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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Why Body Slam Is Awesome
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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #607: Why Body Slam is awesome!
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never had to negotiate my take of the gate or the concessions, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number six hundred and seven, I explain why I think the pro wrestling comedy Body Slam is awesome.
Why Body Slam is awesome!
Intro
Body Slam, directed by the great Hal Needham, is a pro wrestling comedy that I first saw on HBO at some point in the late 1980’s. I came upon it by accident, intrigued by the presence of star Dirk Benedict (Face from The A-Team) and Roddy Piper (I saw this after They Live and, at that point in time, I had no idea that Piper had made any other movie beyond They Live). What kind of movie did those two guys make together? To my amazement, Body Slam was a movie about pro wrestling. It was also, sort of, about rock music, but it was mostly about pro wrestling.
The story, basically, has Benedict as M. Harry Smilac, a sleazy but likeable, down on his luck music promoter who, in the midst of trying to put together a political fundraiser for a dipshit politician that’s friends with his lawyer (Sheldon Brockmeister, as played by Barry Gordon), ends up becoming a manager for pro wrestler “Quick” Rick Roberts (Roddy Piper). Smilac has no idea what he’s doing as a pro wrestling manager, but Roberts believes in him and is willing to pay him what he wants, so how can Smilac say no to easy money? Smilac eventually also signs pro wrestler Tonga Tom (Sam Fatu, credited in the movie as The Tonga Kid- Sam Fatu) and creates a tag team with Roberts and Tonga Tom. This tag team pairing annoys Captain Lou Murano (Captain Lou Albano), and Murano has his tag team The Cannibals (Axe and Hammer, played by Sione “The Barbarian” Vailahi and Tom “Tijoe Khan” Kasat) destroy all three: Smilac, Roberts, and Tom. On the verge of getting out of the management game altogether (both pro wrestling and music. Smilac’s political fundraiser show is such a debacle that multiple people want him dead afterwards, on top of all of the other people that want him dead throughout the movie), Smilac comes up with a travelling tour idea where people will get both a rock show and a pro wrestling show (“Rock and Wrestling”). This promotion is an overnight sensation and leads to Smilac getting Roberts and Tom a rematch against the Cannibals. That, essentially, is the plot to Body Slam.
I mean, there’s more to the movie, including Smilac romancing Candace Vandervagen (Tanya Roberts) the daughter of the rich woman that’s friends with Brockmeister and the politician, a collections agent from a Korean savings and loan (Mr. Kim, as played by John Fujioka) that won’t leave Smilac alone until he pays what he owes (Mr. Kim has The Samoans, Afa and Sika Anoai as his backup), and Smilac has to find a way to get his rock band Kick to trust him. Body Slam manages to pack in a lot of stuff in its 92 minute running time. And it’s all very, very funny.
Now, according to the Body Slam Wikipedia page, Body Slam never received a wide theatrical release due to a lawsuit filed by the movie’s writers Shel Lyton and Steve Burkow (Lyton and Burkow apparently disagreed with the changes Needham made to their script). The movie was eventually released direct-to-video and cable, which is where it found its audience. The fine folks at Kino Lorber put the movie out on DVD and Blu-ray in 2021 (MGM put the movie out on DVD at some point, too, but that edition seems awfully hard to find. The KL releases are easy to get). There was also, apparently, a soundtrack release in 1987 (I wonder how hard that is to find? I know there’s a listing for it on Amazon right now, but both the LP and cassette available are on the expensive side). I’d love to get all of the songs performed by Kick on a CD.
So why, specifically, do I think Body Slam is awesome?
Reasons
–It’s goofy, silly fun: While you like and care about Dirk Benedict’s M. Harry Smilac, as well as “Quick” Rick Roberts, Tonga Tom, the band Kick, Missy Roberts (Rick’s niece played by Kellie Martin), and Candace Vandervagen, you really don’t take anything they do seriously. Even when their characters are in jeopardy, like when the Cannibals destroy Roberts and Tom and Harry in the ring, you know that, in the end, it all probably isn’t going to be that big of a deal. And that is mostly due to the tone set by director Hal Needham. If you go through Needham’s career as a director he never did a “serious” movie (well, the TV movie Death Car on the Freeway seems pretty serious based on the plot, but is that it? It would seem so). He knows how to keep things light and funny and breezy. Needham also liked to create a heightened sense of reality in his movies, which just adds to the goofiness. You can totally see Harry Smilac in one of the Smokey and the Bandit movies. He wouldn’t seem out of place in one of those movies at all.
