The Name on the Marquee: Summerslam 88 (8.29.1988)

-Summertime means Summerslam for wrestling fans, so for the remainder of the summer, I’m going to be sprinkling reviews of the first five events in here from time to time. Enjoy!

-This was a truly bold stunt by the WWF in 1988…Could the wrestling fan public stomach a whopping THREE pay-per-view shows in a single calendar year? Would the action be enough to justify asking for so much money from the fans? Does it make you simultaneously amused and wistful to remember when these were considerations?

-Live! August 29, 1988 From MSG in NYC.

-Hosted by GM & SBG…er, Gorilla Monsoon & Superstar Billy Graham. Somebody-got-their-signals-crossed moment of the night: Howard Finkel is getting the crowd warmed up and ready to cheer after the show has already gone on the air. Weird to hear 20,000 fans counting down from 10 while Graham runs down the card. Gorilla assures us that tonight’s event will be a happening.

BRITISH BULLDOGS vs. FABULOUS ROUGEAU BROTHERS
-This is one of the stranger matches to watch from this period, knowing that both teams would be engaged in a very real feud backstage a few weeks after this show. The freshly-turned Rougeaus offer a handshake, which is intelligently refused. Davey Boy is off and running, ramming Jacques’ head into the turnbuckles, going to the opposite end of the ring, and doing it again. Punch by Davey Boy and he rams Jacques into the turnbuckle again, but stupidly does it in the Rougeaus’ corner so fresh Raymond can tag in. Raymond gets a sucker punch out of the corner and Irish whips Davey Boy into the corner. Monkey flip fails when Davey Boy lands on his feet and gets an armdrag. Dynamite Kid tags in and shoulderblocks Raymond. Armdrag by the Kid while Jacques tries to start a “Go, Ray, Go!” chant. The crowd boos him so he tries a “USA!” chant and the crowd won’t latch onto that, either. Raymond has just been getting armdragged over and over again as this is happening.

-Dynamite comes back in and gets one hell of a clothesline on Raymond and Davey Boy keeps up the frequent tags by re-entering. We get a nice pinfall-reversal sequence and Dynamite comes back in and puts Raymond in an armbar while Raymond tries to tag out with his free arm. Dynamite pulls him away and the Bulldogs take him down with a double-clothesline. Tide is finally turned when Jacque hooks Davey Boy’s leg from outside the ring to trip him up. Jacques tags in and works the leg, causing Gorilla to fear for the lateral collateral ligaments. Gorilla amazes me…he can sputter out six different medical terms per match but can’t come up with a word other than “happening” to classify the event. The Rougeaus wishbone Davey Boy and now they’re doing the frequent tags. This is pretty neat mirroring…the Bulldogs tag frequently and work the arm, then the Rougeaus tag frequently and work the leg. Backdrop by Raymond and Jacques tags back in for a stepover toehold. Davey Boy reverses it to a small package but Jacques kicks out, then tags out. Raymond with a garden-variety non-stepping toehold, but Davey Boy monkeyflips out and gets the hot tag. Dynamite with a suplex and headbutts for a two-count. Back suplex and Dynamite goes for another pin, but Jacques gets a foot on the ropes. Dynamite gets frustrated and tosses him out of the ring, and Davey Boy attacks on the outside while the referee is distracted by Dynamite. Nice.

-Davey Boy enters legally and headbutts Raymond. Running powerslam looks to finish things but Jacques breaks the pin. Dynamite tries to continue the assault in the corner, but Jacques darts in and gets a back suplex off the second rope to even things up. Raymond tags out and Jacques gets an elbow and a slam. Kneedrop gets two. Gorilla complains that Jacques forgot to put Dynamite in a three-quarter nelson before pinning him, which, so far tonight, is the weirdest thing that Gorilla has complained about. Rougeaus double-team Dynamite in the corner while Davey Boy protests. Raymond tags in and Jacques genuflects so that Raymond can pick up Davey Boy and drop him for a stomachbreaker, and somebody should steal that. Make it a backbreaker and you might even have a new finish that nobody is using.

