411’s Instant Analysis 06.01.12: WWE SmackDown

Hey everyone – are you pumped for some SMACKDOWN? I am, so let’s get to it! Before we do though, I have a confession – due to moving and finishing school, the last wrestling show I’ve been able to see is Over the Limit. So if I seem slightly dated in my knowledge of storylines, please forgive me. I’ll be caught up by next week. Oh, and for those that may care, I’m loving life in Los Angeles so far.

Here are my policies for this column:
-I do not watch or rate recaps or video packages (unless it’s an impending debut or return).
-My ratings reflect full segments and are not indicative of star ratings for matches.
-I tend to watch with a positive outlook.
-There will be no TNA bashing here.

SEGMENT ONE: Never trust a hooligan!

Sheamus explains his post-match attack on Del Rio last week by saying he’s setting the tone for their match. Otunga comes out and demands an apology from Sheamus for pushing Laurinaitis a couple weeks ago. Del Rio makes his presence felt and chats with Otunga about commoners like Sheamus. I feel like Del Rio’s character sorely needs to develop as he’s cut basically the same promos since his debut. Otunga’s a great goon. I hate to say it, but he’s perfect in his role (when he’s not wrestling). The episode is set in motion as Otunga allows Del Rio to pick Sheamus’ opponent tonight and eats a Brogue Kick for his troubles. The champ stands strong to end the segment. This was run-of-the-mill, but nothing offensive.

Rating: 5.0 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Sin Cara returns to action

Sin Cara returned after a seven month action with red theme to his ring gear, a new entrance (no more trampoline), and a match against Heath Slater. He did get to keep his match lighting, which I still don’t know if I think is a good or a bad thing. What I am certain about, however, is that Sin Cara was crisp as hell in this match. He didn’t botch anything and won with La Mistica, which looked GREAT for…well, maybe the first time ever. Nothing wrong with this segment, and the match’s length even worked in favor of re-establishing the luchador.

Match Result: Sin Cara pinned Heath Slater
Match Length: Two and a half minutes
Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: Damien Sandow vs. Ezekiel Jackson

As a result of being two weeks behind on my wrestling, this is actually the first WWE match I’ve seen from Sandow. I’m a big advocate of the pre-match promo and I love the entitled nature of Sandow’s words. Despite another short match, Sandow is put over by quickly beating his opponent. The aggressive style is something that’s becoming more prevalent in the WWE and it’s really working wonders for the latest crop of debuting talent. I approve of Damien Sandow, and I hope that – sooner than later – the WWE writing team recognizes that a man with his gimmick is best suited in feuds over weekly meaningless squash matches.

Match Result: Damien Sandow pinned Ezekiel Jackson
Match Length: One minute
Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Ziggler wants to be Sheamus’ poison

A quick backstage segment saw Ziggler state his case to Del Rio and get chosen to face the World Heavyweight Champion later in the show. This was quick, but puts a stamp of approval on Ziggler – a man who deserves to escalate the ladder back into the world championship scene.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: Ryback vs. Ryan Shelton & Chris Lyons

I’ve missed two weeks of shows, and Ryback has gone from facing contracted WWE Superstars back to jobbers? The only redeeming quality is that he’s winning handicap matches, but I say it’s time to do something with him. Weekly squash matches for new talent belong on Superstars, not SmackDown. As much as I hate the stagnant booking of Ryback, he’s expanding his move set, and it made this squash match a lot of fun.

Match Result: Ryback pinned Ryan Shelton & Chris Lyons
Match Length: Two minutes
Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

I was shocked by how competitive this match was. It was a pleasant surprised, as it elevated Ziggler. The end result of this match was never in question, but Ziggler had a couple of convincing near-falls on the champ. The top-rope X-Factor was a great high spot, and I hope this leads to further card escalation for Ziggler despite Sheamus winning cleanly.

