The Name on the Marquee: WWF Superstars of Wrestling Challenge (03.05.88)

WWF SUPERSTARS OF WRESTLING – MARCH 5, 1988

-We’re in Wichita.

-Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino, and Jesse Ventura.

RANDY “Macho Man” SAVAGE (with Elizabeth) vs. IRON MIKE SHARPE
-Jesse clarifies that he’s lost most of his respect for Savage in recent months because he seems to hide behind Elizabeth.

-Clotheslines and some clubbing blows with the sinister wristband by Iron Mike for the early advantage. He rakes the eyes as Butch Reed & Slick warn Ricky Steamboat & Greg Valentine to be careful, because Reed’s going to mow through Savage.

-Savage mounts a comeback and tosses Sharpe over the top rope. Axehandle from the top, and back inside, he clotheslines Sharpe into position. Flying elbow secures the victory.

UPDATE
-Craig speculates about possible match-ups in the tournament finals. Andre & Rude may wind up in the finals, destroying the Heenan Family. Jimmy Hart may wind up having to face Damien again this year if we wind up with Roberts vs. Valentine. And hey, can a 2×4 destroy a Rock?

-Andre the Giant, in serious denial, reminds us that he is the true champion, and he’ll simply drive that point home at Wrestlemania IV.

-Hulk Hogan wants back the symbolic belt that unites all Hulkamaniacs. He reminds us that he’s never been pinned for a three-count.

-Vanna White tells us that it takes more than a spin of the wheel to determine a world champion at Wrestlemania IV. It takes landing on the World Champion space, holding onto it for the remainder of the game without hitting Bankrupt, having the top score, spinning the bonus wheel, landing on the envelope containing the “WORLD CHAMPION” notation, and solving the bonus puzzle. Here’s the tricky part: The bonus puzzle is OUTBACK JACK, so R-S-T-L-N-E won’t accomplish a damn thing.

DEMOLITION (with Mr. Fuji) vs. JIM EVANS & MIKE RICHARDS
-Evans gets Axed. So does Richards. Here’s Strike Force to assure us that they’re going to…okay, I’m tired of wondering about it, Strike Force, I’m just going to ask: Why the HELL do you wear headbands across your necks? You don’t look cool. You look like you’ve been in a car accident.

-Smash drops Evans throat-first across the top rope, and the Decapitator makes it an easy victory. Noticeable pop for the Demolition, too.

“The Rock” DON MURACO vs. FRANK DEFALCO
-No Superstar in Muraco’s corner this week. Huh.

-Muraco hiptosses DeFalco and drops a series of elbows. He goes to the floor to recover while Dino Bravo reminds us that he’s the World’s Strongest Man and Frenchy Martin talks Frenchy.

-Dropkick and a forearm by the Rock. Powerslam follows and the piledriver finishes.

-Craig DeGeorge talks to Oliver Humperdink about the Hartford Rumble on March 16. Beware Dino Bravo! Beware other guys!

BRUTUS “The Barber” BEEFCAKE vs. STEVE LOMBARDI
-Beefcake overpowers Lombardi with no trouble. Lombardi tries a side headlock and gets whipped into the ropes for a backdrop. Lombardi goes out to the floor to rest up. Beefcake meets him on the way back in with a forearm and a suplex. Pre-recorded words from Beefcake promising that Honky will lose his hair AND his title.

-Back to live action, an elbow and a knee by Beefcake, followed by a slam. Sleeper finishes and Steve-o gets a haircut.

-Craig Of George talks to Bobby Heenan and the Islanders about the issue of ring rust. Bobby Heenan clarifies that he’s only stayed out of the ring for one year because he chose to. He doesn’t have to worry about training for the Bulldogs because he has two attack dogs on his side.

-Bob Uecker of “The Man Who Rides Alone” has nice things to say about Hacksaw Jim Duggan…until Ted DiBiase steps in the picture and gives him the ol’ stinkeye.

