Dark Pegasus Video Review: Clash of the Champions X: Texas Shootout

Clash of the Champions X: Texas Shootout by J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Brightkite.com/jddunn411 Facebook.com/jddunn411 Sting managed to hold out and score a victory in the Iron Man tournament at Starrcade, which didn’t sit well with Ric Flair. February 6, 1990 Live from Corpus Christi, Texas. Your hosts are Jim Ross and James E. Cornette. Terry Funk tells us to take out our .22s and .38s and aim them at the TV screen. So *that’s* where Glenn Beck got it. It was either that or an Elvis joke. The Road Warriors join Gordon Solie for an interview. “Uuugghghhghh, tell ’em, Gordon” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Opening Match: Steve Williams vs. The Samoan Savage (w/Oliver Humperdink). Doc is still megaover in the south despite the wacky skit where he saves some schmuck and loads him into an ambulance. That actually happened in real life, by the way. The Savage is Sam Fatu or “Tama” in his WWF salad days. If you’re a fan of the Dirk Benedict/Roddy Piper flop Body Slam, he was “Tonga Tom.” Tanya Roberts is in that movie, and she just looks amazing. I digress. Doc attacks him from behind and blitzes him with shoulderblocks. The Savage ends that with a clothesline and hits the nerve pinch. Cornette starts making racist Mexican jokes as Woman comes down to ringside to observe. This match gets much more time than it deserves, given that they’re just trading power moves. Williams actually wins by blocking a hiptoss and countering to a backslide at 7:55. Meaningless and meandering power match. Williams would leave for All Japan soon after this. 1/2* We see the house band, “The Tough Guys,” playing us back from commercial. The Four Horsemen come out to talk about how dominant they are. Ric Flair says they want to make a statement. Ole Anderson kicks Sting out of the group, explaining that the Andersons were brought back to cripple Sting but he saved Ric Flair from Terry Funk buying a reprieve. Challenging Flair to a title match is unforgivable, though. Ole tells Sting to call Jim Ross and cancel the title match… or else. Sting, of course, can’t go for that… no can do, so Flair suckerpunches him and the Horsemen stomp him into a puddle. The MOD Squad vs. Brian Pillman & Tom Zenk. The MOD Squad are two guys (former jobbers Jim and Mack Jeffers) who look just like Farva from Super Troopers playing evil state patrolmen. Zenk and Pillman control with armbars as Ross pushes them as sex symbols. The MODs don’t provide much outside of being fat tackling dummies. Does anyone else think that Tom Zenk looks like a young Colin Farrell? Pillman plays face-in-peril. The MOD Squad offense is lackluster, though, so it’s pretty boring. Cornette says they were kicked off the New Orleans PD for police brutality so they must be bad. Zenk hits a surprise crossbody on Basher, and Pillman neutralizes Spike with a dropkick. Pillman/Zenk pick up the win at 9:53. Pillman & Zenk were an awesome team, but the MOD Squad weren’t the best team to work with. * Mil Mascaras vs. Cactus Jack Manson. This is the match Mick Foley details in his book where he rips Mil. I get the feeling that Mick doesn’t like luchadores style in general. I’m partial to Dos Caras myself, but Mil wrestles just fine. Corny apologizes for offending the Mexican people, saying everyone ought to own one or two of them. Mil dropkicks Manson to the floor where Jack trips over a chair. He blames the fans and threatens them. Jack takes over and slams Mil on the floor, but Mil squirts back in before the Truth or Consequences Elbow. Jack is so stunned that Mil is able to dropkick him off the apron to the floor. That’s a sick bump, given that Mick’s head visibly smacks the floor and bounces. He’s so disoriented that Mil is able to finish with the crossbody at 5:00. Interesting just for the inside story. Thankfully, Jack stopped doing the “Nestea Plunge” bump as a regular spot. * After a commercial, Jack is still sulking over the loss as the Tough Guys start playing again. Jack is enraged by the music and gets into a brawl with the guitar player (JT Southern – just picture Chris Jericho circa 1997). This would go nowhere, but Southern would return a few years later to feud with fellow axe-grinder Van Hammer. Norman