The Name on the Marquee: The Best of the WWF Volume 9

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Johnny V. Johnny says it’s great for the fans to have a piece of history on videotape that they can keep forever, or until they fall victim to a kleptomaniac. Johnny V runs hot & cold for me, but I’m kinda surprised that they didn’t keep him around as a commentator.

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE: RANDY “Macho Man” SAVAGE (with Elizabeth) vs. RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT
-This is from the summer of 1986, so it’s more of a test run for the feud than anything else. Steamboat applies a wristlock early on and snaps the arm to take Savage down. Armdrag by Steamboat and he wrings the arm & snaps it again as a HUGE “Steamboat” chant goes up. Savage gets free with an Irish whip, but Steamboat is waiting with a slam and another armdrag. He applies an armbar and Gorilla complains about how humid the arena is as we see that Steamboat is already soaked in sweat.

-Savage gets free again but Steamboat again stops him from capitalizing with a shoulderblock and an armdrag. Wristlock, but Savage kicks free. They exchange reversals until Steamboat rolls up Savage for two. He tries a victory roll for one and goes back to an armdrag/armbar combo. Weird moment sees Savage laying his foot on the rope to break it, but the referee keeps kicking his leg until he recoils. You kick the ROPE, dude. Savage tries putting a hand on the rope, but now the referee kicks his arm, and even Gorilla & The Brain are complaining about it.

-Hiptoss off the ropes by Steamboat. Savage retreats, but Steamboat taunts him and Savage takes the bait and walks into an armdrag again. Steamboat misses a corner charge and Savage drops him to the concrete. He comes off the top rope with the double axehandle and rams Steamboat into the barricade for good measure. Savage puts the boots to Steamboat and brings him back in the ring. Axehandle off the top rope gets two. Savage goes for a suplex but gets blocked. He slugs Steamboat down and goes to the top again, but this time Steamboat is ready for him with a shot to the stomach. Savage goes to the floor for a breather, but Steamboat follows him and sends him OVER the barricade. Steamboat rams Savage into the post to open him up.

-He sends Savage back inside and comes off the top rope with a chop for two. Steamboat works on the wound for a bit and gets two when Savage gets a foot on the rope. Another chop gets two. Savage noggin-knocks Steamboat & the referee together and all three guys are out of it for a while. Savage recovers first and suplexes Steamboat. Steamboat rolls up Savage for a sloooooooooooowww two-count as the referee struggles to recover. Duel for a backslide is won by Steamboat for a two-count. Savage gets fed up and pulls something from his tights. He blinds Steamboat with it, and instead of capitalizing, he just collapses in the corner and rests while Steamboat tries to regain his composure. Savage gets up and charges toward Steamboat, but Steamboat backdrops him over the top rope and out to the floor. Savage recovers and yanks Steamboat to the floor, where he rams Steamboat into a table. They brawl on the floor, but Savage collapses on a bodyslam and Steamboat makes it back into the ring for the win via count-out. 1 for 1. Great battle from two of the best on the world at the time.

HART FOUNDATION vs. NIKOLAI VOLKOFF & IRON SHEIK (with Slick)
-A rare heel/heel battle from Boston Garden. Note that Jimmy Hart is gone to make it easier for the fans to pick a side. And pick a side they do; the crowd goes nuts for the Harts during the introductions. Harts sneak up and attack during the Soviet anthem and clear the ring for a hot start. Volkoff & Bret start the match proper. Volkoff takes him down with power, but Bret dropkicks him and Sheik tags in to try his luck. Sheik tries to throw a punch close to the ropes, but Bret ducks and Sheik sends himself over the top rope and onto the floor with the momentum.

-Back in, an attempted double-team backfires and Sheik accidentally kicks Volkoff in the throat. Bret & Anvil do the move successfully in their corner to add insult to injury. Four-man brawl erupts and Bret gets double-teamed as a result. Clotheslines & chops by Sheik and he sends Bret into Volkoff’s boot. Volkoff comes in and stomps away. Bret gets a sunset flip for a visual three, but Sheik & Slick distract the referee to keep it from becoming official.

-Sheik re-enters and locks in an abdominal stretch, and as usual, Gorilla is unimpressed. Bret breaks the hold, but misses an elbow and Sheik gets right back into the swing of things with a gutwrench suplex. Camel clutch almost finishes, but Anvil comes to break the hold. Bret reverses a suplex and makes the hot tag. Anvil dropkicks Sheik into the corner, but Volkoff tags in and Anvil decides to kick two asses with one stone. Dropkick on Volkoff gets two. Elbow gets another two. It’s another brawl and Sheik gets sent to the floor in the fracas. Anvil tries to slam Volkoff, but Sheik hooks his leg and Volkoff lands on top for the three-count. Funny note: the commentators noted that the winners of the match would be the next in line to challenge the British Bulldogs, but when the Bulldogs finally lost the titles, guess who did it? Anyway, 2 for 2, although it felt a little short, somehow.