BRITISH BULLDOGS vs. TERRY GIBBS & BRIAN COSTELLO
-Shoulderblock, Hiptoss, falling headbutt, snap suplex all in rapid succession and Terry Gibbs has had just about enough. In come Costello and Davey Boy. Davey Boy decapitates him with a clothesline. Delayed suplex by Davey Boy. Dynamite comes back in with a backbreaker and a back suplex. Uncharaceristic sleeper by Davey Boy. Gibbs comes off the top rope and accidentally hits his own partner. Davey Boy dropkicks him out to the floor and powerslams Costello. He press slams Dynamite on top for the pin.

SPECIAL INTERVIEW WITH CRAIG DEGEORGE
-This week, Jimmy Hart & Honky Tonk Man assure us that Honky is the greatest Intercontinental Champion of All Time, and he’ll have no problem proving it because Brutus isn’t a wrestler OR a barber. Brutus steps out to challenge those claims, taunting Honky with the clippers, nods politely, and walks away without incident. And just when Honky isn’t looking anymore, Brutus charges the platform and Honky sprints out of the arena.

WRESTLEMANIA IV REPORT
-Presenting the title belt to the big winner will be Robin Leach of TV’s “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous.” Theory is that this was a red herring to make people think that DiBiase was winning.

-Donald Trump is excited about Wrestlemania IV.

-Oh, and there’s going to be wrestling at this thing apparently. Did we mention that? There’s going to be a battle royal. We get comments from the Rougeau Brothers, Outlaw Ron Bass, Bad News Brown, King Harley Race, Danny Davis & the Hart Foundation, Young Stallions.

-Vanna White will be there…Dammit Craig, it’s not “The Wheel of Fortune,” it’s just “Wheel of Fortune!” You’re one of those assholes who says “The Batman,” too, aren’t you?

-Tickets are still available!

KING HARLEY RACE, RAVISHING RICK RUDE, & HERCULES (with Bobby Heenan) vs. S.D. JONES, SCOTT CASEY, & SONNY ROGERS
-Heenan Family attacks immediately and clears the ring. Rude deals with Rogers back inside the ring while Hercules & Race just wail on their opponents on the floor. They make their way back to their corner and Race tags in to offer a suplex and an elbow. In comes Hercules with a series of elbows and stomps. Torture rack finishes.

-Greg Valentine is going to give Brutus Beefcake a haircut at the Hartford Rumble.

WWF WRESTLING CHALLENGE – MARCH 6, 1988

-We’re in Topeka.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan.

ULTIMATE WARRIOR vs. DUSTY WOLFE
-Wolfe attacks at the bell, but Warrior resists an Irish whip and just pulls Wolfe into the corner to chop him down. Wolfe tries shoulderblocks, but Warrior no-sells him and clotheslines him. He does a peculiar victory march as Hercules drops in and quotes The Police for his promo again.

-Back to the ring…or out of the ring, actually, with Warrior clotheslining Wolfe on the floor. Back inside, Warrior bodyslams him, then press slams him. Splash finishes. Post-match, Gorilla commends the Warrior for his “dynamite package.” Gorilla Monsoon doesn’t make the world work.

SPECIAL REPORT WITH CRAIG DEGEORGE
-We get an update from the super-smiley British Bulldogs. Matilda looks great and happy, and she’s ready for Wrestlemania IV. Bobby Heenan cuts a nervous promo, promising to sic the Islanders on the Bulldogs before anything can happen to him.

STRIKE FORCE (Tag Team Champions) vs. DAVE WAGNER & BARRY HOROWITZ
-Heenan sounds cockier on commentary than he did in the promo, which is amusing. Gorilla predicts Wrestlemania IV will be a happening.

-Martel starts with Horowitz and dropkicks him down. Double gut shots by Strike Force and Tito goes to work on the arm. Martel decides that looks fun, so he works the arm until Horowitz traps him in a side headlock. Martel is able to tag Tito in and Tito connects with the flying forearm…for two? Huh. Even Gorilla seems taken aback by that.

-Jobbers double-team Martel, but Wagner misses an elbow and Tito tags in and backdrops him. Spinebuster into a Boston crab by Martel to get the submission.