-Raymond stomps Dynamite and Jacques tags back in and gets an abdominal stretch, and guess what Gorilla complains about next. Davey Boy gets frustrated and runs in with an axehandle to break the hold, but when the referee turns to reprimand him, the Rougeaus pull the ol’ switcheroo. Jacques gets a splash for two and goes for a chinlock (or “double-reverse chinlock,” according to Gorilla Bischoff). Dynamite starts to power out, but a Raymond run-in stops him. It’s hard to explain it, but somehow, these teams are both adept at making the restholds so much more interesting than usual. Dynamite makes it to his feet and rams Raymond in the corner, but Jacques tags in and blocks the hot tag. Davey Boy distracts the referee while Dynamite has a small package; Davey Boy is actually coming across as strangely inept throughout this match. Raymond gets a front facelock, but Dynamite pushes and shoves until he’s in his own corner and makes the tag…behind the referee’s back, because Jacques is distracting him. That spot ALWAYS works. Dynamite suddenly gets a headbutt and gets the hot tag, but Jacques kinda cockblocks it by dodging a dropkick immediately. Shoulderblock by Jacques, but Davey Boy catches him off the ropes for a press slam onto the top rope. Pin is broken by Raymond, who accidentally elbowdrops his brother. Mass confusion in the ring and Davey Boy press slams Dynamite on top of Jacques as the bell sounds for a time-limit draw. Lack of a finish is a disappointment, but this was a solid match, and if these guys didn’t hate each other so damn much, they could have had a pretty good feud. 1 for 1.

-We get the footage from “Superstars of Wrestling” of Outlaw Ron Bass injuring Brutus Beefcake’s eye with a pair of spurs, knocking Beefcake out of his Intercontinental Title match tonight. I almost want to give Bass a bonus point for also beating up that annoying referee who always bellowed everything like he was perpetually shitting his pants during every match. No idea what his name was, I just know he annoyed the piss out of me.

KEN PATERA vs. BAD NEWS BROWN
-Patera looks like he should just get the phrase “Washed Up” tattooed across his forehead. Poofy afro, bags under his eyes, no muscle tone whatsoever, and Boo Radley pale skin. He looked pretty good a year earlier when he returned, but now, everything about him screams “My push stalled and I know it!” The man had a pretty good story and character going for him when he initially returned (he got a standing ovation for his first match after his release!) but, as has now been very firmly established, he could NOT cut a face promo to save his life. It’s weird because they had Oliver Humperdink join the promotion around the same time as a babyface anti-Heenan manager, and if they had paired up Patera & Humperdink, they probably could have got more use out of both of them.

-Bad News attacks as Patera is entering the ring with stomps, bodyslams, elbows, punches, everything you can think of, as Superstar rattles off Kenny Boy’s accomplishments: “Olympic champion, Pan-American Games champion, World’s champion, all the champions of everything, my man!” You might think that Ric Flair’s Big Gold Belt was the best-looking belt ever, but the All the Champions of Everything belt…Now THAT was a nice fucking belt. Clothesline by Patera out of an Irish whip turns the tide and now he stomps and punches like he knows Mayor McCheese is watching. Patera misses an elbow and Bad News headbutts him like a red-headed step…son. Bad News just continues mauling him and rams Patera into the turnbuckle, and either Patera does a nice sell off of it or Bad News really hurt him on that one because he rolls his eyes back and stumbles a little bit. Patera comes back and goes for a (bungled) small package for two. Elbowdrop gets another two and the crowd is just not interested in this match. Bodyslam gets two. Correctly-executed small package gets two. Bearhug by Patera and a handful of fans actually BOO him for going that route. Bad News sells it pretty well, though. Patera gets the full nelson but Brown makes it to the ropes. Axehandle off the second rope by Patera and he goes for the full nelson again, but Brown makes it to the ropes. Backdrop attempt is stopped by Brown. Patera Irish whips Brown from one corner to…the ropes, and Bad News rolls over to the turnbuckles to take his bump. Really? Of all the spots to botch, you botch “run in a straight line”? Really? Another Irish whip by Patera, but Brown avoids the charge and Patera gets a shoulder full of post. Ghetto Blaster finishes things for Bad News. 1 for 2. Just a long squash.