Match Result: Sheamus pinned Dolph Ziggler
Match Length: Ten minutes shown
Rating: 8.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: CM Punk compares nicknames with Kane

Punk had a short backstage interview to talk about his opponent tonight – Kane. I really liked this promo’s focus: emphasizing Punk as the best in the world. Short, but great way to build tonight’s main event.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: The Primetime Players vs. Santino Marella & Zack Ryder/The Big Show’s Terms of Enrampagement

Not only do Young & O’Neil now have matching tights, but they have a team name! They’ve been handled very well since debuting on SmackDown and have reinvigorated my faith in NXT. I’ve seen every episode despite a painfully directionless fifth season, but these guys got a lot of experience and, while not technically masterful, have shown a lot of promise as characters and as a team on Friday nights. The match itself was disappointingly short, and the booking hurts the PTP a little bit, but these guys have had a few matches with each other now, so it makes sense to trade wins. I just wish this had been more competitive.

What followed the match was a beatdown of the winners by the yet-again-turned Big Show. This is the first I’ve been able to see of the Big Show since his turn, so I’m a bit lost contextually. Absolutely destroying two super popular fan favorites is a great way to get heel heat though, and boy did he get it. The match (3.5) and the beatdown (5.5) average together to give this segment its rating.

Match Result: Santino Marella pinned Darren Young
Match Length: One minute
Rating: 4.5 out of 10

SEGMENT NINE: Daniel Bryan toys with AJ

This was yet another great short and effective backstage segment. I’m very curious what the endgame with AJ is going to be, but I’m liking all the plot points along the way. And Bryan has become such a great heel.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT TEN: Cody Rhodes vs. Tyson Kidd

Tyson Kidd is such a solid performer that he really utilizes his minutes on TV. Unfortunately, here it was barely over one minute before he was put away by the former IC champion, Cody Rhodes. This could have been a great little match, but short matches are the name of the game these days on SmackDown, which is a shame for exceptional talents like both of these men.

Match Result: Cody Rhodes pinned Tyson Kidd
Match Length: One minute

Rating: 4.5 out of 10

SEGMENT ELEVEN: WWE Championship match – CM Punk © vs. Kane

My hopes were high for this match after the excellent street fight Kane had with Orton after WrestleMania. Just because Kane’s character is stale doesn’t mean that his matches can’t impress – and this match did. Despite the size difference, CM Punk managed to stay on the offensive for the the first five minutes (shown) of the match. As soon as Kane gained control, AJ came down to support Punk, which was perfect. Punk proved (from a kayfabe perspective) why he’s been able to hold onto the WWE Championship for seven months by having counters and effective moves against the much larger challenger. Kane worked his butt off here, and despite the opinions I’ve been seeing, earned his spot in the championship feud between Punk and the man who caused this match’s finish to be indecisive – Daniel Bryan. I wish AJ had been a bigger factor in this match once Bryan came down, but it’s still a mystery where they’re going with that angle, so I guess it worked just fine.

Match Result: No contest
Match Length: Twelve minutes shown
Rating: 8.5 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS Segment of the Night: WWE Championship match – CM Punk © vs. Kane Trash Segment of the Night: Primetime Players vs. Santino Marella & Zack Ryder/The Big Show’s Terms of Enrampagement Final Analysis: I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t gotten to watch wrestling in a couple weeks or what, but I thoroughly enjoyed this show, and have sadly gotten accustomed to appreciating the majority of the short matches the WWE books on this show. We got two great matches in Sheamus/Ziggler and Punk/Kane, a non-botchy Sin Cara, a Tyson Kidd appearance, and several dominant victories for Ryback, Sandow, and Cody Rhodes. The only negatives on this show were the short match lengths (and the subsequent effect on the losers) for the tag match and the Rhodes/Kidd match. I also wish that there weren’t so many new talents at once as Antonio Cesaro was left off the card. Really good show overall though, and the two matches involving the world champions make this episode a must-see. Verdict: 8.2 411 RATINGS SCALE: 0 – 0.9: Torture 1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous 2 – 2.9: Very Bad 3 – 3.9: Bad 4 – 4.9: Poor 5 – 5.9: Not So Good 6 – 6.9: Average 7 – 7.9: Good 8 – 8.9: Very Good 9 – 9.9: Amazing 10: Virtually Perfect

Check out the penultimate episode of my TV series “Shenanigans!”

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