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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Drifter
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #480: Drifter
The 2018 October Horrorthon: Week 2
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never been in a hot tub (nor does it want to go in one, frankly), The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number four hundred and eighty, The 2018 October Horrorthon continues with the mega low budget, weird as hell Drifter, which came out in 2014.
Drifter
Drifter, written and directed by Joe Sherlock, can best be described as a truly messed up cinematic experience. It’s one of those horror flicks where you have absolutely no idea where it’s going or, in many cases, what the hell is actually going on. You’re mesmerized by it, though, because you want to know how the hell it’s going to end and if we’ll ever find out why everything that happens happens. How you react to the movie’s surprise ending will likely determine whether or not you like it. I, personally, loved the ending because it comes completely out of left field and I had no idea the story was going to do what it does. I haven’t figured out if the ending is necessarily a good one, but, again, I loved the movie as a whole.
Drifter stars Bob Olin as the Drifter, a mysterious loner/homeless person who, one day, sets up shop in the Blud House, a notorious domicile where a series of horrible murders happened back in the day (and by “back in the day” I mean yesterday, because, as the movie opens, we see three people brutally killed by a knife wielding psycho who then kills himself. Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with these people?). The Drifter isn’t aware of any of that when he decides to hang out at the house, but he finds out pretty damn quickly that there’s something truly evil and nasty going on there.
While all of that is going on, realtor Don (Richard Johnson) is trying hard to sell the Blud house. Besides it’s horrible history, there’s nothing really wrong with the house (it doesn’t have a bad roof or anything), but it does need some cleaning and new paint and whatnot. Don wants to get the necessary work done quickly, but he’s not sure he has access to the necessary workers to complete the repairs. He calls around, sure, and some people do show up to work on the plumbing, paint the walls, and some other stuff, but none of the work gets done. Don has no idea why. The audience knows, though. Don’s workers keep getting attacked by the Drifter. And after the Drifter attacks, he drags his victims away to an uncertain doom. Will poor Don ever figure out what the hell is going on? Will anyone ever figure it out?
There’s a certain mundaneness to Don’s life that’s fascinating to see considering we’re seeing it in the middle of a horror movie. Don is just a regular guy with a job he’s trying to succeed at, a wife that he enjoys having sex with (that wife would be Mary Ellen, as played by Stephanie Lunceford, and, yes, we get to see them doing it, outside, in a goddamn hot tub), and a real hatred of bullshit. Because, really, if there was no supernatural evil at the heart of the story, everything Don deals with would be every day, annoying as fuck day job stuff. There’s a certain poignant sadness in the air when Don is confronted with the true reality of what’s going on at the Blud house. Don doesn’t deserve to be thrown into all of that mess. No one does, really.
The first ninety-percent or so of the movie is essentially a slasher flick, with the Drifter dispatching people in various gory ways. The Drifter doesn’t discriminate, either. He kills anyone that gets in his way, including obnoxious teens who film themselves in the house like they’re shooting a YouTube show about haunted houses. The Drifter also seems to be going through some sort of mental breakdown as he kills people. Is it all the Blud house, or is something else going on? Is it all in the Drifter’s head and the whole Blud house/evil spirit thing is just a coincidence? I kind of figured that it was always the house, but I wasn’t prepared for what was in the house that causes all of this stuff.
Does the ending make sense? It does, but not right away. It takes a few minutes to sink in. I had no freaking clue that the ending was going to go the way it goes. I expected to see a typical slasher movie ending, with the monster not quite vanquished. That didn’t happen, though. Something else happens and, man, it’s insane. It comes out of nowhere and, a few minutes later, it will freak you out.
Now, I don’t want to give the impression that Drifter is some dark and morose, depressing as hell slog of a horror flick. Even with all of the nastiness on screen, there’s still a sense of fun to the whole thing. Even when someone gets his or her head smashed in with a hammer it’s kind of funny. I don’t know how director Sherlock creates that sense of fun, but it’s there.