-We get a promo for Sugar Ray Leonard’s upcoming boxing match on November 7, Vince McMahon’s forgotten failed attempt at becoming a boxing promoter. It’s forgotten mainly because it wasn’t as spectacular or hilarious as the WBF or the XFL. I mean, it was a boxing match with an established star, and it didn’t draw well and Vince cut his losses immediately and moved on. What would be so much fun about mocking that?

-Mega Powers talk to Mean Gene backstage and foreshadow the finish by talking about Elizabeth’s value as a manager.

JUNKYARD DOG vs. RAVISHING RICK RUDE (with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan)
-Quick and largely pointless story before we begin this match. My parents recently sold their house and moved into an apartment, and in the course of cleaning out the old place, they found a box of crayon drawings from my childhood. A pile of them were dated and filed under “1989” (Yes, dated and filed, which had to be my father’s doing) which was the year I got into wrestling. A bunch of them were drawings of wrestlers, and my mother, not a fan in the least but aware of who everybody was when I was six years old, went through the pictures trying to figure out who everybody was from clues in the drawings. My favorite quote from her sorting efforts: “Uh, let’s see…you drew a man’s face on this guy’s crotch, so he just has to be Ravishing Rick Rude.” And indeed, for this particular match, Rude has JYD’s face painted right over Ding and Dong, so I was quite perceptive at age 6.

-JYD is in roughly the same boat as Patera here and even gets the same treatment, sneak-attacked by Rude, but JYD backdrops Rude straight on his ass and headbutts him out of the ring. Back in the ring, Dog hammers Rude but misses another headbutt and Rude capitalizes with a clothesline and a double axehandle off the top rope. Elbows by Rude as the crowd erupts into a “JYD” chant. That’s why I clarified by saying “roughly the same boat as Patera.” The crowd still loves JYD, but the WWF was obviously done with him at this point and moving on to other stars. Snap mare into a headlock by Rude. Heenan distracts the referee long enough for Rude to turn the headlock into a choke. JYD fights out with elbows and whips Rude into a corner, but Rude meets him with a boot. Pin only gets two, though, and Rude goes back to the headlock. He moves on to a wristlock, but Rude accidentally low-blows himself with JYD’s arm in a spot that’s really hard to describe—so I won’t—and JYD headbutts him. Heenan distracts JYD to help Rude recapture the advantage with a Russian legsweep. Rude goes up top and yanks down his tights as he does a fistdrop, revealing the Cheryl Roberts tights underneath, and Jake runs in for the attack, drawing a DQ. If they did this today, that would lead to a JYD heel turn, but in 1988 he calmly accepts it and moves on. 1 for 3. This is starting to feel like Wrestlemania I; again, they’re using the pay-per-view to build up house show feuds, not understanding that the idea was to pay off the house show feuds at the pay-per-view show. As it was, the whole match ended up just feeling like a waste of time.

-Honky Tonk Man is disappointed that Brutus Beefcake won’t show up for the match tonight but promises to defend his belt against a substitute opponent. Mean Gene tries to tell Honky who his new challenger is, but Honky shuts him up because he wants to be surprised. The final mistake.

POWERS OF PAIN (with The Baron) vs. BOLSHEVIKS (with Slick)
-Signing Baron Von Raschke to be a face manager is just about the most bizarre, inappropriate use of him I can imagine. He’s making his debut here and disappeared about a month later. The Bolsheviks attack the Powers as they enter the ring (Goddamn people, can we mix this up a little bit tonight?) The Powers come back quickly with double-teaming and power moves to knock Boris Zhukov out of the ring. Nikolai gets the same kind of treatment. Zhukov tries to make a comeback with chops, but Barbarian reverses an Irish whip and this match is just not holding my interest. Warlord tags in and abuses Boris for a bit but Nikolai breaks a pin attempt. Boris misses a clothesline and gets a belly-to-belly suplex. Slick distracts Warlord, allowing Nikolai to tag in and attack from behind. Warlord gets double-teamed, and even triple-teamed with some brief assistance from Slick. All the while, Gorilla & Graham are suggesting that the Baron get involved to take care of Slick, and Baron is simply standing in his own corner and watching. Nikolai chokes the Warlord and Boris attacks from outside the ring. Boris tags in with a snap mare and a headlock. Baron finally takes the commentators’ advice and wanders over to Slick. Slick immediately holds his cane aloft, as if to declare, “Fuck you, I have a cane!” Baron retreats. FAIL. Hot tag to Barbarian, who cleans house with some pretty impressive thrust kicks and clotheslines. Running powerslam by Warlord and a diving headbutt by Barbarian finish off Boris for the win. Blah. 1 for 4.

