Universal Wrestling Federation (10.3.1987) Review

-Cold open: Eddie Gilbert wrecks Shane Douglas’ knee during Douglas’ match with Terry Taylor.

-Originally aired October 3, 1987.

-Your hosts are Jim Ross and Magnum TA in the Dallas TWN studio. At least do like they did with Prime Time and clutter the set with merchandise. This is such a sterile environment and it doesn’t feel like wrestling at all. Also joining us is Missy Hyatt, who’s veering back into snippy heel mode and instantly sounds more natural and comfortable for it.

RON SIMMONS vs. THE SAMOAN KOQUINE
-Okay, was NOT expecting to see Baby Yokozuna working as a jobber in the dying days of the Mid-South territory, so at least there’s some buried treasure in this episode. The name needs work, though, especially because JR’s Oklahoma accent makes it sounds like he’s saying “Samoan Cocaine.”

-Clothesline by Koquine as the commentators discuss how much does this guy weigh. Axehandle off the ropes misses and Ron starts hammering away on on the big guy. Bodyslam by Simmons to a BIG pop, and a clothesline off the second rope gives Simmons the victory.

-Missy is live in the studio with Ron Simmons, and Missy’s kind of a bitch to him because they went to rival colleges. Simmons puts over Williams, a former college football opponent, for helping him learn some ins and outs of the wrestling business. Missy plants a seed for a Simmons feud with Rick Steiner, noting that Steiner was an all-American in WRESTLING, which meant he already knew what he was doing when he first got in the ring.

-HEY EVERYONE DUSTY RHODES IS A WRESTLER!

ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs. CHANCE MCQUADE & BRODIE CHASE
-From NWA Pro Wrestling. Jobbers take turns getting knocked around and the fans chant “Rock and roll” to entertain themselves through some chinlocks. Ricky with a DDT, and the double dropkick finishes.

-Bob Caudle is with Arn, Tully, and JJ, who have a fragment of a steel cage. Last year, Arn had a chance to reach greatness in a steel cage, but Ole screwed it up for him. This year, he has a partner who’s going to have his back. Rock & Rolls come out, not wanting to wait for “Greensboro,” but the Horsemen are ready. Robert gets a beating, and Ricky gets the steel cage pressed against his face and stomped on. BRUTAL. Worth noting that Arn and Ricky both made it explicitly clear that Starrcade ’87 is happening in Greensboro, and I’m sure that if the Crocketts had access to a time machine tomorrow…

-UWF Commissioner John Ayers is negotiating with Jim Crockett to sign a TV Title unification match. Ayers also wants a UWF Heavyweight Title match signed for Starrcade. This is all so awkward, as JR just recaps what Ayers is doing while pointing out that the NFL is in season so Ayers isn’t really around, but he’s definitely for sure doing this stuff, we promise.

-Jim Ross welcomes Eddie Gilbert and Terry Taylor, who acknowledge that UWF TV is important but that they have much better things to do right now. That’s honestly pretty much the company’s slogan at this point. But now Shane has a wrecked knee because of Eddie Gilbert’s interference, so Terry Taylor locks on a figure four, and Shane passes out from the pain, for a rare instance of a wrestler actually getting pinned by the figure four.

-Terry’s assessment: his opponent laid down and quit, while Nikita stole a weapon. Terry declares himself America’s TV Champion.

-We look at the finish of a recent NWA TV Title match, with Tully Blanchard defending against Nikita Koloff. Referee gets bumped and Arn Anderson passes a referee to his buddy, but Barry Windham dives into the ring to stop the pin. Nikita recovers, sickles JJ Dillon, then steals the weapon and KOs Tully for the pin to capture the TV Title.

-Meanwhile in the UWF, Shane Douglas has a broken hand but is gutting it out for a TV Title defense against Terry Taylor.

-RIC FLAIR IS ALSO A WRESTLER. I sincerely do not hate these videos. I hate that they made one for Ric and one for Dusty and that’s IT. It would actually be really cool to see two or three of these in every episode for different guys.

THE SHEEPHERDERS (with Jack Victory) vs. BOBBY HOWELL & CRAIG WHITFORD
-The Sheepherders return to the UWF, which has big “Actually, we’ve been giving thought to the Jive Tones” energy. Howell gets the battering ram and the gutbuster for a quick night at the office for the New Zealanders.

STING vs. THE ENFORCER
-No, not Arn, but rather a masked jobber with that interesting choice for a name. Joining Jim Ross on commentary is Jack Gregory, kicking off a short-lived attempt to try to mash this territory together with Florida to keep both of them afloat. Sting armdrags Enforcer around and shoulderblocks him. Big clothesline finishes.

-Gary Young holds his Rookie of the Year trophy and celebrates being named the newest member of the First Family.

EDDIE GILBERT vs. KEN MASSEY
-Massey gets some weak offense in, but Eddie shakes it off and throws him to the concrete. Back in, Eddie actually announces “Now we’re going to school!” before finishing with the Hot Shot.

-Back to the NWA, where Dusty Rhodes is giving an interview to David Crockett during a Teijo Khan squash. Needless to say, Teijo is a little annoyed that he has to take a backseat to Dusty’s mic time, so he comes out and demands his own interview time, and Dusty quite reasonably beats the shit out of him and puts him out with a Weaverlock.

ROAD WARRIORS vs> COUGAR JAY & GLADIATOR #1
-Storm the ring, Doomsday Device, ding ding ding.

LEX LUGER (U.S. Champion, with JJ Dillon) vs. LARRY STEPHENS
-Luger applies an armbar and basically armcurls with Larry’s whole body, then drops him. He sends Larry to the floor, then back in for a powerslam and the Torture Rack to finish.

-Dusty Rhodes refutes all the claims that the Weaverlock is a chokehold. It’s going to put Lex Luger to sleep and he’s going to wake up not being the U.S. Champion.

-Steve Cox reveals that HE is the Rookie of the Year and Gary Young stole the trophy. He wants Gary Young in the ring, but if Gary shows up dressed like a woman, Steve Cox will rip his dick off. I’m sure there was an angle I haven’t seen that provides some really important context there.

STARRCADE ’87 REPORT
-Tony Schiavone is here with The Wrestling Network President Jim Crockett, Jr. He announces that Chicago will be “one of the those cities” for Starrcade. This year’s theme will be “Chi-Town Heat.” This year’s profit margin will be “The Gold Goes Up in Flares.”

3.8

The final score: review Bad

The 411

Have I mentioned how hilarious I find it that their strategy for getting a foothold on a national level includes a big angle where Johnny Weaver is a key player? That's awesome. I'm sure there are 44 states in the union that are enthralled with this mysterious newcomer and his SpaPeggy & Meatballs version of the sleeper.