Drifter also features actors who don’t look like “typical” actors. Everyone in the movie looks like a “real” person. The movie is body positive. I mean, people you don’t expect to get naked get naked and none of it seems weird or wrong. And none of the actors hold back, which makes it all seem normal. That’s amazing.
I do wish, though, that there was a little more gore and nastiness. Some of the death scenes come off as repetitive because the Drifter uses the same weapon multiple times. The movie doesn’t need a more elaborate or spectacular death with each murder, but it would have been nice to see someone get cut to pieces with a weed whacker or something. I mean, the Blud house has a garage and a basement and there’s stuff in both. Why not use some of it, you know?
Bob Olin is terrifying as the Drifter. Once he arrives in town and settles down in the Blud house, it all goes to shit for him and the Drifter becomes a true blue monster. You can see the pain and the menace in Olin’s face, and you know that when he shows up some bad shit is going to go down.
Richard Johnson is simply brilliant as Don. As I said, earlier, he’s just a regular guy with regular guy problems. He just wants to earn a living and have sex with his hot wife. And it’s quite the life because, shit, Don’s wife Mary Ellen wants to have sex with him, outside, in a hot tub. How often does that kind of thing happen to a guy like Don in a non-porno movie? It never happens. It’s also a hoot watching Don show a house to potential customers. He’s super positive even when it’s obvious that the customers aren’t going to buy the house. He’s got to be that way. You’ll also feel Don’s pain when he says “I’m surrounded by morons!” He is, sort of.
Stephanie Lunceford does a great job as Don’s wife, Mary Ellen. She’s incredibly brave in that hot tub scene. Bryn Kristi as Susan goes through quite a bit trying to paint the inside of a house (you should never wear flip flops while trying to climb a ladder). Rob Merickel does a nice job as the goofy coroner Reggie. Instead of eating a sandwich or a piece of chicken while in the morgue Reggie eats an ice cream bar. You just don’t see that kind of thing very often in a horror movie goofy coroner. Director Sherlock shows up as a cop who clearly needs a clipboard for his legal pad so he can take better notes, and Dale Wilson is also a cop who likes to say “Stone Cold” for some reason.
And then there’s Sabrina Larivee as Terrie, the poor blonde chick that has no one to have sex with, and Roxxy Mountains as Kat, the woman who has absolutely no problem having sex with a guy she picked up in a bar right in front of Terrie. It’s a weird as hell friend dynamic, but it works somehow. It’s too bad they all die because, if someone made a movie about them being friends and dealing with supernatural stuff, I think I would watch that.
Drifter is an amazing, low budget movie watching experience. It’s not the movie you think it is. It will genuinely surprise you, it will shock you, it will fill you with B-movie glee. If you’re a fan of low budget horror cinema that will freak you out, Drifter is the movie for you. Highly recommended. See this goddamn movie.
See Drifter. See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: At least 12.
Explosions: None.
Nudity?: Yes. Copious amounts of it.
Doobage: A road passes by, drunk people, starting a fire, gigantic bobs, fellatio, throat slitting, knife to the back of the head, some serious disemboweling, bag hugging, a $100 bet that turns into a $1000 bet, talking about a quadruple homicide, toenail polish hooey, a naked steam room scene, ass slapping, homeless guy taking a shower, outdoor hot tub hooey, of screen erection, outdoor hot tub sex, attempted sleeping, knit hat hooey, a box full of soda, sleeping on the couch, light bulb touching, carpet touching, axe to the back, attempted indoor house painting, a total lack of a bra, attempted clothes washing, hammer to the back of the head, body dragging, a series of metal urns and coffins, ice cream eating, car stealing, a hamburger lunch, house showing, head smashing, rear choke, a douchebag teen, attempted funny cell phone video with Vincent Price impression, another hammer to the head, multiple decomposing dead bodies, drooling, dessert, yet another hammer to the head, neck biting, and a weird as fuck ending.
Kim Richards?: Yes.