And look at the way just about all of the movie’s featured characters all show up at the end of the movie for the big match. Everyone is dancing, the good guys win, and there’s triumphant music at the end. The only thing that’s really missing is outtakes over the end credits.
I find it hard to believe that anyone who watches Body Slam isn’t smiling when it’s over. It’s a fun movie. It makes you feel good and it wants you to feel good while watching it. That’s one sign of a great comedy.
–It treats pro wrestling as though it’s “real”: While it does show parts of pro wrestling are a business, like all of the stuff in the gym with Smilac trying to recruit Tonga Tom and Roberts talking with Tom McMillan (the now late but always great Phil Rubenstein) about his cut of the gate after his last match at the LA Convention Center, Body Slam never treats what happens in the squared circle as anything but real and legitimate and dangerous and a sport. Even the whole thing where, as part of “Rock and Wrestling,” Roberts and Tom end up wrestling two locals who are clearly not athletes (Pee Wee and Little Will Hutchins, as played by Michael B. Moynahan and Jeff Knoerle), it’s treated as potentially dangerous for all involved. If you made Body Slam today you couldn’t treat the action in the ring, or, well, any of the wrestling stuff as “real” because everyone knows pro wrestling isn’t real and pro wrestling companies openly admit that what they do is entertainment and not “really” a sport. I don’t think Body Slam could work as a movie if it didn’t treat wrestling as real. It just wouldn’t be any fun.
–Dirk Benedict: Still in the midst of his run as Templeton “Faceman” Peck on The A-Team, Dirk Benedict came into Body Slam as a star who could do it all: action, drama, and comedy. People knew and understood him as an easy going presence, which is what M. Harry Smilac would need to succeed as a character in a movie like Body Slam. Benedict also made Smilac lovably sleazy, something else Smilac would need to be in order to succeed. Yes, a sleazy manager in Hollywood/Los Angeles/show business is a cliché, but when it’s done right it always works.
Now, I’m sure people today would be horrified by the whole “Smilac doesn’t understand the difference between Korean and Japanese and Chinese” running joke throughout the movie, and I totally understand why they would be. However, Benedict’s lovably sleazy M. Harry Smilac somehow mitigates all of the “my God, that’s terrible” you feel and instead you’re more likely to go “What an idiot. I still like him, but, man, what a doofus.” It all fits in with the tone Needham sets for the movie. You just can’t take any of it seriously.
–Roddy Piper: “Quick” Rick Roberts is sort of the direct opposite of what WWF fans had seen up until that point out of “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, one of the biggest bad guys in the world of pro wrestling. Roberts is a good guy, a family man (he takes care of his niece while on the road as a pro wrestler), and someone who doesn’t cheat in the ring. There are a few moments where Roberts starts talking like the Rowdy one, but in the end you’re meant to root for Roberts, not boo him.
Body Slam is Piper’s first movie as a full on actor where he has a character to play and he’s a natural. He knows how to be funny, how to be serious, how to emote if he has to. You can see why Piper got more acting gigs after Body Slam, with Hell Comes to Frogtown and They Live directly after. Again, Piper is a natural. He just oozes charisma.
–Captain Lou Albano: Captain Lou Albano, playing a sort of asshole version of himself as Captain Lou Murano, is another natural actor in front of the camera. He knows what he’s doing at all times, knows how to get the best out of every scene he’s in, and knows how to make the comedy in Body Slam work while playing things completely straight. I’ve always been surprised that Captain Lou didn’t have a bigger acting career after Body Slam. Yes, I know that Body Slam wasn’t exactly a blockbuster, but that shouldn’t have prevented him from getting character parts/bad guy parts in movies afterwards. Albano did have a great career as Super Mario, but that didn’t lead to bigger parts in much of anything (I’m sure Albano could have a decent career in family movies/TV shows if he wanted to). Maybe Albano was just too dedicated to pro wrestling? He never really left the business.
Watch Albano in both “Ring Talk” segments in Body Slam. He does absolutely everything in those two scenes.