-Craig DeGeorge talks to Don Muraco. Wrestlemania IV will be the toughest night of his life. He’s in a tournament with 13 other men and not one of them is a loser. We get words from Frenchy Martin. He cuts his entire promo in French, but your alert crew still manages to bleep “WWF” when he says it in the middle of a long French rant.

“Million Dollar Man” TED DIBIASE (with Virgil) vs. OMAR ATLAS
-Omar tries to snatch the money out of Virgil’s hands, and DiBiase freaks out and boots him down right away. DiBiase is just angry and stomps and clotheslines Atlas with force. He tosses Atlas to the floor and follows him out, continuing to beat on him in an unusually aggressive fashion. Powerslam finishes quickly. The past few weeks have just been some great storytelling from DiBiase. He always gets what he wants and wrestled a confident, methodical style. He gets denied something after a long, drawn-out quest for it and now he’s wrestling more angry, vicious style.

HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN vs. PETE SANCHEZ
-Knees and elbows by Duggan. He whips Sanchez and clotheslines him down, pausing for a thumbs-up before dropping the knee and clamping on a headlock. He gets bored with that after mere seconds and rams Sanchez into the turnbuckle. Series of punches in the corner gives the crowd a chance to do some counting to ten. Duggan tosses Sanchez to the floor. Back in the ring, he slams Sanchez into position and takes him out with a three-point stance to win.

-Gorilla and Bobby thumb through the new WWF Magazine. Gorilla declares the magazine a collector’s item because it’s Hulk’s first magazine cover ever as a non-titleholder.

HART FOUNDATION (with Jimmy Hart) vs. SONNY ROGERS & JIM STEWART
-Anvil clotheslines Jim Stewart over the top rope and onto the floor, where Bret is waiting for him and lobs him into the barricade. I guess it’s not a wonderful life after all, eh? Am I right?

-Anvil beel throws him across the ring. He tags Rogers in and Anvil beels him to the other side of the ring. Bret punches him and follows with a backbreaker. Dropkick by the Anvil gets one, and then he decides to just keep beating on Rogers. He bites and rams him in the corner. Decapitator gets two, and Bret decides he wants to keep kicking some ass too. Piledriver by the Hit Man, and then a series of elbows. Tree of woe by Bret and the Foundation takes turns stomping Rogers in that position. Anvil tosses him to the floor and Bret lays into him some more out there. Hart Attack finally ends the assault. Damn.

SPECIAL INTERVIEW WITH CRAIG DEGEORGE
-Craig talks to Randy Savage. Craig reminds Randy that he’ll have to win four matches to get his hands on the title at Wrestlemania IV. Randy assures us that he is thinkin’ thinkin’ thinkin’ that he has inspiration on his side. Elizabeth is the bravest manager you could ever ask for, and she has a smile that could “knock the ivories off a piano.”

WRESTLEMANIA IV REPORT
-Craig DeGeorge says all the stuff that he said on Superstars of Wrestling again.

HONKY TONK MAN (Intercontinental Champion, with Jimmy Hart) vs. LANCE ALLEN
-Honky works the arm. Allen reverses it and looks to get the upper hand until Honky rakes the eyes. Honky gives us some pre-recorded assurance that he will leave Wrestlemania IV still the Greatest Intercontinental Champion of All Time.

-Elbow and a series of axehandles by Honky. He tosses Allen to the floor, which seems to be a popular move this week. Back inside, Shake, Rattle, & Roll finishes.

-Craig DeGeorge talks to Brutus Beefcake about Wrestlemania IV. Brutus wants to use Wrestlemania IV to prove that he’s “just as serious as a heart attack.” Noted.

See you next week fans. Game Show Utopia is located here.

The 411: You know what's strange? On paper, treating all the matches on a supercard equally and giving them the same amount of build seems like a great idea. In practice though, it's hard to get excited about the big day. There's just nothing you can point to here and say "I gotta see THAT!" It's an interesting lesson to watch.
Final Score:  5.0   [ Not So Good ]