THE BROTHER LOVE SHOW
For weeks, this had been promoted as an appearance by a “surprise guest making his first appearance at Madison Square Garden.” Time to pay it off! It’s…Hacksaw Jim Duggan, who certainly had appeared at MSG before. Brother Love accuses him of not having love in his heart and Duggan fires back with “This is the WWF! It’s not Sunday School!” I’m actually surprised that they didn’t dust off that gem for the Attitude Era. Anyway, he chases Brother Love off with the 2×4, and the crowd is satisfied enough by that, but still…What kind of lame-ass pay-off was that for weeks of build-up to a surprise guest?

-In case you were wondering, it was supposed to be Ric Flair. Flair, as detailed in his book, had had enough of being double-dumbassed by Crockett and Rhodes and had a handshake deal with Vince to make his debut here…But a handshake isn’t legally binding, so when Flair changed his mind and decided to stick with the NWA, Vince was stuck for a satisfactory “surprise” here. In a way, I’m kind of surprised that he didn’t just leave the segment out altogether and pretend like they had never advertised it. 1 for 5 for a completely useless segment, although since this is the first time I’ve reviewed anything involving Brother Love, I’d just like to say for the record that I am on the “NOT Wrestlecrap” side of the fence. I thought and still think this was a great gimmick. In fact, sometimes I look back and think they didn’t take it far enough. Hell, my die-hard old-school NWA fan friend Nate even told me once that used to watch “Superstars” every week just for the Brother Love segment and then change the channel once it was over.

-A promo for the Nov. 7 Sugar Ray Leonard fight…Gorilla assures us that it’s going to be a happening. What a shock.

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE: HONKY TONK MAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs. A MYSTERY OPPONENT
-Now here’s a surprise that was worth its weight in gold. It’s the Ultimate Warrior, and after 15 months of falling ass-backwards into upset victories, DQs, and count-outs, the Honky Tonk Man’s seemingly-endless supply of good luck finally runs out as Warrior clotheslines the shit out of him until he can’t stand up anymore, and Warrior takes the title off his hands at the 34-second mark. 2 for 6.

-Intermission time! No cool t-shirt commercials this time, though.

-Regis Philbin of “Who Wants to be a Password” flexes for the camera.

-Clips of last year’s Survivor Series event, which, as Gorilla recalls, was a happening. They show clips of the Savage vs. Honky tag team match, and Gorilla recalls that the match was a happening. He reminds us that the 2nd annual Survivor Series is coming up this Thanksgiving night and he assures us that it will be a happening. We get clips of the main event, and it’s weird to think that four of the ten guys in the main event had left the promotion within nine months. Anyway, the main event was a happening. So be sure to call your cable company, because this Thanksgiving will be a happening.

-Bobby Heenan comes to the commentary table with a backstage insider report. Ted DiBiase is reading his copy of the Wall Street Journal while Andre is counting stacks of money. The Mega-Powers have pushed a dresser against their door and nobody can get in to talk to them, but they hear the sound of crying and begging from inside. Like Bobby would lie to us or something. PLEASE.