–The other wrestlers: Sam Fatu, who plays Tonga Tom in Body Slam, isn’t as loose as Piper onscreen, but he does have a natural screen presence that comes through anyway. He’s funny, he can do action, and, again, there’s a certain “it” factor with him. Amazingly, Fatu never acted in a movie again after Body Slam and that just boggles my mind. Did he not like the movie making process and just wanted to stick to wrestling? The same goes for The Barbarian Sione Vailahi. He’s a big dude who, based solely on his performance as Axe, has no problem being kind of silly. When he asks Smilac “Is your name Simlack?” it’s hilarious. Tijoe Khan is a little more “on” as a full on pro wrestling psycho as Hammer, but he could have had a worthwhile career as an action movie henchman/thug/lunatic. And the bit where the Samoans, Afa and Sika, are Mr. Kim’s bodyguards/henchmen is terrific because it fits their look exactly: two gigantic dudes you don’t want to mess with. Ever.
Body Slam also has a nice scene towards the end of the movie where we see pro wrestling luminaries like NWA World Champion Ric Flair (he’s credited as “Rick Flair” in the closing credits, which is hilarious), managers Classy Freddie Blassie and Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissie, and 14 year world champion Bruno Sammartino all in the arena to watch the big tag team match. Flair doesn’t do much, but the Sheik gets a nice “wield a sword at the crowd” moment that’s brilliant, and Blassie is so great just jawing with everyone within earshot and it’s so great. Blassie screaming out “You’re the reason for birth control!” is also a laugh out loud moment to this day. And Bruno gets one line (“Get out of the ring, Lou!”) and then helps start a full on brawl in the crowd after punching a guy, a scene that still makes me laugh to this day.
It’s too bad that Body Slam wasn’t a major success because I think it could have led to more wrestlers getting movie parts in the 1980’s. Pro wrestlers pop up in all sorts of movies today (two pro wrestlers, John Cena and The Rock, are two of the biggest movie stars in the world right now) but think what movies could have been like if it wasn’t just Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper and Jesse Ventura getting movie parts.
–Billy Barty as a manager: The great Billy Barty appears in Body Slam as Tim McClusky, an “old school” manager for midget wrestlers. He’s a badass tough guy who doesn’t like it when people make “midget” and “short” jokes at his expense. McClusky is also a bit of a homophobe, as he yells out the word “faggot” multiple times (he is a bad guy manager, as he seems to be friends with Captain Lou, so his homophobia, in a n odd way, makes sense). Barty is so crusty and angry as McClusky during his first two segments that you can’t help but smile at his antics, even when he’s being a jerk. His final two segments are when he joins Vic Carson (the immortal Charles Nelson Reilly) as a color commentator for the big match between Smilac’s team and Captain Lou’s team and he gets annoyed with Carson constantly interrupting him. It’s hilarious watching McClusky trying to be a professional and then threatening CNR’s Carson when the show goes to commercial. It’s a small part (ha!) but Barty is awesome in it.
I went and looked at Barty’s life history and I couldn’t find any information one way or the other but did Barty ever participate in wrestling at any point in his career? Does anyone out there know?
–Charles Nelson Reilly: Charles Nelson Reilly plays Vic Carson, the host of “Ring Talk,” a pro wrestling themed talk show that is, according to Quick Rick Roberts, the number one show on television. We see Carson in two “Ring Talk” segments, and then again at the end acting as host and commentator for the big final match. CNR is pretty much playing the guy he always seemed to play in movies and on TV, a guy who just wanted to laugh and have fun, and he’s terrific at it. Reilly knows how to be goofy and when to be serious before going for the laugh. And he somehow seems to be the exact right person for a TV talk show like “Ring Talk.”
–Tanya Roberts: Roberts is Candace Vandervagen, the daughter of rich socialite Bitsy Vandervagen and the eventual love interest for Harry Smilac. At first, you think she’s just some hot babe in a bathing suit as we see her lounging by the pool. Smilac attempts to put the moves on her but Candace shuts him down. Smilac, though, piles on the charm and eventually gets her to go out with him. She has tremendous chemistry with Benedict and you totally buy them as a couple. Candace isn’t an idiot, though. Candace likes Harry, but you get the sense that she will drop him the second he shows her that he’s an asshole of some sort. And she kind of does when Harry disappears and sends her “crummy postcards written in crayon” from the road. When Harry does show up at Candace’s house to apologize she doesn’t want anything to do with him. She could have left him right then and there. Candace is a strong woman. It’s too bad that we never got to see Candace on the roads with Harry and the Rock and Wrestling crew. I bet she would have been an asset to the team.
