) vs. CHICO TORREZ
-Skandar gives Chico another chance to join Devastation Inc. Torrez says no one more time, so Young attacks and just keeps beating on him while Skandar gets on the house mic and makes him another offer. Torrez shakes his head no and Gorgeous Gary just wails on him some more. He drags Torrez over for another offer. Torrez says no and Skandar gives him a slap. Gary Young keeps assaulting him as Terry Garvin picks up last week’s running gag, calling Chico “Tito Puente” as Young just keeps mauling him. Chico is pretty much proving Skandar’s point for him.

-And then Dustin Rhodes, bloodied and bandaged up, hits the ring and attacks Gary Young, dragging him all over the ring and attacking with chairs and tables, which draws out Jeff Gaylord, which draws out Jimmy Jack Funk, and in a perfect world, Teddy Long would strut out next, but nah, it’s just a brawl all over the floor to close the show.

5.8

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

Billy Joe Travis is the star, everything else just laid there this week.