“The Rock” DON MURACO vs. DINO BRAVO (with Frenchy Martin)
-Frenchy is holding a picket sign reading “USA is Not OK.” Well that’s…Hey, wait a darn minute! I live in the USA! What the hell, man?! Boo! Boo on you, sir! He cuts a promo on the house mic and honest to God, I cannot understand one word he’s saying. Lock-ups go nowhere while Heenan & Graham argue about Dino’s weightlifting record. Muraco gets a few choice moves like a slam and an armdrag for an advantage and Dino bails out. Arm wringer an elbows by Muraco to continue the assault. Bravo works him into the corner with chops for a brief advantage, but Muraco comes back and grounds Bravo with an armbar. Irish whip by Muraco, but a second one is countered by Dino. Inverted atomic drop gives Bravo his first real advantage in the match. Stomps and an elbow get a two-count. Muraco gets a Russian legsweep off the ropes and it turns into fisticuffs. Muraco gets a backdrop and heads over to the apron to punch Frenchy. He refocuses and attempts a slam on Dino, but Dino’s feet knock over the referee, and the accident causes Muraco to drop Bravo. Bravo springs back to his feet and gets a side suplex for a relatively clean pin. Weird. 2 for 7. Those of you who saw this on Coliseum Video saw a hacked-down-to-one-minute squash, and honestly, you didn’t miss anything.

Sean Mooney interviews Jesse Ventura. Mooney accuses Ventura of taking money from Ted DiBiase, but Jesse wins a semantics argument by noting that Ted DiBiase stuffed the dollar bills in Jesse’s pocket, so he didn’t actually take the money. What’s interesting is that, having watched the two months of “Superstars” leading up to this event, the build-up for this main event fell just short of coming right out and promising a Jesse Ventura face turn.

TAG TEAM TITLES: DEMOLITION (with Mr. Fuji & Jimmy Hart) vs. HART FOUNDATION
-Jimmy, hurt about being fired by the Harts, is at ringside to avenge his former charges. Ax & Bret lock up to start and Ax gives him a hard shove into the ropes. Ax axes away at him and bodyslams him, but misses the elbowdrop on his follow-through. Bret gets a forearm off the ropes and goes for an early pin, but Ax kicks out easily because, Gorilla notes, “He was ready to come.” Pretty sure he didn’t mean to phrase it that way. Smash tags in and gets caught in an arm-wringer. Anvil tags in with an axehandle and works the arm some more. Shoulderblock by Anvil dazes Smash, but Ax gets a knee to the back from the ring apron to turn the tide. Ax re-enters and axes away again, then tags in Smash for some smashing. Anvil blocks a backdrop with an uppercut and tags in Bret. Bret knocks Ax out of the ring, but Ax is smart enough to tag out as he falls out. Smash immediately eats some punches, but reverses an Irish whip and Bret does his trademark hard ram into the corner. Ax ties Bret’s arm into the ropes and Demolition takes turns distracting the referee while the other attacks. Ax rams the shoulder into a turnbuckle then stomps it on the mat. Smash tags in with the most logical move, a shoulderbreaker. Stepover, uh, fingerhold works the arm a bit more. Ax re-enters and stretches the muscles a bit, then distracts the referee a bit as Smash takes him out of the ring and posts Bret. Commentators talk all the time about tag teams having strategies and game plans or whatever, but this is one of the rare times where a tag team is working a match as if they planned this whole thing. It’s good stuff. Double clothesline puts both men on the mat, but the referee is distracted and won’t allow Anvil in the ring when he gets a tag behind his back. (JJ Dillon said that when he jumped ship to the WWF, one of the new things that he learned from Vince was “Don’t have tag team matches back-to-back on your card,” and this is a good example of why. It’s been about 90 minutes now, so the crowd has—hopefully—forgotten that they already saw that spot.) Anvil goes to the ropes; Bret, standing on the apron, slingshots him over the top rope on top of Ax. When a guy Anvil’s size can do that move, it looks REALLY good. Back in the ring, the Harts destroy Smash but only get a two-count. Bret gets a backbreaker but Ax runs in with a pin breaker. Mr. Fuji jumps on the apron and Anvil comes in to take care of him, but Ax grabs the megaphone from Jimmy Hart and K.O.s Bret, and that’s it. Demolition retains. Not a classic but a good match and a good heat segment by the heels. 3 for 8.