BOOT CAMP MATCH: CORPORAL KIRCHNER vs. NIKOLAI VOLKOFF
-Kirchner sucks up to the Maple Leaf Gardens crowd by bringing a Canadian flag to the ring. Bell rings and Volkoff immediately goes to the floor. He makes Kirchner chase him in & out of the ring, but he’s too slow and Kirchner actually catches up with him and headbutts him down. Lowblow by Volkoff and Kirchner sells it like he’s dead. Boots and knees by Volkoff as a “USA!” chant erupts. On commentary, Gorilla Monsoon mentions recent rumors that Freddy Blassie has sold Volkoff’s contract and Billy Red Lyons wonders who the buyer might be. Yes, I wonder, too.

-Volkoff misses a corner charge and Kirchner punches him down and darts to the second rope for a kneedrop. Volkoff rolls out of the way and hangs him upside down in the corner. Kirchner writhes on the mat for a while and Nikolai stomps him again. He sends Kirchner through the ropes and onto the famous Toronto-only catwalk. He keeps beating on him out there and beel throws him back into the ring. He sends Kirchner out to the concrete and rams him into the post. Series of chairshots by Volkoff and then he sends the bloody Corporal into the barricade.

-Back in the ring, Volkoff keeps putting the boots to Kirchner, then whips him with a belt. He wraps the belt around his fist and punches him with the buckle. Belt-assisted clothesline by Volkoff, but he has to take a break after that because he’s losing his pants. Kirchner gets a sudden sunset flip for two. Volkoff tries to throw a punch, but misses and winds up taking an atomic drop. Headbutt to the junk by Kirchner. He misses a corner charge and does a Slaughterish bump over the top and to the floor. Kirchner tries to re-enter but gets kicked down to the floor. Kirchner takes off his boot and clubs Volkoff over the head with it for the abrupt three-count. That’s one bit of wrestling physics I’ve never understood. When a boot is worn, it hurts as much as a slap on the wrist; when it’s held in the hand, it’s a lethal weapon. 3 for 3. Shitty finish aside, this was probably Kirchner’s finest work in the WWF.

JUNKYARD DOG, SUPERFLY JIMMY SNUKA, & ANDRE THE GIANT vs. KEN PATERA, BIG JOHN STUDD, & JESSE “The Body” VENTURA (with Bobby Heenan)
-JYD & Patera trade fists and Andre tags in and take care of Patera & Studd at once. He boots Patera down and JYD comes back in and headbutts him out to the floor. Patera stalls like it’s going out of style and after about a half-hour, JYD finally gets trapped in the heel corner for some triple-teaming, and a six-man brawl erupts. Sanity is restored and Jesse tags in to try his luck with JYD. He elbows him down and follows with a stomp and a strut. JYD goes into the turnbuckle, and of course, that just revives him and Jesse gets rammed into the turnbuckle. In comes Snuka and he headbutts Jesse down. Bodyslam and a chop from the second rope by Snuka, but Jesse goes to the eyes and then distracts the referee as Patera attacks from the apron. Studd tags in and tries to finish him off, but only gets two. Bearhug by Studd is broken by Andre. Patera tags in and tries his own bearhug, then rams him into the corner. Jesse tags in and goes for a bearhug, and JYD takes his turn at breaking the hold. Studd tags in for ANOTHER bearhug, and Snuka finally has enough presence of mind to clap his hands, thereby breaking the hold for some reason, and in comes Andre.

-Andre destroys Studd and gets ready to slam him, but Patera interferes and helps take Andre down for a two-count. Jesse tags in and gets caught by Andre. Andre boots him down and Snuka comes in with a splash off the top rope for three. Post-match, the faces all unload on Studd & Patera until they leave the ring. 3 for 4. Aside from Patera’s stalling and all the bearhugs, you had a pretty good match. Problem is that aside from Patera’s stalling and all the bearhugs, you had about 2 minutes of stuff.

KING TONGA & SIVI AFI vs. BIG JOHN STUDD & KING KONG BUNDY (with Bobby Heenan)
-Tonga starts hot with Studd firing chops & kicks before nearly slamming him. Studd blocks it and goes in the offensive in the corner. Tonga fights back with more chops and they stop everything and just stare at each other for a moment. Punches and chops are traded and we get another staring contest. Studd sends Tonga out to the floor and rams him into the post. Back in, Studd comes off the top rope with an axehandle and hiptosses Tonga. Tonga fights back with chops, kicks, chops, headbutts, and chops, until Studd goes down. Diving headbutt and another headbutt by Tonga, and that softens Studd enough that Tonga finally slams him for $15,000 and a two-count. He tries again, but Studd blocks it and Sivi Afi comes in to attempt a slam of his own. Studd blocks it and demands that Tonga come back in. Tonga refuses and darn the luck, Studd is stuck with the jobber.

