The Furious Flashbacks – Smoky Mountain Wrestling TV Episodes 13 & 14

The Furious Flashbacks – Smoky Mountain Wrestling TV Episodes 13 & 14

That’s May 22nd. Volunteer Slam. Knoxville, Tennessee at the Civic Coliseum.

I really should get to doing this more regularly or it’ll take me 5 or 6 years to get anywhere. Because it’s been over a month, and eight tape reviews, since the last SMW TV block…here’s a quick refresher of what’s going on in the Smoky Mountains.

• Both tag team and heavyweight title tournaments are slowly coming to a head. The top contenders are amassing. The finals of the tournament will take place shortly at Volunteer Slam.
• Jim Cornette debuted his new team; the Heavenly Bodies. They’ll face Jumpin’ Joey Maggs and Danny Davis to face the winner of the Fantastics v the Maulers.
• The main event players are beginning to dispute who’s the best guy in the company. The main rivalry seems to be developing between Brian Lee and Dirty White Boy.
• Paul Orndorff has turned heel and now rules you all. That’s all you need to know.

EPISODE #13. AIRDATE – 25th April 1992.

We’re in Hancock, Tennessee. Hosts are Bob Caudle & Dutch Mantell. Bigger crowd than usual for the tapings.

Bart Batten v “Hollywood” Bob Holly

Holly is undefeated. He also has a pink robe. Just so you know he’s manly. Bart makes the mistake of not paying attention from the bell and Holly jumps him. They run some horrible telegraphed stuff. I can’t tell who’s most responsible for it looking like shit but I’d put good money on Bart Batten given Holly’s reasonable outings in SMW beforehand. They successfully blow a flying headscissors and blow the counter to the next one. ECW fans would be all over this shit. Holly gives up on complexity and grabs an armbar. Caudle calls Bart “Bat Barten”. And people complain about Jim Ross. Holly with a boring head vice. Bob Holly is wanted for the murder one. One crowd to be precise. Batten runs into a high knee and Holly hits the Star Drop for the win. ¼*. So very horrible. Crowd reaction post match; zero. Total silence. And this is an area of the country where the crowd pop EVERYTHING. That would worry Cornette. But then Bob Holly not getting over is something he’d have to get used to for the following 7 years. Isn’t that right, Sparky Plugg?

BACKSTAGE Bob Armstrong has the line-up for Volunteer Slam. Here’s the card;

Title tournament:
Robert Gibson v Jimmy Golden
Tim Horner v Paul Orndorff
Buddy Landell v Brian Lee
Dixie Dynomite v Dirty White Boy

Plus the tag team finals.

Paul Orndorff shows up to brag about how rich he is. Armstrong warns him about using the piledriver. He says he won’t piledrive anyone then points out he’ll just keep paying the fines. But he wants the belt more and Horner is in his way. Thinly veiled threats from Paul Orndorff there. I’d be surprised if Horner didn’t get piledriven.

In come the Batten’s for a brief shill. Likewise for Brian Lee who’s now actively feuding with DWB. The Fantastics arrive to give away the ending of the tag title tournament. Jackie Fulton claiming the fans put the odds in their favour is sickening. I want to punch him in the mouth.

Davey Rich v Jimmy Golden

Golden shows off what a great wrestler he can be when he’s suitably motivated. Rich isn’t bad either so this is a big step up from the opening match. Of course it’s still a jobber match so the crowd is once again dead. Either that or Hancock just doesn’t know what’s going on. Could be. They look pretty dumb. Oh, there’s that old lady! IT’S STILL REAL TO ME DAMNIT! Watch her; she’ll be in the ring. Dutch runs down Robert Gibson on commentary suggesting that he’ll move on to him after the Brian Lee thing is done. Which it seems to be. He still won’t divulge where Carl Stiles went but he says he may be “a serial killer” and calls him simple minded. See, now I’m even interested in where Carl Stiles was. Even though there’s no pay off. I just want to know! Golden takes the leg apart while Dutch talks about how the local women are so ugly they can’t even get in the biker magazines. HAHAHA. Golden wraps the leg around the ringpost giving us another great Dutch line; “one leg and half a brain. He was already handicapped now it’s worse”. Rich with the 10 count punches and the people of Hancock can only count up to eight. Ooop. Faux pas. Now he’s just upset them by reminding them how stupid they are. Golden breaks out a dropkick for the sudden pin. **. I enjoyed that a great deal. Rich makes for a decent jobber and Golden is very underrated.