-Uncomfortable backstage promo where Ultimate Warrior is being congratulated in the showers by fellow faces wrapped in towels. Clearly, this does not make the world work.

KOKO B. WARE vs. BIG BOSS MAN (with Slick)
-For whatever reason, my copy of this show magically turns to crap during this match so if I miss anything here, I’m sorry. Slick’s distraction allows Bossman to attack at the bell and toss him out of the ring, but Koko comes right back with fists and a dropkick that causes the Bossman to fall into the ropes and tie himself up. Koko goes off the ropes and splashes him to take advantage. Bossman is dazed. He charges at Koko but Koko dodges and slaps him. Bossman gets a front facelock and hammers him to the mat. Irish whip and a splash by Bossman as Slick boasts, “I told him to do that!” Bossman pounds away and gets a clothesline. He goes for a pin but pulls Koko up at two and does a surfboard. Koko kicks his way out. Bossman does his draped-over-the-middle-rope legdrop (is there a simpler name I can use for that in future Bossman matches?) Bodyslam and he goes for a splash and…sort of hits it. Koko moves but Bossman makes partial contact, and for a moment you can see Bossman thinking “Should I be selling this?” Bossman misses a corner charge and crotches himself on the top rope ad Koko punches away. Missle dropkick grounds the Bossman, but Bossman is too big for a brainbuster, so Koko tries a splash instead and that only gets two. Bossman makes it to his feet and Koko charges him, but Bossman catches him and drops him over the top rope. Sidewalk slam ends things and Bossman gets ready for main event status. 4 for 9. Fun big vs. little match.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. HERCULES
-Bobby Heenan is sitting this one out, but Hercules is still a member of the family and therefore functioning as a placeholder for the Roberts/Rude feud. Hercules tries to attack Jake from behind to start (Boy, we definitely have a theme tonight) but Jake catches him with punches. Hercules blocks the follow-through on an Irish whip as Superstar Graham puts him over for having an impressive latisimus torsi and ceranis maximus. Is he trying to win a bet with Gorilla or something. Jake blocks a backdrop and goes for the DDT right there but Hercules dives out of the ring to avoid it. Fistfight goes nowhere but Jake catches Hercules with a slam off the ropes and gets a side headlock. Hercules tries to whip him into the ropes but Jake holds on. Hercules gets a back suplex but Jake holds onto the headlock. He lets go for no actual reason and is promptly slugged for his shortsightedness. Elbowdrops by Hercules, then a headlock, and this is a weird reason to put over a guy, but Hercules REALLY makes it look like it hurts. Hey, more power to him. Half-assed pin gets two. Back to the headlock and we stay with it for a whopping two minutes before Jake makes it to his feet and breaks the hold with an elbow, but an elbow by Hercules sends him out of the ring. Uppercut by Hercules as Jake stays on the apron. Jake flips him over the top rope and crawls back into the ring. Hercules gets back to the apron and snaps Jake’s neck on the top rope. Back to the headlock but Jake gets a Stunner to break the hold, before anybody knew what it was. Jake follows with punches and a short clothesline, and the DDT…is countered by a backdrop. Jake goes for a kneelift but Hercules dodges that too. He stomps his head as Gorilla fears for Jake’s lateral occipital protuberance (and do a shot). Herc goes for a bodyslam but Jake lands on his feet behind him, swings him around, and gets the DDT out of nowhere for the pin. 4 for 10. Felt far longer than it actually was for some reason.

-Flashback package highlighting the main event feud. This is an example of technology and production values not necessarily being an improvement. I liked it far better when we just saw series of clips from the angle, instead of annoying alt-rock music over scratchy SFX-altered footage of promos (“I will destroy you!—DESTROY—destroyyou I will destroy you!”) I still think the simplest presentation was the best in the case of recaps.

-The recap, incidentally, includes the Brother Love segment in which Ted DiBiase encourages Jesse with a wad of hundreds, and we see that Jesse was telling the truth. He was given the money, he didn’t take it. Please end this needless character assassination at once.