-Dropkick by Afi is no-sold and Bundy comes in for the first time in the match and Irish whips him. Another Irish whip is turned into a flying bodypress by Afi for two. Chops and headbutts by Afi, but Bundy comes back with a kick and an elbow. Slam by Bundy gets two when Tonga makes the save. Shoulderblock by Studd and down goes Afi. Studd drops him on the back of his head a few times. Afi gets double-teamed in the heel corner and Tonga tries to make the save, but that does more harm than good and Studd comes back in and tries a clothesline. Afi dodges and tags in Tonga. He gets on a roll briefly, but Studd pounds him down and tags Bundy back in. Kneedrop gets two…no, wait, the referee decides it was a three-count even though there was clearly a kick-out, and Studd & Bundy win. Wow, even if that finish was done correctly, it would have sucked! 3 for 5.

COWBOY LANG vs. LORD LITTLEBROOK
-Hey, a midget match, why not? Things go nowhere until Littlebrook overthrows a punch and falls out of the ring, then trips on his way back in. Lang ties him up in a wristlock, but Littlebrook breaks free and celebrates with a Flair strut in a weird visual. Lang tries to finish quickly with a full nelson, but Littlebrook keeps breaking free.

-We move on to the usual midget spots with comical biting and butt-related mayhem. Lang goes back to the wristlock and then stomps on the referee’s foot for some reason. Littlebrook takes him down with a forearm and a boot. Fists are exchanged and Lang backdrops Littlebrook. Another backdrop and Lang finishes with a really impressive-spot where he ties up Littlebrook in bodyscissors and rolls over and over to disorient him until he scores the win. 3 for 6. Neat finish, nothing special from the rest of the bout.

$50,000 BATTLE ROYAL
-Your all-star roster for this one includes Junkyard Dog, Harley Race, Billy Jack Haynes, King Kong Bundy, Sivi Afi, Dream Team, Bobby Heenan, Pedro Morales, Lanny Poffo, Iron Mike Sharpe, Moondogs, Jimmy Hart, King Tonga, Big John Studd, British Bulldogs, Luscious Johnny Valiant, Special Delivery Jones, Tony Garea, and Tony Atlas.

-Bell rings and Jimmy Hart dives under the bottom rope and hides underneath the apron. Bundy & Studd are eliminated immediately, and Bobby Heenan goes out shortly after. Heenan attributes this to the value of the Heenan Family and the fear they strike in the other wrestlers. Hart comes out from the apron to take a look inside the ring. There are too many guys in there, so he goes back under as SD Jones gets tossed.

-Iron Mike Sharpe (who Alfred calls “Perpetual Motion”) and Tony Atlas gets tossed. Pedro Morales dumps Johnny Valiant as everyone just wanders around throwing punches for a while. Valentine unloads Garea. Harley Race gets eliminated and nearly takes the cameraman with him. Sivi Afi is gone. Bulldogs eliminate the Moondogs simultaneously with dropkicks, which wakes up the crowd. Haynes & JYD go at it to break up the heel/face monotony, and King Tonga & Lanny Poffo follow suit. Bulldogs are nearly eliminated, but Pedro Morales makes the save for some reason.

-More wandering around the ring as Jimmy Hart takes another peek and still doesn’t quite feel safe. Morales takes a pretty impressive tumble from the top rope, and then Beefcake is eliminated. Only faces & Valentine are still in the ring. Everybody gangs up on Valentine and he manages to eliminate Haynes & Tonga quickly. Dynamite Kid is gone. Davey Boy is gone. Lanny Poffo goes out. That leaves JYD & Valentine to duke it out. Valentine throws JYD through the ropes. JYD pulls Jimmy Hart from under the apron and tosses him into the ring, then goes back in to finish off Valentine. JYD & Valentine keep battling as Jimmy Hart acts as a cheerleader in the corner. JYD & Valentine manage to eliminate each other…and that leaves Jimmy Hart as the winner of $50,000. The crowd does not quite care for that. 3 for 7. Pretty lethargic up until the finish.

End of the tape. Start of the Game Show Utopia plug.

The 411: 3 hot matches, and a lousy battle royal with a fun finish. It wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible, really...
Final Score:  4.8   [ Poor ]