POST MATCH Jimmy gets an interview about Volunteer Slam. Robert Gibson strolls in to tell us it was his wish to get Golden in the tournament. MAY 22ND people. Don’t forget that date.

Joe Cazana v Brian Lee

Lee has the temerity to bring the BABYFACE BASICS against a poor defenceless jobber. Dutch breaks out the “how tall is he?”…”I didn’t know they stacked shit that high” line from Full Metal Jacket. Subbing in “manure” for the s-word sadly. I would have marked SO hard for that uncut. Especially with Dutch laughing at his own joke. Cazana is pretty worthless. He doesn’t bump or sell too well. Lee just throws him around for kicks instead. Yeah, you won’t need to bump…I’ll bump ya. He hits that goofy Cancellation finish in short order. ½*. At least they had the jobber get massacred for once.

POST MATCH Buddy Landell shows up to take some of Lee’s “airtime”. Lee rags on his “sister’s housecoat”. OHHHHHH! BURN! Landell thinks Lee must have been talking to someone else. Yeah, probably the guy he’ll get in the semi-finals. Oop. I mean, I’m sure you have a chance at winning that tournament Buddy.

ELSEWHERE Dutch has run off. Caudle gets the chance to interview Carl Stiles. Turns out Carl was in jail because Dutch wouldn’t pay his speeding ticket. Carl gets great sympathy by saying he probably did something wrong. His look of fear when Dutch returns is brilliant. I’m feeling the angle already.

Reno Riggins v Killer Kyle

It’s like one of those Night of the Champions shows. Only this is Night of the Jobbers. Riggins is like 0-2000. Joey Maggs thinks he’s a loser. That’s how bad he is. More interesting than the match is the cutaway of Dutch hitting Carl Stiles with his hat. Dutch says everything Stiles said was delusion. Riggins gets some joy with some flying but Kyle grounds him in short order. They do a horrible boot up spot with Kyle coming off the top. God, that was awful. Can we just skip to the end? Oh, BORE-HUG SLAM! Kyle takes the win. ¼*. Heh, he calls that the “Rub Out”. As in “I’m just off to rub one out”. And oddly enough he looks like a giant penis. I blame Jim Cornette for the overtones.

BACKSTAGE Ron Wright is on hand for an interview. He has a letter from SMW. His discount card has been suspended at the AARP. He can’t get his discount medicine now. Dirty White Boy is out training “kicking old women”. No, really. That’s the promo. Oh, May 22nd. Don’t forget the date. Caudle reminds us that’s MAY 22ND in Knoxville. In case you missed when that was. May 22nd.

We get the brackets for the tag title tournament, which I’ve already talked about. Maulers v Fantastics is next week.

Tag title tournament SF – Danny Davis/Joey Maggs v Heavenly Bodies w/Jim Cornette

Faces come out to “TNT” by AC/DC. Cornette just has to walk out here to get more heat than everyone else on the show combined. The promo is the cherry on the icing on the cake. Bods are Stan Lane and Tom Pritchard. Dutch points out that the babyface team have a weak link, Maggs, while the heels don’t. Davis knows he has to be dominant and he pops off babyface basics like there’s no tomorrow. Hey, a rana! Cornette wants a timeout. I like how Caudle acknowledges Cornette’s success in the NWA winning the world tag titles with the Midnight Express. Lane’s bumping is weird today. I’m wondering if he has a back problem because he’s side bumping everything like Ric Flair. Only it looks really goofy because he’s not used to it. Maggs has a bad neck thanks to Paul Orndorff’s jobber neck re-alignment program. I support that program 110%. Lane is still at it with the side bumps. He must be carrying an injury. Lane goes after the neck and Maggs is fucked instantly. Piledriver hangover. Dutch makes fun of Maggs’ win-loss record. 1-99 I believe in the last 100 matches. Maggs is completely isolated. Lane with a neck vice and you’d think it’ll be a submission but Davis saves. Dr Tom jumps in to distract the ref and prevent a hot tag. Tag team formula 101, eh? Maggs gets double teamed and the Bodies go over to just deflate this crowd. One face goes over all night eh? *1/2. Maggs is just shit. I could have lived without him being in there taking the majority of the match. Even if it made sense. Which it did. Damn it.

EPISODE #14. AIRDATE – 20th May 1992.

