wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (7.14.1986)
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-Originally aired July 14, 1986.
-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan.
-All matches except the feature come from the Boston Garden, where Gorilla notes that “Banner #16 is now hanging from the ceiling.”
MIKE ROTUNDO & DANNY SPIVEY vs. TIGER CHUNG LEE & LES THORNTON
-Rotundo gets Thornton caught in headscissors as Gene Okerlund & Gorilla Monsoon discuss their golf scores. Gene makes note of how miserably humid the Garden is tonight as all four guys already have a coat of sweat going.
-Side headlock by Spivey on Lee and the arena is so deathly quiet for this match that you can hear every individual bend and creak of the mat as the two guys just lay there. Gorilla notes that Spivey’s career has seen considerably improvement since he stopped wearing furry boots last year.
-The much improved Spivey barely tapes Lee with a dropkick and Thornton heads in to take control with knees and a chinlock. He switches to a front facelock while the commentators discuss absolutely every wrestler in the WWF except the four in the ring.
-Spivey gets choked by the tag rope as Rotundo complains to the referee. Rotundo has barely been in the ring and needs to be squeegeed. The city of Boston needs more air conditioner repairmen. We pause for commercial.
-We’re back to a medium-hot tag to Rotundo. Rotundo goes to town on both opponents. Thornton retreats rather than fight. Lee regains his bearings and gets Rotundo caught in the bad part of the ring. Thornton capitalizes with a chinlock and suddenly the crowd cares about this match.
-Rotundo gets caught in the wrong part of the ring and this time we mix up the expectations, with Lee distracting the referee while Rotundo actually anticipates and trades punches with Thornton instead of just taking a beating. Spivey tags back in and dropkicks Lee out to the floor. Rotundo, who appears to be melting, tags back in and gets chopped while a literal stream of sweat is coming off his forehead.
-And then Spivey just tags in, bulldogs Thornton, and pins him. That’s ALL that happens. It was like “Well, we wrestled enough.” Kind of a letdown ending because the match really started coming to life after the commercial.
-Gorilla announces that King Tonga still has not been paid for slamming Big John Studd.
PEDRO MORALES vs. MOONDOG SPOT
-Gorilla & Gene have a prescient discussion about what a mistake it would be to shut down the Boston Garden because the venue has too many great memories. They do concede that the air conditioning needs to be fixed, like, right now.
-Spot applies a side headlock but Morales fights him off with a one-armed slam. Spot starts fighting dirty with some choking, and a suplex gets two. Chinlock amazingly almost puts Pedro away. Nice touch from not-yet-evil referee Danny Davis, he gets down on the mat to check the arm, it drops twice, and Danny stands up and faces the timekeeper as he raises the arm the third time because Pedro is out of it and this match is just obviously over. BUT NOT YET!
-They trade punches and Moondog Spot gets frustrated with that and just gives Pedro a hard slam to the mat. Spot hurts himself with a headbutt while Gorilla once again mentions a bunch of former Moondogs who never competed in the WWF. Amazingly fast-paced ending sees these guys trade pinfall attempts back & forth until Pedro tries a roll-up, and that’s the one that finally works to give him the win. Decent match.
-Ken Resnick talks to Nikolai Volkoff & Iron Sheik as they discuss Corporal Kirchner’s tainted victory at Wrestlemania 2. They are still talking about that after three months. Sheiky Baby tries to make a point and it goes hilariously wrong. “Who was the champion before Hulk Hogan?” “You.” “Who was tag team champions before the British Bulldogs?” “Uh, Greg Valentine and—“ “BEFORE THAT!”
TNT: THE MATING GAME
–Lord Alfred introduces “the game where contestants act stupid for Cupid,” hosted by Gene Okerlund. Your premise: Jim Neidhart is still upset about how badly things went on the last episode, so they’re bringing him back to ask the questions and pick one of three bachelorettes.
– Gene introduces “Sandy Buttkiss,” and tells a million different jokes to get the point across that she’s a prostitute. He finishes up Sandy’s intro by saying “She has a degree in animal husbandry, and she has the movies to prove it.”
-Next is Emma Teaser, who works at a bakery and prefers beds that take quarters.
-Finally, Clarabell Dingum from Pondscum, South Carolina, and Clarabell turns out to be The Fabulous Moolah.
-Out comes Jim Neidhart, who struggles a lot with reading cue cards while flirting with all three ladies. I swear, I get a whiff of cigarette smoke every time Moolah talks. Moolah offers to give Neidhart some headscissors and then give him a flying swing until he landed wherever she wants.