Gratuitous: “A Joe Sherlock Movie,” graphic body positive sex, Joe Sherlock writing on a yellow legal pad, Mertle the secretary, minivan hooey, close up on a glass filled with ice, guy taking a phone call while butt fucking naked, talk of how everyone saw everyone naked at the New Year’s Eve party, coroner that likes to eat ice cream while working, a hamburger lunch, a partially unfinished basement, hammer to the head, neck biting, and a weird as fuck ending.
Best lines: “See, I told you this is a perfect place to party,” “Hey, do you guys know what house this is? This is the Blud house!,” “That’s bullshit,” “Don’t you care that she’s here? No, I don’t give a fuck, I want to get fucked,” “Goddamit! Just what I fucking need!,” “That guy is cold. Stone cold!,” “Don, you are never going to sell that house,” “Don! You’re trying to sell that house?,” “Well, Angus can take a flying fuck at a rolling donut,” “Don, do not answer that! If you want to keep this hot tub hot I’m gonna have to sell some houses,” “Bill! What are you doing here?,” “Sir, you can’t park here! It’s a loading zone!,” “I just don’t get off on funerals, man. They give me the creeps,” “Wood burning stove?,” “This carpet looks like vomit,” “Why did I even marry you? Because of my enormous penis,” “There are no bodies in the attic, don’t be stupid,” “I am surrounded by morons!,” “I love bacon,” and “This is too fucking weird.”
Rating: 10.0/10.0
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Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 1
–Skyscraper: The reviews for this new action flick from The Rock were kind of middling, with some people complaining it was just another lame Die Hard rip off. I didn’t get a chance to see it on the big screen, but I liked the previews and thought it looked interesting/exciting. And now, with it on home video, I’ll finally have a chance to see it. Those sad reviews, though, seem to make this more of a rental prospect instead of something I’d buy sight unseen. Anyone out there see this? Anyone at all? Is Neve Campbell good in it?
–Hotel Artemis: This is another summer action flick that I missed when it played on the big screen, but then it didn’t seem to play that long anyway. An all-star ensemble action flick about a hospital for criminals, it has Jodie Foster in it, along with Jeff Goldblum, Sterling K. “Roland” Brown, Sofia Boutella, Jeff Goldblum, Zachary Quinto, Charlie Day, and Dave “Batista” Bautista. The reviews for this were kind of middling, too (I seem to remember someone claiming that the movie is a poor imitation of John Wick), but I thought it looked cool. Anyone out there see this? Is it as badass as it looks?
–Along Came the Devil: I’ve never been a big fan of exorcism movies (well, outside of The Exorcist, obviously), but this low budget one from director Jason DeVan sort of looks promising. Sort of. The great Bruce Davison is apparently in it, so it has that going for it. I just wonder, though, if it’s going to be really scary or if it’s going to end up being one of those exorcism/evil spirit movies that just trails off at the end and is super ridiculous. Definitely worth renting, just to see what the heck it’s really all about.
–Dick Johnson & Tommygun vs. the Cannibal Cop: Based on a True Story: This low budget horror-comedy/cop movie spoof looks both hilarious and kind of gross. I mean, the bad guy is a goddamn cannibal cop, how is it not going to be gross? The movie has a real deal B-movie cast, with the great Debbie Rochon in it, along with Sam Qualiana, John Renna (he co-directed the movie with Chris Rados), Dan Hicks, and several others. The whole “Based on a True Story” thing is obviously bullshit, though, right? Right? The world doesn’t have any actual cannibal cops running around in it, does it? Can’t be.
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Do you like Cult TV?
The 1970’s TV thriller Kolchak: The Night Stalker is first up! Check out what I think about the show with the links below!
Issue #1
Issue #2
Issue #3
Issue #4
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B-Movie News
–Action star Paul Mormando working on a new TV show!: This new show, called The Watchdog, has the badass martial arts master Mormando acting as a vigilante on Staten Island, taking down bad guys in the shadows with fists and feet and, I imagine, guns and whatnot. In fact, according to this article, the show is filming in Staten Island and Mormando’s wife and collaborator Anna is directing. A trailer has been released for the show and, man, it looks pretty sweet.