Not sure on this airdate but that’s what it says on the DVD. That would put this show 2 days prior to Volunteer Slam. I don’t know where the weeks in between went to but they do seem to have just a week of build left before the big show and only one remaining marquee match to set that show up. The Fantastics v the Maulers. That’s the main event tonight. It’s great how any tournament match immediately becomes something special in Smoky. Elsewhere the smarter fans just saw through it. Yanno, the mentality of “it may be a tournament match but that one team has no chance”. Like who in the fuck would bet on the Maulers to win the tournament? Or there be a heel-heel finals? A lot of Cornette’s booking was aimed at the more traditional wrestling fans he had out in the mountains.

We’re in Hancock, Tennessee. Hosts are Bob Caudle & Dutch Mantell. Bob plugs the tag tournament and the Volunteer Slam. MAY 22ND PEOPLE! That’s in Knoxville at the Civic Coliseum. May 22nd.

CLIPS – Maulers v the Riches. And by clips I mean they just show the whole match. And it wasn’t very good the first time. I scored it at * back in the recap for Episode 8. I didn’t particularly enjoy it then. Seeing it a second time is nothing short of irritating.

I hate “best of” shows. Especially when the content isn’t exactly the best of anything.

CLIPS – Wild Bunch v the Fantastics. This was one of the best matches in the tournament so it’s nice to see it again. I scored it at *** in the main event of Episode 9. Just to show the age of this show; Bob Caudle doesn’t know what to call a moonsault. Once upon a time…

CLIPS – The Koloffs v Joey Maggs/Danny Davis. This was at least fun but it was all of 3 weeks ago on Episode 11. I scored it at **1/4.

CLIPS – Heavenly Bodies v Batten Brothers. This was a passable match around **. Dutch backs the Heavenly Bodies to win the tournament outright. That’s a smart bet. Next they run down the card for the singles tournament at Volunteer Slam (that’s May 22nd in Knoxville at the Civic Coliseum). Dutch backs every heel on the card.

BACKSTAGE Bob Armstrong has a few words to say about drug abuse. He talks about “some promoters” liking their wrestlers to look big and how steroids are bad. He comes off as a preacher, which is bizarre. He could have easily turned that into a gimmick. Of course he was living the gimmick and it wasn’t a gimmick. Which is why it’d be such a great gimmick!

CLIPS – Heavenly Bodies v Maggs/Davis. This would be from WAY back in Episode 13.

BACKSTAGE Jim Cornette plugs the Volunteer Slam. That’s on May 22nd. Cornette doesn’t care who wins the other semi-final because the Heavenly Bodies can beat them both. Dr Tom sure likes to channel Roddy Piper in his promos. We throw to Caudle who plugs the Volunteer Slam again. This is relentless plugging.

Tag tournament semi-final – The Maulers v The Fantastics

Finally we have some new footage. The only new footage on the entire hour. Maulers are Jack Victory & Rip Morgan. The Fantastics are actually the Fulton Brothers. Victory has the wondrous TAPED FIST~~~!!!! So obviously he beats up Bobby with consummate ease. You see the tape makes the punch that much harder because you’re not only absorbing the punch but also the weight of the tape. Rip Morgan decides to lose the match and gets double teamed repeatedly. They run the corner protection spot, which the crowd doesn’t buy before the reversal of it and then the 4-way rowboat in the middle. Fantastics are fine users of Babyface Basics. Crowd doesn’t care. Man, Hancock is a lousy crowd. Heat on Bobby and the Maulers aren’t good enough to make that interesting or entertaining. When Jack Victory is your most tactically astute guy then your team isn’t going to be great. At least his stomping and punching is more entertaining than Rip Morgan’s chinlocking. Jackie gets a hot tag and hits a high crossbody for the pin. That old lady loves it. ¾*. That was pretty bad. Thankfully we get a final match that won’t suck.

BACKSTAGE Heavenly Bodies & Jim Cornette cut a promo about how much they hate Knoxville. And the Fantastics. Dr Tom plays with his hair at great length. Stan Lane tells us someone might be going to the hospital.

ELSEWHERE We get words with the Fantastics. Jackie claims the crowd support helped them to win and they can do it again on May 22nd. That’s May 22nd, Volunteer Slam, reiterates Bobby Fulton. Bobby goes hardcore by using the word “crap”. Next he’ll be calling someone an “a-hole”. Then Bob Armstrong will have to start dishing out fines. Bob Caudle reminds us that Volunteer Slam is on May 22nd. Hey, I’ll give them credit. It’s very effective. I have that date burned into my brain now.

The 411: The first week is pretty bad. Week 2 is all clips. Unless you’re looking for a way to skip over the tag tournament and just get the highlights this is a waste of time. Thumbs decisively down.
Final Score:  3.5   [ Bad ]