the Lunatic goes to the zoo and pets a pig. Oy. Falls Count Anywhere: Norman the Lunatic vs. Kevin Sullivan. Norman the Babyface Lunatic is roughly on par with Tugboat Thomas in terms of quality. This match sucks and deserves some sort of special mention in the great history of suck. Norman is just too fat to get any offense on, so Sullivan clubs him a lot. They brawl to the back and into the ladies room where Norman gets an off-screen pin at 7:26. Seriously. And off-screen pin. I’m pretty sure the finish was actually ripped from an episode of Married… With Children, or maybe it was vice-versa. DUD Lex Luger comes out to talk about the respect he has for Ric Flair. Terry Funk gives him the ol’ verbal BJ. The Road Warriors (w/Paul Ellering) vs. The Skyscrapers 2.0 (w/Theodore R. Long). This is the Spivey/Callous version of the Scrapers. Man, how awesome would a Vicious & Callous tag team be in retrospect!?! Spivey goes all Demolition Ax on Hawk, double ax-handling him to his knees. Callous comes in, and Animal no-sells everything he has, thus giving Mark Callaway ideas. Hawk winds up playing face-in-peril. It occurs to me that the Undertaker plays the weak link in the team, which is bizarre to think about. Animal gets the hot tag, and the LOD hits the Doomsday Device. The ref goes down, so Callous comes off the top with a chairshot. Spivey piledrives Hawk somewhere in an adjoining zip code to the chair. The Roadies win by DQ, but the Scrapers leave them laying (7:26). The Skyscrapers looked dominant, but it would all be for naught anyway because Spivey would leave for All Japan before the blowoff. * Brian Pillman, looking coked out, screams about how Sting is going crazy backstage. NWA World Tag Team Titles vs. Masks: The Steiner Bros. vs. Doom. Even Ross admits that Doom’s identities are the worst-kept secret in wrestling. Doom spends most of the early part of the match threatening the fans, so the Steiners dominate. Scott takes a SICK clothesline from Reed as he tries to roll up Simmons. Doom smacks him around like a bitch, which is quite an accomplishment. I should point out that Doom looks extra jacked here. Scott catches Reed with a Frankensteiner, allowing Rick to tag in. Powerslam on Reed, and Rick tears his mask off. ::GASP:: It’s Butch Reed! Reed and Simmons are so shocked by the unmasking that Rick is able to roll up Reed for the win at 13:04. As a result, Doom #2 has to unmask. To the surprise of only Jim Ross, it’s Ron Simmons. Doom would get arguably more over without the masks. ** Gordon Solie stands by with the Horsemen and gives them his “I hope you’re happy with yourselves” speech. They reiterate their threat to end Sting’s career if he doesn’t rescind the title challenge. Cage Match: Ric Flair, Ole Anderson & Arn Anderson vs. The Great Muta, Buzz Sawyer & The Dragonmaster. The supposed heels are the remnants of the J-Tex alliance. This is a weird match because they’re all heels. The fans take the J-Tex side by default. Plus, they’ve just been dying to cheer Muta. The Dragonmaster (Kazuo Sakarada) looks a lot like Masuka from Dexter. Sting runs down in the middle of the match and storms the cage. Flair beats him back long enough for WCW officials to pull Sting down. Sawyer takes a sick bump into the cage and lands on his dome. Sting storms the cage again, and this time blows his knee out on the way down. D’oh! Arn avoids Sawyer’s splash and hits the DDT on the Dragonmaster for the win at 6:10. No one cares about the result, it’s all about the post-match brawl. Sting is hobbling away, so Flair darts out of the cage and jumps on him as the credits roll. The definition of a nothing match as most of the focus was outside of the cage. 3/4*

The 411: Sting's injury killed the match that Flair and Jim Ross and taken nearly a year to build. It was supposed to be a grand passing of the torch from the wrestler of the 1980s to the man who would carry the company in the 1990s. Instead, Lex Luger was quickly turned to feud with Flair, and Sting eventually got his title win a few months later. By then, Ole Anderson was the booker, though, and everything outside of Sting was ruined. And, oh by the way, this show sucks something fierce. The Sting segments are available on Flair's DVDs, so don't bother. Thumbs way down.

Final Score:  2.5   [ Very Bad ]