I mean, when was the last good vigilante TV show? Hell, when was the last actual vigilante show? Shows about ass kicking revenge are always welcome, as far as I’m concerned, and I hope it works out.
Check out the trailer below and keep an eye out for The Watchdog. I’m onboard.
–George A. Romero left behind 40-50 scripts and a completed movie we’ve never seen? What!?!: In what can only be called earth shattering B-movie news, the idea that there’s a completed George A. Romero movie out there that the world has never seen is simply insane. Based on this article over at Bloody Disgusting and Romero’s widow Suzanne Desrocher-Romero, Romero’s completed movie is something he did back in 1973. It’s a scary movie, but it isn’t a zombie movie. Apparently, it’s about “ageism.” Where could a Romero movie about old people go?
As for those 40-50 scripts, how many of them could be sold and become movies? We know that Road of the Dead is in the planning stages, but what else is in that pile? Is it all horror related stuff, or did Romero come up with some cool non-horror stuff during his significant “down time?”
Man, this is amazing news. Hopefully, some of these scripts see the light of day and get made. I’d like to know what sort of stuff George was working on.
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Who is the Douchebag of the Week? Go here and find out!
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Next Issue: The 2018 October Horrorthon continues with Pumpkinhead!
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Interviews
david j. moore
Jino Kang
Vladimir Kulich
Paul Mormando
Shahin Sean Solimon
Michael Matteo Rossi
Tyrone Magnus
Hector Barron
Jeffrey Orgill
Michael Baumgarten
R. Marcos Taylor
Don “The Dragon” Wilson
Paul Kyriazi
Eric Jacobus
Juju Chan
Luke LaFontaine
Marco Siedlemann
Sam Firstenberg
Amariah Olson
Alexander Nevsky
Mathias Hues
Kristanna Loken
Steve Mitchell
Albert Pyun
Brad Thornton
Mathieu Ratthe
Damien Power
Kelsey Carlisle
Mike Dwyer
Nicholas Bushman
Brahim Achabbakhe
Etcetera
Richard LeMay
Andrew David Barker
Cynthia Rothrock
Leslie Simpson
C. Courtney Joyner
Shahin Sean Solimon (2)
Eric Miller
Alexander Nevsky (2)
Christopher Lawrence Chapman
James Mark
Casper Van Dien
Chris Mark
James E. Wilson
Barry Hunt
Vincent J. Roth
Mathew Ziff
Brandon Tyler Russell
Barry Hunt (2)
Lobsang Tenzin
Dylan Reynolds
Paul Kyriazi(2)
Lincoln Bevers
Nassasin Nuri
Hannah Janssen
Harry Mok
Daniel Roebuck
Sage Croft
Stephen van Vuuren
Cheryl Wheeler Sanders
Eric Jacobus (2)
David William No
Nicholas Verdi
Luke LaFontaine (2)
Roger Yuan
Dominik Starck
Tamas Nadas
Tyler Savage
Robert McGinley
Tim Gouran
Billy Ray Brewton
Leo Scherman
Harley Di Nardo
Jino Kang(2)
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Well, I think that’ll be about it for now. Don’t forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.
B-movies rule. Always remember that.
Drifter
Bob Oiln– Drifter
Richard Johnson– Don
Stephanie Lunceford– Mary Ellen
Bryn Kristi– Susan
R.L. “Floydman” Summer– Bill
John Bowker– Ken
Sabrina Larivee– Terrie
Rollyn Staford– Michael
Shawna Dedek– Lynn
Michael Edwards– Angus
Roxxy Mountains– Kat
Connor Sherlock– Dac
Rob Merickel– Reggie
Joe Sherlock– Lawrence
Dale Wilson– Paul
Directed by Joe Sherlock
Screenplay by Joe Sherlock
Distributed by Skullface Astronaut
Not Rated
Runtime– 75 minutes
Buy it here