–Dennis Fimple: Fimple plays Elmo Smithfield, the owner of the first venue that hosts Smilac’s Rock and Wrestling show. Smilac treats Elmo as a country bumpkin, making fun of his upcoming “hog auction,” a big event for his arena, but Elmo is not some backwoods simpleton. In fact, Elmo is a sophisticated businessman, using a computer to help him run his business and schedule his events (Elmo actually refers to his computer as his “partner”). Elmo also knows how to give out business advice, as he is the one who suggests to Smilac that he needs to “get the most bang for his buck” (Elmo basically gives Smilac the inspiration for Rock and Wrestling, as Smilac initially wanted to schedule two different events on two nights, one night for Kick and one for wrestling).
Fimple is just so great straddling that line between absurd and serious. He knows how to make you think just like Smilac, that Elmo is a dipshit when he’s actually the smartest guy in the room. His best line is his last line, when he tries to get another date for Rock and Wrestling, picks a date, then realizes that he can’t do that night. “Hold it! It can’t be the 24th! That’s artificial insemination night! How about the 25th?” I bet, had Needham and company been able to make a sequel, that a potent plot could have been “Elmo sues Smilac because he is the one who really came up with Rock and Wrestling.” I bet that would have been a great movie and Fimple would have once again killed it as Elmo.
I’ve often wondered who the hell the organ player is in Elmo’s arena. Is that his wife? Sister? Just some woman from the community? That could have been explored in a sequel, too.
–The soundtrack: The soundtrack for Body Slam is a nice mix of light pop music, known acts like Bachman-Turner Overdrive and Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons, and kickass studio rock music from the band from the movie, Kick. And it makes sense that the soundtrack is so good as Mike Curb, of Curb Records, is one of the movie’s producers. I’d love to see some sort of boutique outfit re-release the soundtrack on CD one of these days as it would be great to have the Kick songs readily available to listen to.
Anyone out there have the Body Slam soundtrack on cassette back in the day?
–Ring Talk: Pro wrestling themed talk shows are all over the place these days, with wrestling podcasts and the Sirius XM show “Busted Open” and that Wrestling Observer radio show and whatnot. But back in the 1980’s there wasn’t much in the way of wrestling themed talk shows (there was Tuesday Night Titans but that wasn’t a real talk show). I would have loved to have had a weekly pro wrestling talk show like “Ring Talk.” It’s a show that I no doubt would have watched the shit out of, and I bet that had it been real it would have been a top rated talk show in the 1980’s, in the midst of the wrestling boom.
–The movie has three of the greatest character names in movie history: And what are those three names? M. Harry Smilac, Bitsy Vandervagen, and Sheldon Brockmeister. They are just so perfect. Smilac sounds like he could be a manager of some sort. Vandervagen is the kind of name that screams “socialite.” And Brockmeister is the most epic lawyer name, maybe, ever. I’d love to know who came up with those names; did the original screenwriters come up with them or were they all created by Needham?
I do wonder, though, what the hell the “M” in M. Harry Smilac is supposed to be. Is it Martin? Marvin? Melvin? Or is it just a letter that Smilac put in front of Harry to make himself sound like a bigger deal? Based on who Smilac is it could be any of those things.
–Harry’s Ferrari: Ferraris are cool, especially Ferraris from the 1980’s. On top of that, the whole “Harry has car issues” motif that runs through the movie cracks me up every time I think about it. The only vehicle that he seems to have any luck with is the bus that he gets for the Rock and Wrestling tour (the motorhome camper the group eventually moves up to is seen in the movie as something Roberts bought or was instrumental in getting, although it’s possible that the bus broke Smilac’s car curse and Smilac actually bought the motorhome, too).
–Two cheap jokes: There are two cheap jokes in the movie that, while problematic and mean-spirited, are still funny to this day. The first one is involves Smilac accidentally pushing a guy in a wheelchair into traffic and saying, when he sees the aftermath of the guy getting hit by a car, “Ahh, poor guy! Well, at least he’s close to the hospital.”
And the second cheap joke is towards the end, when Smilac makes Mr. Kim think that he has a new expensive car when in actuality the car is Captain Lou’s.
“Look, Kim, you’re becoming a real pain in the ass so this is how it’s going to be. You’re going to get off my back and stay away from my cars. Now this beauty here cost me eighty-five thousand. Now one little nick on that baby and you’ll be back in Japan before you can say egg foo young!”
“Egg foo young is Chinese, Mr. Smilac! Korean different!”