-Gene announces that Jim and the date that he chooses will be traveling to the Armpit Festival in beautiful Hindsight, New Jersey. Anvil rather predictably chooses the Fabulous Clarabell, and the cute twist is that instead of the predictable reaction, Jim yells “Let’s get it on!” and sweeps her off her feet. Funny ending, but this didn’t come anywhere near the first Mating Game skit, and even that wasn’t anything to write home about.
-Gorilla mentions that Harley Race keeps wanting people to call him the King, and Heenan argues that for all he’s accomplished in wrestling, no other name will do.
TONY ATLAS vs. HANDSOME HARLEY RACE
-Race connects with a shoulderblock that has no effect, and Atlas just slams him down. Camera catches them discussing spots right on camera and Gorilla covers with an explanation of how some guys hate the sound of chatter in the ring and Atlas must have heard that Race is one of them.
-Race tries a headbutt because he hasn’t read the book on Atlas. Race goes out to the floor and rams Atlas into the famous Boston Garden barricade to topple it. A fan with a video camera is in the second row recording the entire event with literally seven cops standing right next to him.
-Suplex by Harley gets two. Atlas responds with a suplex of his own. Knee by Race gets two. Elbows get two. Harley, a noted slow learner, hurts himself on another headbutt, and Atlas Irish whips him into the corner. Hiptoss and a dropkick by Atlas, and he heads up to the second rope for a headbutt. He tries to finish with a splash, but Race raises the knees and then finishes him off with a sunset flip. Decidedly meh, leaning toward feh.
-Heenan notes how flawlessly Race attained that victory, and Gorilla points out “You weren’t there.”
-Ken Resnick talks to King Tonga. I honestly think this is the first time he’s talked since he got here. And there’s a reason. He sounds so nervous and uncomfortable here. Unless he’s reading this, in which case this promo is fucking great.
BILLY JACK HAYNES vs. MOONDOG REX
-I’m copy-pasting this from my review of Best of the WWF Volume 8: Kneedrop by Rex gets a two-count. He goes to a chinlock as the “Boring” chant starts gathering steam quicker. Haynes breaks free and gets a shoulderblock. Rex fights back and drops an elbow. Haynes reverses a turnbuckle shot and throws punches, then claps his hands to disorient his opponent. Chops and elbows by Haynes send Rex to the floor. Back in the ring, an ugly-looking dropkick by Haynes is no-sold by Rex, who went ahead and bladed while he was on the floor. Yes, blading for this match. And suddenly Billy Jack Haynes locks in a full nelson and gets the submission victory to thunderous boos.
KING TONGA vs. PETE DOHERTY
–Doherty attacks before the bell and Tonga makes him pay with a hammerlock. Doherty applies a full nelson, Tonga reverses. Doherty tries to break by putting both feet on the ropes, so Tonga just lets go of him and Doherty falls flat on the mat. Tonga plants Doherty on the top rope and then looks right at him, “Come at me bro”-style, and Doherty just gets down without doing anything.
-Doherty finally gets Tonga in the corner and tries to capitalize, but he crotches himself in the corner. He never really bounces back after that, and Tonga finally puts him out of his misery with a diving headbutt for three.
-Back to Japan and The Machines.
HULK HOGAN & “Mister Wonderful” PAUL ORNDORFF vs. THE MOONDOGS
-From Championship Wrestling, in case you missed it. Hulk starts with Spot. Spot gets slammed down and has already had enough. Hulk hiptosses and slams Rex. Orndorff begs for a tag and Hulk obliges.
-Forearm and a slam by Orndorff. Spot tags back in and he armdrags Spot around. Spot tags out as the Moondogs have a definite strategy here. Irish whip by Orndorff and sure enough, Rex tags out to Spot as fast as he can. Side headlock by Orndorff and Spot tags back out. Moondogs threaten to gang up on Orndorff, but Orndorff waves off Hulk when he starts to come in to even things up.
-Big “We want Hulk!” chant erupts while Orndorff beats up on both Moondogs. Spot gives Orndorff a knee from the apron and Rex follows with a suplex. Moondogs capitalize with frequent tags, taking turns getting their shots on Orndorff. Attempted double-team goes wrong as Rex boots Spot off the apron. Orndorff finishes Rex off with the piledriver. Hulk comes in to give Orndorff a pat on the back, but Orndorff plays to the crowd, posing and cupping his ear, and doesn’t even look at Hulk.