MEGA-POWERS (with Elizabeth) vs. MEGA-BUCKS (with Virgil & Bobby Heenan)
-Hulk & Savage are wearing matching tights, and of course the colors are red & yellow because God forbid Hulk might compromise his image. Jesse bullies all of the managers equally as a show of authority. He then arbitrarily switches the tag ropes to different corners and yells at Hogan when he asks why.

-Savage & Andre start and Andre chokes and chops as only he can. DiBiase tags in immediately and demands Hogan, and of course Hogan is cool with that. Hogan blocks a boot and gets an atomic drop and the Mega-Powers pinball DiBiase for a while while Jesse protests. Double elbows off the ropes and a double elbowdrop, and Jesse lights into Hogan about getting out of the ring. So then Hogan tags in to make himself legal out of spite and mops the floor with DiBiase. Savage tags back in with a double axehandle off the top rope. Double boot off the ropes by the Mega Powers. Bodyslam by Hogan and elbowdrop after elbowdrop. He attacks Andre for no reason and gets what he deserves for the unprovoked assault. Savage runs in and gets attacked for his troubles. Andre tags in and sits on Hogan a few times, then chokes him with the bottom rope. Nerve hold by Andre, which Hogan fights by attempting a bearhug. That spot may actually be the best use of both those holds I’ve ever seen, it made perfect sense. Hogan is too weak and lets go and Andre switches the nervehold into a choke with his shoulder strap. Mega-Bucks double-team Hogan in the corner and DiBiase goes for the pin off a clothesline and it gets two. Surprise of the night: Graham beats Gorilla to complain about failure to hook the leg. Headlock (which is obviously a choke, according to our commentary team). Hogan fights it and fights it as the crowd refuses to lose hope. Jesse lifts the arm and of course, Hulk keeps it airborne at three and fights out of the headlock. Double clothesline K.O.s both men. Hogan gets the hot tag and Savage lays into the exhausted DiBiase. Snapping the neck over the top rope is predictably beautiful when sold by DiBiase. DiBiase comeback is blocked by a bodypress that gets a slow two from Jesse. Andre tags in to try his luck and attacks Savage in the corner. DiBiase re-enters with a suplex and a backbreaker. DiBiase misses his Million-Dollar Elbowdrop That Always Misses and Hogan tags in to kick some ass. Andre tries to make the save but Hogan clotheslines him hard enough to knock him over. Hogan gets a sleeperhold on DiBiase as Savage goes to the top rope to finish off Andre, but Andre raises the boot to knock Savage out of the ring, then pulls Hogan off DiBiase and launches him out of the ring. Jesse starts to count and suddenly all of the seconds hop on the apron to yell at Jesse, and Elizabeth rips off her skirt out of nowhere and struts on the apron, showing off a pair of long, smooth, well-tanned legs, the kind of legs that you could just stroke for days without getting tired of it and make a man shake his head and realize that he’s looking perfection right smack-dab in the oh my god, I’m ogling a dead woman—Er, Mega Powers re-enter and send the giant out of the ring, flying elbowdrop and a running legdrop K.O. DiBiase, and Jesse won’t count three, so Savage grabs his arm and forces it to the mat to finish it. Jesse remains heel, and DiBiase’s memorable run as Heel Numero Uno comes to an end. 5 for 11. A textbook demonstration of how to blow off a feud without a gimmick match or a title belt involved.

-I can’t forget the post-match antics…After the pin, Elizabeth runs into the ring and starts celebrating with…Hogan, who gives her a great big hug. Savage looks a bit disturbed, but Hogan offers a handshake, and Savage snaps out of his trance, shakes his hand, and joins in a duel posedown for the fans. With seven months to go, we’re already building the Wrestlemania V main event…Those were the days.

Go to Game Show Utopia, the website that softens hands while you do dishes.

The 411: Whenever anybody talks about this show, you'll note that they only remember it in terms of "moments" and not actual matches and there's a reason for that. Without Warrior's big win and Elizabeth's surprise finish, this is a totally forgettable show.
Final Score:  4.5   [ Poor ]