You couldn’t and wouldn’t make either of those jokes today. They’re offensive. But in Body Slam they fit and you don’t end up taking them all that seriously. You can’t. The whole movie is ridiculous.
–”Who will be first, Frank or Barbara?”: This bit comes as the political fundraiser that Smilac put together is about to start, and Smilac has people believing that he managed to get “major” stars to appear, like Frank Sinatra, Neil Diamond, Barbara Streisand, and Julio Iglesias. Smilac, of course, didn’t get any of those major stars and instead had Kick do the show. Bitsy Vandervagen asks Sheldon Brockmeister who he thinks will perform first. Brockmeister gives her a defeated answer. It’s so goddamn funny.
“Who do you think will be first, Frank or Barbara?”
“Julio.”
Conclusion
Body Slam is a movie that’s very much of its time. You couldn’t make the same movie today. It just wouldn’t work. But since it’s a movie that was made in the 1980’s and has been around for thirty-six years (almost four decades) it works brilliantly. It’s a ridiculous, absurd, goofy comedy that, at times, is incredibly offensive but, at the same time, you can’t be all that mad at it. Body Slam doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. It just wants to make you laugh. And that’s what it does. Body Slam makes you laugh. It made me laugh when I first saw it on HBO back in the late 1980’s, and it still makes me laugh today.
And that’s why Body Slam is awesome.
Rating: 10.0/10.0
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Buy Body Slam on Blu-ray here and DVD here. You can also buy it directly from Kino Lorber here.
You can also watch Body Slam on Tubi (check it out here)
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And don’t forget to check out From the B-Movie Vault!
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Things to Watch Out For
–Warhunt: This appears to be some sort of weird beard war fantasy thing that takes place during World War II. Mickey Rourke is in the movie, although I’m not entirely sure he’s the real star of it. The great Robert Knepper is also in it. These kinds of movies always have to have the right kind of balance between the war/action stuff and the fantasy (horror?) stuff. Does this movie have that balance? The trailer is awfully dark, and the fantasy stuff that we see is weird but is it weird enough for what the movie wants to achieve? And is Rourke good in it or is he just sort of there? Definitely worth a rental to see what it’s all about. I’m hoping for the best. Anyone out there see this?
–V/H/S 94: This is the latest V/H/S anthology horror flick, featuring, I guess, three stories or five stories and a SWAT team and a conspiracy of some sort. I don’t know, I haven’t seen it (I haven’t seen any of the V/H/S flicks yet). Some of the reviews I’ve seen for it are scathing because some people don’t think 94 lives up to the idea established in the previous movies. The flick is a “Shudder Original” so I assume it’s on there, so if you haven’t seen it maybe check it out on Shudder first before getting the DVD. Man, I have to find a way to get caught up on all of these movies. It’s ridiculous that I haven’t seen them. Absurd.
–Spiritwalker: This is apparently a new sci-fi action flick from South Korea (it was made in 2020 and released in 2021 in South Korea. That’s what its imdb page says, anyway) that’s been getting good notices from the people that follow that kind of thing. Based on this trailer, I think I need to become one of those people. There’s ton of action and fighting on display here, and it makes me wonder what the heck else is in the movie. The plot, according to the movie’s imdb page, involves “a man who loses his memory and finds himself in a new body every twelve hours” for some reason. What the hell would cause such a thing to happen to someone? And why does it involve so much badass action? Anyone out there see this?
–Shock Cinema #61: The latest issue of the great movie magazine Shock Cinema is now out and available at bookstores everywhere (I got mine at Barnes and Noble) and is also available through the magazine’s website (check out the Shock Cinema website here). On top of the pages of reviews for all sorts of movies, issue #61 features interviews with actress Diane Franklin (Better Off… Dead, The Last American Virgin), actor Jonathan Haze (the original Little Shop of Horrors), actress Ena Hartman (Terminal Island), and director Joe Dante (Gremlins, The Howling, the ‘Burbs). I’ve been enjoying this magazine for years as the assembled reviewers check out movies that I’ve never heard of and the interviews are always fascinating (I always learn something with every issue). So if you’re a movie magazine nerd like me, give Shock Cinema a shot. It’s very worth your time (again, check out the Shock Cinema website here for details including how to get a subscription).
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Next Issue: It’s the cult action flick Champagne and Bullets!
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Well, I think that’ll be about it for now. Don’t forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.
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